The Promise and the Threat

Co-written with Aya


A/N: Sorry for the nasty cliff hanger last chapter. Brohne is a bit sadistic that way, but don't worry we wouldn't let Suke get too much more injured. We don't want to kill him after all. We love Ruka too much to do that to him. ^__^

And yes, Lisa; Fujimaru is indeed still out there plotting his revenge. We won't see him for a bit though. Hopefully. Smint, the communication problem is indeed annoying, though understandable seeing as how Daisuike isn't much of a talker anyway and Ruka tends to jump to conclusions.

Hearing Suke's panicked yell Ruka glanced over seeing him cowering in the seat. A rush of concern hit him and he immediately straightened the car out of the drift. It disturbed him to see Daisuike bracing himself his head down as if he expected them to wreck. Ruka could see him shaking and realized. Daisuike was terrified.

"I'm sorry. . ." He kept his eyes on the road going back to the garage. The joy he had felt before was gone and replaced with anger at himself. How could he have been so stupid? Suke had said he wouldn't have been happy if they drifted, but he thought he just didn't like the idea, not that he was scared of it. Berating himself he pulled into the garage. Unbuckling he got out, walking around to help Suke who hadn’t moved yet.

"Ruka! That was amazing! That was-"

"Stop. Just. . .stop. . " Pulling open Suke's door he leaned in unlatching him from the harness helping him out. "Are you okay?"

Daisuike was breathing hard trying desperately to stop the trembling. He knew Ruka wasn't acting right, he'd done something wrong but right now he was just trying to keep hold on himself. It had been too much like that time and he couldn't . . . couldn't think about that, not with everything else that had gone on lately. All he could think was that Ruka had to be furious with him about something. Why else would he try to wreck the car? He kept a tight grip on Ruka his apologies tumbling out almost incoherently. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry I shoudn't have-I'm sorry."

"Shh, hush. It's fine. It's fine." Looking Hoshi he frowned, "I'll pay you tomorrow and pick up both cars later." Picking Suke up he almost started towards the car then thought it was best not to. Speaking over Daisuike's breathless, almost panicked, apologies he looked at Hoshi. "Can I borrow your office?"

"Yeah." Immediately Hoshi rushed to open the door for him as Ruka strode through it setting Suke on the couch. Sitting next to him he stroked his hair lightly.

"Hey, shh, it's okay. I'm sorry. . ." He wasn't sure what to do. Daisuike was freaking out and he had no idea what to do.

"I didn't mean to, please. I'm sorry." Daisuike couldn't understand why no one was screaming at him for being so stupid. It was his fault. He'd screwed up again. He had to make it right somehow, he had to. "I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. I won't j-just please . . ."

It felt as though there were bands tightening around his head and chest. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

"Suke! Calm down. Calm down okay?" He grabbed him forcing him look at him. "Hey, breathe! Damnit breathe Daisuike!"

"He's having a panic attack."

"No shit." Ruka looked back at Suke holding his face towards him. Trying to be as calming sounding as possible he spoke softly to Suke. "Hey listen to me. It's okay. Everything is alright. You're fine. No one's mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong. So just breathe okay?"

Taking several deep breaths Daisuike stared at Ruka. Why wasn't he yelling, telling him how stupid he was? Why wasn’t he beating him like he deserved? No one was mad at him? But in the car, the car . . . oh shit. He shut his eyes hanging his head. He should never have come. He'd ruined everything for Ruka. It was too much after everything, it was just too much. He felt like he was going crazy. Old memories where surfacing mixing with the new ones he wanted so desperately to forget. Why couldn’t he get rid of this pain? Why did it feel like it was eating him from the inside out? The burning sensations spreading from his stomach making him feel sick.

"Shit . . . Ruka. I-I . . . shit." He went to get up even though his whole body felt numb and far to heavy to move at the moment. "I'm sorry. I'll go home."

