Rooftop

AN: Welcome to my fanfic. The first chapter is a little dark, but don't worry, I think happy endings are what make the world go round. Once you get through this sad stuff, then you get to the yummies!



A lone figure stood out in stark contrast to the night sky.

Dirty-Blond hair fell in shaggy waves in front of haunted dark blue eyes, and light freckles formed a bridge across a small pixie nose above a pink cupid's bow mouth. The youth's only clothing was a pair of beaten-up converse sneakers, threadbare blue jeans, and a pale maroon long-sleeved shirt. Hardly appropriate protection from the frozen January night air, but he couldn't really care less.

It had yet to snow in this city, but the temperature was well below freezing, with that certain bite to it that holds the promise of snow to come. A harsh winter wind whipped across the young man's face, chilling him to the very bone as he shivered uncontrollably.

Seated on the ledge of his apartment building rooftop, he sat with his legs dangling carelessly over the edge in the free air. The strength of the wind buffeted the slender boy and his knuckles were white from the force of his grip on the ledge to keep from being blown off.

He was gazing at the full moon, enraptured by its blinding luminescence. It seemed to be brighter tonight than he had ever seen it before. Well, except for one night in his past, after the most horrible day of his life.

Exactly three years previous.

He really didn't want to think about it if he could help it though, so he glanced over the edge to distract himself. The dizzying drop had him nearly swooning as his stomach flipped weightlessly.

It's only a quick drop Ethan.

“S-Shut up.” His voice was no more than a whisper, nearly lost in the moans of the rushing wind.

Just lean forward a few inches and let gravity do the rest.

“Shut. Up.”

A few moments of free fall, then it will all be over. Quick and painless. I promise.

“Shut up!”

Give in Ethan. Give in and you won't be in pain anymore. No one will ever hurt you again. No one will ever leave you again. You'll leave all of them behind and be the last one laughing.

“I said SHUT UP!” He roared into the night, but there was no one there.

The echoing voice had only been in his head, a product of his miserable life. His much sought after self-annihilation. On the brink of suicide many times, always pulling back before the final fatal moment, always able to ignore the faint whispers of death that curled around his free-will like a snake.

But tonight, the voice was especially luring. He found himself leaning forward slightly as it wove soft promises through his head.

With a choked cry, Ethan fell backwards onto the rooftop, his back landing roughly on the flat surface, most likely hard enough to bruise.

“But at least there'll be a tomorrow.” He whispered to no one in particular as he fought to keep his composure, wanting desperately to believe that he was glad to still be alive.

But it was a losing battle.

Ethan curled onto his side as sobs racked his slight frame. His anguished cries echoed into the deserted night sky but he knew no one would hear him. The night was too cold for any of his fellow neighbors to have their windows open and at 3 o'clock in the morning, the only people down on the street would be the homeless or an occasional streetwalker. In this neighborhood though, even that chance was slim.

He sniffled wetly and ran his arm under his nose, grimacing as he saw the messy trail left on his sleeve. With a deep sigh, he raised up onto his hands and knees and shakily made his way to the center of the roof, letting himself collapse on his back again as he stared up at the brilliant clear sky. The stars twinkled merrily at him, mocking him with their beauty.

“Fuck you, stars.” His muttered hoarsely, his voice tired.

The rooftop was freezing against his back, effectively stealing his body heat through his flimsy layer of clothing. From shoulder to ankle, he was numb in seconds. His mind wandered without a body to control.

It was only three years ago.

Ethan groaned at the new echo. This was the other voice, the voice of memory. His suicidal urge had been quelled for the time being and now he was doomed to replay the events of the past.

He had no choice.

Only three years ago, on January 3rd, his 16th birthday.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


He woke to a bunch of smiling faces. His mother, father, and brother all beaming down at him; his mother holding a tray loaded with chocolate chip pancakes, fresh squeezed orange juice, and bacon. His favorite breakfast.

