Looking Glass (reposted)
folder
Romance › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
16
Views:
2,000
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Romance › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
16
Views:
2,000
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
The police told him that if a person left willingly, they weren’t missing; they were just gone. Thomas, when he called him, told him he was a bloody fucking idiot, but Noah had already known that.
He had spent a couple of hours combing the streets for her, but if she had seen his rather memorable car, she had hidden from it. From him. He didn’t like to admit that he deserved this—the worry for her, the fear she wouldn’t come back, the guilt that he had driven her away. Leon’s glare, openly accusing, when he dropped off the pizza, served only as a reminder of how truly special she was. How many people, after all, befriended the pizza delivery guy? The pizza lay untouched in the kitchen. The television screen remained dark, but Noah knew that if he turned it on, it would still be tuned to the station she had last watched. Was she someplace with a television now, like a hotel? She had said once that she had a friend in town, but he had never met the person and had no idea how to contact him or her to ask if Deirdre had turned up there. She could be on a bus, or in a taxi. She could be a hundred miles away from him by now.
And if she never came back, he would have forever to contemplate all the ways it was his fault.
A buzzer startled him out of his miserable reverie. Without thinking much about it, he hit the button next to the door, which would allow the person waiting outside into the building. Maybe Leon was finished with his shift and had returned to yell at him some more.
“What do you mean, you don’t know where she is?!” he had yelled when he had delivered the pizza. “She wouldn’t order a pizza and then go out before it got here! I know she wouldn’t leave me hanging like that.” That’s when Noah had received the glare. When Leon grew into his lanky limbs, that look would be as intimidating as the boy meant it to be. For now, the only reaction it caused in Noah was a profound sense of shame.
The knock on the door now seemed to prove that it was indeed Leon. After all, it couldn’t possibly be Deirdre. He didn’t know where the hell she was right now, but he knew it wouldn’t be anywhere near him. It was way too much to hope that she was home, that she had just run to the corner store for some Twinkies to drown her sorrows in and had just forgotten her keys. Right? No, it must be Leon. Noah sighed, but feeling he deserved the boy’s angry looks, got up to open the door.
He was still disappointed when he saw it was Leon on the other side of the door. He pulled away from the peephole and let the pizza boy in.
“I had to know,” Leon began, breathless. He must have run up all five flights of stairs, Noah realized.
“Had to know what?”
“She’s not...she’s not pregnant, is she? She’s not out getting some scary illegal abortion in an alley like that chick in Dirty Dancing, right? “Cause if she is, so help me god, I will—“
“Wh-what?! No!” But like any man, Noah couldn’t help checking every memory of loving her to assure himself that they had never failed to use protection. “No, she isn’t,” he said, softer this time.
“Oh. Well, good. Because I have no idea what I would have had to do to you, but I’m pretty sure it just would have ended in pain for me,” Leon explained. Noah smiled sardonically and clapped a hand to the slender man’s shoulder, nearly knocking him over.
“Your shift up, Leon? I got a pizza here begging to be eaten,” Noah offered. Mostly he didn’t want to be alone in the apartment at that moment, with nothing to do but blame himself while he waited. Heading to the fridge, he grabbed a beer for himself, and after only a slight hesitation, handed one to Leon, too.
“Okay, I’ll let you feed me,” Leon said cheerfully, “but only if you tell me how exactly you fucked up with her.
Four hours and three six-packs later, he was packing Leon into a taxi. Poor kid was a lightweight. He’d puked after the third can, but had manfully continued drinking, to keep Noah company. Noah felt a bit bad, but he’d needed the support. Still, maybe he should call in the morning to see if the kid was still alive, he thought as he climbed wearily into his own bed. He was unfortunately sober, despite his best efforts, but exhaustion of a physical and emotional nature left him numb, for which he was grateful.
What he wasn’t grateful for was his inability to fall asleep. He was so tired, and longed desperately for a few hours of oblivion, but his consciousness wouldn’t permit it. Instead, he stared intently at the ceiling, not thinking of anything but the patterns the cracks in the plaster made. Which worked only until his eyes roamed over the area that Deirdre insisted looked like Strong Bad. He groaned, rolled over, and squeezed his eyes shut, finally falling into a light doze.
He awoke to gray dawn light and a shifting of the mattress. Deirdre eased herself in beside him, pressing herself against his back. Her lips brushed his shoulder before she whispered, “You owe me fifty bucks for the bus ticket to Nashville. And another fifty for the taxi I took home.”
Surprisingly, Noah didn’t feel shocked or angered. He simply murmured an okay, and accepted. Is gentle an emotion? he wondered vaguely. He could wait for an explanation. Now, he was glad just to run his fingers over the hand and arm draped over his middle. They were solid proof that she was here, and that was good enough for now.
Deirdre, however, apparently didn’t want to wait. After a long moment of silence, she said, “He’s my stepfather, Joey Marks is. I didn’t want him to bother you or Thomas. That’s why I went with him. He wanted--he’s not a very nice person.” She bowed her head, hiding from him in the hollow between his shoulder blades.
“He hit my mother. He didn’t like it when she didn’t stay quiet. So he hit her until she did.”
What did a person say to that? Any apology, any attempt to convey understanding would fall so far short. Noah rolled to face her. She was totally naked in that moment, he saw; her heart exposed to all the dirt and pollution in the world, trembling with the rawness of vulnerability. Very carefully, desperately afraid he would hurt and frighten her more, he clothed her naked heart with his own, offered her shelter within the strength of his arms. And as he had accepted her return, so she accepted his support: simply.
