The Shadow I'm In

I was squished between Roden and Crimson. There wasn’t much room in the backseat anymore. Though I was glad the two of them weren’t fighting. That would have made it worse. The ride to the theater wasn’t all that bad. Quiet mostly. Crimson and Roden snapped off a few insults to each other but nothing too serious where Mr. and Mrs. King had to interfere. There was something that bugged me though, Roden kept brushing his leg against mine. I mean I suppose it wasn’t intentional since we were sitting so close but it still bothered me. I wondered if it was because I wasn’t used to someone touching me or if I was still freaked out about the contact that I had received from another person. No! I couldn’t think about that. Happy weekend remember? And Roden wouldn’t do anything like that. But Ken had made me even more jumpy around other boys.

We arrived at the movie theater; I missed the glare that Crimson had sent Roden’s way. I was just worried about getting out of the cramped space. It was getting hard to breathe in there. The theater was nice, not like one of those ones that you could kind smell water or mold or something in. And the style wasn’t from back in the 90s.

“You’re families are rich aren’t they?” I asked still looking around the inside of the building while we waited in line to get popcorn and drinks and maybe some candy. I heard Roden chuckle from behind us. Crimson was standing by my side.

“Kinda, but not really. We’re not like millionaires or anything. Mom and Dad make a pretty good living. Roden’s parents do too. Uncle Frank is a lawyer and Aunt Eden is a college professor. She teaches home living kind of stuff.”

“And Aunt Selima is a field medic. She could be a doctor with her own practice but she chooses not to. And Uncle Fritz is an engineer. What kind again? I forget.” Roden butted in making Crim roll her eyes.

“He’s a biochemical engineer.” I couldn’t believe it. All these people were super smart and had made a good life for themselves with their smarts. It kind of made me feel inferior to them. There was no way that I could do something like that. My eyes turned to look at the ground. My mom was a house wife and dad did construction.

I jumped when an arm wrapped around my waist and filched out of the touch. My heart was racing as I looked at the person who had touched me. It was just Crimson. My breathing was off and my heart still hadn’t calmed down. Roden and Crimson were both looking at me with a raised eyebrow. They did act just a like, like their parents said.

“D-don’t do-do that.” I breathed out. It had scared the living daylights out of me. I was spaced out and she just touched me like that. I was guessing from their expressions that that’s not how most people act to something like that. But luckily we were next in line so their gazes were directed to the girl behind the counter when she asked who was next.

“Um, we want two large popcorns. I want a large orange soda and a box of Milk Duds.” Crimson started out the order.

“I’ll have a large coke and a box of Mike and Ikes.” Roden chimed in. Their eyes turned back to me. My breathing had slowed down and I almost had my heart rate under control.

“A large Root Beer please.” I stated.

“You don’t want any candy?” Roden questioned getting out his wallet. Apparently other then me, Mr. and Mrs. King trusted Roden more with their credit card then Crimson.

“N-no.”

“You don’t like sweets much do you?” Crimson was the one that spoke this time. I did I just was full from dinner, not to mention I didn’t think I could get anything down at the moment. My stomach wasn’t done doing flip flops.

“I l-like candy. I’m-I’m just full.” I explained going to grab my drink after the lady had filled it and after Roden had paid for it.

“Alright. No need to get your panties in a bunch.” Crimson stated and handed me one of the large containers of pop corn.

“Come on ladies. The movie is going to start without us!” How did Roden get so far ahead of Crimson and I? Who knew. The blonde girl shot me a smile and we speed walked so that we were next to her cousin as we entered into the theater. Mr. and Mrs. King had already left for their movie. The movies were supposed to be over at the same time so that none of us would have to wait.

The movie passed quickly. Though soon into the three of us were laughing and cracking out rude remarks or jokes about the film. The nervousness that I had felt had all but disappeared. Things between Roden and I had gotten back to how it had been when he had helped me get the suit on. I was sitting between the two cousins again. They shared their candy with me and I got to eat out of both popcorns. But we did end up sending Roden out to refill our drinks almost at the very end of the movie since we had ate so much popcorn our mouths were dry. He ended up just getting a super large drink and the three of us sharing it. It stayed in my lap and was passed back and forth between the three of us.

