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December 13, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This seems one of the more personal stories I've seen for a prompt? The based on true story thing gives it away I guess :) I did kind of wonder what a Pit Bull who didn't leave the pot alone would be like, seeing as most of 'em seem to have permenant case of the munchies anyhow. Good use of the prompt though, seems like this was a hard one to start on!
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December 9, 2010 at 12:00 AM
YAY! Welcome to the Prompts! I loved the chihuahua! Thanks for sharing, PW
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December 8, 2010 at 12:00 AM
It's a cute little tale that's believable and poignant. The details are presented casually but they stick while also carrying the dialogue, particularly in the context. Actually the dialogue was a lot of fun to read even without being stoned. The dogs' reactions were another good way to bring me into the scene.
Now, you need to work on your punctuation. Remember to use a comma to attribute dialogue unless a ? or !is appropriate:
"Oh, yeah, suck like that," the bowl moaned.
Jess said, "I think the bowl is talking to me.".
There are also a few run-on sentences which had commas where periods would have made the entirely correct. You could use conjunctions too, but in one case each independent clause also had its own modifier, plus it was very long.
Usually his personality was a little ADHD, but when he was high he would actually relax * break here* it was the only time he stayed still besides when he slept, so I figured it was good for him.
Since the sentences are related you could use a semicolon instead of a period, but that's an impulse I have and struggle with. :)
Anyway, thanks for sharing your touching scene with us. Despite the mechanics issues, it still gets high marks.
=p
Now, you need to work on your punctuation. Remember to use a comma to attribute dialogue unless a ? or !is appropriate:
"Oh, yeah, suck like that," the bowl moaned.
Jess said, "I think the bowl is talking to me.".
There are also a few run-on sentences which had commas where periods would have made the entirely correct. You could use conjunctions too, but in one case each independent clause also had its own modifier, plus it was very long.
Usually his personality was a little ADHD, but when he was high he would actually relax * break here* it was the only time he stayed still besides when he slept, so I figured it was good for him.
Since the sentences are related you could use a semicolon instead of a period, but that's an impulse I have and struggle with. :)
Anyway, thanks for sharing your touching scene with us. Despite the mechanics issues, it still gets high marks.
=p
schedule
December 8, 2010 at 12:00 AM
First of all, I loved this. There's nothing like making up after a fight with a friend, especially one who can finish your sentences for you, and who knows more about you than your own family.
There's a couple of punctuation things, mostly in dialogue attribution where a comma is needed. (For example, "You light it," Jess said.) One other thing I did notice was the "your"/"you're" mix-up, which I catch in my own work ALL the time.
But those minor things don't detract at all from a great piece of creative writing!
There's a couple of punctuation things, mostly in dialogue attribution where a comma is needed. (For example, "You light it," Jess said.) One other thing I did notice was the "your"/"you're" mix-up, which I catch in my own work ALL the time.
But those minor things don't detract at all from a great piece of creative writing!