Pain

 

A.N. – This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to people you may or may not know is purely coincidental

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Sometimes people didn’t understand, no matter what they say, what they preach every fucking single day just to comfort someone. Not everyone is special, not everyone is worth the trouble, and not everyone will find or even have their one. Life isn’t perfect like that, peopling only created these false words of promises to hide from the fact that they’ll die alone.

So what do you do when you come to realize these very important facts, first is denial I mean everyone has to have someone, something that will make them feel like they are the best, the Number One. Second is shock how can that be, it shouldn’t be like this life was suppose to work out, it has too because the consequence of the fact that it didn’t, could be devastating. Third is sadness overwhelming sadness, the knowledge that you aren’t anything special that there is probably someone out there that’s similar to you but better a version 2.0. It hurts so much; the stinging feeling of tears about to fall, the ache you feel in your chest like someone is squeezing it just to see how far they could take it until something just stops. The dropping feeling in the pit of your stomach, that feels like it’ll never end, always falling without an end in sight.

So what happens now you felt all of these emotions the pain the urge to just scream clawing at the back of your throat, to cry your heart out without stopping, to urge to just break something just to lessen the pain. It helps when you get to do all of this, but what if you just bottle it up inside. The emotions tightly held deep in the back of your mind where you can’t think about it, because if you do you know it’ll hurts too much. But every once in a while it cracks and you feel the emotions surge back up and worse than ever, yet you still can let yourself completely let it go to do what you want but never can.

All you could do at that point is close your eyes and lie, lie to yourself tell yourself that it’s going to be okay these feelings that you feel will go away, just wish it away and it’ll be gone. After awhile you’ll feel, well I won’t say it’ll be better but the pain is gone but so is everything else it’s numb. Sometimes, just sometimes the pain becomes too much , to the point where it hurts to even wake up in the morning to know that nothing has changed your still the same person you were the day before, it makes you wonder are you even alive.

The silence in the middle of the night is worse, there is nothing just emptiness it doesn’t drive you crazy but the thoughts that run through your head, over and over never ending doing nothing to quench the feeling of hopelessness. It gets to a point where you feel anything besides the mind numbing pain, with nowhere else to turn to, you grab a knife, and wonder will it hurt, will I finally feel something besides the heart wrenching pain of not being special. A slash, thin blood running down, it hurts less doesn’t mean the pain is gone but lessened. Day in day out it’s the same routine, live life even if it isn’t really living.

So what is there left to do….

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A.N. – Review if you like.