"No, correction we are going home. And quit apologizing. It's my fault." Standing he stroked his hair lightly helping him up. Wrapping his arms around him he smiled softly as he led him out. He wished he knew what had frightened Daisuike so badly. Was it the speed? The feel of drifting? Was he in pain? Daisuike just was not the kind of person to scare that easily and it bothered him that he’d scared him bad enough he’d started having a panic attack. Did it have something to do with what had happened to him? Maybe he was pushing him too much too soon.

"Thanks Hoshi."

"No problem Ruka." Hoshi sighed as he watched the two of them leave together Ruka holding the smaller boy close to him. He wondered how Ruka had found someone like that and if it was a good thing. He had liked that Sono kid better, but that had nearly broken Ruka when Sono had ended the relationship. Hopefully this kid didn't break him as much when he called off their relationship. Well once Daisuike did then Hoshi would be building another car for Ruka. More than likely something very fast, very dangerous and very expensive.

Daisuike felt horrible. How could he have been so stupid? He totally freaked out on Ruka in front of his friends. He'd never been so embarrassed in his life and he couldn't even look at Ruka without feeling a rush of shame. Maybe if he had told Ruka why he didn't like speeding it would have made some sort of difference. It was too late now though. He'd completely ruined their day and he was sure that Ruka was furious with him. He didn't blame him, not in the least. He was so fucking stupid and nothing but a complete waste to have around. Wasn't that what she'd always said?

Driving back to the apartment Ruka kept the speed slow-well what he considered slow. His Ouji-sama hadn't said a word and he was worried Daisuike was mad at him. How did he fuck things up so badly? Biting his lip he decided he had to try and fix things.

"Daisuike, I-I'm really sorry. If-If I had known you didn't like it that much I wouldn't-. . . I'm sorry." Ruka wondered if Suke even wanted him around. Would he ask to go back to his own apartment? A wave of nausea hit him making it hard to breathe.

Daisuike stared at his hands in his lap. "It's not your fault Ruka . . . I guess I should tell you . . ."

He looked up staring out the window not even noticing the buildings slipping passed them. It was hard than he'd thought it would be to keep his voice even as the memories came up. As sharp and vivid as if they had just happened. "When I was ten, Chiyo was taking me to-well that doesn't matter-but I did something that upset her and she went into one of her psychotic episodes and started speeding through the streets screaming at me the whole time. We ended up driving off an embankment and flipping several times. I woke up in the hospital three days later with a broken leg and hand. She was furious with me and said I’d deliberately made her wreck the car. I used to wish it had killed me. Now I wish it had killed her. Ever since . . . ever since I can’t . . . I probably should have told you sooner, but . . . I didn't think that," He shook his head. "I'm sorry if I ruined everything and made a fool of myself in front of your friends. They are going to think you are dating a total loser."

Ruka blinked pulling over to the side of the road as he listened to Suke talking. His mother had- A shudder ran through his body and he suddenly wished it indeed had killed his mother. That woman he was slowly beginning to hate. She had hurt their entire family and to think that Suke was so hurt by it. . .

"Don't. Don't apologize." He reached over unbuckling Suke and pulling him towards him into a hug. "You didn't ruin anything and Hoshi wouldn't think you're a loser. I'd hit him if he said anything. . ." Pulling back Ruka stroked his cheek slowly smiling. "I'm sorry I scared you though. But please-please tell me next time if I'm doing something that bothers you."

Daisuike nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it would bother me that bad. I guess with everything else . . ." He let his voice trail off not really wanting to think about it. He just felt so stupid. "Do you care if we go back to the apartment, I'm really tired all the sudden."

He'd have to find some way to make it up to Ruka. He had no idea how, but he would.

Ruka nodded, "Already planning on it. If you're hungry later I can order or-" He smiled as he started the car again heading home, "-if you feel up to you can cook if you'd like." He wanted to see that smile on Suke's face again, not the sad look in his eyes that he’d had for the past day.

Rubbing his face lightly he pulled into the garage. He helped Daisuike out watching him for any sign of pain. "I can order whatever supplies you want and have them brought to the apartment. It works, right?"

"Yeah that works." Daisuike kept close to him as they headed for the elevator. He hated this weak feeling that seemed to be pervading everything, not just his muscles. "Anything in particular you'd like me to make? You liked that stir fry I made that one time and that is pretty easy to do. You can help me chop the vegetables if you want."

