Best Friends Means you Pull the Trigger

Twelve
(Written to “Lie to me” by Bon Jovi)

Twelve
(Written to “Lie to me” by Bon Jovi)

The apartment was dark when Gerald came home. It had been a long day. After Michael hit Sean they both had refused to talk about what happened. Trent took care of his boyfriend; calling Michael a beast and placing some ice on Sean’s swollen jaw. Sean was lucky Michael didn’t put his whole force into the punch or there would have been a trip to the dentist.
Gerald wanted to leave their house, he felt out of place. When he had turned to demand Michael explain himself, Michael had rushed past him and out of the house. Trent was with Sean and Gerald just stood there. When he tried to leave Sean hadn’t let him, saying that his brother’s tantrums wouldn’t ruin their day. Trent kept worrying about Sean and Sean pushed him away, his tone of voice was annoyed when he reassured Trent he was fine.
They did eventually leave the house. They walked around aimlessly for about an hour and then Gerald unconsciously stirred them towards the beach. Trent complained he didn’t like the sand, he found it to be one of the most annoying types of dirt ever. Sean laughed at his boyfriend’s complaints and silenced him with a kiss on his nose. Gerald ignored them hypnotized by the waves that seemed to call him.
Trent continued to talk; he complained about the water being too cold, about how there had been an oil spill not far from the coast, how other animals and even humans sometimes used the water as a bathroom. Trent also continued to complain about the sand; how its warmth would give him blisters if he took his shoes off, how if he didn’t take his shoes off he would never get the sand in them out, he complained about the tar that was spilled around the beach and how he was sure he’d be the one to step in it.
Sean didn’t hear any of it. He nodded along with him and gave him the appropriate smile or pout here and there, but he wasn’t listening. Sean was staring towards the water, the sun still high in the sky, its orange rays reflecting into the water. Truthfully, Sean was paying attention to much more than the beautiful setting; his eyes were trained on the small boy sitting on the sand. The boy whose shoes had been tied together and thrown over a shoulder, who's toes wiggled when the water hit them and didn’t care that his pants were getting wet.
Sean cut of his boyfriend's complaining with another kiss, a quick kiss broken before Trent even knew what was going on. When Trent opened his eyes, his boyfriend was sitting on the slightly wet sand, next to Gerald.
“I’m going to the coffee shop across the street,” Trent called out. Sean looked back at him and smiled, assuring him they would be right there.
“I heard what you said to your brother.” Gerald broke the silence. It didn’t surprise him that Sean knew. He was a very attentive person and he never looked the other way. “It isn’t his fault.” Gerald didn’t look towards Sean, his eyes stayed on the water, on the waves he wished were hitting against his body.
He explained to Sean that a part of him never wanted anyone to know, and even worse, Michael. Michael had been his refuge, were he went to when he needed everything to be ok.
“I don’t know exactly when everything changed. Maybe the day I noticed I had fallen in love with him.” Gerald risked a look at Sean; he again found that the boy wasn’t surprised at all. “Sean, you can’t blame him for not knowing things I never wanted him to.”
Sean took a deep breath, feeling the salty sea air fill his lungs, and for once knowing why it was that Gerald loved the sea so much. It calmed you.
“It’s not about what he knew or what he didn’t. It’s about who he has become. He is so desperate to fit in with his so called friends that the Michael you and I love and remember is gone. He used to be there under the surface, but now? I don’t think he exists anymore.”
They stayed silent watching the waves kiss the shore. There was nothing they could do. Sean was not going to forgive his brother, and Gerald? Gerald had given up.
-
It didn’t take long to inspect the apartment and discover it was empty. Worry settled in the pit of his stomach, were could she be?
Gerald felt guilt growing in him; he was so lost in his stupid teenage drama that he had forgotten that his mother was sick at home. He should have been here to make sure she didn’t leave; he should have been here to convince her to go see a doctor. Now, thanks to his stupidity she was out there, putting more poison into her body.
He needed to go search for her, he needed to stop her, because he couldn’t live without her. It wasn’t time to sit home and wait for her to return; there was fresh blood on the toilet seat.
He hurried back out the door; almost forgetting to lock it up. He stopped by Mrs. Harrison’s door, he was going to ask her to keep an eye out for his mom, but the door never opened. The street lights were on, she was always home once the sun was down.
Something deep in his heart told him that something was wrong, something was very wrong. Gerald ignored, it finding reasons to justify Mrs. Harrison’s and his mother’s absence. Mrs. Harrison could have gone out with her son, and his mom went out almost every day. Nothing was different, nothing but the blood.
He pressed the elevator call bottom one time after another. The doors opened and he stepped in; his small body collided with a broad chest and his eyes looked up into infinite blue.