By the time we emerged from the movie we were all giggles and laughs. Not even from the movie, though it had been funny. I really felt like I had friends and I was normal. Not someone that everyone had been ignored all of his life. Not someone that was bad at social situations. Or someone that had gotten raped by his brother’s best friend and was living with it. I stressed it in my head this was normal.

Crimson wrapped her arm around my waist again, though this time I didn’t flinch away or jump. It seemed she had been expecting me to though, her hand was just lightly on my hip and her arm didn’t rest comfortably against me till she was sure I wouldn’t freak out. I sent a small smile over to her. Roden did surprise me though, causing my heart to jump for a moment before I remembered that Ken wasn’t around and he wasn’t trying to take me away from Crim. His arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling my upper body over closer to him. A large smirk on his face as Crimson sent him a glare.

“Basil is mine! You can’t have him!” She called and tugged my hip. It felt very awkward really. Having your hips being pulled one way and your shoulders being pulled another.

“Nah. I can steal him away from you. After all, who wants to hang out with you when they have me?” Roden proclaimed the large smirk still on his face. That’s the way we walked into the lobby where we were supposed to meet Crimson’s parents. And that’s where they were. Their faces lit up when they saw us. Roden and Crimson had moved in closer so that my abdomen wasn’t being stretched in two different directions.

“Well you three look like you had a good time.” Mrs. King stated with a large smile.

“Of course we did. I was there.” Roden gushed as he let go of my shoulders.

“Oh, yeah. It was all you Roden.” Crimson said, her words laced with sarcasm. I stayed silent through their battering though. I found out it was better to do so unless you were going to crush both of them with your words and not just one or the other.

“Alright, let’s get to the hotel. We have an early morning tomorrow.” Fritz stated, sliding his arm around his wife’s waist.

The five of us walked out to the car and into the vehicle. I sat in the middle again, but it was better this time. I wasn’t worried about the small touches that Roden or Crimson gave me, the brush of knees or pokes in the sides. It seemed normal. The hotel that we were staying at wasn’t very far away. It was the average hotel. A free breakfast in the morning, if you got up early enough, and a room with two queen sized beds, a bathroom, and a TV with cable. I didn’t mind. I loved staying in hotels. Had ever since I was a little kid. Not that I stayed in them very often. I usually stayed at Mr. and Mrs. David’s house if Mom and Dad went out of town for something. He was the one that usually went with them. He was the ideal child. I wasn’t. I had always been on the small side, but most thought that was cute when I was a kid.

“Alright so, you guys take room 323 and we’ll take room 456.” Fritz tossed the room keys to Roden who caught them with ease.

“Alright. No problem. See you in the morning!” Crimson stated in a sing song voice as she took a hold of my wrist and tugged me along to where the elevators were, Roden trailing behind us carrying our bags.

Roden unlocked the door as soon as we got there and the smell of clean products, the normal hotel smell, hit us like a ton of bricks. Crimson went and flopped into one of the beds.

“Alright, I claim this one.” She announced with a smirk at me. Roden dropped our bags by the door. “Hey! Be careful with those. I might have breakable stuff in there.”

“My bad. You should pack more lightly.” The Native American stated walking over to stand by me. “So I’m guessing we’re sharing a bed?” He asked with a tilt of his head. I just nodded with a nervous smile crossing my lips. “Cool. That’s not a big deal.” He stated and moved to sit on the other bed that Crimson wasn’t taking up.

“Yeah.” I stated, not really knowing anything else to say.

We had long since changed into our sleeping clothes. Crimson in a two piece pj set with a t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. Roden was just going to sleep in his boxers, which made my skin crawl but it was okay. I knew that Roden wouldn’t do anything to me. Not like Ken had. Roden was different. I had changed into a big t-shirt and a pair of flannel pj pants. Crimson might have gotten to my day wardrobe but I still had my nightly one.