“Happy Birthday!” They chorused.

His brother Kevin plopped down on the bed beside him and ruffled his hair affectionately. “Happy 16th, Squirt. You gonna get your license and go cruising for babes with me now?” He asked, smiling at him teasingly and Ethan knew he was only half-joking.

His family knew he was gay, and they didn't mind one bit. When he had come out to them a year earlier, his parents had been surprised but immediately accepting.

To his embarrassment, his father had even admitted that he had “experimented” as a teen, so if Ethan had any questions, he would be happy to answer them.

Ethan had retreated to his room filled with equal parts disgust at the thought of his Dad's sexual history, and happiness at their love for him.

He had sat on his bed with a relieved sigh, only to see the doorway filled with shadow. Looking up, he saw his brother standing in the doorway, face filled with an indescribable emotion.

“K-Kevin?”

His brother's fingers were white from gripping the door frame, scaring Ethan, for he wasn't sure how his brother would take his homosexuality.

“What's up?” His voice trembled.

For a second, Kevin didn't respond. Then he spoke so softly that Ethan had to strain his ears forward in effort to hear his anguished voice.

“How could you do this to me?”

Ethan sat dumbstruck. Kevin thought he was doing this to hurt him? His brother was two years older than him and Ethan absolutly worshiped him, but he didn't choose to be gay to spite him! He wasn't about to change his preference just to make his brother comfortable!

“Kevin? I...I'm not doing this on purpose. I can't choose who I love! Being gay isn't something that I woke up and decided! If you can't accept me like that, then-”

Kevin had listened from the doorway in silence, but suddenly rushed forward and pulled his brother up into a fierce embrace, effectively cutting Ethan's rant short.

“No!” His voice was muffled against Ethan's hair. “Don't you dare think that, Squirt! I love you and I'll never stop just because you like...uh...guys. I just can't believe you didn't tell me this. How could you keep a secret from me? And you told Mom and Dad first! I feel a little betrayed. I thought we didn't keep anything from each other? I mean, you can tell me anything, Squirt. Uh...well, within reason. I don't need to know about like...your love life or anything...”

Ethan felt himself flood with relief at his brother's words, and he chuckled at his obvious awkwardness. They pulled apart and grinned at each other.

“My only regret, little bro, is that I won't be able to set me up with any of my cute gal pals.”

Ethan smiled mischievously. “You could introduce me to your friend John...”

Kevin blinked at him in shock for a moment, then burst out laughing as he shook his head.

It was with this happy memory that he now sat in his bed on his birthday beaming at his older brother.

“Well Kev, if you bring John along, I wouldn't mind.”

Kevin snorted with laughter at the remembered joke and they smiled at one another.

His mother placed his breakfast tray in front of him then retreated back as his father placed a small elegantly wrapped package on his bedspread. They held hands and stared at him expectantly as he picked up the present, happiness shining in his blue eyes.

All eyes were on him as he opened the small parcel, smiles on their faces. There was only one thing that it could be, but there was no way that they would have gotten...

“NO WAY!”

They all laughed at his reaction. In his hand he now held a shiny new car key.

“Is it...the-the...?” He couldn't even finish the sentence.

His brother grinned. “Yup! The red Miata. Two seater with leather everything, a great sound system. In other words, it looks like 'Sex on wheels'.”

His father snorted, but his mother shot Kevin a disapproving look, even though she was smiling.

Ethan felt happier than he ever had in his life. All he needed now was a boyfriend, and with the car, he shouldn't have any trouble with that at all.

Suddenly, his father's cell phone rang. He sighed in irritation as he opened it. “Sorry Honey, thought I turned it off." He murmured apologetically to his wife before raising the phone to his ear. "Hello?...Yeah...Really?...Oh my god!...No no, We'll be right there!” He snapped it shut.

