What We Didn't Do

A/N: Ok, time is up, here's the update.
I actually kinda grouped together a couple of ideas from different people just because they fit in really well with what happens next.
So Reike and Distant Raen technically you're both winners!!
I hope you like what I have for you!

And don't forget to review my pretties!!!


********************

I had been in a rush and said yes. I say that, I'd actually been moving really slowly, stopped for five minutes, thought about what he'd said and then said yes. Either way, stupid.

I didn't want a relationship for fuck's sake! That kinda thing just got in the way of, y'know...stuff!

A date?

I mean really?

Walking in the park holding hands seeing a movie getting a meal...date?

I'd lost my mind.

We were going to meet in the park we'd been in the previous day. He just said we could walk and talk again, light up some cigarettes and maybe, if we wanted, catch an old movie at some ancient cinema. Oh and of course he knew about this cute little Italien place, didn't he? Well yeah.

I should have rationalised. I know we said we'd help each other out and everything but this was...this was relationship material. I mean yeah, he's cute and yeah, he's funny and yeah, when I spend time with him I get a warm fuzzy feeling and of course when I get the opportunity I'm gunna rip off his pants, suck his dick and make him scream so hard his eyes hurt but...a relationship?

So not what I was after.

But did I call up and cancel?

Nope.

**

Fretting over what to wear. I hate it. I mean, who cares what you're wearing. Well, your own mind, apparently. I need to get mine removed and have one that thinks normally up there. Be way more useful that the shit that's up there already.

Doorbell.

That'd be Jeannie upset that the door was locked one more time.

"Rafe!"

Yup that's my Jeannie.

Opened the door and she brushed past me, heading straight for the kitchen.

"Y'know you have this massive apartment and this cool job, why is your kitchen so shit?"

"I can't cook."

"I mean apart from that?"

"I really can't cook."

She looked at me and frowned, "That's a really nice shirt, where the hell are you going?"

"It's a horrible shirt and it doesn't matter."

Yank off fabric, find new clothes.

"Can I have that shirt if you don't want it?"

"No!" I was back in my closet, pulling out everything. "It's a nice shirt I just...don't wanna wear it."

"Ok mister, what's going on?"

She was right next to me, getting crumbs on the carpet.

"Nothing," I grumbled.

"Whatever, pull the other one. You meeting Alex again?"

"I abhore your suggestive tone...and...yeah."

"Abhore and yeah in the same sentence. Y'know there are times I forget why I love you, but that has to be one that reminds me."

"Fuck off and...help me!"

"Oh God," she rolled her eyes and picked up some of the shirts from the floor, "A queer preparing to go on a date, is there anything more terrifying?"

"Yeah - you preparing to go on a date with my brother."

"Call it evens?"

"Deal."

"Ok," More shirts were lifted off the ground. "What about this one?"

"No."

"This one?"

"No."

"Lilac?"

"No."

"You haven't even looked at them."

"That's kinda because that pile is actually the 'no' pile."

"Fine!" She flicked through the stuff that had managed to remain on the hangers until she pulled out a little black number. "How 'bout this? Black tee underneath, you'll look sexy as fuck."

It was one of my best shirts. Fitted just enough around the top and waist to give me a bit of shape in dark-as-night black.

"Ok."

"So, why was the door locked again?"

I sighed, "Corey let himself in yesterday. I kinda want him out now."

"Bout time, sweetie."

"He crossed the line Friday. It's done now."

"So you've locked him out?"

"Pretty much. You would've done the same."

"Yeah, 'cept I would've done it years ago," She started tweaking the shirt to make it hang properly. "Honey, he doesn't stand a chance against you in this thing. All you need is a pair of tight pants and - "

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because these jeans are my I-know-I'm-not-gunna-get-it-but-I'll-try-anyway-pants...my tight ones are kinda slutty."

"Ok, so you reveal that you haven't fucked him yet and now you're saying you don't want to?"

"No I want to I just...oh, fine, I'll wear my tight-ass pants but if I get a hard on I can't control it's your fault."

**

Ok, smoke. Smoking will calm you down. And inhale, exhale...choke to death.

Why was I so nervous?

I mean, he'd come with me to Andy's benefit and that had kinda been a date. This wasn't anything different. Except I wasn't in a tux. And guys in tux's are real sexy so I'm less likely to get laid meeting him in the park than after the benefit.

Alex stood under a lamp wearing dark jeans and a light blue tee. He looked about as freaked as I felt. Hell...maybe I looked freaked too.

"Hey there," I said, keeping voice in check.

"Oh, hey."

"So...what now?"

"You eaten yet?"

"Nope."

"Ok."

I followed him away and fell into step beside him. We were going to get lunch at a diner in town, one of those places done up like the fifties. How cute.

Few minutes later we were settled into an old school booth with a menu each making small talk about the decline of the old-fashioned diners where everyone went round on rollerskates. I miss rollerskates.

"They probably kept falling over," Alex said, scanning desserts.

"Yeah, gettin' apple pie on the customers and milkshake down their breasts."

