Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days

Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days
Ten: Redux

My stomach felt like it was on fire. Deep, intense waves of pure agony rolled from the depths of my brain and washed down and into my fingers and toes. This was true hell and nothing like I'd ever felt before. I writhed around slowly and wiped my face which was covered in a thick sweat with a thick, filmy mucus around my mouth. I reached out and took a firm hold of my night stand and pulled myself hard, making me fall onto the floor and landing awkwardly on my chest. New pain arced across me but it was quickly swallowed by this hellish feeling.

I crawled across the floor, half-dragging my body along the floor until I reached the wall. My head lolled against it lightly and I pulled the house phone off my dresser. it landed on the ground next to me sharply. The dial tone rung out through the air as I sat up slowly and leaned against the wall. My breath was coming short and heavy as I wrapped my arms around myself. I was shaking and there was a cold sweat pouring all over me.

The dial tone clicked off as I felt this intensity start to fade but what followed was a lot scarier. There was nothing. No heart beat, no breathing, no pulse. My body was slowly shutting down and I could only sit here and wait for it to happen. But this was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. This was so much deeper and permanent than anything else. This was going beyond rest and peace. This was death. This was eternal, this was nothingness.

I slowly took the phone and idly punched in a number. I have no idea whose it was. I just needed to hear someone, I just needed someone to keep my head from falling under the surface since, no matter what happened, there would be no bouncing back from it this time.

"Ugh, hello," I heard a voice mumble through the phone, "who the hell is this?"

"Hey," I replied, my voice very hoarse and barely louder than a whisper, "it's Quax."

"How the hell did you get my number?" the voice asked me.

The question rolled around in my head. No ideas came to mind, I could barely hear anything and I couldn't even register who it was that I was listening to. "I, uh," I mumbled, "I don't know."

"You dropped by and left my phone here, didn't you?" they said before yawning lightly.

A few memories flashed in front of me. I went to Kanau's earlier. "Yeah," I told them, "some guy took it."

"Some guy?" the voice sounded puzzled. "Never mind; what the fuck is wrong with you. You sound horrible."

"Well," I murmured, "I wasn't feeling well earlier, so I took some pills."

"Uh-huh. You should get some sleep, dude."

"No, wait," I said, jumping lightly, "please, don't leave."

"Okay, what did you do?"

I took a few breaths, letting the realization that I had done this myself sink in. I closed my eyes lightly. I saw only flashes of light. "I think I took too many."

"Fuuuuck," the voice said slowly, "can't you wake your folks up for this?"

A jolt of panic ran through me at the idea. "My dad will kill me if I do," I said quietly, "he already pushed me down the stairs earlier."

"He what?" the voice said, sounding a little more alert now.

"He pushed me down the stairs. The ones to the basement."

I heard a sigh. "Alright, where are you?"

"I don't know." I looked around slowly, coughing up something a little. I could see only shapes. I could see only contrasts of black and white. I had no idea where I was, but, "I think I'm in my room."

"Would I even be able to get in?"

I heard the words and I felt nothing. The lost their meaning, like dropping pebbles in an endless void. There was nothing to register it. And from this nothingness I came into a great sadness. I didn't want this. I thought the pain was bad enough but truly, something is better than nothing. "I'm sorry I called you," I whispered. My eyes were tearing up lightly and I couldn't hold back from sobbing lightly and adding quietly, "I don't want to die."

I sat there, trying to hold on to a thought but it seemed so fleeting, so temporary. So pointless. I was answered only by silence so I closed my eyes shut tight. "Maybe it's best I do."

"Listen to me, alright?" I heard the voice crackle, "you won't die. I'll be there as soon as I can. Do not give up, Quaxillion."

My lips curled lightly. "Hehe, you remembered my name," I whispered, "I guess that's why I love you."

There was quiet for a moment before the voice spoke again. "Just stay awake, alright?"

Behind the voice I heard a sudden roaring which made me drop the phone. The roaring, it was some kind of monster, I'm sure. Some monster that wants to come and get me. The realization came then; it was this guy who was coming to kill me. This void wasn't real, it was an illusion. I couldn't possibly be this messed up, I couldn't do this to myself.

I gingerly picked up the phone and looked around. The grass was lush and green with the occasional tree far off in the distance. It was beautiful here, it really was. In my own little slice of heaven. The skies were cast a myriad of colours, a veritable cornucopia of hues and depths. The sky was infinite in its twilight. Light years upon light-years away were glimpsed from my eye and I could see right down to the smallest of particles. I saw colours, patterns and movements likt never before. I looked up once more and asked myself, "what colour is the sky on Mars?"

