Do I Really Want You?

All right, so this story is going to start a little slow. I definitely want reviews to see if I should even keep this story going. There is no sex in the first chapters but if I find that readers are interested in this I will keep it going. Comments are always welcome, even bad ones. Please Rate and Review and enjoy.

I saw the guy of my fantasies sitting there watching me. I had liked him for forever. He was sexy and smart and strong and good-looking . . . he was perfect. And I was in love with him. I liked him a lot. I’ve like him since seventh grade, maybe even longer. I sighed as I saw him and his girl friend, saw them kissing and hugging on each other while I sat to the side watching them. It just sucked because honestly I had seen him first. I couldn’t understand it, I had saw that motherfucker first and yet . . . I wasn’t the one with him. I sighed again and turned towards the window of the bus ignoring them as I tried to wish myself out of this stupid vacation. What I wouldn’t give to be with him. I don’t even know if he noticed me or not.

But who couldn’t notice him, he was tall dark and handsome and just perfect, God I wish I could talk to him. I guess the reason I wasn’t with him was my own fault. I was too shy for my own good. In my head I was brash strong opinionated and even clever and charming. But on the outside where everyone could see me and judge me I was meek and timid, too shy to really speak, a bit of an outcast, not a lot of friends. The loner type. It wasn’t like this infatuation of mine was new. I had liked plenty of other guys but everything was always the same I couldn’t really talk to them right away and they slipped through my fingers or I lost interest. But at least after I lost interest I could still talk to them. I couldn’t; even look him in the eyes let only speak to him. He made me so nervous and when I was around him I lost the ability to speak correctly.

I sighed and felt eyes on me I turned slightly to see some of the “cool” Kids staring at me. My fantasy was one of them but he wasn’t looking at me. Which was good and bad. I turned back around ignoring them and continued pondering my predicament. It was strange that I hadn’t taken the chance to talk to him considering that all the other girls at my church had. That’s where I had first seen him and it hadn’t really been love at first sight. I had been infatuated with, another boy for awhile. But I had watched him. After awhile to see what was so great about him?

He had been so cute that’s what I first had noticed and quite, a bit immature but quite, I mean who wasn’t immature in middle school. And then I had seen him at school interacting with friends and just saw how he moved and responded to people and I had been fascinated. Suddenly he seemed a little more mature to me, like I was. I was always a little ahead of my peers mentally. And even through my quietness and shyness I was arrogant about it, I’m not gonna lye. I was a cocky little kid. I still am in my own way but I really grew out of it.

I was hooked after that and I daydreamed about him every time I saw him or had a little free time. I had a crush and as the years progressed and we grew older so did my thing for him. He was always a mystery a bit aloof, a person I couldn’t easily read or figure out. And that intrigued me. Other kids I knew about their petty little fears there predictable drama it was all laid bare to my eyes but him my fantasy was always a mystery. And that’s probably why I was so captured by him. I think at even one point I got a little obsessed but I couldn’t help it.

I was attracted to the unknown; attracted to the character that I had created in my head, attracted to the person I thought I could see under his carefully hidden mask. I had somehow fallen in love after all those years of watching him and now in our senior year of high school I was suffering from unrequited love. I sighed pressing my head harder against the window trying to imagine myself somewhere else. I liked field trips I just wish I had sat somewhere different. I didn’t want him in my line of sight. I would much rather have an obstructed view of him so that he didn’t have to see me. Or me him.

“Sonia . . . hey. . . Sonia,” My friend said, poking me with her bony fingers.

“Ow . . . what,” I asked rubbing my arm.

“I asked you what you wanted to do when we get, there what would you like to do first there’s the tour the sightseeing, the bridge to talk to the locals . . .” She rambled on.

I listen nodding every now and then adding a few encouraging words wanting her to think I was listening when really I wasn’t. I loved the girl but sometimes her voice just got on my nerves and I wanted to slap her but I never did. I had to hold my sigh in check and instead I let my eyes wander and I felt my heart suddenly jump as I caught him looking at me. I felt my face heat up and I looked away quickly freaked out by his sudden wandering gaze. Was he really looking at me or was it just by coincidence. I mean why would he look at me when his girlfriend was sitting right there wrapped all around him skinny and pretty and not ugly and fat.

