Carnival without Lights
folder
Drama › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
14
Views:
2,670
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Drama › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
14
Views:
2,670
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Carnival without Lights
Title: Carnival without Lights
Contains: M/M, references to N/C BDSM and abuse, Lemon in later chapters
Author’s Note: This story is a little genre-confused. It’s angst, it’s drama, it’s tragedy, and it’s romance all in one. Like a soap opera but without the random murders, disappearances, pregnancies, and love affairs…okay, I lied about the last one. Also, don’t expect the abused one to be a wimp simply because he was abused. He’s not that type. My story lacks whiny babies.
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He woke with a fright, sitting up immediately like you were only supposed to do in movies. It was a habit, and not a conscious one—Jesse couldn’t help it. As he sat panting, holding the white sheets in his sweating palms at his lap, he stared at the foot of the deeply blue shaded bed. Morning was coming. A quick dart of his eyes towards the digital alarm clock with its blue (because if Rupert saw red in the morning it would somehow trigger a reaction in his brain and make him aggressive) digital numbers. Four thirty…Four thirty lead to five and five was when Rupert got up.
What good did it do to travel all the way to Rupert’s house if he couldn’t even sleep when he was there? It was the third successive night that he’d been haunted by that dream. The farther from his home town he went, the stronger those images became. He could still feel the rough fabric of the bag that had been tied over his head and the pressure of the too-tight collar on his neck.
It took all of his control to stifle the scream when the images flooded back. Jessed settled instead for a series of nearly whistled exhales through rounded lips. The whispered noise helped calm him and bring him back to white sheets and freedom. He was farther away; shouldn’t he feel safer?
It was against the “rules” to leave the house…they hadn’t been real rules and they were never enforced expect for in the roleplaying scenarios that Daniel had come up with but…but that threat was always there. Sometimes Daniel seemed like he wasn’t being serious when he really, truly was. Like that last time…
Jesse groaned audibly and shifted to look at Daniel’s replacement. Every fiber of his body and most of the pieces of him mind shouted “Wake him up! Get him up! He won’t get mad! Wake him up, he loves you! Make him hold you!” But waking Rupert up was pointless. It would just make him worry, and when Rupert worried all of the traits that Jesse loved disappeared into thin air. Every single trait.
Slowly, he lay back down, pulling the sheets over his bare shoulders and then rolling onto his side to face the back of Rupert’s scruffy head. Eight years with Daniel, just over three with Rupert—it still surprised him when his lover insisted that they share a room when they were together. Daniel never wanted that. He allowed it occasionally, but only if there was a just cause. Birthday, non-contagious sickness, holidays, play had been too rough and he was trying to make amends, or—as in most cases—Jesse had passed out and Daniel didn’t care to carry him back to his own bedroom.
He didn’t want to think about Daniel, but Daniel haunted him regardless.
Jesse reached out a hand and caressed the groove of Rupert’s spine though his white nightshirt turned blue by the morning’s glow. Rupert was so different from Daniel though—it was hard to believe that they could even love each other at all. While Rupert flourished in scenarios in which all eyes were on him, Daniel had always retreated to the sidelines—that’s where Jesse had met him and subsequently fallen in love with him. High school dances sucked—he wouldn’t have even gone if Angela hadn’t said “Please, please! You’re my best friend, you have to go!” So he’d gone and she’d left him to dance with her boyfriend and all of her girlfriends had disappeared. He had been left to wander the sidelines and then Daniel was there, too. And why had Daniel been there?
Don’t.Question.Daniel.
Jesse shivered and scooted closer to Rupert. Rupert made him feel safer and self-confident. There lay a man who had been betrayed by his family simply because of who he preferred to take to bed and found attractive yet lived wholesomely as if the gaping, festering wound of that betrayal didn’t exist. He did often say that he didn’t have parents and simply appeared on the earth one day, but Jesse was sure that, deep down, Rupert was still weeping bitterly about it. If Rupert could survive in a world where his family was the enemy, then it should be easy for him, Jesse, to endure the pain of…Daniel.
He didn’t want to think about Daniel, but he was always /there/. No matter how far he ran, Daniel was hovering in the shadows with the collar that slowly suffocated him…and Daniel said…
And Daniel said…
/Quit asking for me to stop. That’s not your decision./
Jesse gagged and quickly closed his eyes so the melting room couldn’t dissolve into Daniel’s. He breathed heavily, his head starting to buzz and become light. The memories flooded in, but he was able to banish them after holding his breath when his panting began to cause Rupert to stir. Rupert couldn’t see him like this—Rupert knew enough now, he didn’t need to know more.
Rupert.
Just thinking his name made Daniel’s hologram in the shadowy corner fade.
Rupert. Rupert and his nine hundred dollar suits and his two hundred dollar hair cuts that looked like a two-year-old’s attempt at cosmetology…he was a welcomed thought. Rupert and how nervous he was about giving that first kiss...Rupert….Rupert…
“Rupert.” He hissed softly when he realized he’d thought out loud. It was always a matter of time before he /did/ convey his thoughts with words when he started panicking. Rupert groaned and squirmed beneath the sheets, freeing one arm and tucking it back against him—still asleep.
Jesse sighed in relief and pressed his forehead against Rupert’s shoulder and remained that way until Rupert’s eyes snapped open at Five-oh-Three without the aid of an alarm. He didn’t see Daniel because Daniel knew just when Rupert was coming back to life and receded into the wall just in time.