The thought of doing something so ordinary with Ruka actually made him very happy. He needed ordinary desperately. That and he liked the thought of cooking for Ruka. He could see himself waking up early in the morning and making sure Ruka had a nice breakfast, they could eat at the table together. Once he got a new table that actually looked like you could sit at it. He took Ruka's hand needing to feel those strong fingers in his, slightly surprised that he allowed himself the need. Before he would never have admitted to it.

Ruka smiled softly leaning over and kissing his cheek as he laced his fingers with Daisuike’s. It felt nice and it made some of the worry fade to feel Daisuike take his hand. He'd have to check his make-up when they got into the house. Just to be on the safe side. Daisuike had still pushed him away even with the make-up on.

Licking his lips he let them into the apartment. "I'll call for the supplies." He flipped his phone open taking his shoes off as he spoke to the man on the other end. Closing it he tossed his jacket off and onto the couch.

"Be here in 10 minutes." Walking to the fridge he looked around, "Damn, I'm out of alcohol."

Daisuike spent the time until the food came getting everything out he was going to need. It wasn't much really, but it gave him something to focus on. He even found an apron and tied it on with a grin. Ruka's kitchen was perfect, as far as the appliances and utensils went. The decor left a bit to be desired though. It was too bare, too utilitarian and lacked a personal touch. Akira was right, it was a lot like Chiyo’s house. He shoved the thought of her down. He was not going to let his day be ruined any farther.

"I'll get it." He called out hearing the doorbell. It was probably the food anyway.

Ruka nodded sitting at the table sipping his tea. Watching Daisuike get the food from the vendor he smiled seeing the smile on Daisuike’s face as he turned to go put the food in the kitchen. He really had a beautiful smile. Twisting in his chair he watched Suke start to set things out. After a few minutes of watching he got up moving up behind Suke slipping his hands around his waist. He couldn’t help it, watching him work with those beautiful elegant hands, the way the apron defined the narrow waist, dark strands of hair falling down to hide the beautiful eyes, just the way he moved made Ruka want to touch him. The man was just so damn irresistible!

"Mmm, can the food wait? I actually got a better idea." The scene he had envisioned the day before came back to him and he groaned a bit as he leaned down kissing Suke's neck nipping at it.

Daisuike leaned back into Ruka enjoying being held. Ruka's arms felt nice around him, giving him the slightly unusual feeling of being secure. Tilting his head back he looked up at Ruka before taking his hand and pulling his head down for a kiss. Ruka always tasted so good, a mixture of spicy and sweet that was intoxicating. The kiss was soft but insistent sending a rush through Daisuike. Ruka’s arms tightened making Daisuike shiver at the feel of that amazingly hard body pressed against him.

"I guess the food can wait."

"Perfect. . ." Ruka murmured shuddering as he stepped back pulling Daisuike along with him towards the table. "Mmm, I'd love to see you in just the apron sometime. . ." Smirking, he pushed Suke against the table before nudging him up onto it and moving between his knees crushing his lips again savoring every delicious little moan and twitch. Suke tasted so good and he couldn't help it as his fingers trailed down to undo the apron, wanting his clothes off. He wanted to kiss that silky skin, to tease him and make him beg for him to do something to him like he had on other occasions.

Daisuike was getting lost in the kisses his heart pounding. Ruka's lips felt so amazing against his own and he found himself clutching Ruka's shirt not quite sure why he was sudden sitting on the table. It didn't really matter why, all that mattered was that Ruka was kissing him. Part of him had been scared that after the way he'd messed up today that Ruka wouldn't want him, would punish him for being stupid. He should have known that Ruka wasn't like that.

Moaning softly Ruka tossed the apron aside staring at Daisuike, then he suddenly remembered Sono's advice. Would Daisuike want to take control? Is that what he needed? But every time before he had loved Ruka taking control, but that had been before all the shit had happened. Maybe he needed to be the one in control to feel comfortable. Slowly pulling back he stared at Suke for a moment before smiling, "Why don't you lead Ouji-sama. . ." Leaning close he whispered into his ear, "I'm all your's."