“Honey, that was the hospital. There's been a huge car accident on Stathon Avenue, and they're short-staffed.” He turned to Ethan sadly. “I'm terribly sorry Kiddo, but we gotta go in. Those people need us.”

Ethan smiled and waved him off. “Come on Dad, I know that. Go save some lives.”

Being the son of both the top surgeon and the chief resident of the local county hospital was sometimes a trying thing, but Ethan never felt anything but pride for his parents.

His parents both gave him a hug and then made their way to the door. Kevin sprang up from the bed, calling after them.

“Hang on guys! Can you drop me off at the car dealer's on your way to the hospital? I'll pick up his car.” He turned back to Ethan with a wink. “Then we can go for a joyride, Squirt.”

Their mother turned back with a exasperated groan. “Kevin, we are not an escort service! We have our jobs to do. We'll get the car tomorrow.”

“Pleeease Mom?” It was Ethan who asked, knowing she wouldn't say no to him on his birthday.

She shook her head with a sigh, then nodded once. “But you both better be ready to leave in exactly 5 minutes!” She stormed out to get dressed.

Ethan shifted to get out of bed, but he was stopped by Kevin. “Hey bud, where do you think you're going?”

He frowned. “Mom said only 5 minutes...”

Kevin shook his head. “No no, you stay home and relax. Eat your breakfast, take a shower, get dressed in something sex-ay, and I'll be back in half an hour. We'll go see if your car can get us some tail.” He laughed lecherously, winking.

“You're such a hornball.” But he was laying back, and Kevin rushed out the door to get dressed as well.

Ethan stretched luxuriously, picking up his fork and digging into his breakfast with relish. He caught sight of his present on his bedspread and realized with a jolt that Kevin hadn't taken the key. He jumped out of bed, key in hand and rushed down the stairs towards the front of the apartment. He hoped he wasn't too late to catch them, and for once wished that they didn't live on the top floor of their brownstone.

At the bottom of the stairwell, he whipped open the heavy wooden door and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of them still in front of the building.

But something was wrong.

People were shouting.

His parents were screaming something at a man in the middle of the street.

The man was waving a gun, and Ethan felt his heart thud as the gun stopped aimed at his mother.

He tried to scream to warn her, but then there was a roar and she flew back onto the pavement, limply bouncing on the hard cement.

His father lunged at the madman, only to be shot point-blank in the face.

Ethan saw red erupt from his skull.

Belatedly, he realized that he was screaming at the top of his lungs and that the gun was now pointing at him.

Out of the corner of his eye, there was a flash of blue, and he was thrown to the ground even as the gun went off again.

He blinked slowly, looking up to see Kevin, pinning him to the ground, red blossoming across the front of his blue sweatshirt. He was staring down at Ethan sadly even as his eyes began to dim.

“We love you Ethan. We love you so much.” He choked out before collapsing down onto Ethan's chest and becoming still.

Ethan was still screaming as another shot went off in the distance and the warm weight of his brother grew cold.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



The night sky slowly came back into focus as Ethan wrenched himself out of his memories, gasping for air like a drowning man as he sat up and hugged his knees tight to his chest.

It had been the worst day of his life; watching his only family get killed. There were no other relatives to turn to.

The raving lunatic who'd killed them turned out to be just some junkie who'd taken a bad dose or something. The gun had been swiped from a distracted cop the night before, before the rampage had begun.

In the end, 7 people had been shot before the guy was finally brought down from a bullet to the head.

His brother had been the last to die.

Those final half-whispered words would forever ring through his head. Perhaps it was the real reason that he always stopped short of killing himself.

The love of his family. They wouldn't want him to give up like that.

Like he had already tried to do.

After their deaths, he'd been placed in foster care. Too old to be adopted, and too mentally shaken to care.

Bouncing from house to house, he endured two years of abuse and beatings from his fellow foster kids for being gay. Once his 18th birthday rolled around, he'd been set free.

An adult. Legally, anyway. Inside, he was still the shaken, scared 16 year old who just wanted love and affection.

