All to Save a Brother

Author Notes: I LIVE!! I am so sorry. I know I said I was only planning to take off 1 or 2 weeks of writing, but once I took off, I couldn't get back into it. I'm forcing myself to write right now. This chapter is shorter than usual, but I just wanted to get something out there. I hope you enjoy.


That night, James and Robert lied in bed. They were both awake, but were silent, too busy thinking. Luckily, they had not been called on to perform “duties”, but unluckily, both Kyle and Eric had disappeared for awhile. Without asking, they knew they were in the men’s bedrooms. They were probably too scared on taking James and Robert, for they had been told that Officer Mickey would be checking up on them and wanted to meet the male caretakers. In their “caretakers’” minds, Robert and James did not know the truth, and were not supposed to know the truth.

James eyes had already adjusted to the dark, and he looked towards the other bed, where he knew Robert was. He was curious about the older boy because they would be spending quite a lot of time together. “Robert, are you still awake?” James received a grunt as his answer, making the fifteen year old roll his eyes. “Can I get an actual answer please?”

Robert turned his head so he faced the boy. “What do you want James?”

James shifted slightly. Truth be told, he did not know what he wanted. He did not know why he bothered the older boy. He just decided to ask the question that had been plaguing him for awhile. “Robert, why are you the way you are?”

Roberts eyebrows rose, and James saw it slightly due to his eyes adjusting to the dark. “I grew up in foster care. Do I need any other reason?”

James shrugged. “Not all people who grew up in foster care are so bitter and closed off. Something must have happened to make you like that.”

Robert turned so he was facing the wall and not James. “Not everyone is as lucky as you to have a family who loves and cares for them.”

James’ eyes were staring at Robert’s back. “I really did not have that either. My mother and father never wanted me. I was a mistake that they did not get aborted or put up for adoption. I never did understand why they did neither if I was such a horrible mistake to them. My big brother was treated like the favored child. They forgot to pick me up from school or pay any attention to me. If I needed to eat, my Markie would have to get me the meals. If it was not for my brother, I probably would be in foster care as well.”

Robert sat up and turned angry eyes onto James. “You had it so rough, didn’t you? At least you had someone to care for you. My only friend died.”

James too sat up. “What about your parents? Why did you end up in the system in the first place?”

Robert leant against the wall that the bed was on and bent his knees. “Why do you care anyways? What do you have to gain by knowing?”

James moved from his own bed and went to sit at Robert’s feet. “I do not gain anything, except an understanding of why you are the way you are. Until we get out of this place, we are stuck together. Do you not think it would be easier if we knew each other better? Tell you what. If I promise to tell you a little bit of my past afterwards, will you tell me yours? I promise; I won’t make any judgments. I just want to try to be your friend, if you will allow me to.”

Looking at James, Robert knew he was telling the truth. Maybe it was about time that he let someone into his heart. Maybe James could be the person to melt the cold exterior around his heart that he had not allowed anyone near for a very long time. “If I tell you anything, will you promise to keep it between us?”

James nodded eagerly. He moved next to Robert, so they both were leaning against the wall. It was tremendously uncomfortable and easy to fall onto the floor due to the small bed, but they held the position.

Robert took a deep breath. “I went into foster care when I was seven years old.”

James nodded. “I remember you saying that already. The difference is you said it to me in a fit of anger.”

Robert continued as if he had not heard James. “In a similar way to you, my parents did not want me either. Again, in a very similar way, I often thought about why they did not get an abortion or give me up for adoption. They would have gotten rid of me and if they had given me up for adoption, I would have had a better life with a family who wanted me. Unlike you, I did not have an older sibling who looked out for me. I had to take care of myself. At the age of five, I had to learn to cook for myself, using a microwave, stove, or oven if I did not want to starve. I had observed my parents and that was how I was able to learn. I learned a few years later that I was exceptionally smart and belonged in the gifted program. That explains why I was able to learn to cook at such a young age. Not only did I have to cook for myself, I had to make sure I was clean. I was lucky enough that they provided me with clothes and made sure I had things I needed for school. They did not want it to look suspicious to teachers and having people asking social services to look into my home life. Not only did my parents not pay any sort of attention to me, but they were also very alcoholic. At that age I did not know or understand, but now that I look back at it, I have suspicions that they did illegal drugs as well. At the age of six, something happened.” Here Robert paused, not sure if he wanted to tell James this.

