Family

The beer burned his throat as he swallowed it down, the now empty tin can feeling as light as a feather as he squeezed it, crumpling it with an audible crush. The words still burned worse, though, igniting a pain he had felt for years. They had been uttered under the old man’s breath after a heated argument about the fresh scratch on the man’s brand new lamborghini. He had believed that the slim redhead had taken it for a joy ride during the night, when in fact it was his older brother and his new band of friends. Malteah took the fall though, as always. He understood that the old man would never believe anything else anyway. Malteah had been adopted, and there was no way the only biological child of the family would ever do something so reckless, right?

Raehno had changed over the years. He behaved like the perfect angel around their parents. He had straight A’s (Malteah wondered if he bought answers from his classmates). He dressed neatly, shaved daily. Their mother praised him daily. “I could only get pregnant once,” she had stated, “but at least I gave birth to the perfect son.”

Years ago, Malteah had shared in the love from their parents. When the boys were younger, their father took them to the aquarium because Malteah had been sick the day of the field trip. Their mother would always give him hot chocolate when he came home feeling down because of bullies at school teasing him about being adopted. “You’re not brothers,” the kids had said. “You don’t even look like him.” It was certainly true, though. Raehno and his parents had a faint, olive like skin, versus Malteah’s paleness. The family had a dark chocolate brown hair color, and Malteah’s was naturally a vibrantly bright red. Raehno and his father had green eyes, his mother’s eyes more like an olive green. Malteah though? His eyes were amber, which seemed red in the right light. He never looked the part when standing with his family. But they had loved him, and that was all he needed. Elementary school all through middle school, he felt like he really was their son in terms of love and affection.

But this would not always be so.

He noticed at an early age that there was something a little bit off. It started with a sleepover. He and Raehno were friends with a boy that they had known for years, and as they changed, Malteah felt a… he wasn’t sure what. It confused him. What was that feeling? He kept thinking about it as they lied down to sleep. Later that year, the boy moved away with his family. He tried writing to the boy, but eventually no more letters were shared. After a few years, he felt that strange… something, again. It was in fifth grade. Boys and girls were starting to notice each other differently a bit more, gossiping about who they like. Based on the chatter, he figured that the feeling must be this new kind of ‘like’ that everyone talked about. The assigned seating was changed, and he found himself next to a cute girl with dark hair. That odd sensation had grasped him again, but in such a close setting, it was magnified. He struggled to focus on his work, acting the cool personality like the other boys. The two barely talked to each other all year. When they sat in the cafeteria in their most formal attire to graduate from elementary, she sat beside him with a giggle. The two shared a glance but then turned to the other kids they were talking to. That was the last time they socialized.

In middle school, he began to notice that, not only did he like girls, but he would find himself gazing at other boys as well. He understood the emotion that tugged at him now. He knew he liked them. Why, though? Why did he feel this way? He quietly went through all the years, ignoring the “she likes you” games that his classmates played. His older brother was always a year ahead, so he was only able to see him at home.

High school came. He had been battling himself for years over that other side of his feelings by now. He began going out with girls, mostly chatting with them over classes and family. Raehno didn’t seem interested in dating at all. Their parents showed their support for Malteah, glad that he wasn’t as wild as the media usually said was normal behavior for all teenage boys. He was always home within a reasonable hour, and treated the girls well, even being gentle during break ups. His grades were still high.

Then came the day that he dared to bring a boy home.

Malteah spoke of young Alendien the way he would about his girlfriends, explaining how they met, what they bonded over, and what classes they had together. Finally his mother asked, “So he’s just a friend, right?”

“Excuse me?” The question had thrown Malteah off. That wasn’t normal for the whole “meet the parents” routine.

“That boy is just a friend?” she asked him again. “What was so confusing?”

Malteah rested his arms on the table. “You never asked that the other times I brought dates home,” he reminded her.

“Date? This boy is your date?”

“To be exact, he’s my boyfriend,” Malteah explained to her.

Raehno leaned back in his chair, quietly watching the situation from a distance. Their father didn’t speak, glowering at Malteah. “How can you possibly be gay now?” the woman demanded. “I thought they all say that it’s not a choice.”

