Anesthetized

Anesthetized

My dead-eyed, jaded stare sees this situation without emotion

While triggers of my past keep goading me

Into parodies of self-destructive, defensive motions

I've got no soul left inside for you to manipulate

Your eyes keep searching my face

For whatever it is you want me to demonstrate

Too bad you can't understand it's much too late

You've pushed me so hard, I've lost the ability to even hate

We're caught in this spinning web of deceit

I know I can choose to stay or walk away

My resolve to move on was conceived

Of steel bands of hard-won self control

I know I've got the strength inside to heal my soul

I've learned to have self confidence, though I've paid a heavy price

I know it's time to chase down the feelings I long ago put aside

I'm letting go of all these never-ending pain games

That we've been playing out of spite

I'm taking back the real me that I lost somewhere in my life