The Meaning of Passion

The Meaning of Passion
Chapter 1

I look up as I hear:

“Motherfuckers.” Mandy slams her bag down on the table.

“And we are talking about…” I ask her as she sits down next to me at the lunch table.

“My parents. That’s who.” She plops her arms on the table and lays her head on them.

“This is a new name.” I go back to my hot chocolate and pastry.

“No it’s not. It’s just another re-run on all the names I call them.”

I nod my head. “This is true. So what is it this time?”

She looks up and looks around the room. We’re sitting in the lunch room before classes start, along with half the school. Most are laughing and talking, others eating breakfast, and others doing last nights homework. I look around too. After four years, two in middle school, and now two in high school, things have not changed.

“So this morning I brought up the Conference in New York, and before I could even explain it to them, my father was already saying no.”

“We expected that hon.” I look over at her. She makes a face.

“Not the point, the point is they never ever listen to me. They have no idea that I’m even interested in art. It’s all about track right now. Jack and track. Hey I’m a poet and didn’t even know it.”

I laugh and shake my head.

“Anyway, Jack has an away game the weekend of the registration and there for I have to stay home and watch the twins. Which Kim can easily do, but no, the daughter that has a life is the one that has to stay behind and watch the brats.”

“You know you love those two the most out of all your other siblings.”

“Again, not the point, and Kim already said she would watch the kids too. But I guess that was missed by my parents.”

“You know that your parents will give in and Kim will be the one to watch the kids, and you and I will go to register.”

She smacks her forehead with her hand. “God you’re just as bad. Come on; just give me one second of bitching with out reason.”

I smile again and finish the last bit of my pastry. “Ok, ok go for it. I’m all ears and my mouth is zipped.”

Mandy picks up again. I look around the room and find a group of guys looking over at me. I smile and wave at Paul and his friends.

“You know, you’re supposed to listen to me bitch, not bat you eye lashes at Mr. Hotness sitting over there.”

I blush and look at her. “Shut up.”

Mandy smiles. “So how are things at home?” Mandy asks me.

I shrug. “Bout the same.”

“What no wild old people sex on the living room couch?”

“Oh my god, stop Mandy.” I try to laugh it off.

“Oh come on, they’ve been married almost six months. How’s the new step mom and step brother?”

I bite my tongue and breathe in deeply. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“There’s a first. You know you have to get it all out. I mean your dad just up and marries some woman not even a year after your mom died. But he doesn’t marry just any one. No, he marries the woman that also happens to be the mother of the oh so hot, but dickhead, Michel Benton. That to me needs to be talked about.”

“You know if you weren’t my best friend you would be flat on you back with a broken nose.”

“Violence gets us no where, and I say that because I’m your best friend. I have to give it to you straight, even when you won’t give it to your self straight.”

I roll my eyes.

“So the conference is the third week of summer, and that is coming up soon. So what’s the plan for you?” Mandy asks.

“At the moment I’m not completely sure. Michel moved in over spring break, I guess something’s up with him and his dad. So with that happening, the conference isn’t at the top of the list at my house either. It’s all about the golden boy moving in.”

“How was your weekend?”

“Total crap, I would have ended up at your house if it wasn’t for my dad trying to play family. It was sooo awkward.”

“Oh but come on, do you have any idea how many girls in our school would kill to be living in the same house with none other than Michel Benton?”

“You, of course, are one of them.” I smile over at her.

“Bite me, I’m just sayin.”

“Yeah I know what you’re just sayin. Your enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Hell yes, nothings better than picking at my best friends problems.” She laughs.

I look up as Paul sits down at our table. “Hey girlies.”

I smile and Mandy says hi.

“What’s going on with you two?”

“Oh nothing much, just-”

“Nothing, ignore her please.” I smile at him and then glare at her.

“I’m talking about the fact that our Sydney now lives with none other then our senior stud Michel Benton.”

“God she has said that three times now. I think she is in more aw of it than anyone else.”

“Well she does have a point; any girl here would love to be in your shoes.” He quietly says.

I shake my head. “That’s just because they have no brain and no sense of self worth.” I answer.

“Oh you’re such a prude.” Mandy laughs.

“No, I’m right and you both know it. Besides that I’ve never liked him. Just because his mom and my dad decide to get married doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind about him.”

“But it’s been six months now since the wedding. You two have been living together and you still don’t like him?” Paul asks a strange tone in his voice.

“Correction, our parents have been married for six months, but he has only recently moved in. He’s been living with his father. In fact we’ve never even spent time together as a family. He’s always busy with some sport or another, and when he’s not, I’ve got a showing or night class to go too. We don’t know each other any better then we did before the wedding. And that’s just fine with me. You guys know him and I don’t get along. Never have and never will.”

