Like A Lollipop

Author notes: Started for NaNoWriMo. Editing solo. Reviews would be lovely. Updates can be found on Facebook at Alinna words. Enjoy!

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Like a Lollipop

 

E had promised he wouldn't do it. He promised he wouldn't do many things but Vasiliki had learnt along the way that promises were nothing. They only held pain and regret; if he believed them too much and got his hopes up they would be shot down hard, like falling on your ass straight onto concrete when someone drops you. Vasiliki still liked being carried though.



"What... The hell are you doing?" Vasiliki could barely see what was going on around him, the small living room of their apartment having been filled with people, making him feel awfully vulnerable in just a pair of pajama pants and a blanket. He couldn't even remember when he was put on the sofa but he was certain he didn't get there himself.



"We're playing a game, baby." E smirked across the room at his younger lover, staring him down.



"Put.. Put the gun down, E. You could get hurt." Vasiliki struggled for a moment to sit himself up, groaning and rubbing his head. Again, he didn't know why it hurt so much but he had his guesses that he was unwilling to share with anyone else in the room. They were all smoking, the fire alarms built into the place having long since been ripped out, and the air was thick, catching in the back of his throat and causing his nose to wrinkle if he inhaled too hard, too fast.



"Baby, that's kind of the idea of the game. You don't trust me now?" Really, Vasiliki trusted E with his life and they both knew it. Hell, everyone in the room knew it and wouldn't dare suggest otherwise but Vasiliki knew the tone of voice - low and dangerous -  as E adjusted his grip on the gun in his right hand. It had been so long since Vasiliki had seen his lover in such a state. Alcohol would have been involved no doubt but he wasn't close enough to judge by breath. He didn't want to be so close when E had a possibly loaded gun in his hand.



"I trust you with my life. I trust you completely. Just... Fucking well put it down." Trust was one thing, but it wasn't going to be able to keep E alive if he shot himself in the head. Vasiliki cringed and closed his eyes, shaking his head when the gun remained in the mans hand.



"Guys, does it sound to you like he trusts me?"



Others in the room murmured, looking to each other and whispering. No one knew what to say. They all knew what happened to the last poor guy who suggested Vasiliki had a thing for someone else but at the same time they didn't want to go against E's thoughts on the matter. No one spoke up, a couple shook their head and E grinned at the response. Fear was good on them.



"Baby, do you really trust me? No matter what?" When Vasiliki nodded, swallowing hard, feeling his stomach churn. E encouraged him over with his free hand. "Come sit in my lap and tell me how much I mean to you, baby."



The walk was a short one, full of both living and inanimate obstacles and Vasiliki hit his calf into the corner of their coffee table - generally used for anything but coffee - and yowled, struggling to keep going. But E's lap was home. Safe and yet harsh at the same time. He could make it. He would make it. He had to. It had been an order. Settling down onto E's thighs, Vasiliki stared at the gun now suddenly so close and pressed his cheek into E's chest. Stroking E’s cheek, he tried the best approach he could think of.



"Hunny please. You don't need to do this to prove anything to anyone. A few hours ago you were fine. You weren't interested in any of this again and you have already done it several times in front of people. They all get it. They don't need to see."



"Oi! If he wants to do it, you have no right to be blabbering away trying to stop him, you little shit." One of the men Vasiliki knew to be a business partner of E's felt he had the right to speak up and the gun was brought around, trapping Vasiliki against E's chest.



"Insult him again without my permission and we'll see how lucky you are, Sugar."



Vasiliki had never really understood why everyone called each other such sweet names. They were pet names, something you called loved ones or people you were having long term affairs with behind your wife's back. E wasn't having sex with these people. He was in no way intimate with them unless one classed exchanging money, drugs and weapons as intimate. To the people around him, Vasiliki assumed such things were pretty damn intimate. So much trust in the room it made his heart ache just a little. Deep, deep down he knew E trusted these people more than him. When times got rough he would be pushed away and E would go running with them. He was left behind with excuses. 'You're young', E would say. 'You have your whole life to live and I'm not risking getting you killed right now.' Right now. Right then. When would he be willing to risk that? When would he be willing to take him along?



The room fell into silence until Vasiliki could hear his own pounding heart and feel E's own pulse, steady and consistently calm. Lucky fucker.



