"Jack" Series, Part 3: Jack Accepts

10. Strength

I still went out with Tiran, when he was around, and he still brought Rocky with him most of the time. One night we were at the usual club in town when Rocky and Tiran had some kind of fight. I was on the other side of the room so I didn’t know what it was about and, for once, I didn’t feel like getting involved. I figured Tiran would come looking for me if he needed me, so I just stayed on my barstool, watching the pool games and talking to my friends.

I couldn’t completely tune them out though, so I didn’t miss Tiran taking a page from my book – ordering Rocky down to his knees and then still lower, forehead to the floor, keeping him there for a few minutes. As usual, Rocky complied without protest.

Most of the crowd at the bar were regulars and they’d seen this before so there wasn’t much of a reaction; people pretty much ignored it. But then I heard a familiar mocking voice from the middle of the room.

"On your knees again, are you, Van?" Sal said clearly. "For such a tough guy, you sure seem to spend a lot of time licking Tiran’s boots. Does he pay you to do that too?"

The room fell silent after he spoke; there was a kind of embarrassed hush, as though no one could quite believe what they’d just heard or knew how to react to it.

I was off my barstool before I even realized what I was doing, and I reached Sal in two long strides. He’s bigger than me, but I picked him up easily by the front of his shirt and yanked him so that his feet dangled, barely touching the ground, and he flailed for a minute, trying to get his balance.

"Yeah, he is a tough guy, Salvatore," I growled, still not stopping to think. "Strongest man I’ve ever known. You wish you had what he has."

I saw Sal staring at me – in shock, in fear – and realized he wasn’t worth the energy I was spending on him. I threw him away from me, against the bar, and he staggered back, trying to stay on his feet

I turned away, to go back to my barstool on the other side of the room, and saw Tiran watching me with his usual look of amusement – and something else, I thought. Rocky hadn’t moved, but from the tension in the lines of his back, I knew he’d heard the exchange as well.


**********


The scene with Sal must have emboldened Rocky, because he approached me the next day in a way that he hadn’t for a long time.

I was in the den at the back of my house in the early evening when Rocky finished some chore he’d been working on and came to let me know he was leaving, as he always did.

But this time he hesitated in the doorway for a moment, and finally spoke. "Sir … could I – could I say something before I go, please?"

I looked up at him in surprise and opened my mouth to speak, but he rushed in before I could respond.

"I won’t be long – or – or say anything improper," he said quickly. I gave him a narrow look and he went on, more slowly this time, choosing his words carefully. "I understand that … things are different now, sir," he said, lowering his eyes.

I thought about it, and shrugged a little. He hadn’t made any inappropriate advances for several weeks; he seemed to have heard the message. I decided I could give him a chance. "All right," I told him, a note of warning in my voice.

Rocky stayed where he was, standing by the door, and I thought to myself that in the old days he would have come over and knelt at my feet.

He hesitated, as though he didn’t know how to start. "I just wanted to say that … that even though things have changed," he began uncertainly, "I’m hoping we might still be able to … to work together."

I raised an eyebrow. "We do work together."

"I mean, like a team … with Tiran, sir," he said, more determinedly now, looking at me. He stopped and seemed to wait for me to catch up with him before beginning again, slowly. "I know last time I tried to … I know I messed up. Maybe I don’t know how to make it work, exactly. But just think how much more we could do if we … if we knew we were on the same side."

I frowned, remembering how he’d said something like this before. Were we on the same side? I didn’t think so once. "I’ll consider that," I said shortly, reserving judgment.

"Thank you," he answered, as though he hadn’t expected anything else.

He was still standing there, so after a moment I said, "Well? Was that it?"

"Partly," he said reluctantly. "There was something else I … a – a favour I was hoping I could ask for, sir," he added tentatively.

I looked at him skeptically. "What now?"

Rocky shot me a nervous glance. "I ... was hoping you might allow me to … to … " His voice trailed away for a minute; then he took a breath and continued more boldly. "Just to stay with you sometimes," he said.

I stared at him. "Stay with me? What are you talking about?"

"After my work is finished," he went on, pushing himself to answer now. "If I could just be with you for a while, if you’re here." His eyes met mine, dark pools of melancholy and desire. "At your feet, sir."

I still couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing. Hadn’t he said he wouldn’t ask for anything improper?

