The Witty Hyena And The Uncouth Teddy Bear

A/N: Ok, this is the latest story I've been working on. It's meant to be some sort of comedy but not in the laugh out loud kind of way. Just some quirky characters trying to get by. Oh and it should get pretty kinky, although don't expect anything extreme or any BDSM. More like a little experimenting really (and really, just a little). Unfortunately, you might have to wait a while for it, Chris can be rather uptight...
Hope you like it! And of course please do let me know if you did ;)


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Christopher had just found out his 'best friend' Jack was screwing the woman he’d been madly in love with for the past 4 months. That in itself wouldn’t have been so bad if a) Jack had made that specific fact known before Chris accidentally walked in on them having sex in his office and b) if Jack hadn’t been insisting for the past month or so that he was working very hard on setting his best friend up with Kristine. Clearly he’d been doing an excellent job at that because everyone knows that the best way to get the girl of your best friend’s dreams to go out with him is to sleep with her yourself.

Sighing, the 26 year old continued walking down the street towards his apartment building. He’d been trying so hard to get Kristine to notice him but she’d never acknowledged him as a potential love interest. She thought he was a sweet guy and a great listener; in other words, great friend material. But his teddy bear like appearance, his lousy conversation skills and his passive attitude hadn’t been enough to seduce her, no matter what he had tried.

What annoyed the scruffy red head was that he actually wasn’t like that at all. True, he was tall at 6’7” and had a fairly large build and though very little of it was actually muscle, he wasn’t overweight. He just didn’t have the sculpted and perfectly toned body of a male model, and instead of looking mysterious and cold, he looked friendly and agreeable. He was ‘huggable’ thanks to his size, and his lack of excess muscles made him very comfortable, or so his sisters had told him over and over again. He’d probably have been more ‘handsome’ if he worked out but juggling twin 6 year olds with a 9 to 5 job wasn’t very easy; especially since he had little outside help, other than the baby sitter provided by the social workers.

As for lousy conversation skills, it wasn’t so much that they were lousy; he just wasn’t very talkative. He listened all the time, but rarely spoke. Same with his passive attitude; he wasn’t so much passive as he was patient. Both aspects of his personality had a lot if not everything to do with his upbringing. Growing up in a home with four sisters, him being the middle child and only male in the household (his father had left when he was young; his mother had still been pregnant with his last sister Tony), thus surrounded by five headstrong and imposing women didn’t leave him much room for anything more than a few occasional words. It had also taught him that patience was not only a virtue, but a necessity if he didn’t want to go insane.

Jack on the other hand was the jock kind of guy. He still believed he was the most popular guy around and that life was just a big football game with parties, cheerleaders and bushels of beer, which in his case was probably true. Working in an upcoming IT company as a councilor had done nothing to quell his oversized ego. But he was a genuinely nice guy, if completely unreliable. He didn’t laugh at or humiliate people; he was supportive and a generally an easy going kind of guy with a great sense of humour. He smiled all the time and seemed to think life was great. As down as he was, Chris could see how Kristine would prefer Jack over him.

He knew Jack had probably genuinely been trying to hook him up with Kristine before he was… sidetracked. But knowing that didn’t make him feel any less betrayed and stupid for thinking even for a minute he could trust Jack with something important that wasn’t work related. He’d only been as sweet to Chris as he had been because he thought Christopher was somewhat of a charity case that needed all the friends he could get. A good intention but definitely not enough of an emotion to base a real friendship on, a fact Chris had conveniently overlooked.

After all, he had only been in New York for 5 months and with his social skills, hadn’t managed to make very many friends. So of course he had jumped on the occasion when Jack had showed some interest in getting to know him. Chris felt like berating himself for being so stupid.

As he passed by a children’s playground, Chris stopped and leaned on the gates to watch them play: he had always found the presence of children to be soothing. He had a tendency to scare them because of his size but that had never discouraged him. He found kids charming and full of life and enjoyed their presence.

He had always been amused by children’s antics and by their tendency to replicate society (whether consciously or not), by creating their own codes and norms. For example, the engraved rule about how the kid who eats his snot is not to be associated with by any self-respecting 8 year old who intends to have a decent social life. Julius, one of Alec’s friends had been very adamant about this particular point when Chris had asked them why they were ignoring Charles.