The Native American boy and I were sitting on the bed that we would share that night and Crimson sat on her own facing us. The television was on in the background but no one was watching it. We still all had smiles on our faces, though mine had went a little nervous since Roden and I were going to be sharing a bed. It was amazing how much we grew more comfortable around each other in such a short amount of time. Well for me at least. These two had known each other probably for as long as they both could remember.

“So, Basil. You’re gay,” Crimson started, but I opened my mouth to say something against it. I hadn’t denied it all night though. “How do you know you’re gay? Have you ever kissed a girl before?” I was speechless. My mouth stayed open as I just gaped at her. I hadn’t kissed a girl before, the only person that I’ve kissed was Ken. And that couldn’t count because he forced me to kiss him. How did I answer that question?

“I have-haven’t kis-kissed a girl.” I stated.

“What about a boy?” It was Roden that asked, making me go into even more of a shock. Since when were we talking about my social life? When had this come up? Had I missed something while we have been talking? I didn’t think I did. It was just one of those random things that comes up. Should I tell them about Ken? Did that really count as a kiss?

“N-no.” I answered.

“Well how do you know that you’re gay then?” Roden questioned with a raised brow.

“I ne-never said I was.” I responded.

“So let’s find out now.” Crimson butted in, breaking my eye contact with the floor that I had been staring at since the first question. I gave her a questioning look. “Why don’t you kiss me, since you know I’m a girl, and see what its like. And then kiss Roden. I suppose he counts as a boy.”

“Counts? I am what the dictionary has for the definition of a boy.”

“Get over yourself. I don’t know where you get that from.” Crimson rolled her eyes. I was staring at her with my eyes large. Could she really have just said that? Kiss them both and see which one I like better? Did that even make sense? I didn’t know. I didn’t even like either of them like that. Wasn’t kissing supposed to be about showing your feelings for another person? “Come on Basil. It’s really easy.” The girl tried to convince me. “Plus I’ll stop bugging you about your boyfriend if you do this.” That was the kicker. The reason that I agreed to this. I nodded my head, my teeth biting at my lower lip. “Woot!” Crimson through her hands up into the air. “Girls first Roden.” She stated and patted the bed next to her.

I slowly rose from my place on the bed next to Roden and went to sit beside Crimson, turning to look at her. I could feel Roden’s eyes on me and it made my cheeks heat. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, but it was to stop Crimson from bugging me about my personal life. Namely a boyfriend that I didn’t have. I didn’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend but his, though that was never going to happen.

I saw Crimson leaning in closer to me. And I leaned in closer to her. I closed my eyes and puckered my lips. Her lips touched mine and it felt weird. Her lips were full and plump. Nothing like Ken’s had been. She moved her mouth against mine, opening her lips slightly. I followed the movement, though I was bone stiff and didn’t move nearly as smoothly as she did. It just felt weirder. It was like I was kissing my mother or something. Or what kissing my mother would feel like. I would never kiss my mother like this. That’s gross. Her hand came up to rest against my cheek. I didn’t do anything, just let it happen. She was trying to get me to loosen up but it didn’t happen. I pulled away after a few minutes, Crimson withdrew her hand so that I could turn my body to face the area between the two beds.

“Yep. He’s not into girls.” Crimson called looking slightly disappointed. The blush had gotten darker from embarrassment.

“Maybe he’s just not into you.” Roden shot back with a smirk. During this whole thing, I hadn’t heard him say that he didn’t want to kiss me. It would seem natural to me for him to protest against this experiment.

Crimson snorted from beside me. I couldn’t look at her anymore. I couldn’t believe that I had just kissed her. I heard Roden get up from the other bed, then felt someone else touch my cheek. My eyes glanced upward for a moment before going back down to the floor where the other boy’s feet now were. With his hand, Roden tilted my head upward and pressed his lips to mine. My eyes slid closed almost immediately. This felt more normal then the kiss with Crimson. His lips weren’t plump or full. They were harder in their pursuit of our kiss. I gave in more easily and relaxed. Maybe this is what it would be like if he kissed me. He would dominate the kiss and take what he wanted, just like Roden was doing.