"Which made the floor slippy, so more people'd fall over."

"Ok, it was a disaster zone."

"Totally."

We grinned at each other for a bit before fixing our minds on food.

I will tell you now, reader...I should not have worn the tight pants. I mean, the hiding of the erection was bad enough but there was chaffing and tightness when I sat down and all kinds of shit. Practicality should have won over and Jeannie - by God - was gunna hear about it.

I tried not to fidget.

"You ok, Rafe?"

"Yeah, fine, just...nothing."

"You wanna go get changed after this?"

I blinked at him, my face falling. I shouldn't have worn the tight pants.

"It's ok, Rafe. I'm wearing shoes I haven't worn in years. I guess I need to change them too," he blushed on me.

I laughed out. He joined me.

Some of the other people in the diner just looked at us as if we'd gone mad.

"I've been so nervous!"

"Me too! It was ridiculous!"

"How many shirts did you - "

"No idea. You?"

"Fair few."

"You boys ready to order yet?" the waitress asked, her smile friendly.

Wiping tears we ordered and sat back, grinning like fools.

"I don't know what came over me this morning," Alex said quietly. "I mean, I know we went out to your brother's benefit and everything but I don't know I just thought - "

"Hey, it's ok. I guess I was taken back a bit."

"I know."

"So we'll eat this and get changed?"

"Absolutely!"

**

Ok, some time between the diner (which gave us great food and a few laughs) and the outside of my apartment we ended up kissing. I can't remember if it was as soon as we left, as we got to my stairs, or right outside the door but our tongues were doing something to each other.

I scrambled the key into the lock as Alex started lifting my shirt up, soft fingertips on my skin. It was completely erratic with a fight of every body part against another.

Was I dreaming? Am I describing a dream to you? No. This really did happen. Maybe it was the pants, I don't know, but we were falling into my apartment, stripping each other down fairly quickly. I wish I could describe to you what had happened in the before period but there's just a blank in my memory. Told you my brain needed trading in for a better model.

I pushed his back to the kitchen counter and had that tee off in moments, allowing my lips to brush all inches of the skin on his chest. He moaned beneath me, running fingers in my hair and pushing his abs forward for more attention.

I will admit to being in pain at this point and unbuttoned all the neccesaries to allow my dick freedom to breathe. Fuck I was hard.

The phone rang as I attacked Alex's nipples. With one swift movement I reached behind me and pulled the damned thing out of the wall, ending the rings. Who gave a damn about who was on the other end when I was busy getting down and dirty with a guy who said he didn't want to?

I was back on his skin, my hands roaming round, my tongue flicking at every available opportunity and...yes...my dick hanging out. Alex reached down to my face and kissed my softly on the lips, his heart beating fast under my hand.

"Bedroom?" I whispered against his lips.

"I - "

And that was it. Gone. In a moment it came, in a moment it was gone.

"I don't know. I...I don't know, I'm sorry."

In half a second, my cock was back in my pants and he was pulling his tee back on.

"Ok...ok, if I hadn't said anything and just went for it would - "

"I don't know," he whispered quietly. "Rafe I just. I feel like I can and then something in me just snaps and I can't do it."

"It's ok," I lied, biting the inside of my lip. "If you can't then - "

"Oh don't patronize me!"

I was not expecting him to lash out. But he did.

"Alex, I wasn't - "

"Yeah I know, but you're still pissed at me aren't you? Can't get your rocks off and it's my fault 'coz I've got a dead boyfriend."

"Woah, woah, woah!" I backed away and watched him carefully. It was safe to say my erection was hiding somewhere else. "Where the hell you getting all this from, Alex? I'm not pissed at you. I'm pissed at me."

"Amounts to the same thing, Rafe. Y'know what, just forget everything. Forget the deal, forget the date, forget everything, I'm just wasting your time."

He made to leave and I kissed him firmly. He struggled in my arms for a minute, but I held on tight.

"Don't you walk away from me," I whispered, giving small pecks to his cheeks. "I'm the one that hates himself. Don't you go start blaming yourself, hating yourself. Now, why the fuck are you all wound up like this? Did I say something?"

He'd relaxed into my arms and held me back, "It's killing me as much as it's killing you. I'm just so fucked off, Rafe! It's sex, that's all it is and yet here I am making some big deal out of it. I...I want you so bad."

I hate being short. I wanted to have his face rest on my chest, have me hold him sweetly to comfort him. Instead I was a whole four inches shorter than him. Do you know how awkward that is?

"I know, baby, I know. It's ok," I reached out, took his chin in my fingers and kissed him softly, compassion building up. With tenderness and a small amount of recklessness I slipped a couple of fingers beneath his shirt and trailed them up and down the base of his spine. I could feel him smile against my lips.

"It only works if it's those lips of yours," he whispered.

"Ok."

I walked round, crouched down, lifted his shirt and kissed his smooth skin. He giggled a little and it was infectious. I couldn't concentrate on anything. So I stood up and wrapped my arms around him, head resting on his back.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you make dinner and bring it over?"

"I can try."

"Great."

*********************************************