“I am bi, mother.” Yes, he had finally figured it out one day, finding information about it on yoogle. He had also found a plethora of information, as well as fiction, learning how unalone he truly was in all this.

The woman shook her head. “That’s even worse!” she shrieked. “I had no idea you were such a…” The end of her sentence had trailed off quietly, muttering under her breath.

“Such a… what?” Malteah challenged her. “I know the rumors, the stereotypes… none of them are true.”

The woman refused to hear more though, abruptly standing up and retreating from the room. Malteah finally looked at his father with his eyes. The man cleared his throat, putting his hands onto the table. “Son, I’ll be honest with you,” he started. “This is something I don’t think is right, at all.” He slowly got to his feet. “I suggest really thinking about the game you’re playing.” And he left the room as well.

Alendien peeked over at the frustrated boy next to him. “That was… interesting. My parents were okay with my coming out… Sorry.”

“Fuck,” was all Malteah could say now that their parents were out of the room. He turned to Raehno finally. “Go ahead and say it. I’m sure you’ve got something.”

“No,” he said quietly. “I have nothing to say.”

The next morning, their parents stayed in the master bedroom as the boys got ready for school. It was quiet for once, uncomfortably quiet. Finally, Raehno broke the silence. “Where’s your boyfriend?” His voice was quiet, distant. “He was still here when I went to bed.”

“He left after eleven,” Malteah told him, moving things around in the fridge.

“So you didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Fuck him?” The redhead glanced over at his older brother. “That’s an odd thing to ask your brother, isn’t it? But we didn’t. I mean, after all that? After our parents made me out to be some sort of… I don’t even know what.” Raehno didn’t say any more, dropping a couple slices of bread into the toaster. “If you must know…” Malteah added just before the toast popped up, “we broke up last night.” He finally pulled away from the fridge, a can of their father’s beer in his hand.

Raehno watched him, surprised by his brother’s behavior. “And you’re taking it pretty hard,” he noted as Malteah popped the cap and took a swig. “I mean, you never seemed this upset over your break ups with girls.”

“I had been with him a little while,” Malteah quietly said. “We really connected. He still wants to be my friend, but… he doesn’t want to be around the folks. He felt uncomfortable.” He swung his head back, downing half the beer right then.

“So he’s gone, just like that?” Raehno asked. He caught the full glare of Malteah’s gaze. “If you guys were getting serious… just our parents are enough to chase him away?”

“What the fuck do you care, anyway? It’s not like you even tried to defend me last night, so why pretend to be a good brother now?”

“How was I supposed to?” Raehno wondered. “I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend until last night. It was a huge surprise to everyone that you’re not…”

“Oh, just shut up. God, Raehno, fucking shut up.” Malteah finished the beer, slipping it into the recycling bin. His fingers slid through his hair as he left the kitchen, pulling on his dirt stained sneakers and jacket. He didn’t wait for Raehno, leaving the house and walking to school, his bag slung over his shoulder, the weight causing his shoulder to ache as he went.

After that confrontation, Raehno had gone quieter, and eventually he had his charade all figured out. He became quick friends with a group of delinquents that got him into smoking and drinking. He would take their father’s car out for midnight parties as the others slept, and bring it home in one piece, but filthy, the smell of booze and vomit oozing out of the windows. When the boys were questioned about it, Raehno mentioned seeing Malteah leave the house in the middle of the night. He had expected his younger brother to argue the point, but the boy was silent. Raehno went on to do other reckless acts, expertly faking his soberness when with family.

And now their father’s new car had paid an expensive price for such behavior. Malteah glanced carelessly at the crumpled can in his hand, dropping his arm to his side. The alcohol couldn’t dull his mood anymore, but he couldn’t drink himself into a coma. He set the can down beside him finally, reaching into his pocket for a pack he had snatched up from Raehno’s room, knowing exactly where his stash was. He lit a cigarette with one of Raehno’s lighters. It was the least his brother could do now, unknowingly buying cigarettes and lighters for him. His lungs burned, a fit of coughing threatening to overtake him as he blew out the smoke. He flicked away the ashes. “No son of yours,” he remembered, mulling over his father’s words. The cigarette burned away in his hand.