I opened my mouth when it was probed by the other boy’s tongue. It was different then the kisses that Ken had given me. It was gentler, yet there was that same taste of dominance. Crimson didn’t have the dominance that these two boys had when they claimed my mouth. I felt my hand hesitantly reach up and touch the arm that was connected to the hand that was on my cheek, his other hand had gone to cup the back of my head. I lost myself as I felt his body moving closer, though it was kind of awkward because he was standing and I was sitting on the bed. That changed though, he moved my head to the side as he slid onto the bed next to me. I wasn’t even aware that Crim was still in the room. It was just him and me. The hand moved from my cheek down to be placed at my waist. It felt natural. That was the only word to describe it. It wasn’t scary like it was with Ken and it wasn’t weird like Crimson’s kiss had been.

“Okay, okay boys!” I heard Crim say, it almost sounded far off. Roden didn’t pay it any mind, his hand pulling my body closer to his. It was over whelmed by the heat coming from his body. I could felt it even though our bodies were barely touching each other.

My brow creased as a third hand was felt on my body. It was tugging me away from Roden. Our lips finally parted, and my eyes came open. I was panting softly and so was Roden. It was Crimson’s hand that had been on my shoulder and it looked like she had one on her cousin’s too. Now that the kiss was over I couldn’t believe what I had just done. My hand quickly flew up to my mouth and covered it.

I stood dislodging Roden’s hands from my body and all but ran to the small bathroom muttering sorrys as I went. I shut the bathroom door and locked it. What did I just do? I felt like I had betrayed him. It wasn’t like with Ken that I had felt dirty. I wanted Roden to kiss me. Well I hadn’t at first, the stupid deal, but then when our lips were pressed together-

My hand pulled back just so that my finger tips were touching my mouth. I wanted it. Wanted Roden to continue. I didn’t want it to stop. It was a completely different feeling then when Ken kissed me. Would that be like what he would kiss like? My heart was aching. I felt like I had done something wrong. But there was nothing wrong with it was there?

“Basil, you okay?” It was Crimson using her soft voice. I had heard them fighting a few minutes ago but I didn’t think nothing of it.

“Ye-yeah.” I answered. I wasn’t though. I felt like I was breaking into pieces. What would he think of me now? That I had kissed someone else willingly. Ken was one thing, I had been forced to do that but I had kissed Roden back. Had wanted to.

The same things kept repeating over and over in my head. I went to sit with my back against the tub. I heard some more fighting outside of the door but it wasn’t Roden’s fault that I had liked it and had wanted to continue.

“Can I come in?” It was Crimson again. I didn’t know if I should let her in or not. What would she say?

“Not r-right now.” I stated softly. I still wanted time to myself to try to figure this out. Why had I liked it? I suppose we figured out that I was indeed gay. That made me roll my eyes a bit. But that’s not the way I wanted to find out. Not really. What did I expect though? For it to be like the kiss I got from Crimson or the ones from Ken? It was nothing like either of those.

“Alright, honey. I’m here when you need me.”

I didn’t respond. That kiss didn’t make me feel dirty. It did make me feel guilty. Guilty that it wasn’t him. That I had enjoyed it and it wasn’t with him.

I sat on the floor of the bathroom a little longer before another knock came to the door.

“Hey, can we talk?” It was Roden. I instantly looked to the door, my teeth biting at my lower lip. Should I let him in? Was it bad that I was thinking about letting him in but not Crimson? But maybe he could help me more then Crimson could. He was a boy after all and he wasn’t pulling away either. Maybe he liked it too? Could he explain to me what happened? I leaned over the small bathroom to unlock the door, a sound which the other boy took to enter. He looked down at me with his brown eyes and offered a smile, locking the door back. He joined me sitting on the floor and leaning against the bathtub. “Sorry. It wasn’t supposed to get out of hand like that.” He apologized. “It was Crimson’s idea. She wanted you to loosen up but I think it had the wrong effect.”

“It’s okay.” I was watching him, making sure that he didn’t make a move to move closer to me or to touch me. It seemed that my jumpiness was back.

“No its not. And you know it. You wouldn’t have locked yourself in the bathroom if it was okay.” Roden gave a sigh. “So do you have a boyfriend?” I was shocked by the question. These two were really alike. And they both seemed to shock me by their questions.

