.Far Two Familiar

More disclaimer: I tend to work with size-themed fiction, which includes overwhelming control issues and outrageous differences in scale. Such disparate sizes between partners is not for everyone, so be warned.

---------------

Jasper was working at his alchemy bench when I arrived. He had some symbols painted on a stone tablet, lined with powders, filings or salt. Concentric circles of sulfur contained them. Little breaks in the lines were left in the circles, not quite closing each one.

"What are we doing today, Jasper?" I asked.

He gestured towards a small bowl in the very center. A pearl sat in the bottom. "I'm making some permanent makeup. You paint a design on the pearl, then it'll apply that design to the owner's face." He poured white paint into a bowl and added a few dyes. "Take off your clothes, Amber."

"Seems a little commercial for you," I said as I stripped. "Some lady love you want to impress? Or did you lose a stupid bet again?"

Jasper didn't pause as he mixed the paint, producing a fluid with a lovely shade of sunset red. "It wasn't a stupid bet," he said with a sniff.

"You lost," I pointed out as I lay down flat.

"Well, I very nearly won." He bent over me and started painting magic symbols on my skin.

I'd have suspected that the paint was just an excuse to stare at my naked body, but he swore it was necessary. And since familiars can't lie, I had to accept it

Still, he did spend a lot of time applying the designs to my bare skin. And more time 'helping' me wash them off after the spell was cast.

When he was done, he picked me up and placed me in the center of the smallest circle. I followed his directions and held a diamond chip over the pearl as he closed the sulfur rings and started to chant.

The chip warmed as it became the focus of the magic that was collecting in it, then redirecting down towards the pearl.

Well, I call it a chip because it was smaller than a freckle on Jasper's skin. In my hands, it was a shiny brick. Once more, I wished I could take something back down the beanstalk and spend it.

But my familiar swore it would lead to horrible consequences and again, I had to believe him.

The spell went quickly enough, I guess. I'd only ever contributed as the familiar. Without me, Jasper would have to pause casting spells to reposition the focus from time to time.

That would require breaking the protective circles, adjusting the armature, closing the circles, all within a time limit that would render the whole effort useless.

Now he just ordered me to put it higher or lower, to stand on one foot, or touch it to the pearl.

There was an unmistakable point when the spell was finished. A build-up of energies started to make everything feel taut, like an over-wound rubber band. Then it released. The whole room seemed to sigh, the chip cooled and the pearl started to glow.

"Wonderful!" Jasper said happily. I remained in my pose until he reached in to collect me.

He held me to the side as he picked up the pearl. Instantly, his whole face went blank. The eyebrows, eyelashes, lips, everything became smooth and pale... Almost like a pearl.

"It works," I said.

"Of course it works," he said. He held me up to a mirror on the end of a shelf. I saw myself, the red streaks on my breasts, belly and thighs visible. I kinda liked the effect of the color on my dark skin. Too bad there was no one back on Earth to share that view with.

Then he touched the pearl to my shoulder. My face, my whole head, became nothing but a white sphere. That was disconcerting...

"Wow," I said. "Hey, why is my entire skull affected, but only features on your noggin?"

"It is only your features," he replied. He poured water from a kettle into my tub, then checked the temperature with a finger. "But the spell thinks your features are the size of a normal person's."

"Ah," I said in understanding. "And since your eyebrows are the size of a mink stole..."

"And yours are the size of a kernel of wheat, there will be a bit of overlap." He rubbed his wet finger on a bar of soap, then started to lather me up. I relaxed as he lowered me into the water.

Jasper was a surprisingly gentle bath attendant. His thumb had a callous that could scrape the tread off of a winter tire but I never got abraded.

The bowl he used for my bath was shallow but it was wide and comfortable. He washed off the paint and the cares of a day spent in back alleys and congested traffic.

I floated under his attentions, my mind blank. "So," I asked after a while, "when's the next spell?"

"I've got a ring to enchant when the conditions are right," he replied. One fingertip stroked up and down my thighs while he ran a finger from his other hand down an astrological chart.

He mumbled about stars and moons, orbits, occlusions and retrogrades, then started doing math in his head. "It'll be... Monday. About 9:30. In the evening." He blinked down at me, trying to look innocent.

"Monday at 9:30?" I repeated. "So... If we were to come up here RIGHT after House is over, it'd be perfectly timed?"

"I think you might be right," he said, trying to sound surprised.

"Amazing," I said. I splashed some water over my face and stood to climb out of the bowl. He had my bath towel waiting, draped over on finger.

I dried and dressed. Jasper was carefully boxing the pearl up as I finished. "Thanks," he said. "You're the best familiar I ever had."

"Back atcha!" I said, then I stomped my foot.

In an instant I was back at my current apartment. I check the security system, there had been no concerns while I was up in the clouds.

Next I put a check on Monday, writing 'summon familiar' next to it. I wondered if I could find a tanker truck of popcorn by then.

