rate_review Reviews

i am really starting to get into this story, i really cant wait for more, keep up the good work!!!

Hi! Just finished the first chapter, it seems very promising. Before I head off to read the others, there's a few things I wanted to point out that need correcting:
- 'parting it up' should be 'partying it up'
- 'My father and Hobbs' should be 'His father and Hobbs'
- 5"7 should be 5'7
Please don't think I'm being rude (I think other authors might), but you did ask for corrections...
Off to read the rest :)

K, just finished chapter 2 :) Yay for the sexy detective Regis! Samnac is SUCH a creeper. Me wonders if something shall happen with him later on?
Here're some more corrections, for chapter 2 (without being horribly OCD about it). If I'm annoying you, feel free to shoot me an email telling me to piss off. (T__T)
- 'eyes red from tiers' -> 'eyes red from tears'
- 'Maybe he can stop' -> 'Maybe he can spot'
- 'regarding James Aubrey social life' -> 'regarding James Aubrey's social life'
- 'When your done' -> 'When you're done'
- 'what has happened' -> 'what had happened'
- 'he knew were the' -> 'he knew where the'
- 'My father always carries around a red leather bound notebook. Its not here' -> 'My father always carried around a red leather-bound notebook. It's not here' (unless the 'carries' instead of 'carried' was intentional because Evan isn't used to the idea of his dad being dead... which would be my bad)
- 'led him back' -> 'lead him back'
- 'Your staying as well' -> 'You're staying as well'
- 'I though it' -> 'I thought it'
- 'from his bad and when to' -> 'from his bag and went to'
- 'when down' -> 'went down'
-'He went strait' -> 'He went straight'

I know it might seem like I'm just doing a lot of criticising, but I really am enjoying this story. Don't hate me! ;A;

OK, you must be getting sick of me by now... and there's another two chapters left for me to read XD
Interesting developments in chapter 3! I like that the plot still has a decent pace, even though the chapters are quite short. Also, I don't know if it's just on my computer or the same for everyone, but two parts appear to have been cut off (one might have just been a forgotten " mark) before each of the ~~~ signs. I assume the one about Professor Hobbs was pretty much the end, but the other one was half way through a sentence...

I have some dreaded corrections from chapter 3!
- 'when missing form his study. That was the only thing his son could identity as missing' -> 'went missing from his study. That was the only thing his son could identify as missing'
- 'and his clams' -> 'and his claims' (I'll admit, I had an internal giggle about believing clams...)
- 'The sergeant asked a little exited' -> 'The sergeant asked a little excited'
- 'lets say' -> 'let's say'
- Professor Hobbs. -> Professor Hobbs."
- 'So your useless' -> 'So you're useless'
- 'He in the named' -> 'He is the named'

It only just occurred to me that other people might have already pointed these out to you... I'm really sorry if they have, but I've been avoiding the other reviews in case of spoilers. I hate spoilers with a passion.

Chapter 4 done and the plot thickens!

At risk of being hated forever, here are some corrections for this chapter:
- 'feel relived' -> 'feel relieved'
- 'passed it of' -> 'passed it off'
- 'Come Evan lets take a walk.' -> 'Come, Evan, let's take a walk.'
- 'The walked through' -> 'They walked through'
- 'asking question' -> 'asking questions'
- 'I never though' -> 'I never thought'
- 'mother on course' -> 'mother of course'
- 'mistake with which' -> 'mistake which'
- 'missing I clue' -> 'missing a clue'
- 'temple have been' -> 'temple has been'
- 'sold the mystery' -> 'solve the mystery'
- 'him and his father’s' -> 'his and his father’s'
- 'Lets get you' -> 'Let’s get you'
- 'they man, Hobbs' -> 'the man, Hobbs'
- 'Finely, some' -> 'Finally, some'
- 'I this time' -> 'this time'
- 'in his captains' -> 'in his captain's'
- 'Evans friends' -> 'Evan's friends'
- 'beside my mother’s. As the guests left, I stood there at the graves of my parents and wished that I could' -> 'beside his mother’s. As the guests left, he stood there at the graves of his parents and wished that he could'
- 'Hobbs remain' -> 'Hobbs remained'
- 'shouted when laughed' -> 'shouted then laughed'

Again, sorry if these corrections are repeats...

Sneaky Regis! :O And fail Regis, letting Evan get kidnapped so easily... Battle in the way? Pah! Still, glad to see ninjas beating pirates and the rescue of Evan C: I'm really liking Zao-Min, hopefully there will be more of him coming up. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter XD

... Some corrections for chapter 5:
- 'your very valuable' -> 'you're very valuable'
- 'your fathers' -> 'your father's'
- 'pirates can out' -> 'pirates came/ ran out'
- 'Fine than, Golch' -> 'Fine then, Golch'
- 'tucked in away' -> 'tucked it away'
- 'freighting man' -> 'frightening man'
- 'bring out my whip in' -> 'bring my whip in'
- 'think strait. He starred' -> 'think straight. He stared'
- 'ad grabbed' -> 'and grabbed'

wow, talk about an adventure! :) after you're finished you may want to consider transforming it into a screen play, since right now it feels like a write-up :) totally fun to read!

Interesting start. :3 Just some small thing you can fix is that in the beginning you switch to first person instead of third like the rest of the chapter. It's just one sentence though :3
One of the things I really liked was that for once, this kid didn't resent his parents. I'm looking forward to the rest.
(And sorry for the spelling, I'm too lazy to check it over xD)

Ahh! I love it! So far it's not full of super mystic and magicks suspensy stuff, but it's really awesome! I love the plot-super interesting and realistic too! I'm already in love with Evan and Regis as well :3 Also: Woo! Science major! Don't worry, I think you've started out with an amazing plot and you've written it very well! I can't wait for more to come out:3 And I'm thinking the people who mentioned Evan's mom might be super entertaining too!

(Also. AFF or my internet spazzed and I lost my first, hella awesome review:( But I love this!)

The first two chapters are great...it's like reading a crime novel! Bravo!! ^_^ I can't wait for the next update :)