“N-no.” I stated truthfully.

“Are you lying to me?”

“No. I really don’t have a boyfriend. I didn’t even know I was gay till a few minutes ago.” I confessed bringing my knees to my chest and hugging them.

“I guess it was rather a shock then, huh?” That was an understatement. There was another thing for mom and dad to not pay attention to me for. Stay away from him, he’s gay. I could imagine their disgusted looks from across the dinner table. “It was for me too when I realized that I was gay.” A chuckle came from the other boy. Wait he was gay? I peaked over at him from the corner of my eye. “I still haven’t told mum and dad. Or anyone. Crimson is the only one that knew and well the boy that made me realize.” I was just looking at him, waiting for him to explain. “See when Crimson and I went to the same school, this was in middle school, 6th grade or something like that, we went on a class trip to the capital. I stayed with three other boys in the hotel. Crimson got to stay with just one other girl because there wasn’t as many girls as there were boys so she made fun of us the whole time for that.

“For some reason we were far more into the world of sex when we were that age then most kids. She teased us for being gay because this other boy and I shared the same bed. Crimson and I have been poking fun and insulting each other since we learned to talk, even if I am two years older then she is. Anyway, so the last night that we were going to be staying in the hotel my bed partner woke me up in the middle of the night and long story short we kissed each other and touched a few places that friends aren’t supposed to touch because we were wondering what it was like to be gay. And well he was straight and I was gay. We both kept it a secret for a long time, until I told Crimson. That was last year when she started trying to set me up with girls in her class. She was shocked but okay with it. According to her we could go scope out boys together at the mall or something like that.”

“You haven’t told your parents?” I asked. It seemed strange that he would keep something like that from them. The Native American shook his head no.

“Nope. I don’t want to break mum’s heart. She wants lots of grandchildren. So Crim and I have come up with I’m a late bloomer and that I’m too interested in video games and comic books to look at girls.” I could understand that I suppose.

“There’s adoption.”

“Good point. But I’m still afraid for what they would think and say.” Roden admitted.

“But they seem like very open minded people. I’m sure they would be fine with it.” Wasn’t he supposed to be helping me with my problem not the other way around?

“Yeah, maybe.” Roden stayed silent for a moment or two. “So are you going to tell your parents?” I lifted my head and looked at him like he had gone mad, then shook my head. “Are you going to tell anyone?” I shook my head again.

“My parents would probably disown me and I don’t even want to think about what my brother-” I paused for a moment. What would he do? I didn’t know. Not really. I expect the worst but maybe he would be okay with it. Though I still had the idea in my head that he was the one that had sent Ken into me, to rape me. I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want that to be true. I really didn’t but I could help the nagging thought in the back of my head. “I don’t know what my brother would do. He doesn’t- He’s-” I couldn’t think of the right word to describe him. I didn’t want to make him sound like a bad brother.

“Yeah, Crim’s talked to me about your parents. Or what she’s heard about them anyway and your brother. Must be hard living with the star of the town.” I could have agreed but I didn’t for some reason. It was hard in for a different reason then the one that he was talking about. It was hard because I wanted him to love me, not because of his fame. Even if he wasn’t the star of the town it would have been hard to live with him.

“Yeah.” Was all I said. I wasn’t going to give anything away.

“So.. Our kiss kinda caught you off guard huh?” I nodded my head. I couldn’t tell him it wasn’t like the ones that Ken had given me, I had said I hadn’t kissed another boy before, though I didn’t even know if those counted since I didn’t want them. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have taken it so far.”

“It’s not all your fault. I could have stopped it too.” I didn’t want Roden taking all of the blame. It was just as much my fault as it was his.

“Nope. I'm the one to blame. I took advantage for you.”

“Are you guys done yet? I’m dying out here. I think I’ve made a dent in the floor from pacing back and forth!” Crimson whined through the door.

“Go away Crim! He’s mine! I got him right where I want him!” Roden called back through the door. I felt my heart jump in my chest but the smile and the wink that he gave me made me relax a bit, but only just slightly.