-------

The day I met Jasper started off shitty. I'd been working the bank for four weeks. I had the plan, I'd acquired the tools, and my favorite crew had their calendars cleared.

We were halfway through the rehearsal when the money guy called and asked if we were aware that the bank had been closed. The Fed was concerned about solvency issues.

Seemed the vault we were just about to break into was empty.

Time, money, favors and not a little team-building sex play had all been wasted. I was pissed, frustrated, and poor.

I know, it was still better than actually breaking in and finding the vault empty. Or worse, finding it full of federal auditors. But I was still pretty cheesed off.

So I did what I always did. I drove a fast car through the mountains. It's not the same thrill as defeating security systems and the forces of law, but it's a thrill. And the car's always stolen, so that helps.

The afternoon sun was blocked by clouds and the occasional rain, but that just made the curves even more thrilling.

Right up until I went off of one.

I remember the guard rail being at an odd angle. I guess someone else had hit it recently.

Then there was a sense of flight. I don't remember landing.

I woke up looking down at a muddy stream. The car was beyond totaled. Part of the engine was where the passenger seat should have been, the spare was between me and my door and there was no glass to be seen.

I wanted out of the car so I undid my seat belt. I didn't move. Then I saw that the steering wheel was holding me up against the seat. I tried to lift myself off of it.

I sloshed.

Oh, god, I thought. I'd heard that sound before. One of my wheel guys was showing off and died in a head-on collision. The driver of the other car sloshed when we tried to remove him from the burning vehicle.

The impact had broken all the connective tissues holding his organs in place. My torso was just a big meat-sack full of haggis right now. If I moved, something dense would slosh over something important.

I started to cry. Of all the ways I'd risked my life over the years, dying because of my high speed tantrum was humiliating.

There was no one around to offer up a final word or last statement. Just trees and what looked like the face of the cliff I'd gone over.

Then it moved. Rocks fell away from the cliff and a big, dirty hand came towards my car.

It was one benefit to dying slowly of internal bleeding, I thought. The brain lost oxygen and I got a show.

For all that it was half the size of my bed, the hand seemed weak. It moved slowly and jerkily, dragging fingers along the ground.

Then one shaky, wobbly forefinger touched the car door. It shook and I screamed.

"Would you live?" a voice asked. It was softer than wind in tree branches. The speaker wasn't in much better shape than the hand.

I didn't connect the two at the time.

"I'd rather live, if there's a choice," I said as loudly as I could. I realized I was as bad off as the hand and the voice.

"Would you pay the cost?"

"Yes," I said. "And if I haven't got it in my stash, I'm good for it. I swear!"

I coughed and wondered how long the hallucination would last. Would we get to the epilogue? Or would I just die in the first act?

Outside, the hand found the stump of a tree I'd evidently gone through. It used the splintered top to open a gouge in the palm. Blood welled out, looking brown and muddy.

"Touch the blood," the voice said as the palm got close. I reached, whimpering at my body's own sound effects. I remember thinking the stuff was cold. Then I blacked out.

I woke up in a cage.

--------

Now, in all the books I read during my stay at Juvie, when the dippy heroine wakes up in a cage, or dungeon, or brig or chained to a bed in a castle tower, she bemoans her fate.

I was happy. Really. First, I'd been in jail cells before. And more important, I'd woken up. Last time I had a coherent thought, I was sure I was hallucinating on my way to the big oblivion.

Bars? Cold steel floor? Naked? Color me happy! I could always break out, steal some clothes. The cage actually made me nostalgic.

My hand automatically went to that spot in my thigh where the bullet scar was. The reminder of my first armed robbery, and my last, thank you very much.

But as I looked around, trying to make sense of the scene outside the cage, I noticed that I couldn't find the scar.

It was gone. As was my appendectomy scar. I took a quick inventory. It was easy as I was all naked there. All my scars were gone. Even my pierced ears were healed over.

I wondered if my hymen was restored but I wasn't going to check right away.

I stood and looked around again. There wasn't a lot of light. Just some beams from a window on the far wall. And I mean far.

At first I thought it was a warehouse I was in. Then a movie set. There were weird shapes that my mind couldn't fit into a coherent image. There was a fat, round building, for instance that looked kind of like a giant urn. At least, my mind kept wanting to see it as an urn, for all that it was about ten feet tall.

If I closed one eye and squinted, it was an office or a work room for someone who kept lots of little things in little bottles. Or it was a store room for a movie studio that was doing Land of the Giants, the Medieval version.

Except studios never smelled this musty. Did they?

Light appeared around a door and slowly grew brighter. It was made of planks and the light shown around the edges and through the cracks. Cracks about as wide as my shoulders in a door that could be used as an aircraft carrier's deck.

I was kind of looking forward to seeing who came through the door, if only to get some answers. But part of my mind was yabbering about the Lestrygonians.

The only thing I remember from my formal education was the race of giant cannibals from the Illiad. Wonderful.

The door knob started to rattle and I lost my nerve. I spun around looking for the door to the cage. It was time to get out of here.