James laid a comforting hand on Robert’s arms that were crossed over his chest in a defensive manner. “You do not have to Robert. If it is too painful, you can stop here.”

Robert gazed at James. “I want to tell you, but I do not want you thinking less of me. I do not want you to think I am weak.”

James did not understand. “Whatever you were about to tell me, happened when you were six. There is no way that I would think you weak or anything less of you. No matter what happened, you could not have stopped it. You can trust me. If you have not told anyone this, you will never be able to get passed it. You cannot bottle up emotions. That is one thing my Markie taught me. When you are feeling something, let it out.” James laid his head on Robert’s shoulder, and somehow it brought the older boy comfort.

Robert took a deep breath. “One night, my mother was out with some friends at a bar. She had already told my father that she was probably going to be staying at one of their houses. I was left home alone like usual. I was in bed, but not asleep. I heard the front door opening, and my father came lumbering into the house. I heard him trip and knock over some things, which meant he was very drunk. He went to the bedroom that he shared with my mother, but very shortly, he opened my door and ungracefully trudged in. He was glaring at me. He asked me where my mother was. I told him what she had told both of us, about staying out late with girlfriends and staying over at one of their houses. He glared even harder, as if it was my entire fault. I heard him mumble something about her not being able to warm his bed that night. Of course at the tender age of 6, I just thought he meant sleeping next to. I did not know what he implied. He stalked to my bed and pulled me up. I winced, but did not make a sound. Every now and then, I was slapped when they were drunk so I was used to it. He leaned down and began to whisper to me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and it made me wrinkle my nose in disgust. He told me that since my mother was not there I would have to do her job.”

James cut in. “He raped you when you were six years old.” James fists were clenching.

Robert shook his head. “No, he did not. Do you remember what I said at the police interrogation? I lost my virginity when I was nine.”

James looked down, feeling sheepish. He had forgotten that from the interrogation. “If it was not rape, what did he do to you?” James still dreaded the answer, knowing it would be bad.

“He forced me to perform oral for him. I ended up choking because of his enthusiasm. I passed out, and he must have left because when I woke up in the morning, I was alone. I was very cautious when I left the room, afraid to see my dad still home. I was relieved when I looked out of the kitchen window and saw that his truck was gone. My mother came into the kitchen behind me. I did not even think about it, and I told her everything that happened. I had trouble believing what she did though. She slapped me so hard that I fell and hit my head against the wall. She called me a little slut, although I did not know at the time what it actually meant, and told me if I ever did anything so filthy again, she was carefully and slowly kill me, making sure I felt every last sensation of pain. She blamed when it was her husband that forced me to do it.” Robert stopped talking, and covered his mouth, trying to hold in a sob.

James was rubbing his back soothingly. “It is okay Robert. It is okay. What am I saying? Of course it is not okay. That should have never happened to you. Even if she never wanted you, she should have gone to the police right away. I am so sorry that happened to you.”

Robert was still trying to hold in his sobs. “I told you that you would think that I was weak.”

James denied it. “You were six years old. Even if you were my age and fifteen, I would not think anything less of you.”

“All I am is a dirty weakling.”

James thought, ‘there has to be a way to get through to Robert’. “Answer a question for me Robert. You know what happened to me the day that we were rescued, right?”

Robert nodded. Of course he knew James had been raped. Anyone who had seen James body would have figured it out easily. “What does that have to do with anything?”

James rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Do you think anything less of me? Do you think I am a dirty weakling who got what was deserved for not being able to protect myself from the assault?”

Robert shook his head adamantly. “Even if I hated you during the time, there is no way I could think you deserved to be raped and have you lose your virginity by rape.” Secretly, when it had happened, he had felt satisfaction. Now that he knew James better, he felt guilty about that. No one should take joy in others’ pain, and he now realized that.

James was still rubbing his shoulder in comfort. “Then how can you think that about yourself at the age of six? I was lucky. My brother cared about me more than anyone and protected me. I was also lucky that though my parents did not want anything to do with me, they never got violent. What happened was not your fault. You were a frightened six year old who did the right thing by telling the other parent. It was not your fault that the parent blamed you. I do not want you to degrade yourself like that. You do not deserve it. Do you understand me?”

Robert was slowly beginning to believe James and he nodded. “I’m not sure if I am up to telling you anything else tonight.”