It just wasn’t fair.
Contains: M/M, references to N/C BDSM and abuse, Lemon in later chapters
Author’s Note: This story is a little genre-confused. It’s angst, it’s drama, it’s tragedy, and it’s romance all in one. Like a soap opera but without the random murders, disappearances, pregnancies, and love affairs…okay, I lied about the last one. Also, don’t expect the abused one to be a wimp simply because he was abused. He’s not that type. My story lacks whiny babies.
000000000000000000000000000000000000
He woke with a fright, sitting up immediately like you were only supposed to do in movies. It was a habit, and not a conscious one—Jesse couldn’t help it. As he sat panting, holding the white sheets in his sweating palms at his lap, he stared at the foot of the deeply blue shaded bed. Morning was coming. A quick dart of his eyes towards the digital alarm clock with its blue (because if Rupert saw red in the morning it would somehow trigger a reaction in his brain and make him aggressive) digital numbers. Four thirty…Four thirty lead to five and five was when Rupert got up.
What good did it do to travel all the way to Rupert’s house if he couldn’t even sleep when he was there? It was the third successive night that he’d been haunted by that dream. The farther from his home town he went, the stronger those images became. He could still feel the rough fabric of the bag that had been tied over his head and the pressure of the too-tight collar on his neck.
It took all of his control to stifle the scream when the images flooded back. Jessed settled instead for a series of nearly whistled exhales through rounded lips. The whispered noise helped calm him and bring him back to white sheets and freedom. He was farther away; shouldn’t he feel safer?
It was against the “rules” to leave the house…they hadn’t been real rules and they were never enforced expect for in the roleplaying scenarios that Daniel had come up with but…but that threat was always there. Sometimes Daniel seemed like he wasn’t being serious when he really, truly was. Like that last time…
Jesse groaned audibly and shifted to look at Daniel’s replacement. Every fiber of his body and most of the pieces of him mind shouted “Wake him up! Get him up! He won’t get mad! Wake him up, he loves you! Make him hold you!” But waking Rupert up was pointless. It would just make him worry, and when Rupert worried all of the traits that Jesse loved disappeared into thin air. Every single trait.
Slowly, he lay back down, pulling the sheets over his bare shoulders and then rolling onto his side to face the back of Rupert’s scruffy head. Eight years with Daniel, just over three with Rupert—it still surprised him when his lover insisted that they share a room when they were together. Daniel never wanted that. He allowed it occasionally, but only if there was a just cause. Birthday, non-contagious sickness, holidays, play had been too rough and he was trying to make amends, or—as in most cases—Jesse had passed out and Daniel didn’t care to carry him back to his own bedroom.
He didn’t want to think about Daniel, but Daniel haunted him regardless.
Jesse reached out a hand and caressed the groove of Rupert’s spine though his white nightshirt turned blue by the morning’s glow. Rupert was so different from Daniel though—it was hard to believe that they could even love each other at all. While Rupert flourished in scenarios in which all eyes were on him, Daniel had always retreated to the sidelines—that’s where Jesse had met him and subsequently fallen in love with him. High school dances sucked—he wouldn’t have even gone if Angela hadn’t said “Please, please! You’re my best friend, you have to go!” So he’d gone and she’d left him to dance with her boyfriend and all of her girlfriends had disappeared. He had been left to wander the sidelines and then Daniel was there, too. And why had Daniel been there?
Don’t.Question.Daniel.
Jesse shivered and scooted closer to Rupert. Rupert made him feel safer and self-confident. There lay a man who had been betrayed by his family simply because of who he preferred to take to bed and found attractive yet lived wholesomely as if the gaping, festering wound of that betrayal didn’t exist. He did often say that he didn’t have parents and simply appeared on the earth one day, but Jesse was sure that, deep down, Rupert was still weeping bitterly about it. If Rupert could survive in a world where his family was the enemy, then it should be easy for him, Jesse, to endure the pain of…Daniel.
He didn’t want to think about Daniel, but he was always /there/. No matter how far he ran, Daniel was hovering in the shadows with the collar that slowly suffocated him…and Daniel said…
And Daniel said…
/Quit asking for me to stop. That’s not your decision./
Jesse gagged and quickly closed his eyes so the melting room couldn’t dissolve into Daniel’s. He breathed heavily, his head starting to buzz and become light. The memories flooded in, but he was able to banish them after holding his breath when his panting began to cause Rupert to stir. Rupert couldn’t see him like this—Rupert knew enough now, he didn’t need to know more.
Rupert.
Just thinking his name made Daniel’s hologram in the shadowy corner fade.
Rupert. Rupert and his nine hundred dollar suits and his two hundred dollar hair cuts that looked like a two-year-old’s attempt at cosmetology…he was a welcomed thought. Rupert and how nervous he was about giving that first kiss...Rupert….Rupert…
“Rupert.” He hissed softly when he realized he’d thought out loud. It was always a matter of time before he /did/ convey his thoughts with words when he started panicking. Rupert groaned and squirmed beneath the sheets, freeing one arm and tucking it back against him—still asleep.
Jesse sighed in relief and pressed his forehead against Rupert’s shoulder and remained that way until Rupert’s eyes snapped open at Five-oh-Three without the aid of an alarm. He didn’t see Daniel because Daniel knew just when Rupert was coming back to life and receded into the wall just in time.
It just wasn’t fair.