Watching the kids, he noticed a small boy crying. A taller one was sneering at him with a haughty look and a hand splayed on his heart as he pointed towards a nearby curly blond. She was completely oblivious to the heartache she was causing as she continued to peacefully build her sand castle. Sighing, Christopher rested his head on his forearms.

“Here.”
Startled, Chris raised his hand and found a paper tissue dangling in front of his eyes. He hadn’t even realised he was crying. “You look like you need it.” The stranger shrugged.
Surprised and oddly touched by the gesture, Chris mumbled a thank you, too embarrassed to look up.
The man chuckled, holding back a snort. “You’re pathetic.”
“…Sorry…” Chris answered, after a few seconds’ hesitation, not knowing how to react.
The 26 year old could hear the man’s footsteps as he walked away laughing. Still too confused to actually be offended, Chris stared at the retreating back. The hair was ink black, cut very short, practically military stile and the man was wearing a loose, dark purple jacket.

As the words sank in, Christopher was torn between offense and gratitude. After all, the man had given him a tissue, although he’d been very rude about it. Not knowing what to think about Tissue Prick, Chris left the fence and continued his walk home.

Nicknames were an inside joke he’d developed with his younger sister Danny. She was the fourth born and the first one to realise he was bisexual, after himself of course. They’d been in school, watching a track meet in which their younger sister Jumper (2nd born) was participating. Chris had spent the entire time staring at the competing school’s star runner, Laurel Johnes and his very attractive backside. He wasn’t the only one of course, but the other onlookers had mostly been girls.

Danny was unfortunately very observant and had confronted him right there. He had stuttered and denied the accusations until he had hung his head and waited for the inevitable whiplash. Danny had jumped in his arms giggling and said she was so glad she could now talk about everything, even guys, with her favourite brother.

Because Chris was still confused and didn’t want to announce this to anyone, they agreed to keep it between themselves and started giving nicknames, usually girl names, to any guys he found attractive. Secrets in his family never stayed secrets for long and eventually even his mother knew about his sexual orientation. She’d stared at him in the eyes long and hard until he was squirming before ordering him to use protection and returning to her apple pie.

Nicknaming had eventually spread to the entire family and by the end of the year (the competition had been in august) they each had a nickname, along with everyone else they knew. Christopher’s was Teddy, in reference to the stuffed bear. He’d never figured out if it was flattering or not, but it had grown on him. When he’d first met the twins, they were only a couple of months old and as they grew older, it became apparent ‘Christopher’ was too difficult to pronounce. ‘Chris’ still had that annoying ‘r’ so he’d taught the boys to call him Teddy which they had continued doing ever since. Smiling goofily at the memory, Chris almost walked right into a light pole before swerving off path at the last minute.

Sighing one last time, Chris trudged up the stairs to his building. Greeting Mr. Franz and his golden retriever Mory, Simeon typed the entrance code and stepped into the building. Feeling like he needed more time to calm himself down fully before joining the twins, he decided to take the stairs up to the 5th floor.

As he stepped into his apartment, the twins were cuddling in front of the TV. It was a very cute sight but Chris was a bit annoyed. He said goodbye to Julie, the babysitter and shook his head in slight exasperation. They knew very well they couldn’t watch TV until 6 and then only if they’d done their homework. Sighing for the nth time that day, Christopher grabbed the remote and turned the offending piece of electronic off.

“Hi Ted!” Both boys chanted, jumping off the couch and running into his arms.
“What did I say about TV on week days?”
“Uh… No TV until 6.” Salem bowed his head and mumbled in an appropriately guilty tone, covering his brown eyes with his sandy blond hair.
“And only if we’ve done our homework!” Alec chirped, a grin plastered on his face.
They were very small, even for 6 year olds and didn’t reach very high past Christopher’s knees. Smiling down at them, the giant asked.
“So. Did you do your homework?”
“No?” Alec answered, with a ‘Duh… why do you even ask?’ look in his eyes. “Yes! That why I thought it would be ok if I watched TV earlier because we didn’t watch any yesterday!” Salem, ever the obedient one explained, with a reproachful glare in his brother’s direction.
“Showers?”
“Yes! We took them we got home. You can ask Julie if you don’t believe us!”
“Good. Then Alec, homework. Salem, TV but only until 7.” Both boys nodded and headed off to where they were supposed to be. Alec dragged his feet across the room to his back pack, dangling his arms like a lunatic before crossing back to the dining room table with his stuff. Plopping down on the seat, he took his work book out and started his studying, albeit half heartedly.

