Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days

Only the Heart Knows Why
Eleven: The Awakening

I could never imagine what heaven must be like, though this place must come pretty close. It's quiet here, quiet and peaceful, and everything's white and soft colours. And I get to see Kanau. Every second of every long, beautiful day all I see his his face, his eyes closed as he peacefully as he dreams about things I can only imagine. I just smile at the thought of his happiness.

And then it's over. Kanau's eyes burst open and he screams.

"Get me a sedative, he's waking up."

His face twists in an unimaginable horror and pain. I reach out for him, wanting only to comfort him, but something keep holding me down.

"Nurse, hold him down!"

I try and try, but something keeps holding me down, holding me from being able to help him. "Let me go," I cry, "let me go, he needs me!"

"We need to get the tube in his stomach before he wakes up!"

And then the illusion is broken. My eyes open and I am instantly blinded a brilliant light. I start screaming, feeling something getting forced down my throat, making me gag.

I try to turn onto my side, feeling my stomach lurch, but I'm held down on my back.

Slowly my eyes start to adjust and I can see I'm in a great white room. There's a people all around me, holding me down, and one pushing a tube down my throat. I try to scream but all that comes is a gurgling.

"Alright, the tubes in, start clearing it out."

I closed my eyes tight, feeling the most bizarre sensation in my stomach. I had no idea where I was or how I got there. The last thing I remembered was my father... He must have done something. I had no idea what, though. Had he finally tried to take it too far? Had he finally tried to... Get rid of me?

---+++---

I woke up some time later. I had no idea how long it had been and I felt terrible. Better, comparatively, but still terrible. The tube was still in my throat but I was too tired to fight in. Opening my eyes slowly, I looked around and saw a nurse. When she looked over and saw I was awake she jumped up to her feet and hurried over. "Hang on, dear," she said softly, easing the tube from out of my throat.

I coughed as it was being pulled out and groaned. Now that it was gone I felt as though I was no longer getting invaded by something so foreign and obtrusive. shifted my weight slightly, trying to get more comfortable, and felt a lot of things moving with me. Having no idea what they were I tried to sit up to find out but the nurse put her hand on my shoulder.

"Just relax," she said soothingly, "you came so close to not making it through that."

I looked up at her and she smiled slightly. "W-what happened?" I asked, my voice so hoarse it was almost a whisper.

"Well, a friend of yours brought you in," she told me, sitting back down beside my bed, "said you'd taken a whole lot of some sleeping pills."

The sleeping pills... Before my eyes flashed everything that happened, from cleaning the basement to returning Kanau's phone to... Getting carried in the doors by Kanau.

"Why did you do it?" the nurse asked, dragging me back to the present.

"I..." my voice trailed off, closing my eyes lightly. How could I tell anyone about all of this, wasn't it my burden to bare? But... A burden of what? Things had been getting worse since this all began, not better.

"I just wanted to sleep," I told her, wiping my eyes lightly. Her head nodded in response and she asked no more. "Is Kanau still here?" I asked her, staring up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, he's out in the waiting room," she replied, getting to her feet again and stepping along side me, "would you like me to get him for you?"

I nodded my head in response and she smiled, walking out into the hall. Letting out a shakey breath I felt my eyes tearing up again but quickly wiped them down. I didn't want Kanau to think that him bringing me here wasn't a good idea. I just wanted him to think... I was worth saving.

I turned my head to the side and looked up at Kanau. He must have walked in when I was wiping my eyes. I just hoped that he didn't see me crying, that he didn't know I still wanted to disappear. I just didn't want to die, either. I looked at him and forced myself to give him a small smile and he sits down in the chair beside my bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me. I couldn't tell if he actually wanted to know or not, but I loved the sentiment either way.

"A little better," I told him softly, which wasn't really a lie.

He leaned forward and smiled lightly, reaching out with his hand and taking a hold of my hand nearest his. I smile a little again and close my fingers around his lightly. "I'm glad you called me last night," he whispered.

"Yeah," I muttered, shifting lightly, "it wasn't a fun night."

"No, it wasn't," he agreed, covering his mouth for a quiet yawn. He did look really run down and Ilooked down a little. I didn't want him to lose sleep over me.

"You're really tired, huh?" I muttered, watching him.

"Don't worry about me, Quax," he replied softly, running his thumb over the back of my hand.

I looked down again, feeling myself frowning lightly. "I can and i will," I whispered, hearing Kanau chuckle lightly. I smiled lightly. It feels good knowing I can make him laugh, even now...

"Then go ahead and worry," he said, "but don't get sick over me."

"Aww," I moaned, turning my head slightly to see him better. He leaned back in the chair as we continued talking idly for a little while. Right now I was really glad someone was here. And if that someone was Kanau, then all the better. I held his hand a little tighter. I loved this, I loved this more than anything. Almost as much as I loved...