Daisuike blinked at Ruka, disconcerted by the sudden change in demeanor. Ruka wanted him to lead? How was he supposed to do that? He shrugged and settled for pulling Ruka close for a nearly bruising kiss. He wasn't sure that he was up to doing much else right now anyway. He was more fatigued than he wanted Ruka to know. It was a good thing he was sitting on the table. Between Ruka's kisses and his own tiredness his legs might have given out.

Ruka moaned softly, the kiss intense and far more than he expected. It was strange that the idea of Suke taking charge was nice yet he also was itching to lay him back and strip him. He was longing more and more to have Daisuike again but he wasn't entirely sure if sex was in the picture yet. Suke was far too weak still but he wanted it so bad. Groaning slowly he shifted unable to stop himself from taking control again and pushed Daisuike back down flat on the table as he pulled his shirt up. He wanted to kiss and lick every inch of his body so bad. Even if sex wasn't involved he wanted to touch him everywhere.

Daisuike's head was spinning from the kiss and he was startled to feel Ruka push him down onto the table. This wasn't what what tables were for! He moaned into the kiss feeling Ruka's hot fingers on his skin. It felt so amazing and he was dying to do more. He jerked as Ruka started pushing his shirt up. Flailing he struggled to right himself while simultaneously pulling his shirt back down. When had Ruka gotten so heavy?

Instantly Ruka jerked back nearly being hit in the face by one of Suke's hands. Stepping back he watched as Daisuike sat up shoving his shirt down. Feeling the person he loved flailing under him, desperate to get away from him killed Ruka inside. Looking away Ruka shifted uncomfortably.

"S-sorry. . . Ano. . . I guess I should let you get back to cooking. . ." He spoke softly, afraid his voice would crack if he spoke any louder. Quickly Ruka stepped away walking off not to his bedroom but to the study on the opposite side of the apartment shutting the door behind him.

Daisuike sat on the table staring at the closed door. Ruka had looked so hurt and he wasn't sure why. Biting at his lip he looked down wondering what he'd done wrong. He just hadn't wanted Ruka to see. He slowly lifted his shirt running his fingers down his side. The wound was horrid and ugly the bruising only making it look worse and he knew Ruka would be repulsed by it, by him.

With a sigh he got down off the table and set about making their food. Ruka still hadn't reappeared by the time it was ready and Daisuike sat at the table staring at the dishes he had set out. After a while he got up and after a looking longingly at the door to the study he went into the bedroom, softly closing the door behind him.

He pushed himself more than he probably should have making the food and now he was so tired just getting undressed was almost more than he could handle. Once he'd stripped he put on sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt before crawling into the bed. He sat there hugging a pillow and trying to figure out what he was going to do.

Ruka sighed curling up in the large chair in the study. He had been talking to Sono for a very long time and for some reason he had a feeling Sono was mad at him. There was a tint of anger to the smaller boy's voice and it was unusual to hear. Sono had always kept his anger in check, never the one to fight, and normally brushing things aside. Sono was the best friend he had ever known and when things had spiraled out of control when they had first met he had been there to stop him.

A shudder ran through him as he remembered what happened and Sono’s constant supervision for the next half a year. Never again would he do that, but Sono was always concerned. Sono hadn't been as as concerned when he had met Suke but he was probably even more so now that he had called him 7 times today nearly in tears each time and fully in tears the last.

Feeling numb he decided to think over what Sono had said. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe Suke just didn't feel good enough to do things like that right now. Or maybe he was ashamed of his body. Though Ruka had quickly shoved that theory out the window. Suke had scars and Ruka had made sure to memorize them before. They each were apart of him and Suke hadn't seemed bothered by them so why would new ones bother him so much?

Deciding hiding in the study wasn't a good idea he got up walking out, looking around. He could smell the soft aroma of food, his mouth instantly watering. The table was set. Walking to it he stared down at it. Every dish was beautifully presented and looked more like something out of a magazine. Yet it was untouched. Looking towards the bedroom he saw the door shut. Feeling like a complete ass he moved towards the bedroom almost opening the door, but thought better of it and knocked softly on it.