On his birthday, standing outside his social worker's office and holding a small satchel of worn clothing plus his few meager possessions, he'd learned about the trust fund.

At his parent's deaths, he'd become the sole heir to his family's fortune. They'd been hard working people and made a solid living. Even after the funeral costs and settling debts, the leftover amount had been substantial.

The money had been used to buy only the essentials. An apartment, some clothes, a few appliances, and a new car since the Miata had never been picked up. He'd looked for work, a hobby, anything to help pass the time; but he couldn't focus and it was then, a month after his 18th birthday that he'd tried his first attempt at his life.

All unsuccessful, including tonight, so far.

That was also the same night he started hearing the voices. In some ways, they were almost appreciated.

He was desperately lonely, never able to attract anyone with his screwed up mind. Perhaps the voices were once friends, but now they were only foe. Regardless of that fact, Ethan welcomed their presence. The only friends he had in the world were the voices.

Well, them and his hand.

With a sort of grim determination, Ethan slid his hand down his stomach and under the hem of his jeans. Awkward fingers gripped his flaccid length and slowly tugged on it, seeking relief from his thoughts, if only for a few blissful moments.

He stroked the sensitive flesh and grunted in his effort to arouse himself. It was difficult, but he wasn't doing this for pleasure. It was for distraction.

At first, he tried to imagine some phantom lover doing sexual things to him, but he had no real experience to go on, so it didn't quite work.

In the end, he just pretended that someone was laying next to him, telling him that they loved him.

Eventually, he felt himself start to thicken, and he stroked harder. Sitting up, he unzipped his jeans, exposing himself for easier access.

He hissed as the cold air hit his half-erect cock, but didn't cease his frantic stroking. With his free hand he caressed his stomach and chest, running trembling fingers over his skin as he raced to orgasm.

He lifted his knees and arched his back as he tugged on himself, squeezing with each upward jerk, whimpering a little helplessly as the feeling started to overtake him.

For a few nearly silent minutes, he rocked into his grip, then he curled up into himself with a ragged cry as he released in erratic spurts onto his stomach and exposed hips.

“Uhhh hgnhh!”

He collapsed back, panting heavily and enjoying the brief numbing of his mind.

But all too soon, he returned to himself and shifted uncomfortably.

Releasing his softening cock, he raised his hand to look blearily at his fingers. They were slick with his seed. Disgusting. Carelessly, he wiped it off on the front of his shirt.

Sated and emotionally drained, Ethan lay on the rooftop, pants still unzipped but too uncaring to fix himself. It would be so easy to just fall asleep now. Laying on the cold rough rooftop, with his body slack, and his mind hazy.

Already the tremors of his orgasm were being replaced by a deadly deceitful warmth and the sweat on his skin was freezing. He clenched his fist and found he couldn't feel his fingers anymore. Hell, he couldn't even feel the roof beneath his back.

Just lay back and sleep. Let the weather do the job.

If he stayed out here long enough, then he wouldn't be able to change his mind. That had been his problem before. He'd always chosen quick suicide tactics and couldn't do the final step. He had always been a coward. A coward and a weakling. Nothing would ever change that.

This was nice though. The cold was disappearing and he was getting oh-so-sleepy. Pale eyelashes fluttered downward and the blue eyes disappeared.

Then, a sudden chill went down his spine and he popped his eyes open in alarm.

He felt like he was being watched.

But that wasn't possible because he'd jammed the door with a lead pipe in the handle. He always did that when he came up here and no one had gotten through before. It was his haven up here. No one could judge him, or stop him.

A hasty sideways glance towards the door showed that it was indeed still blocked. The pipe firmly in place, keeping the world at bay. Letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, he relaxed back onto the flat surface on the roof. His eyes drifted back towards the ledge, slowly taking in the shadows.

There was someone there!

No, not someone. Something.


TO BE CONTINUED