One Last Goodbye

I woke up this morning and everything was greyer then usual, like all the colour had slipped from the world while I was asleep.

I forced myself to get out of bed, every small movement almost impossible.

I walked down stairs turning into the front room, faced with the photos of my daughter, so small so sweet, her smile the only bit of colour in the room.

I walk over to the fireplace to take a closer look at her face on last time.
as my eyes lift up from her photo to meet the mirror.

my heart almost stops as I look into the obis looking back at me, I see through the mirror every colour fading to black, everything crumbling to nothing, the pictures on the walls melting away.
I cant breathe as my hand reaches to my chest, clutching to my heart as if I was holding on to life, every breath feeling as though it would be my last.

I see my face morph and shift, melt away till I too am nothing, I swallow hard as I move to the kitchen, every inch of me knowing what I most do.

My heart beating slower and louder almost drumming in my head as I reach for the kitchen knife, it feels so heavy in my hands, as I try to lift it up to meet my gaze, my eyes flashing along the jagged blade.

I pause for a second just stood there staring at myself in the reflection of this blade.
My heart drumming louder as I close my eyes, with the meeting of my lashes I drop my hand.
A single tear falls from my eyes as I pull back hard on my hand, feeling my skin drag under the jiggered ridges.

The sensation of the knife hitting and sliding along the wrist of my other arm, is something I don’t think I could ever describe, like the meeting and departing of every feeling I’ve ever had, an emotional realise teamed with a physical angst.

I hear the knife hit of the floor as I open my eyes, everything still grey except for this warm liquid in my hand, it was so warm, a brilliant shade of red that glistened on my hand as it dripped from my finger tips.

I slowly walked, from the kitchen to the back door.

As I opened the door I felt the cold hit my face like a rush needles to my skin, as I walked out of my back door, the red drips from my finger tips made patterns in the crisp white snow, how beautiful it looked for this grey cold world, to have such warm colour running through it.

My heart beating ever slower as I gasp harder for my breath, my body falling to its knees, as I hear the morning birds sing, I part my lips to let out but a whisper as I too sing along,
my voice quiet and weak as I whisper;
“Everything is right now, everything is how it should be, I was never meant for this world, and now I am free”.

With my last breathe I fall forward in a moment that seems to last a life time, feeling every crisp drop of snow crack under my skin, every action in slow motion, as my eyes blink to the falling snow, I softly roll to my back, and close my eyes, the feeling of the snow beneath melting as fresh snow falls open me, never before had I ever felt more part of this world, my blood running from me and into the ground, I look up to the grey sky exhaling one last time as the soft snow hits my face!