Ok maybe I wasn’t fat but I was definitely not skinny and definitely had a few extra pounds sitting on me. My mom always told me they were sitting in the right places. Meaning guys liked where I was fat but if that was true why any of didn’t them ever approach me. I looked around again purposely avoiding his face but out of the corners of my eyes I could see him staring at me. What the hell was going on?



We had been running around the city all day. I was bushed. I just wanted to go back to my hotel room and collapse. But my friend was having none of that. I sighed as she tried to drag me to another famous building, and when I saw that He was there and with his friends and they all turned to look at us as we came near I decided that I really was going to ditch this event and head back. I didn’t like how they were all looking at me, and I especially didn’t like his gaze. I know I wish for him to notice me and when he does I don’t want it. But there was just something off about the way they were watching us. I think they were trying to be subtle yet it wasn’t working they were a little too dense for subtly. And My fantasy was not trying to be subtle at all he was just watching me with his cold unwavering gaze that made me self conscious all over again after I had spent years perfecting my self esteem.

“I’m sorry girl I’m just to tried,” I said. “Maybe tomorrow just you and me can come back and finish this, I’ll be better after the jet lag.”

“Ahh, Sonia,” She whined. “But this was your first time on a plane and all . . . I guess we can continue tomorrow . . . but you’ll have to do everything I want.”

“Got it, “I answered as we stopped half way to them and half way back towards the bus. “I will definitely do whatever you want tomorrow.”

She hugged me and pushed me towards the bus. I must have really looked tired. She did not give in this easily usually. But when I glanced back behind me I saw that she had found a cute boy to hug up next to. I shook my head and smiled, she was boy crazy after all and it wasn’t like she was ugly like I was. I squared my shoulders and continued moving forward. I climbed up on the bus easily and plopped myself down in the seats. I laid my head against the window again and closed my eyes. It wasn’t a lie that I was tired but I wasn’t really that tired as to need to sleep. I just was sick of the sights and the walking and I couldn’t face him.

I liked him so much that he made me nervous when I saw him.

“Hey . . . Is this seat taken,” a voice asked.

“NO . . . it free . . .” I said opening my eyes and stuttering as He stood there.

It was him, my fantasy, the one I loved so much it hurt. I gulped my eyes wide as I looked around us. There were a few other people going back as well but they had decided to sit way, away from me. Why did he need to sit by me? He proceeded to sit down next to me and I sat up sitting up as straight as I could go looking forward. I could feel his eyes on my faces.

“All right you party poopers ready to go back,” One of the chaperones asked.

We all gave a halfhearted yeah, and the bus took off. I looked out the window the sky darkening, my heart pounding fiercely in my chest. I looked at him from the corners of my eyes and he only sat relaxed against the seat staring ahead. After awhile I began to relax, and I felt my throat burning with a question I was dying to ask him. I tried to break the barrier keeping my mouth shut and talk to him. It took me a moment but I finally managed to speak.

“Um . . . Ah . . . Derrick . . . Why . . . Why did you want to sit next to me,” I asked my voice breathless.

“You looked lonely,” Was his reply, his voice sending shivers down my spine. “Why did you want to be alone for some reason?”

“N-no, I was just . . . I mean we never talk . . . and . . . uh” I struggled to get out.

He suddenly leaned towards me, and I pressed my back against the window, afraid of him touching me. What the hell was he doing?

“What, what are you trying to say,” He asked. Staring me down with his eyes.

I gulped and tried to form coherent sentences or words, or even sounds. He continued to look at me until I had to turn away.

“I can’t speak with you looking at me like that,” I mumbled.

I was not accustomed to having guys this close to me talking to me looking at me. It was disconcerting and strange. I mean I wanted him to talk to me I was overjoyed but his invasion of my personal space was not cool. It made me awkward and nervous. He just smirked at me and moved closer. I felt my heart trying to break its way out of my chest. What was he doing? He had a girlfriend and he wasn’t one to throw himself on girls. Or faces were almost touching thankfully the seats made it awkward for our chests to touch, but his legs were touching mine.

“How is it that I’m looking at you,” He asked.

“I-I . . .” I swallowed.

I put my hands on his chest trying to push him away. He grabbed my hands and trapped them besides me. I gasped. I was so confused, and excited at the same time. He was touching me and making me nervous at the same time. What was going on in the world?

“Is it that you don’t want me looking at you or you like the way I look at you,” He whispered, his breath caressing my lips.

“W-what,” I asked.

“If the way I’m looking at you bothers you, I figure those must be the reasons why,” He said.