"I'm not afraid to die, Vasi." E shook his head and smiled at his lover while still holding the gun in the general direction of Sugar. "I'm afraid of nothing. Not even afraid of losing you." It was an act. It was all an act. Vasiliki had to remember those words that were whispered in his ear every single morning while he was half asleep. He had to take himself back to those times when he woke to E's lips against his skin, fingers stroking hair out of his face. His words were lies. Lies to make himself feel bigger and better. Lies to make everyone in the room think they had nothing on him. No one needed to try taking Vasiliki away if they all believed E didn't give a fuck what happened to him.



"If they all know this... Why are you doing it again?"



"Sometimes people need to be reminded who is king of the hill around here, babycakes. It's going to be okay. I know you're scared," E's stroked a thumb over Vasiliki's cheek, trying to be of some subtle comfort. "But you must trust me totally. You are not in control. You never will be and you never have been. If you're suddenly uncomfortable with that then now is the time to get the hell out of my apartment." His. Nothing shared.



All an act.. All an act.



"Do it." E might have been the one who started it all. He was the one who felt like he needed to show everyone what a big man he was but Vasiliki knew his role in the game. It didn't make it any easier to stomach.



"Your faith in me pleases me, baby." When Vasiliki heard those words he moved to get up and as far away from danger as possible but the arm was still in his way and when he struggled he caught E staring at him, lips parted ever so slightly. The look was hungry. "Stay with me, baby. If I die, I'm dying with you in my arms, your whispered words in my ear, your tears on my clothes."



"Why does it matter if I'm right here or not?" Questioning was wrong. Vasiliki knew he was doing the bad thing but he didn't want E's blood splattering on his face.



"Sit still and endure this, boy." The words came out in gritted teeth and Vasiliki nodded slowly, wary.



As he waited for the whole thing to be over and done with, trying to breathe slow and deep, he caught sight of someone far more familiar than the rest. The man stared back at him and Vasiliki knew they were both in a shit position. The gun went to E's head and Vasiliki wrapped his arms around the stronger male.



"Nah, baby. Move your head down a bit." E nudged Vasiliki to make sure he was in no physical danger and the last thing Vasiliki saw was his lover smiling. He showed no fear, even in the last second, staring down at him with a look that could almost have been loving. The trigger was pulled.



A click.



Life continued.



Silence followed.



"Fucking suicidal man!"



"Baby..." E grinned as he put the gun back down on the coffee table, taking the time to remove the bullet before wrapping both arms around the other, holding him close and kissing him on the forehead.



When the fear finally passed Vasiliki straddled E's thighs, pressing their foreheads together, breathing hard through his mouth. Hands on his shoulders, Vasiliki felt safe all over again. It was merely a bump in the road. A test that he had to pass in front of so many people.



"Please stop doing this to me. It's..."



"Hard. I know. You have to work for things in life, Vasi. You have to or you get nowhere. You become idle and I can not have you sitting idle. I need you on your toes and while I refuse to have other people do that, I am more than willing to." He stroked through Vasiliki's hair in just the right way, fingers stroking down the back of his neck making his shoulders shudder. It was no longer embarrassing in front of so many others. They all knew. If any of them cared they wouldn't dare speak up about it. No one would.



"I love you."



"I know." E was distracted again, moving to put space between them and gesturing over to someone else. "Talk to Dave, baby. I have some business to attend to now that I've sorted this out."



"Has... Has someone been caught doing something bad again?" It was risky to ask because Vasiliki knew he was kept out of most business topics of conversation but he couldn't help but ask. Something in him wanted to know whether E had the balls to out someone in front of so many. Surely they'd end up killing the guy depending on what he'd done.



"Vasi," Hands cupped Vasiliki's jaw, making him smile but E's expression was serious. "You have nothing to worry about. And hopefully no one else in the room does either. You are never alone. You are never in danger. Now off you go and have a nice time, hm?" He made it sound odd.



"Do I have to go somewhere else for the rest of the night?" His voice was full of confusion and he stared at E for a long time as the pause grew.



"... No." E shook himself out of his little daydream, shrugging. "You are more than welcome to stay, baby. It's fine. You can stay here. It is your home as well as mine and if you feel most comfortable sleeping here then that's great. But I need to get some work done so you can't cling to me all night." He gave a shove and Vasiliki got the hint, standing with a grumble, kissing the man on the cheek and taking Dave's outstretched hand.