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April 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
that was awesome! thanks for updating. i thought that you gave up on the story since its been so long:( i'm really happy you updated though, since i really love the story!:)
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March 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
CHAPTER 3
You could begin the next chapter with Marc's POV and the scene of their meeting through his eyes, and then, since Aleal is not conchious, continue with the story through his eyes for a little while; and then switch at some point. We don't know much about Marc, this could be an opportunity to see 'real him' from inside his head. As well as an extra bit on Aleal's looks - through Marc's eyes this time.
Not so sure about 'Jack’s thoughts' bit, we already have some idea about him, it might get repetetive, unless his thoughts would include some inside info on that family, hehe. It's up to you, which one to include, really.
And yeah, I do enjoy your story:)
You could begin the next chapter with Marc's POV and the scene of their meeting through his eyes, and then, since Aleal is not conchious, continue with the story through his eyes for a little while; and then switch at some point. We don't know much about Marc, this could be an opportunity to see 'real him' from inside his head. As well as an extra bit on Aleal's looks - through Marc's eyes this time.
Not so sure about 'Jack’s thoughts' bit, we already have some idea about him, it might get repetetive, unless his thoughts would include some inside info on that family, hehe. It's up to you, which one to include, really.
And yeah, I do enjoy your story:)
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February 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I am adding this story to 'Golden Nuggets (Original Slash List)', Rants/Journals section,
Only my personal favorites made the list:)
Thank you so much for writing!
Only my personal favorites made the list:)
Thank you so much for writing!
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February 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That was getting so good. It has a nice pace to it. And having Marc's POV would help on the matter of his feelings on having seen the same boy in front/somewhere near his house so many times.
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January 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Woh, this really good. Please update soon. I love the way Aleal thinks. Im guessing his cousin has abit of thing on him? eh heh heh
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January 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey, yes I enjoy your story. Um I would like to see Marc's point of view, learn a bit more about this god, Aleal's perfect god that he is so obsessed with ^_^ I keep wondering where this story is heading, but I guess I'll just read and find out.
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January 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2, thank you ^_^ I'm liking this even more. So he gets to see his 'God' again? That's great, um, I'm so bloody tired, after weaking up just a while back, read this with my second cup of coffee, now I must make myself a third and get ready for work. Anyway, waiting for the next update, want to see what happens ^.^
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January 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Interesting I must say, so he's like a God of some strange religion and wouldn't really want to be a part of it?
And then there's some guy that he secretly worships? Hm... I very much like to see where you'll take this. This Aleal seems like an interesting character.
Congrats on your first story here ^.^ Every reason to feel proud of it.
And then there's some guy that he secretly worships? Hm... I very much like to see where you'll take this. This Aleal seems like an interesting character.
Congrats on your first story here ^.^ Every reason to feel proud of it.
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January 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
CHAPTER 1
Hi, Natana,
Congratulations on your first story! You've started with an original idea, I like that a lot. This is very promising and I will wait for updates for sure:)
I would like a bit of description on Aleal. So far I can't really picture him, can't even tell his age. Is he going to a High school or university? I think that his family does let him to get his education.
I really liked the description of the street where Mark lives( I assume, that's his name from the disclamer) That change in Aleal's perseption, when he saw the man he loves... very well done!
Mark is just a regular guy, right? Does he know Aleal at all?
I shudder to think what the Purification room is like.
Good start, Natana
Hi, Natana,
Congratulations on your first story! You've started with an original idea, I like that a lot. This is very promising and I will wait for updates for sure:)
I would like a bit of description on Aleal. So far I can't really picture him, can't even tell his age. Is he going to a High school or university? I think that his family does let him to get his education.
I really liked the description of the street where Mark lives( I assume, that's his name from the disclamer) That change in Aleal's perseption, when he saw the man he loves... very well done!
Mark is just a regular guy, right? Does he know Aleal at all?
I shudder to think what the Purification room is like.
Good start, Natana
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January 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i do like. but i wish he had some powers lol.
always more fun when he gets to blast the enemy
always more fun when he gets to blast the enemy