"I won’t speak to you, sir," he whispered, seeing my face. "I won’t ask for anything. I just want to be with you. Please."

I probably should have refused - there was no reason to agree. He shouldn’t have even asked. But he did, and I stopped to consider it, and the thought was oddly appealing. And after all, the ship had successfully been turned. We were clearly sailing in the opposite direction now, and Rocky wasn’t arguing about it anymore. Maybe I could afford to be generous.

I tilted my head and gave him a long, considering look. I could see him hold his breath while he waited. "All right," I said at last, my voice surprisingly mild. "Now and again. You may."

He sighed with relief, sinking against the doorframe for a second, before pushing himself back upright. "Thank you so much, sir."

And so we changed course again, just slightly. Rocky began spending time with me sometimes, when he was at the estate and I was around, in the afternoon or the evening. I’d watch the big screen or the tablet with Rocky at my feet, and the silence between us grew almost comfortable. I even started speaking to him occasionally – not much, just offering the odd comment or observation. Rocky responded when I spoke to him, but he didn’t start anything, he only followed my lead. I was in control.


**********


I’m a dom; I need to be in command like I need to breathe. Like an introvert needs time alone to recharge, my energy comes from being in charge. Taking control with Rocky made my world feel more stable, balanced, secure. I found I could think better now – the way your head clears in fresh air. And that’s really what I wanted; a chance to clear my head for a while so I could work things out.

But, in truth, my mind was still cloudy when I thought of Rocky. Yes, I recognized his strength, his generosity, the appeal of what he offered. I could see why Tiran valued him so highly. And yet – even that knowledge stirred traces of my old resentment and infuriation. I used to believe Tiran needed my protection, back when I was still in his thrall. Now I saw how much he relied on Rocky. Did Rocky even realize what it meant to hold such influence? And what did Tiran need from me that he didn’t get from Rocky? I didn’t know where these feelings were coming from, and I wasn’t prepared to let things move any further until I did.

Perhaps you think I feared the closeness I had with Rocky before, but that wasn’t exactly it. I’m not stupid, and I’m not emotionally barren or afraid of intimacy. I knew what Rocky wanted from me; maybe I’d always known. It was easy, at first, to go along with what he was doing – he was the one making all the effort, and it was amusing for me to watch and play along.

But that changed when he lost his nerve at a crucial moment. I didn’t condemn him for making a mistake – he was human, not a saint – but for me, it was the end of the illusion. I could no longer sit back, watching him do all the work and telling myself I had no responsibility; now I was forced to confront the questions I’d been avoiding. Was it fair to let Rocky keep giving so much, with no help from me? Did I want what he was offering? And if I did, what was I prepared to do in exchange?

I needed space and time to think these things through. I may have been partially motivated by anger or bitterness at first – sometimes it takes a shock to end our inertia – but even when that wore off, I had no regrets. I felt sorry, in a way, for the pain I caused Rocky, but that couldn’t be helped. I wasn’t doing him any favours by allowing things to continue as they were.


**********


One day, while Tiran was out of town, I made plans to take the yacht out with one of my friends and our regular subs. I had standing permission to use it, so I called down to the boathouse in the morning to order it ready for the afternoon. But the boat keeper was new – he didn’t know me and wouldn’t follow my instructions without Tiran’s confirmation. I told him to verify my authorization with any of the other staff, but in a fit of officiousness he refused to accept anyone else’s word.

I closed my phone in annoyance and made a few half-hearted efforts to contact Tiran. Of course he was unreachable, as he so often was when he travelled.

I cursed out loud, and Rocky, who was doing something in the kitchen, stepped out to look at me gravely. "Sir?" he asked.

I waved him away in frustration but couldn’t help muttering something about "that asshole at the boathouse."

Rocky seemed to figure it out just from that. "The new one? Oh – you were going to take the yacht this afternoon, weren’t you, sir? Don’t tell me he gave you a hard time about it?"

"Never mind, Van," I said irritably. "I’ll just cancel my plans."

"Tiran will be furious, sir," Rocky said quietly. "May I ... "

I cut him off. "I said, never mind. Go back to work."

Rocky went back to the kitchen without saying anything else, and I went out for a walk on the beach to cool myself down. My phone rang half an hour later – the boat keeper, having apparently had a complete change of heart, was now full of apologies, assuring me the yacht would be ready and at my disposal whenever I chose to come by.

