rate_review Reviews

I have to say, I saw an immense improvement even from Ch1 to Ch3. I almost didn't continue, but I'm glad I did. My advice, however, would be to go back over chapter 1 with your spellcheck and beta - the first chapter is really important in getting people's attention. Looking forward to reading more!

The plot of the story is ok, but you should try to find a beta. Your grammar is problematic.

It would help, if you got a beta reader. I'd be more than willing to help you out, if you want. Contact me at Cuckoolicious(@)yahoo.com. Though, if you do decide to let me help out, I only can during the weekends.

Also, I feel like I've seen this story before. At least the summary. Probably just imagining things

:)

this has potential. The biggies I see to make it more reader friendly is to put spacing between your paragraphs and to go through and captalize your 'i' . Hope you keep writing.

well you have the creativity to take you somewhere with this... I can tell by grammar and such that this does look like a first story, but by no means should you scrap it when you get better... though someday, as your skill improves, you may want to rewrite it. I can say it's taken me about seven years, since I was 16 to develop a style that was college or "article" level. at first you'll struggle with the story TELLING then one day you'll realize the sentences flow like honey but the story WEAVING is the new challenge. not just what happens but how, why, in what order in what timing to bring things about with the most emotional, cinematic, impact to the reader. all of us writers on this site are somewhere on the journey as storytellers, but I really admire your request for constructive criticism, and It's hard for me to ignore such a thing. I see potential in your story, the relations between the characters show thought, depth and potential. Teh story theme I personally like, too. (though that it's mpreg is a coincidence, since this account is where I put my mpreg fics.)

First off let me give you a few sources and tips... download Open Office from the internet, it's just like word but has a spell checker to help you improve grammar and spelling. Here's a site I started going to years ago, it has advice that will save you many times in writing: http://www.fictionfactor.com/. if you really want more in depth advice, such as questions for me personally, there's my gmail, or even skype, find me with my gmail address.