"Daisuike. . .?"

Daisuike wasn't sure when he'd lain down but it was a struggle to get up. His limbs felt like lead weights and nothing looked quite right. He blinked a few times trying to overcome the vertigo. He gave up trying to sit up and just relaxed back onto the bed, not caring that he was in an awkward curled up position. It was the only way he could keep from loosing it right now. Being alone had given him too much time to think about what had happened and he was pretty sure he'd never get to sleep that night.

"It's open."

Opening the door slowly Ruka let his eyes adjust to the dim light. He frowned seeing Daisuike curled up into a tiny ball on the bed. Walking over to the bed he looked down at Daisuike. It hurt to see him so. . . so sad looking. It broke his heart. At least it was dark enough Suke wouldn’t be able to see how badly his make-up was smudged.

"A-Ano. . . I-. . . I'm sorry I didn't come back out. I. . .Sono was on the phone and he kept me pretty busy. . ." Nervously he moved to kneel on the bed wondering if Suke wanted him close, afraid to get any closer for fear he'd shove him away again. It worried him that Daisuike wasn’t moving and he wasn’t sure what to do.

"Dinner looks amazing and beautiful. Are-. . .Are you still hungry? We can heat it back up. . ."

"No it's okay. You go ahead and eat. I think I'm going to take a nap." Daisuike forced him self to sit up not wanting Ruka to be worried about him. "I'll eat the left overs later."

He couldn't see Ruka very clearly in the dim light so he wasn't sure if he was still upset or not, but way Ruka was holding himself, made Suke think that he was unsure about being in the room with him.

"Did you . . . did you have a nice visit with Sono?" Ruka had mentioned him a few times before and Daisuike got the impression that they were close friends, but he hadn't met him yet.

"I guess. He sounded. . . kind of mad actually. I don't know why either. The more we talked the more upset he sounded. And Sono never gets angry or voices it. I mean, I saw a guy punch him once and he simply turned the other cheek and walked away. Of course I went after the guy but still. . ."

Shifting a bit closer to Suke he hung his head, "I'm sorry. Not-not just about not coming back out but- . . . I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am . . . do you not want me anymore?" He finally said it lifting his head. He could feel the tears threatening to come up and his throat tightened. He wasn't wanted. Again he wasn't wanted and he thought he was going to choke to death on the pain in his chest.

"I-If that's w-what it is, then-then please just. . . just tell me. . ." Clenching the bedsheets between his fingers he hung his head. It hurt worse than anything he could imagine. Why? Why did no one want him? Not his parents, not Sono, none of his lovers-even the ones he actually had liked, not even Daisuike who he felt such a close connection with, wanted him. Why was he still around then? Why?

"What!" Daisuike was suddenly breathless and not in a good way. Forcing himself up he stared at Ruka and realized what had happened. He had pushed Ruka away, several times, but he'd never thought that Ruka would take it like that. "NO! No! Ruka . . . god no . . . don't ever think that!"

Daisuike grabbed Ruka pulling him close with what strength he could muster. "Ruka I . . . god I'm such a fucking idiot. I just . . . I don't-I don't want you disgusted by me. The . . . it’s a lot worse than I thought it would be and . . . "

Daisuike shook his head frustrated with himself.

Ruka stared in shock at Daisuike who held him so close even though he could feel the slight tremble in him, his grip much weaker than normal. He-Suke wanted him? Sono had been right? It-it was the scars? Tears started to fall, this time from relief. It made no sense to Ruka though and he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"W-Who cares?" He pulled apart from Suke taking hold of him and looking him straight in the eyes. "Daisuike . . . your scars don't disgust me, they never have. I wouldn't care if your entire body was burned. I would still love you and want you. You're beautiful Ouji-sama and your scars are who you are. Each one tells about your bravery and loyalty to your family. It’s the same with these new ones."

