schedule
September 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hello again!
Hmmm....Why doesn't Jason like human contact?
And why hasn't he talked to anyone 'in, like, ever.'?
And what's the special occasion they're all celebrating?
This chapter was good. The conversation between Felix and
Jason was -excellent- by the way. Keep it up.
I would still like to see more action, and more characters,
but I guess we'll see them next chapter. ^_^
The attraction between Jason and Felix is progressing nicely.
Not too fast, not too slow. But Jason's issues
will obviously be a major problem- Felix was just -joking- and
he freaked out. >_< Oh,by the way, you need to watch your
grammer -if you worry about that kind of thing.
There were just a few, simple mistakes in this chapter; no huge deal,
just keep an eye out.
All in all, this chapter was even better than the last.
^_^
The story is really starting to take shape.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!!
Much Love
Dee
Hmmm....Why doesn't Jason like human contact?
And why hasn't he talked to anyone 'in, like, ever.'?
And what's the special occasion they're all celebrating?
This chapter was good. The conversation between Felix and
Jason was -excellent- by the way. Keep it up.
I would still like to see more action, and more characters,
but I guess we'll see them next chapter. ^_^
The attraction between Jason and Felix is progressing nicely.
Not too fast, not too slow. But Jason's issues
will obviously be a major problem- Felix was just -joking- and
he freaked out. >_< Oh,by the way, you need to watch your
grammer -if you worry about that kind of thing.
There were just a few, simple mistakes in this chapter; no huge deal,
just keep an eye out.
All in all, this chapter was even better than the last.
^_^
The story is really starting to take shape.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!!
Much Love
Dee
schedule
September 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Interesting beginning so far. I'm interested in seeing where you take this.
schedule
September 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like this story so far. I hope you continue to update and I will continue to review and keep an eye out for your updates.
schedule
September 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hmmm...I'm interested to see where you'll take this. It's a bit short, and a little rushed, but that might just be because it's the first chapter. First chapter's are hard to write, sometimes. Felix -is- cute, though. Is he gonna be Jason's boy toy?
Also, I loved the title- sexual innuendo much? ^_^ Please continue the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh! And I welcome you to the wonderful world of writing slash! ^_^
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Much Love
Dee
Also, I loved the title- sexual innuendo much? ^_^ Please continue the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh! And I welcome you to the wonderful world of writing slash! ^_^
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Much Love
Dee
schedule
September 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*sigh* Poor Jasons' in denial. ^_^ But that's what makes him cute. I feel bad for Felix, but......does he usually go after all the guys? As soon as Jason showed up he was all over him, and Mike seemed to take this as a regular occurrence......Is it just because Jason was nice to him? Also, was Felix the one who kissed Jason when he was sleeping?
This chapter was better, much better, but I'd like to see the characters have more depth. They all seem a bit two dimensional, when they need to be three dimensional in order to seem 'real' to your readers. I know you probably see much more than we(the readers) do at this point because they exist inside -your- head; you know what they like and what they fear and what they carry in their pockets. You need to -show- us your characters because we don't know them like you do. In order to do that, you have to put them in situations. Life happens in stories through the characters reactions to events in their lives.
For example: Dane and Mike, though secondary characters, have lives and personalities. In your story, they could have very well been the same person! Who is Dane? What does he think of Jason, of Felix, of Mike?
Also: This is Jason's new school. Is someone going to show him around? Is he going to go to class? What's the school -like-? What are the teachers like? What's the headmaster/principal like?
*deep breath* wow that was a long paragraph!!!o_o
Basically, flush out your setting, minor characters, and the protagonists will follow.
I hope I'm helping!^_^
Can't wait for the next update!!!
Much Love
Dee
This chapter was better, much better, but I'd like to see the characters have more depth. They all seem a bit two dimensional, when they need to be three dimensional in order to seem 'real' to your readers. I know you probably see much more than we(the readers) do at this point because they exist inside -your- head; you know what they like and what they fear and what they carry in their pockets. You need to -show- us your characters because we don't know them like you do. In order to do that, you have to put them in situations. Life happens in stories through the characters reactions to events in their lives.
For example: Dane and Mike, though secondary characters, have lives and personalities. In your story, they could have very well been the same person! Who is Dane? What does he think of Jason, of Felix, of Mike?
Also: This is Jason's new school. Is someone going to show him around? Is he going to go to class? What's the school -like-? What are the teachers like? What's the headmaster/principal like?
*deep breath* wow that was a long paragraph!!!o_o
Basically, flush out your setting, minor characters, and the protagonists will follow.
I hope I'm helping!^_^
Can't wait for the next update!!!
Much Love
Dee
schedule
September 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This story is quite good and I think it has a lot of promise. You're doing a pretty good job so far. I think you just need to put in more description in all aspects of the story. But that's just my opinion. And I'd be interested in helping you in any way that you want me to. If you want my help then just tell me and if you don't then that's fine. I just thought I'd offer. Either way please update soon.