I got rid of him with difficulty – he was obviously fearing for his job – and walked back to the house with a set jaw. When Rocky heard me he looked up and flinched visibly; it was all I could do not to backhand him.

"Sir – " he began apprehensively, but I stopped him with a look.

"This," I told him, my voice hard and cold, "is why you’re not a sub."

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t that. He stared at me; for once he was the one who had to catch up. I watched him, and in a moment his eyes dropped to the floor in recognition. "I’m sorry," he said in a low voice.

"No you’re not," I snapped. I stood for a second, looking at him, then realized I had nothing left to say. I walked out of the room and went down to the boathouse to pick up the yacht.


**********


Rocky was nervous and quiet for the next few days, not daring to ask for permission to stay with me. I didn’t do anything to calm his nerves although, as so often happens, my anger had ebbed away, leaving me mostly tired and a little resigned.

When he finally gathered the courage to ask if he could stay with me after his chores were finished one evening, I sighed and pushed the tablet I was working on away.

"Come here," I said, pointing to a spot in front of me, and even though I spoke sternly, I saw the flash of a smile as he obeyed me.

He knelt where I pointed, keeping his eyes on the ground, and began speaking as soon as he could. "I’m really sorry ... "

"No," I said, more gently this time. "You’re not."

He looked up slowly and met my eyes. "Mr. Obernikoch ... "

"Don’t tell me you’re sorry when you’d do exactly the same thing again tomorrow."

"Sir," he said, his voice trembling a little. "Was it so terrible, what I did?"

"What did you do?"

Rocky hesitated a little, as though wondering if this were a trick. "I ... I called the boat keeper and ... and made sure he understood your authority."

"Did I tell you to do that?"

"No sir," he admitted.

"What did I tell you to do?"

Now he looked a little surprised. I could see he needed to cast his mind back to remember the conversation. "You ... told me to – to forget it. Just go back to work."

"So did you obey me?"

"Well, I – " He frowned and stopped. "No sir. That’s why I’m sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For disobeying you, sir."

"And why did you disobey me?"

"Because ... because I ... I wanted to fix the problem."

"In other words," I said coolly, "you’re sorry that you had to disobey me to fix the problem. You’re not sorry you disobeyed me."

He didn’t respond right away, and I let him think about it. "Yes," he said at last. "You’re right, sir."

I nodded. "That’s why you’re not a sub."

He opened his mouth to respond, then hesitated for a moment and finally spoke, haltingly. "Would you rather I didn’t ... didn’t fix a problem even when I knew I could?"

I lifted my shoulders slightly, watching him. "I didn’t say that. I said you’re not truly submissive."

I could see his eyes grow sadder as the light dawned slowly in them. "I ... It’s hard for me not to ... "

I nodded, cutting him off gently. "I know."

Rocky looked up at me. Maybe the sympathy in my voice made him bolder. "Mr. Obernikoch … I’ve spent my whole life looking after people. I’ve always had ... I had my brothers first, and then Gabe, and my kids ... and Tiran. It’s really hard not to ... "

I understood. "I know. I see it. You’ve always needed to look after things. Take control."

He looked at me pleadingly. "I ... I can try, sir. I can learn. If you let me … "

I shook my head slightly and spoke softly. "You can’t change your nature, Rocky."

Rocky seemed to sink down in front of me, and for a moment we were both silent. Then he asked faintly, "Is that why ... ?"

I looked at him for a long moment, considering. I still felt an uneasy stirring, like there was something else going on that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But this – this certainly made it all the more complicated. I put a finger under his chin to raise his eyes to mine. "I can’t change my nature either," I told him.

He reached up to touch my wrist tentatively. "Please – "

I shook my head. "No," I said, more firmly this time. I could see his face fall, the grief visible, and it was almost a relief to me. Surely the pain I caused would make it easier for him to give up. "I can’t," I said harshly. I pulled my hand away and stood up. "Rocky – "

He understood. "I’ll go, sir," he said quickly, tremulously, and I realized he wanted to get away as much as I did. He put a hand on my foot and then kissed it swiftly, before getting to his feet. "Good night, sir," he said abruptly, and left.

I sighed as I looked after him, wishing, for once, there was a way around it. Then a flash of the old resentment flared, and I put Rocky out of my mind resolutely and went on my way.

And that’s how things were, and might have stayed, if all hell hadn’t broken out soon afterwards.

Next chapter: Tiran makes a discovery