Asunder

Can you imagine falling from the sky? It hurts, burning your lungs. The cold air pulses in you, stealing the life away. Your wings are broken. CRASH. I can imagine it, because I've lived it. It was a self - sacrifice, helping others without the want of anything else. Being completely self-sufficiant and relying on no one. I served him for decades, completely obedient. Until one day, Sin came over me.

Roses. Soft like velvet. They ache for my touch. I leaned down and touched my lips to the fragile petal. Perfect harmony. Wings covered in dew drops. He used to say I was his favorite, because they shone like millions of little crystals. Absolutely stunning. I wish I had that happiness still. I wish I had that comfort.

But I don't. 

The roses turn black, chaos. No more beauty, and my wings are gone. AGONY PAIN MISERY. I can't breathe. This is taking over me. I betrayed you. I betrayed myself. Pride is such a deadly vice.

4 am. I can't sleep. The dream came back to me, once again. Breathing, softly and steadily. Peaceful. Harsh dreams of pain have been waking me the past few nights. I don't know what has brought this on. I kiss Dylan on the cheek, rest well my love.

CHAPTER ONE

Paint, thick, heavy fumes spread throughout the room. I pull down another canvas. I've been in here for 5 hours. I haven't left once. The walls of this spacious room are filled. Painting, drawing, sketch, rip r i p rip, creative. Winged monsters, blooming flowers, dream-like castles, sleeping beauty. I've made it a habit, putting my dreams to paper. It just so happens, the normal little Dream Book is not satisfying. I cannot remember when they have ever helped. But art, ART is what brings back every sense, emotion, feeling. That's what satisfies my curiosity. Dreams brought Dylan to me. 

Dip, soak, brush. Repeat. White snow, dark building, court yard. Danger. Paint to canister to brush to canvas. My heart beat is increasing. Memories flood my mind, I don't want to remember this. History, remember, past. I have to document my life. I have to tell this story, I have to know... I have to know it's real. 

Snow falls around me, ashes from a past life. They get stuck in my hair and stick to my eyelashes. Memory, flash. He's here. Sin stared at me harshly, he made no attempt to move closer or back away. I bow my head - "You've destroyed me." A warm tear slides down the side of my face, I couldn't keep it from slipping. "I warned you." And he vanished. Another snowflake falls, it lands on the inside of my eyelid. I closed my eyes quickly. Rush, heartbreak. He is screaming, I hear screaming. BLACKOUT.

Ice, breath in. He gasps. Inhale, daggers going through flesh. Invisible, liquid enemies. This is your punishment for being Hell. This is your punishment for destroying her. Wings ripped from his back. Feathers flowing in the current. Burning, life giving out. He's sinking farther. GONE.

My eyes flash open. I'm crying, he's holding me. I lean into him sobbing. Snip SNIP snip. The seams are ripping, I don't want to be near him, he's pulling me apart again. Tearing me apart again. Nothing is making sense. I look up at him, staring in his eyes. My hands are shaking, a wet warmth. They're covered in blood. Crimson snow. No apparent source. He's dying, shoulder blades bleeding. I can't lose him, I have to leave him.

Trace, I'm on the floor. It's dark outside. I don't know how long I've been lying here. My lungs want to collapse, my heart wants to stop. I look at the canvas. I don't see the beautiful, eerie landscape. No more flowing snow or linear courtyard. No, no more. Now there is a void. Black, dark, pressed center. Ruined. Shiver, crying, I pull myself off the floor. I hold onto the cold metal of the art stool for support.

Dylan's out again. I wander through the hall. I find our room. Scent, cigarettes. Air, warm and moist. I fall onto the bed. Dust flies. Perfect, dead thoughts sunken into the sheets. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe. Please come home tonight. I need your comfort. I need you to tell me I'm not crazy, that I'm going to be ok. But I know you're not going to come home tonight. I know you're not going to tell me it's alright. I know i'm going to find him in my dreams.

"All is here, praise your gods, heal your wounds and fall to chaos." Angels are singing, bright white lights. HELP ME! i'm falling. HELP ME! his denying. HELP ME! embrace.

R.E.M. Hallucination. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. Dylan's laying next to me. eyes wide, expression worried. It's 4 am. 

"Babe, are you alright?" he said.

"Shhhhh, I'll be just fine." 

He sighed, said "Alright." And closed his eyes.

Think, Thought, Think, Thought. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock. Time is running out. It's midsummer and heavy rains are wanting to fall. THis is my favorite time of year. Gigantic raindrops, floods, bird nests and dead children buried. How could this world get any better?

I walk outside. Overcast. White ^flowing dress. I hold my arms to the sky. Thunder. Rain starts falling. The fabric sticks to my skin. I breathe in the moisture. I bare my scars. Heat from the pavement evaporates the drops right as they hit. I enjoy the smell of asphalt, the sound of living things growing up to their prime. Full, beautiful trees shake. Lighting, FLASHFLASH. boom. A loud crashing noise, it's dying. Beautiful fallen tree, the world is so harsh. I sit and wonder while it weeps. I sit and enjoy the warmth.

You ruined it for me. Ruined it.