Disenchanted

I tried not to see red as I sat on the couch watching James and Aiden curl into each other, their bodies pressed so hard together that you couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended. My hands were clenched into firsts as I watched their mouths mash tighter in a mock of something I was sure that they wanted to be doing but couldn’t be in polite company. They pulled apart to breathe, Aiden’s eyes meeting mine over James’ shoulder and I swear he was doing all of it to drive me insane.

“are you okay?” he questioned sliding out from under james to walk over to me, his hand reaching for my cheek. I flinched away from him lowering my eyes to look down at my legs, more hurt then I was willing to admit. In the last five days since I had been home I had been treated more like a five year old then the 19 year old man that I was.  Swallowing I reached up to thread my fingers into aiden’s hair, drawing him down and lifting up, my aim for his lips, but last second he turned his head so the soft kiss that I wanted to press to him mouth landed on his cheek instead.

 

“what did you do that for?” I muttered softly stroking my fingers along the side of his neck. He reached up to grab my hand pulling it away from him and stepping back his eyes shifting over to james.

 

“I don’t want to be touched right now.” He muttered softly before shrugging and walking back over to james, his hands wrapping around him as he curled into his body once more. It was like a hit to the gut that had me wanting to double over and lose the contents of my stomach on the floor.

 

“I have to go.” I whispered before climbing to my feet and making a dash for the front door, I was sure that he didn’t hear me one way or another, his lips were already back against James’.

 

I sat down on  the front steps of the porch, drawing my knees up to my chest as I fumbled for the cigarette pack in my back pocket, my hands trembling. A sigh left my lips when I finally got the damn thing lit, taking in a slow drag.

 

“I thought you quit?” Faith smiled as she started up the stairs towards me, a faint red stain to her cheeks from the chill of the air. I shrugged and rolled my eyes taking a long drag, quit or not be damned, I needed it.

 

“what can I say, if the occasion calls for it.” I chuckled softly and shook my head looking down at my feet. She glanced up at the door her hands hooking down into her pockets.

 

“let me guess Aiden?” she muttered before reaching for my pack and taking a cigarette for herself. I nodded, I didn’t need to explain it for her, she already knew, the two of us had been fighting more then ever since I had gotten back from Lakeside.

 

“I hate this so much.” I shook my head, flicking the ash away from me, watching it drift away from me slowly, “its like he fights with me to pushing me but I don’t know what I did and then when we aren’t fighting hes acting like I have the plague.” She nodded , scooting me over before taking the spot of the stairs next to me, the bag of groceries in her hands set down on the step in front of her.

 

“you know how he is darling just give him a little while, he’ll come around.” I snorted softly and shook my head mock glaring at her.

 

“yeah and hell will freeze over.” I muttered bitterly as I stubbed out my cigarette butt on the step, “lets face it he wants my life to be hell because I hurt him and that’s okay I get why he wants to do it, lets face it I feel like I deserve it but the thing is that doesn’t exactly make it any easier.” She nodded sliding her hands back through her blond curls, exhaling her last puff of smoke.

 

“aren’t you being a little dramatic?” she finally asked licking her lips I shrugged sucking slowly at my bottom lip before shrugging again. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her and honestly I wasn’t sure whether or not she was right or I was right, as far as I knew it was all still up in the air. “just don’t worry about it right now just kind of let things go and we can hope that it all works out okay yeah?” I nodded and looked down at my feet.

 

“okay, yeah.” She shook her head and reached down to grab the bag of groceries, moving towards the front door.

 

“don’t stay out too long, its too cold out here.” I nodded glancing back at her before looking back out towards the street, I wasn’t ready to go back inside no matter how cold it was outside. Things weren’t okay and I knew that they weren’t going to be but I didn’t think that it was going to be that bad if I was being honest with anyone. I guess that the times that I had spent in the hospital had done nothing to rip of the rose colored glasses that I was looking at the world through.

 

“why do you always run away from me.” Aiden was leaning back against the front door, a cigarette freshly lit between his lips as he looked over me, “do you not want me to touch you or something.” I wanted to snap at him, I wanted to hit him I wanted to hurt him in the way that he was hurting me. He smiled softly and walked forwards leaning down to press his lips gently against my forehead, the first bit of physical contact that I had had from him in a while. I turned my head up wanting to feel his lips against my own but once more he rejected me. I wanted to cry but I wouldn’t let him see that from me, I didn’t want to give him that satisfaction and as paranoid of me as it was I was sure that that’s what he would get from seeing me in pain.

Part of me wondered why I wanted to fight so hard to come home to a man that didn’t even seem to want me there, that couldn’t even bring himself to tell me that he loved me anymore.

“Why don’t you touch me anymore?” I muttered softly. Aiden swung around to glare at me, his lips drawn into a thin line as he looked over me.

“I’ve been touching you since you got home Demetrius. Don’t you dare start with me about that one.

“You don’t kiss me anymore.” I swallowed looking down at my feet refusing to meet his gaze.

“I just kissed you a second ago.” He muttered slowly growling at me. I shook my head and stood up moving to walk towards the door.

“I don’t want to fight with you about this, all I have done with you since I got home was fight with you and that that is not okay with me.” I shook my head and walked into the house, tugging the door closed behind me, teeth set hard into my bottom lip as I tried to ignore that Aiden was calling after me.

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A/n-thank you Lisa, as always for your review, I know it’s not long but think of it this way, I got it up less than a day apart from the last one. Sorry guys but things aren’t going to get better for our boys for a little while. Hopefully you’ll stick around to see what happens.

-Jayden