Reaching over he flipped on the light near them looking at Daisuike. Now that he knew what the problem was he planned to solve it. Words sort of became meaningless after a point and actions spoke volumes.

Shifting Suke he pushed him back quickly pulling his shirt up and off before Daisuike could protest. Forcing Daisuike onto his back, looking him over for the first time shirtless he could see the scars, new and old. He could feel more tears burning in his eyes seeing how bruised and battered his beautiful Ouji-sama was. Spotting the one Suke was probably most worried about he stared at it for a moment. It went all the way down his side in one long continuous line.

He wanted Fujimaru dead. Not because he had marked his lover, but because he had hurt him. Hurt him so deeply that Daisuike had been afraid to even let himself be seen. Leaning down he held Suke still as he tried to get up. He placed his lips against the top of the scar that started under his arm, trailing his lips softly down feeling the alternating smooth skin and sharper edges of the stitches. Kissing it just as gently as he could he continued to where it ended just above Daisuike’s hip.

Daisuike's breath caught in his throat as Ruka's warm lips traced the line Fujimaru's knife had taken. Ironically it took Ruka about the same amount of time that Fujimaru had taken. He'd cut clean to the bone laughing the whole time. The feel of Ruka kissing that spot sent an odd spiral of pleasure through him even as he remembered the pain and humiliation he'd suffered. Fujimaru made sure he had suffered, not just from the physical pain, but from the knowledge that he was too weak to stop him.

"Ruka . . ." Daisuike whispered surprised to feel tears on his face as he watched Ruka, hardly able to believe that he was doing this.

Ruka finally looked up seeing the tears glittering on his lover's face. It made his heart clench painfully and he leaned up to kiss him and wipe the tears away. He swore he'd take away all the pain. These scars wouldn't bother him and he'd never be ashamed. Trailing his lips down his throat he moved to every new scar there was kissing them softly and running his lips over them. Lifting his head again he looked at Suke a sad smile on his lips.

"These are part of you. They may be painful and they may mark you and nothing can change how you look at them but you. By holding onto the pain you are letting Fujimaru win. He is getting exactly what he wanted by you being hurt and ashamed by them. . ."

Ruka's words made sense, but Daisuike had no idea how else to think of them. "I . . . he-the things he said . . . Ruka I . . . I broke, I swore I wouldn't but he wouldn't stop. I-I couldn't take it anymore." Daisuike shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut trying to block out the memory. "Each time I see them it just reminds me all over again how weak and pathetic I am. I-I begged him to stop and he just laughed and told me that Akira was next unless I told him what he wanted to know."

"And you couldn't stop it Daisuike. . ." Ruka sat up against the pillows pulling Daisuike against him to hold him. "You were being tortured. No one, no matter how strong and smart they are can not break." Ruka shuddered. It was so hard to think that he man he loved so much, the man in his arms, had been tortured. He had been broken and nearly died for it. This was why he wanted him to get help. He needed to get through these horrible memories and Ruka wasn't sure how he could help even as much as he wanted to.

"You almost died Ouji-sama. You did everything you could. You are not weak nor are you pathetic. You are the strongest person I know and I love you for it. You love and care enough about your family to protect them and you have and done it to the best of your ability. . ."

Daisuike's chest was aching so fiercely it felt as though he was being ripped apart. Ruka's soft words sharpened the ache and he couldn't hold back the sobs any longer, his whole body shaking. He just wanted it to go away, to not have to think about it and to not feel that terrible weakness anymore. He wanted to be able to protect his family, Ruka included. He couldn't let anything happen to them. He'd never forgive himself.

Ruka exhaled slowly as he held Daisuike against his chest. Hearing him sobbing tore through him, the vibrations of his cries making him want to cry himself. It hurt so bad to hear his breathtaking boyfriend cry. His once strong and flustered lover was so broken and hurt and there wasn't a thing he could do but comfort him the best he could.

Burying his face against him, Ruka rocked Daisuike gently as he held him, stroking and caressing him. All he could do was try and make soothing words and hold him. He wanted to do so much more but this was the only thing Ruka knew he could do to help ease at least some of the pain.