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September 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
So I suck at reviews, but I will leave one anyway... I'm really liking this story, I think the characters are endearing and I was quite depressed when I got to the end of the sixth chapter (cliffhanger!!). Anyway, looking forward to the next update!!
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September 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh my word! Are we finally going to get to know more about Jason? This story is really great! Please, please, please continue!!!
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September 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
aww i love felix
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September 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hello again! ^_^
Alright, first off, I have to say that I -loved- the ending. Absolutely wonderful. Probably your best chapter ending yet.
Secondly, the relationship between Jason and Felix is progressing nicely. They have an 'opposites attract' thing going on, and it works well.
Thirdly, I'm very interested in Jason's past. You're building up the suspense, and that keeps your readers coming back. What's with all of his girlfriends? Are those stories even true?
Also, I'm glad Jason finally went to school. His school is....interesting; everyone there seems -nice- (for lack of a better word). It's like they're all one clique, which is totally unrealistic. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but it didn't feel -real- to me. It was just so PLASTIC, and that is one of the worst things to do when writing. Remember when I told you how Mike was becoming a stereotype? Well now it's happening to your school. A school is like a small world, and no world is totally at peace.
An author's setting is their second most important device, the first being their characters. Developed characters like Jason and Felix will go -nowhere- in an underdeveloped setting.
Developing your setting is something every author does. It doesn't happen in one chapter; just do your best. ^_^
I can't WAIT for the next chapter!!! ^_^
Much Love
Dee
Alright, first off, I have to say that I -loved- the ending. Absolutely wonderful. Probably your best chapter ending yet.
Secondly, the relationship between Jason and Felix is progressing nicely. They have an 'opposites attract' thing going on, and it works well.
Thirdly, I'm very interested in Jason's past. You're building up the suspense, and that keeps your readers coming back. What's with all of his girlfriends? Are those stories even true?
Also, I'm glad Jason finally went to school. His school is....interesting; everyone there seems -nice- (for lack of a better word). It's like they're all one clique, which is totally unrealistic. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but it didn't feel -real- to me. It was just so PLASTIC, and that is one of the worst things to do when writing. Remember when I told you how Mike was becoming a stereotype? Well now it's happening to your school. A school is like a small world, and no world is totally at peace.
An author's setting is their second most important device, the first being their characters. Developed characters like Jason and Felix will go -nowhere- in an underdeveloped setting.
Developing your setting is something every author does. It doesn't happen in one chapter; just do your best. ^_^
I can't WAIT for the next chapter!!! ^_^
Much Love
Dee
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September 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you but my e-mail account wouldn't work at all! I just got on again today otherwise I would have e-mailed back your edited story. Please forgive me and I still really want to help you if you want me to...but I understand if you don't. At any rate I'll keep reading because this chapter was the best one yet and I can't wait to read more. I'm begging you to please give me another chance. But either way please update soon.
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September 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
The updates were pretty good. Sure I'll try being your beta if you still want me to. I'll tell you right now that I've never really done it before. I mean I've edited stories for one of my friends but that's it. I also probably won't have the internet for about a week because I'm in the process of moving for school so it isn't hooked up yet. I'm currently at a friend's house for the weekend which is the only reason I'm on. If you still want me to beta for you, you can e-mail me at murray3303@hotmail.com. If not that's ok too. Anyway update soon because it's getting better with each chapter.
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September 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hi there!^_^
Your character development is going wonderfully!!!
You really explored Felix's character in this chapter. It's great; his true colors are beginning to show. He's so innocent he's ignorant! Also, he doesn't seem to think much of other's feelings. (i.e. The note to Mike) Although he seems a bit desperate for the acceptance of the people around him. These may be flaws, but it's good to have flaws in a character: it makes them more realistic. Flaws also give your readers a chance to emotionally react and/or relate to the events in the story. For example: when I read how Felix sat on Jason's lap in the car, it made me angry, because Jason -told him- that he didn't like physical contact.
Mike's character also made an appearance. He kind of reminded me of the archetype and/or stereotype of the 'wise friend/confidant'. You know, the guy you ask for advice, and the one who always has a friendly 'suggestion' that tends to be the author giving the readers blatant information. These characters are not bad, you just have to make sure they stay -characters- and not become plot devices. The earlier one-night stand between Felix and Mike was a great idea. It makes Mike seem like he has a life, a purpose in the story and is not just your messenger, so to speak.
You have to remember, characters are like real people. They all have different thoughts, histories, habits, and lives. As the author, you need to express this.
But for now, don't worry too much. You're doing great! ^_^ Focus on making your characters as human as possible, and the story will get better and better before your eyes.
As for me, I can't wait for the next chapter!!! ^_^
Much Love
Dee
Your character development is going wonderfully!!!
You really explored Felix's character in this chapter. It's great; his true colors are beginning to show. He's so innocent he's ignorant! Also, he doesn't seem to think much of other's feelings. (i.e. The note to Mike) Although he seems a bit desperate for the acceptance of the people around him. These may be flaws, but it's good to have flaws in a character: it makes them more realistic. Flaws also give your readers a chance to emotionally react and/or relate to the events in the story. For example: when I read how Felix sat on Jason's lap in the car, it made me angry, because Jason -told him- that he didn't like physical contact.
Mike's character also made an appearance. He kind of reminded me of the archetype and/or stereotype of the 'wise friend/confidant'. You know, the guy you ask for advice, and the one who always has a friendly 'suggestion' that tends to be the author giving the readers blatant information. These characters are not bad, you just have to make sure they stay -characters- and not become plot devices. The earlier one-night stand between Felix and Mike was a great idea. It makes Mike seem like he has a life, a purpose in the story and is not just your messenger, so to speak.
You have to remember, characters are like real people. They all have different thoughts, histories, habits, and lives. As the author, you need to express this.
But for now, don't worry too much. You're doing great! ^_^ Focus on making your characters as human as possible, and the story will get better and better before your eyes.
As for me, I can't wait for the next chapter!!! ^_^
Much Love
Dee
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September 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
P.S: This chapter was much longer, and I believe all of us readers appreciated it! ^_^
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September 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OMG. This is amazing!
hehe.
I love rping with you.
it's totally rad.
MY LOVER!
hehe.
I love rping with you.
it's totally rad.
MY LOVER!
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September 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow! I really like your story. Its cute and funny. XD
I really hope that you intend to make the entries longer.
I fine there just to short.
I really hope that you intend to make the entries longer.
I fine there just to short.