Yes he’d given up on him, but the relief he felt at having him near, he couldn’t deny. The flood of tears let out and he felt the strong arms hold him. Something was wrong, he knew something was wrong and having someone else support his weight allowed him to cry his fears into the cotton shirt.
Michael didn’t know what to say, so he just held his friend. With each sob he felt his heart break, with each tear he felt his resolve breaking.
“Why do you care so much for the freak?” His girlfriend’s, his ex- girlfriend’s voice echoed in his head.
‘Because I care about him more than I’ve ever cared for anyone.’
The elevator door closed and they stayed there holding each other.
“I need to go find her,” Gerald said when he finally found his voice. “I need to bring her home.”
“Calm down, tell me where to look for her and I’ll help you.” Gerald stepped away from Michael, wrapping his own arms around himself to replace Michael's.
“I don’t know,” His hand went to his forehead, trying hard to keep the tears at bay. There were so many places she could go to, even thinking she had stayed here in the Port, but she could have easily left, she could have gone to Oxnard, Ventura, Santa Barbara or even L.A. It’d be almost impossible to look for her; he didn’t even know how long she had been gone for, how far she could have gone.
Michael pulled him back into his arms and pressed the open doors button. He practically carried Gerald back to his apartment. He said he’d stay there with him until his mom came home and that if by tomorrow afternoon they knew nothing of her they’d go to the police.
Gerald had grown up fearing the police, with the knowledge that they would take him away from his mother ingrained in him since very young. He shook his head no, panic surfing through his blood, he again wanted to go out and look for her. Michael held him close.
“We’ll go,” he agreed. He would drive all night long if he had to.
The moon was high in the sky and they continued to drive. They stopped at places Gerald knew his mom visited. They checked in alleys, the beach, and the pier and soon left the Port. In Ventura Beach Gerald spotted Ray. He had Michael stop the car and ran down to ask if he had seen his mother.
Ray gave Michael a curt nod and Michael returned a grimace. Ray had them follow him as he went to different bars and clubs he knew she frequented. The shops were beginning to close and the sun was peeking through the horizon when Michael, with cold fear in his stomach, suggested checking the hospitals.
They drove quietly back to Gerald’s apartment, Ray following them on his bike. Michael dialed the operator asking for the phone number to the closest hospital to the Port. The operator asked him to wait as they were connected and Gerald told Michael his mother’s full name.
Michael wanted to say so many things, he wanted to apologize for even more, but he didn’t think it was the appropriate time, so he kept quiet as the phone rang.
There was no need for Gerald to ask Michael what the hospital had said. He heard him asking what her condition was and he noticed that instead of right he had made a left. Tears welled up in his eyes; these things aren’t suppose to happen.
Gerald kept quiet, his eyes trained on the window.
“They said she was stable and that no other information could be released over the phone.” Gerald nodded, wishing they could speed up.
When they arrived at the hospital, Ray was there to open Gerald’s door. Michael bit his lip, holding in his jealousy, and willing his anger away.
‘I’ve been selfish enough,’ he thought. They moved into the building. Ray and Gerald stood back as Michael asked about Nina. The nurse pointed them down a long hall to the elevators.
Back in the metal box the air was tense. Ray kept and arm around Gerald’s broken form and Michael searched for the right words. The ding came all too soon; Michael directed them towards the nurse's station.
In the waiting room Mrs. Harrison and Albert were waiting for Nina to be brought back from some tests. They had spent almost all night in the hospital with her.
Gerald ran towards Mrs. Harrison, falling into her like a small child. She held him close.
Nina had collapsed outside the apartment building sometime the day before, while Gerald was out. Mrs. Harrison called an ambulance and then Albert so he could go look for Gerald. Gerald wasn’t at work and they didn’t know where else to look. Albert had gone by the apartment last night and left a note for Gerald.
Gerald figured the note was left sometime after he had left with Michael.
Nina had a bleeding ulcer in her esophagus, the reason for her vomiting blood. She had gone into shock from blood loss, but was doing better now after a transfusion. They were running different tests because the doctor had noticed an unnatural yellow tone to her skin and had confirmed it was due to jaundice; they now had to check her liver.
Albert quietly studied Gerald. He had Nina’s eyes, well the slight almond shape, not the color. Albert didn’t want to but he tried to find anything in the boy that reminded him of himself. The color of their hair was the same, but then brown was a very common color and the slight highlights were caused by the sun. He looked a Gerald’s lips but that definite shape and pouting bottom lip was clearly Nina’s. His jaw was square like Albert’s and they had the same dimples on the left cheek by the top lip.