‘Well it’s good to know your not turning into another of the faceless fan club for Michel Benton.” Paul says.

“Trust me that is never going to happen.”

“Damn, and here I’m sitting hoping you and I could both join and get the t-shirts.” Mandy laughs.

I shake my head. Just then the bell rings for first hour classes. “Welcome back to hell girls. Few more months and then summer break.” Paul says as he stands up and gathers his books.

“And then off to New York for the conference. The three of us will kick ass.” Mandy replies.

“Let’s just focus on finishing the year. Juniors next year, upper classmen, and another class gone.”Paul says.

I look at him as if he’s grown a second head but smile. “Umm ok, little power hungry buddy?” I laugh.

“You know, just ready for things to start going our way.”

I bump into him as we start to walk to class. “Things are good for us now Paul, don’t wish for things to change, it may change for the worse.” I say.

He’s quiet as we walk down the hall.

As we reach hall A I turn and wave to Paul and Mandy. They have P.E. first hour together. They turn down C hall and I head off to English.

With summer coming up soon, many of the teachers are relaxing the work load, especially on the seniors. This pays off for me since most of my classes are senior classes. I’m ahead of most of the sophomore class in English and math. Next year I’ll be taking duel credit classes for both high school and college. But it cuts me off from the rest of my friends.

I enter the room and take my seat next to the window. I pull out my sketch pad and start to doodle. My mind goes back to what Mandy was saying about Michel.

This past weekend was hell. Michel decided that he’d had enough living with his father and was going to move in with his mother till he graduated and then moved down to Mexico. His grandfather has land or something down there.

So until he graduates I’m stuck with him in my home.

He started moving his stuff in last week, and moved in on Friday, or I should say Saturday since he didn’t make it home till Saturday morning. I’m sure after the track meet there was some party and the rest is history.

But last night… last night was weird.

At this thought I hear the bell ring and the door opens. Every class always has a tardy or two, no big deal.

I look up to see who gets to receive the lecture on tardiness.

My eyes lock with Michel Benton’s.

Yeah, for such a stuck up bastard, he is so good looking.

Sure, just good looking?

Alright, alright, he’s hot, but a step sister can’t entertain ideas like that. Besides, the moment he sees me, it’s like ice comes over him.

“Why gentlemen, so nice of you to join us and grace us with your presence. Take a seat.” Mr. Kendrick says.

I finally notice another guy standing behind him. Brett Swisher, friend and confident.

“Sorry Mr. Kendrick, but Ms. Sanders had a problem reworking our schedule.” Michel says.

“That’s right, let me see both of your new schedules.” The guys hand over two piece of paper and Mr. Kendrick looks them over. “Alright, looks like morning classes will work out better for you. Go and sit.”

He hands back the schedules and the guys look over the room. It’s then that I realize that the only two open chairs are right behind me.

I look down at my pad as they pass my seat.

“Alright, we get to sit behind the geek.” Swisher leans in close to my ear. “How bout a little sugar. You know you want it.”

I roll my eyes and look up at him. “From what I’ve heard you can’t even keep it up. That’s if you can even get it up to begin with.”

His eyes ignite. “Oh trust me sugar, it takes a special stamina to keep up with me.”

“Hence the reason some think your gay.”

He goes to lift his hand to hit me but someone catches it behind his head. I don’t break eye contact with him. He’s pissed, big time.

“Come on man, not now.” I hear a voice behind him.

Swisher lowers his hand. He rolls his neck as he backs away. He takes a seat two desks back from me. I turn back around and see the teacher is, conveniently, busy. Can’t bust the golden boys.

“You know, if you want a reaction so badly just give in and let him fuck you.” Michel leans into my ear as he sits down behind me.

I turn my head. “I wouldn’t want to make you jealous.” I face forward again as Mr. Kendrick starts class.

My bloods still pumping from the scene and I’m not able to focus on class.

Instead my mind wonders.

Michel and I have never gotten along. Like oil and water.

It all started on my first day here in Phelps, Ohio. My mom and dad decided a move would be good for me. I was 12 and already deep into drugs. The third time I was busted it was either moving or I be sent to juvy. My parents decided to move. So we picked up and moved out here from New York City.

The change in culture was huge. You can’t just take a kid that’s used to New York City living and then expect them to fit into a pow dunk town. Least to say I stuck out.

My first day of class I was rebelling so I dressed ridiculously. All black, baggy jeans with chains, and I dyed my hair purple. Most people couldn’t stop starring. I caused quiet the stir.

