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for Horns to Hold Her Halo

by Juliette

schedule October 25, 2020 at 12:00 AM

Review of chapter 10...the new chapter that feels promising...but also very short. You end with a very good line from Lilith that suggests the upcoming scene will be quite fun, but then the chapter is over.

One thing I thought about as I was reading this was that that the complaint from Lilith brother seem well founded. Her status seem kind of mary suish with benefits but few disadvantages compared to her brother. What is it really that she puts as risk by going around and working at protector of mankind? A random idea from me would be that embracing her horns side and doing such actions as she plan to do the end of chapter 10 bring the risk of temporary or permanently put her status and the powers that comes with them in jeopardy...him giving his secrets can make it more easy for his allys to deal with her.

schedule August 28, 2020 at 12:00 AM

Quite a few story codes for this story...but after reading the first 9 parts I have not found much content matching the story codes, Kind of a shame really since it seems you have the concepts and characters for making it fly. The style of the story makes me think on Hamiltons Anita Blake books....except for far less actual sex than in Hamiltons books.

Speaking of things to improve...in part 2 you write "bad" instead of "bag". I also think you should consider redoing the intro to more show-instead-of-telling. It is nothing wrong with the intro in itself except that Lilith is too good character for delivering the information as an info-dump. 

 

person Tahn
schedule January 27, 2016 at 12:00 AM
I wonder what she's gonna do, and if her brother is really in on it...
person Tahn
schedule May 4, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Ok, so I'm supposed to critique right? I've gotta be honest, the summary for this story made me not click on this for a long time. It makes it sound like a halfling is going around screwing everything that walks, nothing but porn. I finally did click it cuz I was bored and wondered how bad it could actually be. To my surprise, it's actually interesting so far, and deserves more readers than it has. But seriously, that summary is killing you. Besides that, my only complaint is that your chapters are too short, cuz this is interesting and I wanna read more ^_^
schedule April 21, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I thought this was great! I love the casual nature of Lilith and the hinted formal nature if her brother.
There was a formatting issue with me in particular. I'm not sure if this is an issue with everyone else but I think the Xs you used to separate the story from the mini prologue is locking the format into an extra wide screen. It could be my desired reading style and my phone clashing. But your story is the only one that appears this way.

I'd suggest just three to five Xs in the center. :)