James shrugged. “You do not have to. But if you want to, I am ready to listen.” James was again leaning against Robert, trying to send silent comfort. Robert’s arm that was squished between his body and James’ body was slowly lifted. With hesitation, he placed the arm around James who smiled at the gesture. James knew it was hard for Robert to touch anyone in any way that was kind. He buried himself deeper into Robert’s embrace as he often did with Sebastian during the warehouse fiasco.

Robert laid his head on James’ head. “Maybe I will tell you. That is probably one of the worst things that happened. Everything else should sound better.” He finished with irony.

James shook his head saying ‘no’. “I know how bitter you are. There is no way that it is going to get any better, but I am more than ready to listen to anything you want to tell me.”

Robert took a deep breath. “After that first night, whenever my mother would stay out for a night, my father would make a visit to my room. I tried to fight him, but he would tie me to my bed posts. I also learned my lesson and did not tell my mother what happened. I may have never been saved, but the next year, I entered first grade. My school was not in the best area and there had been cases of abuse. One of the requirements was to get a complete physical done. Most kids went to the doctor with their parents, but if money was too tight, the school nurse was allowed to give the physical. I told my parents about it and they both refused to spend the money on a doctor for me, even after I told them that it was mostly done to check for signs of abuse. They both must have been drinking because it would have made them rethink their answer I think. I went to the school nurse at my scheduled time. I had to take off my shirt, but not pants. Although I did cook for myself, I was painfully skinny and could be considered malnourished. That was put down on her clipboard. There was still some left over bruises on my body and she had taken note of them. There was also an examination of my mouth. I had been oral raped the night before as my mother decided to go out for another night. My mouth had some bumps on the gum and my gum line was torn a bit. She took that down as well. She told me to wait for she had to speak with someone. After a few minutes, the guidance counselor came in and began to ask me some questions. He asked me about the bruises. I lied out of fear. He also asked about my oral injuries. I remembered when I told my mom, and I was afraid that they would not believe me or that I would be blamed once again. All of this made me lie. The guidance counselor did not allow me to get away with that. They had police officers who worked at campus because of the area that the school was in. The police officer asked the same questions to me in a calm manner, and once again I lied. They were not taking my word for it though. The injuries that covered my body were enough for them to call social services.”

James interrupted. “Social services came and discovered the abuse.”

Robert nodded. “They were sentenced to 10 years to prison …”

“Any you went into foster care.” James finished. Robert nodded. “You were only seven though. That is not that old. Why could you not be adopted?”

Robert smirked. “Even after everything that has happened recently to you, you are still a bit naïve. No one wanted a broken child with memories of physical and sexual abuse. Although I never actually had sexual intercourse, being forced to give a blow job is still considered sexual abuse. I was in foster care until I was tricked into going to the warehouse.”

James snuggled closer. “You lost your virginity when you were nine. You told Officer Jared it was because you wanted to, but I have a feeling that you lied. I have a very strong feeling that is not a pleasant story either. Am I right?”

Robert nodded. “Unfortunately, you are very right. I wish I had not lied to that officer.”

James titled his eyes up, and knew Robert was exhausted. “You do not have to tell me tonight if you do not want to. We both should get some sleep.”

James made a move to go to his own bed, but Robert pulled him back forcibly and kept his arm around the younger boy. “I want to tell you very much. If we stop here, I may never tell you the rest of the story and I do not want that. I want it out in the open. While I wasn’t a lost cause yet for adoption, which is pretty much everyone 10 and under, I was kept in a group home where couples could survey us. Sometimes, the caretakers took interest in us. I don’t want to go into details, but while I was 9, I lost my virginity to a grown man while his wife watched and made me touch her. Thankfully, unlike with you, the guy thought to at least be gentle with preparation and lubrication. I still felt like I was being torn because I was so small, but it could have been a lot worst.”

James huddled closer, and in return, Robert tightened his arms. James didn’t say anything, for there was nothing he could say for comfort. They eventually lied down. When James made a move to go back to his own bed, Robert gripped his wrist gently. Understanding, James lied down, pressed against Robert, who held him firmly to keep the younger boy from falling off the bed. They feel into a restful sleep, bestowing on each other silent comfort.


Author Notes: I am trying to make Robert into a sympathetic character. I had someone in mind for James' love interest, but now I'm beginning to consider Robert. I don't think that would work though. I think James needs to be with someone older and more mature, not someone as broken as him who went through similar horrors. What do you think? Please Review