"What?"

I let out a slow breath and got up to my feet. I got a better view from here and I could see great patterns; colours and symbols were strewn about everywhere. "I see purple and silver checks."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the voice on the phone said again, "but keep talking."

"Ugh," I moaned. I walked forward slowly, my feet feeling so soft on the grass but I barely made a step what I walked into something and was knocked back to reality. I wasn't in a beautiful field, the thing of dreams. I was still at home, only I'd somehow gotten myself down the stairs. I rubbed my forehead lightly with my free hand. "Walls hurt," I muttered.

"Quax, why are you walking?" they said and I heard some loud sharp noises from the phone as I slumped against the wall.

My throat suddenly seemed very dry. I was having touble breathing because of it so I looked around. "I need some water."

"I'm almost there," they said again, "could you meet me out front?"

"Are you gonna leave me if I say no?" I ask the voice.

"What do you mean?" They sounded confused, "if you can't get outside I'll fucking break the door down and get you."

"Alright, alright," I said. I like my face, I don't want to give my father an excuse to re-arrange it. "I'll meet you."

"Good. Now," The voice said, pausing for a moment. "I dunno, just keep looking."

"About what?" I ask as I fall out through the front door and wall back against the wall outside. Not too far away I could here some noise, but I had no idea what it was. Seconds later someone ran up to me and I closed my eyes tightly. The headlights of the car were shining right on me.

"Quax," the figure said, "are you awake."

"Yeah," I murmured, slumping my head forward lightly.

"Okay," I heard. The person picked me up and carried me before setting me down. Moments later I heard the same roaring from earlier and I peeped open my eyes lightly to see where I was. It looked kind of like a car. Either way my head slumped forward onto the door and I felt it vibrating against my skull. "Now," the voice finally said, "talk about something, anything; just stay awake."

I hummed softly and closed my eyes again. "I just want to sleep."

"Not yet!" the voice barked and I flinched, my eyes shoot open.

"Why not?"

"Because," they began slowly, "I want you to talk."

I rolled my head back to the side and looked at the person. "What about?"

"Uh," they said in mid-thought. "What was the best day you ever had?"

I felt a very slight smile pass over my lips. "The day my dad got arrested."

"What happened?"

"He got drunk at a bar and spent the night with the police," I muttered, "my mom let me stay up and watch Letterman."

They laughed a little. "When was that? Whoa," the seat lurched sharply and I had to hold my stomach. "Sorry about that."

"Ugh," I let out, wrapping my arms around myself, "a couple of months ago."

There was silence between us for a a moment before they spoke again. "What do you want to do in the future? Any career plans?"

I rolled my head to the side until it was against the door lightly. "I just want to get away."

"I know that feeling well," they said softly.

The silence fell between us again. I looked up at the passing streetlights to try and keep myself awake. "He locked me out," I said after a minute.

"When?"

"On Tuesday," I said, "after work."

They hummed lightly and I felt myself lurch in another direction. "Where'd you go?"

I closed my eyes again. I don't want to go down this road again. "I was gonna see you, but you were mad at me."

"I would have helped," I heard quietly.

"I met some guy in an alley," I said, lightly putting a hand over my eyes. I didn't want them to see me crying. They didn't say anything for a short while.

"And what did he do?"

I closed my eyes tighter and bit my lip so I wouldn't start crying here and now. "The stories about finding drunk guys in the middle of the night," I blurted out, closing my eyes lightly, "they're all true."

Nothing was said for a few minutes. "We're almost there," they said.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

"The hospital."

"No, please," I said, scarcely holding back from sobbing, "they'll call my parents."

I felt myself suddenly lurch forward, almost getting thrown out of my seat. "Just," they began, trailing off in thought, "just go ahead and sleep now, Quax. You'll be safe, I promise."

"Don't tell them," I begged, "please."

"Don't worry," they said, turning to face me, "just sleep for now."

I watched him warily, scared and yet exhausted at the same time. I didn't want to concede to this but they got me feeling so safe, so protected. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I didn't fall asleep but I stopped trying to fight it.

The person came around and picked me up again to carry me into the hospital. I was scared, not of what they'd do but who they'd tell. I curled up in the persons arms and they held me tightly. I had tears streaming down my cheeks and as we pushed in through the people, I just managed to whisper one thing to my saviour before I got whisked away into the machine. Before I was surrounded by scary people with scary tools.

I looked my hero in the eyes and whispered to him. "Thank you, Kanau."