He pushed me down on the seat and leaned over me, making my face heat up, He pinned my arms literally over my head and I felt a twinge of fear hit me. What was going on? What was he doing to me or what was he going to do to me. His legs were on either side of me and mine hung off the seat in the aisle way. What were the other students going to think? Where was the teacher when I needed him? He looked at me while I was having my panic attack. I was starting to breathe harder and I could feel the tenseness in my muscles.

I looked away starting to become afraid I don’t even know why but I was and I was mad at the meekness I was displaying. I was angry at myself for letting him treat me this way and not fighting back. Because I was very capable of it, my cousins and brothers had made it so that was possible. I tried pulling my hands from his grasp and he only smirked at me his white teeth glowing in the darkness of the bus.

“Get off of me,” I mumbled, angry that I sounded so afraid but pleased that I had at least spit it out.

“Why . . . Don’t you like me here . . . touching you . . . being near you,” He whispered. His lips dangerously close to mine.

I tried to still my breathing but he was just to close and he had control over everything that happened to me. I looked back at him biting my lip feeling like crying. He looked back at me and for a second his look softened. I tried moving my hands again and he tightened his hold. I tried moving beneath him and he just sat on my legs.

“You never answered me,” He whispered. “Do you like when I’m near you . . . touching you . . . watching you . . . noticing you . . .”

I stiffened at his words. They sounded exactly like my own, the ones I had been thinking earlier. I stared at him wide eyed unable to keep my lip from trembling. How did he know? How did he know I wanted him to notice me? I thought I hid it pretty well. I mean yeah it might have been obvious that I liked him like a few years ago but I had gotten better at hiding what I was feeling.

“H-how, did you . . .” I stuttered.

“How did I know . . .” He asked. “Your thoughts are louder than you think.”

My eyes widened and before I could respond to his question, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. I inhaled sharply caught off guard from the contact of his lips. He made my heart stop, and everything in my body froze for a second even my breathing, and then it all started again painfully hard, my blood boiling, and my face heating up and a feeling pooling in my stomach. I was going to give into him. I could feel it in the way I started to like his kiss way more then I should have. It felt nice, it felt good, it felt new and the way he was molding them against mine were . . . they just were. I opened my mouth slightly to suck in some air, and suddenly his tongue was in my mouth, molding itself around my tongue stealing my breath sucking down my air.

I held back a moan trying to build in my throat and I resisted letting my body arch against his. What the hell was he doing to me? As if reading my thoughts his free hand came up to hold my waist making me shivers. And then I couldn’t stop myself from trying to press against him and his chest. I wanted to wrap my arms around him but he still had them trapped. He began to suck gently on my tongue and I clumsily and timidly tried to copy his movements. He growled low in approval and I felt a ball of heat explode without me. What the hell? What the hell. What was wrong with me?

I felt the bus start to slow down. We must have been near the hotel. Still he kissed me, sucking me dry and taking the life from me. His kiss was intenser and it was going to make me faint. I let out a whimper and he moved one of his legs in between my own and wrapped the other around his waist. What was he doing to me? I tried to break away from his hold on me and he pressed his lips harder against mine. I whimpered from the pressure and he let up on my hands. Using both of his hands to hold me close, I couldn’t hold back the moan I was feeling and he smirked against my lips, as my arms wrapped around his neck.

He pulled away leaving me breathless and panting against the seat. He looked at his handy work and a smile played over his lips. I looked up at him with heavily lidded eyes, panting harshly as I regained my breathing. He leaned over me again staring into my eyes as I looked back. Confused and aroused, and embarrassed.

“The game has just begun,” He whispered against my ear. “I hope you’re ready for it.”

With that said the lights came on and he moved away from me leaving me, there dazed and . . . so very confused. I sat up when I realized other people were going to pass me by and I rearranged my clothes and tried to fix my hair and not look so disheled. I looked out the window and saw Him pause by the door and look back at me with a smirk and a glint in his eye. My heart clenched and I couldn’t pull my eyes away as he disappeared inside.

I walked off the bus still lost in my own little world. The cool air blew against my skin and hair bringing me back to life. What the hell did I just do? And what the hell did he mean my thoughts were louder than I thought. And what did he mean the game has just begun. What was going on? Why had he kissed me why had he touched me? AARRGH what the hell? I tried to not panic I mean this is what I wanted right? Right?