Chris went into the kitchen and came back with two glasses of water, handing one to Salem and one to Alec. As he bent down to give Alec his glass, he noticed the child had a huge bump on his forehead. It had been hidden by his hair so he hadn’t noticed when he walked in.

“Alec what happened to your head?” Chris asked some worry seeping into his words.
“Oh.” Sparkling brown eyes looked up at him. “Well see, I was runnin with my friends, we weren’t bothering no one or anything but you know that tree in the school yard, the really big one with the dark green leaves? Well when I wasn’t looking it ran into me!” Alec explained very seriously before smiling earnestly at Chris and turning back to his homework. A smile tugged at Christopher’s lips as he walked to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

When the twins were fed, bathed and had finished their homework, Chris accompanied them to their bedroom. After a 15 minute argument where neither twin wanted to go to sleep, they finally settled down for the night.

Chris had only been watching 24 for 15 minutes when the door to the boy’s room creaked open and two six year olds one in a Cars pyjama the other one with a Spiderman attire, holding hands, each gripping their teddy bears, eyes red with tears, stepped into the living room. Sighing Chris turned the TV off and scooped up the two boys in his arms. He brought them to his bed, and settled them beneath the covers. He went into the bathroom and changed, entering the bed and cuddling with the boys before turning off the light.

As the kids fell asleep, Chris wondered not for the first time if he could manage this properly. He had an average salary, more than enough for him to live comfortably but with two extra kids, it had made his budget extremely tight. Luckily, social services helped him out by paying for the babysitter and by supplying him with a monthly allowance for food and clothes for the boys. He was well aware that if it wasn’t for their help, he’d never have been able to care for Alec and Salem.

Anita had neglected her young sons for years but none of the residents of the Rickshaw apartment building had realised the extent of the abuse until the police had come knocking at her door one night. She had been arrested and taken into custody, and social services had come to take the boys away. The judge had ruled their grand mother, a sturdy 93 year old woman (who due to a bone condition could only move around on a wheelchair), was unfit to properly raise the two six year olds and had decided to put them in foster care.

Appalled, Chris had volunteered to take them in but it had been far from easy. The judge had been very reluctant at the idea of having a single 26 year old man with mediocre revenues take in 2 twin 4 year olds suffering from intense psychological traumas. It had been a very difficult fight but she had seen how much he cared about the boys and how attached they were to him. When all of the Rickshaw’s residents and the social workers supervising the boys had pledged on his behalf, her objections had been quelled.

He had received guardianship on the condition that he move to New York City where the boys’ grand mother, Francesca lived, and then only if he accepted stringent controls of his private life. Francesca hadn’t even known about Alec and Salem since she hadn’t been on speaking terms with her daughter. She had then fought very hard to be a part of her grandchildren’s’ lives when she discovered their existence. It hadn’t even crossed Christopher’s mind to refuse her and he had felt the move would be good for all three of them.

As for the stringent restraints, they had been harder both to accept and to deal with but he had done what was necessary. Social services would drop in unannounced so as verify everything was fine and they even had a key of his apartment. He had to ask for permission every time he did anything that might affect the boys in the slightest and had to give in monthly reports on his spending and income. Chris hated feeling controlled and deplored the lack of privacy these restrictions entailed, but he knew it was for the boys’ good. Furthermore, he only had 7 more months to go. The conditions imposed on his guardianship weren’t all permanent and had been made so as to gradually become less stringent after the first year.

Brooklyn heights was a very nice neighbourhood and the kids were happy to be able to start anew. It had only been 5 months since he had both been granted guardianship and made the move, but he could already see the difference in the boys’ behaviour. They looked happier and healthier, each gaining a few pounds. Their grades were improving and they had made a few good friends in the city. Alec was really enjoying his soccer practice and Salem was awed by his violin classes. It was a lot of trouble raising them alone but it was so very worth it.