Some weren’t happy about it. Some like Michel Benton.

He walked up to me on my first day, at lunch. He looked me up and down and then finally spoke.

“So now we have a new freak in town. Pauly will be so happy to finally have someone to share the spot light with.”

“Fuck off bitch.”

“Oh, and mouthy. I guess we’re going to have to teach you some manners.”

“Look pretty boy; let’s get this over and done with. Keep fucking with me I’ll fuck you over. Or you can be a man about it and leave the freak alone. But I really hope you keep it up. It’s so much more fun.” I glare at him.

“Well I don’t know how much fun it’ll be for you, but tons of fun for me and my friends.”

“Let the games begin.” I walked off and ever since then we’ve been at each others throats.

It was mostly stupid shit, filling my locker with sand. Or pushing me into the boy’s bathroom as I walked by. Once they even took my cloths when I was in gym class.

I retaliated, deflating tires, flooding their locker room. I even got a hold of their clothing, ran them through the washer with a hole gallon of bleach.

It was all peaty.

But then my mom died.

All most a year ago.

She was caught out in a bad storm one night on her way home from work. A truck driver was having problems with his windshield wipers. He never saw the line between the lanes and didn’t see my mom till it was too late.

She was killed instantly.

And in the time since then the pranks stopped. Rumors were still started but I didn’t see the point any more.

Nothing really mattered. I fell into my art. It was the only thing that really mattered to me for so long. That and my friends. If not for Mandy and Paul I would have become one of those scary dark art people that never talks to any one and all their work is dark and depressing.

My dad worried about me, but not for long. Five months after the accident he went on a date with Benton’s mother, Sharon. One month after that they married.

So now we play the happy family. Sharon moved in after the wedding. Then three months later Michel started his weekend visits. Like I said I never saw him during the visits. But now he lives there full time.

We don’t talk to each other. It’s easier that way.

But yesterday couldn’t be helped. My dad thought it would be a good idea to spend ‘quality family time’. No one was out right hostile, but you could feel the tension.

It was the first time Michel and I were in the same room since the marriage. Dinner last night was a nightmare. I tried to get out of it by going over to Mandy’s like I do every weekend, but my dad was having none of it. Michel tried the same, but I guess his mom was the same.

So by the end of the night I had drank an entire bottle of wine. My dad had tired to stop me but I told him it was the only way he’d get me to stick around.

He gave in.

And I got drunk.

And the battle of wills between me and Michel took a turn in a new direction.

I was sitting out on the deck finishing my last glass of wine when he came out and found me.

I don’t remember much of what was said, but whatever it was it pissed him off. I ended up caged between him and the railing of the deck. His arms came around me and his lips were on mine. I remember thinking how dare he and then I was caught up in the moment.

My fingers plowed into his hair pulling him closer to me. My teeth nipped at his lips and then his tongue was invading my mouth, showing me who was boss.

My knees gave out and he lifted me up on to the railing, moving my legs apart and forcing him self between them.

I wrapped my legs around him, grinding against him, keeping my mouth locked to his and my hands buried in his hair.

I could feel him hardening and then he pulled away, cursing.

It was then that I heard someone coming. I looked to him and we stared at each other. Then he jumped of the deck and ducked under it.

I laughed crazily as my father came out.

“I’m so happy you find this funny. Your drunk aren’t you?” he walked up to me. I swung down and staggered, not just from the wine, catching my self just.

“Nah dad, not your daughter. What reason would she have for drinking? I mean it’s not like you upped and married some random woman not even a year after your wife died right? Nah, that can’t be it. But it would be really stupid if you tried to make your daughter play happy family with that woman.” I pick up my glass that I must have set down and down the remaining wine.

As I passed my father he grabbed my arm. “She’s dead. It’s time to let go.”

I flinched as if he’d hit me. It takes me a while before I can reply. “Well seeing how it is her husband didn’t mourn her, her daughter will mourn for the both of them.” I pulled my arm away and walked into the house.

I have no idea if Michel heard all that or not.

I avoided everyone this morning, slipping out before the sun was up. I went over to Paul’s and he drove me to school. Being at Paul’s is as common as me being at Mandy’s.

Paul has become a lifeline for me over the past couple of years. If not for him and my art I don’t know where I’d be. Then Mandy moved here and she became the third and finale piece to the puzzle. It’s been the three of us this past year.

We have other friends, but when it comes to the three of us, we come first. Once the shock of me wore off, people came around and I did make other friends.

But any way back to what happened last night. This morning is the first time I’ve seen him since then. From the look in his eyes he isn’t too pleased to see me either.