School Rules

:: Chapter One - The Contract ::

"Miss Brown, the school board contacted me today, extremely concerned about you."

"Oh, yeah? So?"

"For the past three years you have been nothing but a problem student. Your grades are fine; your assignments are turned in and you don't appear to cheat on exams, but the number of teachers who have complained to the board about your demeanor is staggering."

"Yeah? What do they say?"

"For one, you are extremely insolent when answering questions; you constantly make snide remarks just under your breath about the material, their teaching methods, their bodily appearances, and occasional speculations on their parenta You You refuse to wear the proper school uniform - pants are simply not allowed, nor are sneakers, Miss Brown; this is a school for women, not for tomboys."

"I like sneakers."

"That is immaterial. The school uniform has been selected specifically to uphold the our reputation. Visitors who arrive, hoping to enroll their daughters, are not impressed by the sight of a sloppily dressed sixteen-year-old slouching through the halls."

"So, what're you doing? Kicking me out?"

"Unfortunately, and I sincerely regret this fact, we cannot kick you out. As you are a ward of the state, the school board is acting in loco parentis, and, because of your high marks, is extremely hesitant to move you to another, less suitable school."

"Oh. Pity."

"You don't like it here?"

"Not really. A lot of the other girls are pretty stupid."

"Another complaint the board has, Miss Brown, is that you have no sense of restraint in your speech. You have no tact."

"Whatever."

"Continue - what, in your opinion, is wrong with the school?"

"Apart from the other girls being stupid? Well, the professors are a bit dry and boring old men. There's no privacy in the dorms. What we learn isn't really difficult. And there aren't any boys."

"No boys?"

"Hadn't you noticed?"

"Of course I'd noticed, Miss Brown. This is a girls' school. My incredulity is in wondering why it's a problem. Boys are a distraction to study."

"How do you know that? If there aren't any boys here to potentially distract us-"

"We know from experience. Schools used to be mixed. Lesser schools still are. Disgusting, in my opinion. But this school, and its brother school, are the two most respected institutions of middle learning in the country, and we firmly believe that the separation of sexes contributes most highly --"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the lecture. I've read the brochures."

"And you have not been upholding the standards of this school, Miss Brown."

"Right. So what's going to happen to me?"

"We're going to discipline you."

"Oh, yeah? What's my punishment? Li scr scrubbing out the bedpans in the sickroom? Or will it be bread and water for three days?"

"No. The school board discussed all the standard methods of discipline and agreed that, as they have never worked in the past, the time has come for desperate measures. We are going to kick you off the debate team."



"What?! No, you can't do that! I'm in line for the presidency next term - I've got plans for the team, there's nationals coming up next week, they need me. Anyone on the team will tell you how much they need me. They don't care what I wear. You can't kick me off the team. I'll - I'll go to the matches anyway, you can't stop me!"

"Yes, Miss Brown, we can. We can kick you off the team and remove any chance of you ever being appointed president and detain you from the competitions. Un..."..."

"Unless... what?"

"Unless you sign this contract, agreeing to follow our three simple rules."

"That's coersion."

"I'm sure the debate team will miss you, Miss Brown."

"Fine! Let me see that. One: I will wear the proper school uniform, as set out by the Headmaster. You're going to tell me what to wear?"

"Yes."

"Disgusting. I hate skirts. Two: I will be respectful of my teachers. What exactly do you mean by... respectful?"

"See the footnote - down there."

"Of course, the fine print. I will speak politely; I will follow their instructions without complaint - what the hell-"

"Watch your language, Miss Brown, please."

"-I will participate in classroom activities fully and enthusiastically. This isn't fair!"

"Continue reading the rules, if you would. Oh, who is debate team's staff advisor again?"

"I hate you. Three: I will not complain to anyone about the implementation of these rules. I accept that the punishment for breaking this contract is at the full discretion of the Headmaster and any teacher involved. So you want me to dress up like the rest of the idiotic girls here-"

"To wear the school uniform."

"-to do whatever my teachers tell me-"

"To learn respect."

"-and to clam up about how much I hate it?"

"And to be cheerful and discreet."

"That's rubbish. I'm not doing it. I'm not."

"Then would you mind waiting outside while I call the staff advisor to the debate team - it's Mr Grant, right? - and inform him that, unfortunately, you have chosen to drop out of the team, and that you won't be attending nationals next mo-"

"Fine! Fine! I'll sign your stupid rules. But as soon as I graduate-"

"Which is in three terms, a year and a half."

"-I'm going to wear whatever I want and backtalk to whomever I wish. I'll come back here and make sure you're sacked."

"Here, use my pen."

"Before I sign, I'm going to say one last thing."

"Yes?"

"You're a bastard, Mr Anthony."

"Sign on the dotted line, Miss Brown."

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