“Don’t touch him Roden! You do and I kill you!” That caused the older boy to laugh softly.

“Come on, let’s get out of here so she doesn’t end up breaking through the door, and so Aunt Selima and Uncle Fritz don’t have to pay a big bill.” Roden stood from beside me, dusting off his pants and holding out his hand for me to take. I reached out and took, he helped me to stand up in the now cramped bathroom. It didn’t seem that small when we were sitting down.

The older boy unlocked the door and we, well I strolled out slowly. Crimson didn’t wait a second before she hugged me once I had left the bathroom.

“I am so sorry. I’ll never do anything like that again! And I promise Roden won’t be around anymore. It was his fault anyway!” The girl exclaimed as she held me. I awkwardly held her back.

“I-its okay.” I assured her the best I could.

“No its not! And if you don’t want to sleep in the same bed with him I understand. I can suck it up and sleep in the same bed with him.”

“Like I want to sleep with you.” Roden retorted from across the room where he was lounging on the bed that was ours for the night.

“Fuck you Roden!” Crimson shouted back with a glare at her older cousin. A small smile came to my lips. Things seemed to be back to normal for the most part.

When I awoke the next morning, I felt warm, warmer then normal, and comfortable. I had an arm under my pillow and snuggled more into the object, but instead of the soft plush that came with a pillow it was hard and boney. I had gone to see with a soft pillow. I was still only half awake and fighting off the sleepiness that still clouded my head. The smell of spice came to my nose and the warm skin of another person was against my body. It took me a moment to understand. But when I did my eyes went wide.

I felt the arms wrapped around my body, though mine weren’t in any better position. Mine were wrapped around him as well. My hands, one of them was rested on his bare chest, along with my head, and my other hand was placed up against his shoulder resting under his neck. His own hands seemed to leave prints on my body where they rested. One was on my hip and the other on my lower back.

Roden and I were cuddling. I tilted my head up slightly to see he was still sound asleep. My cheeks were hot as I just gazed at his face. What was I supposed to do? On the inside I was freaking out. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to sleep in the same bed as Roden. Maybe I should have slept with Crimson, though she probably would have been cuddling and snuggling with me too. What was I going to do? What would he think he if he knew that I was being cuddled by this boy I had just met yesterday?

An image of Ken cuddling me entered into my mind and I felt a shiver go up my spine. Roden must have felt it because his hands pulled me closer to him in his sleep. My cheeks were beat red now. Ken hadn’t ever cuddled me but the thought of it scared me. I couldn’t think of him being like this. Roden was so much nicer then he was. Roden’s breath was puffing against my hair, since he head was tilted down towards mine.

I wiggled slightly in Roden’s arms seeing if I could slip out from being pressed against him. Nope. He held me too tightly for me to just move away. Though I realized that I still had my hands against him, I quickly pulled them away and shifted so that they weren’t touching the other boy. It was uncomfortable seeing as how there wasn’t much space around me that wasn’t being invaded by Roden.

“Roden.” I whispered softly, trying to make the boy at least semiconscious so that I could wiggle free without further embarrassment. “Roden.” I whispered a little more loudly this time. The other boy didn’t so much as move. This was going to be harder then I thought. I reached one of my hands up and pushed at the older boy’s shoulder softly. “Roden.” The boy grunted softly but still didn’t wake up. That’s when I heard a soft squeal from the other side of the room. My body tensed. Crimson was awake.

“So cute!” She squeal again, though it was quiet as not to wake us up or Roden at least I didn’t know if she knew that I was awake. I heard her feet against the floor as she came over to our bed, then the ‘click’ was heard. She did not just take a picture.

“Crimson!” I hissed out softly. “Delete it.” I demanded.

“No way, Basil. This is just too cute. Yeah I was weird about you two sleeping in the same bed but this was worth it.” The girl stated as she walked away. She came into sight though as the bed dipped down. She was beaming at me. “So I think it’s time for our dearest Roden to wake up.” With that her hands reached to the boy’s sides and danced along them making him squirm.