When he saw the blond boy glaring at him, he noticed that it seemed like he was checking the teenager out. Albert immediately removed his eyes from the brunet and offered to go fetch a nurse so she could better explain Nina’s state to Gerald.
Michael offered to go get some coffee, but his friends pleading eyes begged him to stay. He took a seat next to Gerald, he wanted to place his arm over the boy’s shoulders, to pull him towards him and say some words of comfort. He couldn’t because the boy’s shoulders were occupied by Ray’s arm.
Albert returned with the nurse while she explained what tests Nina was getting done and what they were for. Albert convinced his mom it was best if she went home to rest. She said good bye to Gerald with a kiss and a hug, making him promise that as soon as he heard something, he would call her.
Gerald told his friends that they were free to go, they had been up all night and he was thankful, but didn’t want to abuse their kindness. Michael completely refused to leave; he would only leave when Gerald left. Ray wanted to be as headstrong as Michael, but he had class in the afternoon and he didn’t think just being there asleep in a chair would help anything. He offered to stop by Gerald’s work and tell his boss he would be absent for a couple of days.
Gerald nodded, adding to his list of worries, what would he do without his whole paycheck and how he would pay for the hospital bills.
Nina was returned to her room, she was heavily medicated and only managed to smile at her son before falling asleep. Gerald sat by her bed holding her hand. Michael gave them some privacy with the excuse of fetching the coffee.
Gerald cried against his mother’s hand, telling her she needed to get well soon. Nina opened her eyes, maybe she heard his sobs or maybe she felt the wetness of his tears, but she awoke. She petted his head and shed a few tears herself. There was no doubt in her heart that she loved him, but there was also no doubt that she hadn’t been the best of mothers.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Gerald wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, and tried to smile at his mom.
“Just get better,” he said. She smiled, nodding back. She regretted her desire to never grow up; she had tried so hard to remain free and happy that she had forced her baby to grow too soon. She looked at Gerald as he rested his head on her lap, wishing she had been a better mother.
“I’ve loved you so much Gerald, don’t ever doubt that.” A yawn escaped her and Gerald stood to kiss her forehead.
“Rest, I’ll be here when you wake up.” It wasn’t like she had much of a choice her eyelids were too heavy to fight against.
Michael came back with two hot cups of coffee and a chocolate chip muffin. Gerald took the coffee, but he really didn’t feel like eating anything. Michael insisted that he needed something in his stomach if he planned on staying by his mother’s side.
“They won’t let you be here if you get sick.”
“It’s a hospital,” Gerald answered rolling his eyes at Michael.
“Exactly, and why would they want you here when you have your defenses low because you don’t eat?” Gerald didn’t have the energy or the will to continue with the discussion, so he took half of the very large muffin and ate it with his coffee.
They were silent for about fifteen minutes when Gerald decided to talk.
“You and Sean can’t keep fighting like this. You guys use to be so close.”
“I know. I need to apologize.” Gerald was genuinely surprised; he thought Michael would … he didn’t know what he expected, but definitely not that. “I’ve been one big jackass. I have to apologize to you too. That's why I was at your place.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me. Whatever happened to our friendship was both our faults.” Michael nodded. He looked into Gerald’s eyes and knew there was much more he wanted to say. The words seemed lost; like someone had come and erased them from his mind.
He leaned in and Gerald didn’t move. He moved closer and still the brown-eyed boy didn’t move. Michael kissed Gerald and Gerald kissed back.
Maybe it wasn’t the right time or place to do it, but by god it was the right thing. Never had Michael felt a kiss like this. He never wanted it to end; he wanted every single lost word to be transferred into the kiss, every feeling, everything, but he wouldn’t deepen it; they were in a hospital room.
Chills ran down his entire body when Gerald’s small hand rested against his cheek. He sucked in the boys bottom lip and tasted love over Gerald’s top lip. A surprised gasp escaped him when he felt a timid tongue slide between his lips. Gerald took the opportunity to explore Michael’s mouth.
This had to be a dream; this had to be a hallucination. How could he have been so close to lose someone who meant the world to him, to simply regain the other being his world revolved around?
The kiss had to end and Michael rested his forehead against Gerald’s. He felt the boy’s warm breath against his lips and the whispered words thundered to his soul.
“I love you too.” It came so natural, so real. It was the response Gerald deserved; it was the truth Michael had been hiding. “I love you too,” he repeated, because God his lips loved saying those words and finally meaning them.




thanks for the reviews, they are always, always welcome. Would love to answer them...but then I get in trouble.