“I love you.”
The police told him that if a person left willingly, they weren’t missing; they were just gone. Thomas, when he called him, told him he was a bloody fucking idiot, but Noah had already known that.
He had spent a couple of hours combing the streets for her, but if she had seen his rather memorable car, she had hidden from it. From him. He didn’t like to admit that he deserved this—the worry for her, the fear she wouldn’t come back, the guilt that he had driven her away. Leon’s glare, openly accusing, when he dropped off the pizza, served only as a reminder of how truly special she was. How many people, after all, befriended the pizza delivery guy? The pizza lay untouched in the kitchen. The television screen remained dark, but Noah knew that if he turned it on, it would still be tuned to the station she had last watched. Was she someplace with a television now, like a hotel? She had said once that she had a friend in town, but he had never met the person and had no idea how to contact him or her to ask if Deirdre had turned up there. She could be on a bus, or in a taxi. She could be a hundred miles away from him by now.
And if she never came back, he would have forever to contemplate all the ways it was his fault.
A buzzer startled him out of his miserable reverie. Without thinking much about it, he hit the button next to the door, which would allow the person waiting outside into the building. Maybe Leon was finished with his shift and had returned to yell at him some more.
“What do you mean, you don’t know where she is?!” he had yelled when he had delivered the pizza. “She wouldn’t order a pizza and then go out before it got here! I know she wouldn’t leave me hanging like that.” That’s when Noah had received the glare. When Leon grew into his lanky limbs, that look would be as intimidating as the boy meant it to be. For now, the only reaction it caused in Noah was a profound sense of shame.
The knock on the door now seemed to prove that it was indeed Leon. After all, it couldn’t possibly be Deirdre. He didn’t know where the hell she was right now, but he knew it wouldn’t be anywhere near him. It was way too much to hope that she was home, that she had just run to the corner store for some Twinkies to drown her sorrows in and had just forgotten her keys. Right? No, it must be Leon. Noah sighed, but feeling he deserved the boy’s angry looks, got up to open the door.
He was still disappointed when he saw it was Leon on the other side of the door. He pulled away from the peephole and let the pizza boy in.
“I had to know,” Leon began, breathless. He must have run up all five flights of stairs, Noah realized.
“Had to know what?”
“She’s not...she’s not pregnant, is she? She’s not out getting some scary illegal abortion in an alley like that chick in Dirty Dancing, right? “Cause if she is, so help me god, I will—“
“Wh-what?! No!” But like any man, Noah couldn’t help checking every memory of loving her to assure himself that they had never failed to use protection. “No, she isn’t,” he said, softer this time.
“Oh. Well, good. Because I have no idea what I would have had to do to you, but I’m pretty sure it just would have ended in pain for me,” Leon explained. Noah smiled sardonically and clapped a hand to the slender man’s shoulder, nearly knocking him over.
“Your shift up, Leon? I got a pizza here begging to be eaten,” Noah offered. Mostly he didn’t want to be alone in the apartment at that moment, with nothing to do but blame himself while he waited. Heading to the fridge, he grabbed a beer for himself, and after only a slight hesitation, handed one to Leon, too.
“Okay, I’ll let you feed me,” Leon said cheerfully, “but only if you tell me how exactly you fucked up with her.
Four hours and three six-packs later, he was packing Leon into a taxi. Poor kid was a lightweight. He’d puked after the third can, but had manfully continued drinking, to keep Noah company. Noah felt a bit bad, but he’d needed the support. Still, maybe he should call in the morning to see if the kid was still alive, he thought as he climbed wearily into his own bed. He was unfortunately sober, despite his best efforts, but exhaustion of a physical and emotional nature left him numb, for which he was grateful.
What he wasn’t grateful for was his inability to fall asleep. He was so tired, and longed desperately for a few hours of oblivion, but his consciousness wouldn’t permit it. Instead, he stared intently at the ceiling, not thinking of anything but the patterns the cracks in the plaster made. Which worked only until his eyes roamed over the area that Deirdre insisted looked like Strong Bad. He groaned, rolled over, and squeezed his eyes shut, finally falling into a light doze.
He awoke to gray dawn light and a shifting of the mattress. Deirdre eased herself in beside him, pressing herself against his back. Her lips brushed his shoulder before she whispered, “You owe me fifty bucks for the bus ticket to Nashville. And another fifty for the taxi I took home.”
Surprisingly, Noah didn’t feel shocked or angered. He simply murmured an okay, and accepted. Is gentle an emotion? he wondered vaguely. He could wait for an explanation. Now, he was glad just to run his fingers over the hand and arm draped over his middle. They were solid proof that she was here, and that was good enough for now.
Deirdre, however, apparently didn’t want to wait. After a long moment of silence, she said, “He’s my stepfather, Joey Marks is. I didn’t want him to bother you or Thomas. That’s why I went with him. He wanted--he’s not a very nice person.” She bowed her head, hiding from him in the hollow between his shoulder blades.
“He hit my mother. He didn’t like it when she didn’t stay quiet. So he hit her until she did.”
What did a person say to that? Any apology, any attempt to convey understanding would fall so far short. Noah rolled to face her. She was totally naked in that moment, he saw; her heart exposed to all the dirt and pollution in the world, trembling with the rawness of vulnerability. Very carefully, desperately afraid he would hurt and frighten her more, he clothed her naked heart with his own, offered her shelter within the strength of his arms. And as he had accepted her return, so she accepted his support: simply.
“I love you.”