One of his hands came from around me to bat at the hand that was assaulting him. He didn’t wake up still though. Crimson worked harder, both of her hands going to tickle the older boy.

“Crimson stop it.” The words came out sleepily.

“He’s not awake yet.” The girl stated with a glance at me. The good thing was though, I could move away from the older boy’s body. I slid backward slightly and then sat up. I was so embarrassed. With my moving Crimson to let out the full assault. She flipped over onto his back and went at both of his sides. His eyes opened widely as he wiggled and wiggled under her.

“Crim-Crimson!” He whined through his giggles.

“You awake?” She asked with a smirk.

“Ye-yeah!” The older boy gasped trying to push the girl off of him.

“Okay, good.” Crimson got off of Roden so that he could break. “So..” The girl started. I was sitting on the other side of Roden on the bed. The older boy was still laying on his back catching his breath. “I didn’t know you were a cuddler Roden. You had Basil all pressed against you and everything.”

Roden’s cheeks turned red then, mine did as well though. He grabbed a pillow and hit Crimson with it. The girl just laughed though holding up her hands to defend herself. “What? I was only telling the truth.” The girl insisted with a large smile. “See!” She crawled over Roden and then pushed me aside slightly so that she could get her phone from the bedside table that was between the two beds. She sat back down when she got it and was scrolling through her pictures. She showed the picture that she snapped to her cousin. “You had him all wrapped up in your arms. It was so cute.” She squeal again.

“You’re such a fan girl.” Roden grunted out, his voice hoarse from having just woken up. The older boy turned his eyes to me for the first time since he had woken up. “Sorry.” He stated as he too sat up on the one bed. I shook my head slightly, my cheeks were still red.

“It-its okay.” I stuttered offering a small smile to him. I hadn’t minded it too much. It was just strange. And I was wondering what would he think? Would he be disgusted? Would he be hurt? Jealous? Happy? Mad? Or anything if he knew?

The day passed quickly and soon we had dropped Roden off at his house and were on the way back to our town. I was tired. The zoo had worn all of us out. Mr. and Mrs. King let us go off on our own and Crimson had dragged Roden and I around the large place twice before it was time to go. She had us running and riding the small train. Crimson’s parents had given them some money to spend as well. That went to drinks for Roden and I. I didn’t know how Crim did it but she was going strong even as we left the zoo. Of course we had stopped into the gift shop before we left though. I was laying against as large plushie of a snow leopard, my favorite animal that was there. I also had a shirt with the zoo logo on it and a few plastic figurines that Crimson had picked out and decided that each of them represented the three of us. Roden had ended up being a rabbit, Crimson, some kind of bird, and I was a panda. Each of us got a set.

They dropped me off around 8pm. I waved and smiled over my shoulder at them as they pulled out of my parents’ drive way. With the bag from the zoo and the bag that I took with me with my clothes in it, in one hand and my giant snow leopard in the other hand I opened our front door and went into the house. It seemed like my world came back to me. My parents were sitting on the couch and didn’t even look at me when I entered. Well I think Dad gave me a glance but that was it. The smile dropped from my face as I walked back to my room. I opened my door and quickly set down the stuffed animal and then my two bags. Nothing had changed. Everyone still seemed to ignore me. A part of me wanted to run back out of the door and chase after the Kings. I liked their world better then mine. They talk to me, they acknowledge me.

With a soft sigh and laid back on my bed. For a little bit I felt like a normal teenager. I was hanging out with friends. I stayed the night with them. We had fun. I kissed people voluntarily for the first time. The thought still made me blush and a little nervous. It had been a good weekend. I wished that every day could be like that.

A knock came to my door. I looked at the door with question. Mom and Dad weren’t going to come talk to me and I doubted he was home, so who was it? I got up hesitantly and walked slowly over to my door. What if it was Ken? What if it was another one of his friends come to have their way with me? The knock came again when I had my hand on the door knob. I let out a breath and opened the door. He was standing there, his hand raised to knock again.

“Can I come in?” His voice rushed over me in a wave. I nodded my head and stepped back to let him inside of my room. “Thanks.” He stated walking in and standing in the middle of my room as I shut my door. When I turned back around he was rubbing the ear of my snow leopard stuffed animal. “Did you have a good time?” I nodded my head, my hands going behind my back and linking together.

It felt like he knew everything that had happened. The kiss with Crimson and the one with Roden. Roden cuddling and snuggling with me. My sleeping in the same bed with another boy. My finding out I was gay. A lot had happened this weekend and it felt like he knew everything.

“Well?” He asked again. He must not have been looking at me.

“Y-yeah.” I stuttered out. Even if he wasn’t looking at me, I felt like I was under a microscope and being inspected.

“Good.” He stated, turning around so that his eyes were on me. He had just gotten out of the shower by the looks of it. His caramel hair was still damp and he was in his night clothes, a pair of loose shorts and a tank top. It gave me a moment to take in his body that was showing. His arms were lean muscle and so was his back. His skin was tanned everywhere that I could see. His arms, his legs, his chest, his back.

There was an awkward silence that followed, each of us just looking at each other. It seemed strange that he was taking so much interest in me now when he never had before. I shifted my feet on my carpet. He just stood still, letting his eyes rack over my body. Well not really racked, I wanted them too but he was just looking at me. Nothing special about his gaze.

“So Crimson was okay?” He asked after a while. I nodded my head. “I can’t hear your head shake.”

“Y-yeah.” I spoke the word again, a blush coming to my cheeks.

“Good. Hmm, so-” He was being hesitant. Was there something that he wanted to tell me? “Were you glad you went?”

“Y-yeah.” Was again my answer.

“Well that’s good.” He raised one of his hands and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I guess I’ll leave you then.” He started to move to my door. That’s when I remembered.

“Scott!” I spoke and it spotted him in his tracks. I felt myself blush deeper as he looked at me in question. I quickly walked over to my desk and pushed a few things off. There was his birthday present, still as untouched as it had been since that day. I grabbed it and walked slowly back over to him, my eyes on the ground. “He-here. I g-got this f-for y-you.” He took the package as I handed it over to him. “So-sorry its l-late.” I apologized. I couldn’t look at his face, though he surprised me by hugging me.

“Thanks Basil.” He spoke against my hair before letting me go. “And I promise to get you something this year for your birthday. None of that I didn’t have the money to. I promise, a real present.” I looked up at him and he was smiling largely at me. I let a small smile cross my lips. “So can I open this now or wait till I get back to my room?” He asked shifting from one foot to the other.

“I-it doesn’t matter.” I stated, almost not stuttering the whole way through. With that he walked over to my bed and sat down on it. He patted the spot next to him and I walked over a bit nervously. I sat down on the spot that he had patted. As soon as I did, his hands started to tear at the shiny paper. The box inside contained a fleece blanket. It may have been corny but I thought he would like it. The blanket had baseballs, baseball bats and baseball gloves on it.

“Thanks, Basil. I love it!” He stated and wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him so that he could kiss the top of my head. I blinked rapidly for a moment, my eyes wide. He just kissed me. Sure it wasn’t on the lips or even on my face but he had still kissed me. It was more a brotherly kiss or a family kiss then anything but it still sent shivers down my spine and warmth to bloom through my body.

“Y-you’re wel-welcome.” I managed to get out after a few moments.

“Well I better get back to my room. You probably have to get ready for school tomorrow.” He stated standing up from my bed and releasing me. I wanted him to hold me more. To keep me in his arms but it wasn’t going to happen. Ever. “Thanks again, Basil.” He stated one last time before he let himself out of my room and closed my door behind him. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. I missed his arms around me. It felt like they belonged there. Once again I wondered what it would be like if he were to kiss my lips. Would it be like it had been with Roden? Or better? Or worse? There was no way that it would be worse. That wouldn’t be possible.


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A/N: Sorry it took so long. I just moved and I'm still settling in and my betas are really busy. Darn their school. Lol. But the chapter is longer then normal so maybe that makes it okay. <333

Lol. On another note, my friend is going to make me a Basil plushie when she learns how to use her swing machine. I'm so excited. <33

And thank you everyone for your reviews! They really make my day! <3333333