But there was no door. The cage was welded directly to the base. The bars just went round and round. Then how did I get inside? I bent to examine the floor for a trap door or a latch. At least the light got better so I could....

The light was too good. I looked over my shoulder. A giant leaned over the cage, looking at me. He held a lamp made of brass and glass.

"What are you looking for?" he asked.

"A way out," I said. Honesty is best if you aren't in the middle of something. Easier to remember during cross examination.

The giant shrugged and stuck two fingers between the bars. He spread them, the wire groaning and squealing. In an instant, without apparent effort, he made a hole I could step through, long as I ducked down.

I stood there, staring at it. Lestrygonians. Beanstalk. The Cyclops. Giants were kind of known for devouring little people.

"What?" he asked, "You don't want out?"

I looked up at him. He was...I guessed about thirty feet tall. Muscular, bald, not ugly, really, not like most nursery book pictures of hill giants or frost giants. But he did have something of a bullet head. Smushed features like a hesitant boxer. Maybe about thirty years old?

But for some reason I liked him. I felt that I could trust him though I had no idea why. I smiled and he returned it. And the snaggly display of yellowed teeth didn't change my opinion of him.

I had no rational argument to explain it, but it was pretty sure he wasn't going to grind my bones for baking.

I ducked and stepped out. I expected him to pick me up, but all he did was pull up a stool and sit near me.

"You're letting me out? Loose?" I asked. He nodded. "Then why did you lock me up?" I asked as I waved at the cage.

"I didn't want you getting into trouble while I got dressed," he said. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Your clothes were kinda ruined in the crash. And the spell took care of the rest." He seemed apologetic. And somehow I knew he was sincere.

What was going on? "Wait, spell? What spell?"

He looked away from me for a moment. "The spell that saved us both," he said quietly. Well, quiet for HIM. I still felt his voice from my feet where the table vibrated.

"Saved?" I thought. "That was your hand I hallucinated? The one coming out of the cliff?"

"Oh, I'm real," he said.

"Yeah, yeah, the one I thought was a little brain-death gift. You live in the cliff?" I looked around the room, trying to see if we were underground. But the walls were bricks...

"I was trapped in the cliff," he said. "Part of a duel with an old enemy." He scooted a bit closer and raised his hand over my head. "Then you came along, and I could free myself."

"How?" I asked.

"I, uh, used my body to heal yours. I was healthy enough. And then I used your spirit to heal mine. It was fractured after my duel, much like your form after your crash."

"Oooookay," I said. "So, we helped each other? Even-stevens, go our separate ways?" Which way to the highway, I was wondering.

"Oh, that's not possible," he said with a shake of his head. One finger came down to stroke at my hair. "You’re my familiar now."

"Familiar?"

"A friend, companion, assistant," he explained. "Help me with spells, watch over me when I meditate, do small tasks, you know."

I crossed my arms, cocked a hip and glared. "Slave?" I asked.

"What?" He shook his head. "No, no, not..."

"Can I say NO when you want me to help you to cast a spell?" He stared. "Listen, then,...uh. What's your name?"

"You can call me Master," he said absently.

"The hell I will," I replied. "Look, I don't know how long you were in that cliff-"

"Six hundred and thirty six of your years," he said. It wasn't as absently. He was getting a little pissed. Fuck him, I thought.

"Then you have a lot of catching up to do. Today's Americans of African heritage do NOT bend a knee to anyone. Well, not without a lobster dinner or jewelry."

"What?"

"Never mind, jackass, I just-"

"Jasper," he said.

"What?"

"I'm Jasper."

"Okay. Jasper." I relaxed a little bit. "I'm, uh, Amber."

"Nice to meet you, Amber," he said. We stared at each other for a moment. I noticed that I felt a sort of...thrill when I said his name. Little waves of pleasure shooting up and down my spine, like nothing I'd ever felt before.

Damn, he was my master. If I had a tail, I'd have been wagging it.

"Look," I said, "You saved my life, Jasper, and apparently I saved yours? So, let's call it a day. Send me home and-"

"This IS your home, Amber," he said gently.

"No! I want to go to MY Home!" I shouted, stamping my foot.

As soon as I did, the lights went out. "I have super powers?" I muttered.

--------

I backed away from the edge of the giant's table. Didn't want to fall to my death in the dark.

But I backed up against something. Something wooden. That wasn't the cage... I felt around and found a corner of the wall. Then my hand drifted down to a little shelf. There was a light switch. The switch cover was shaped like a bouquet of roses. I couldn't see it in the dark, but I knew they were painted purple and green.

Lights didn't come on when I flipped it, but I suddenly knew where I was.

This was a little hole under the roof of the barn on the Penderson farm. They were my foster parents when Dad did time.

They were okay, for white hippies that thought Dad was a hero for 'sticking it to the man.' Dad was greedy, not political, but there was no point telling them.

So if this was my hidey-hole, the door... I pushed at a panel and made my way out into the barn loft. A few rays of sunset came through the door. I aimed for the ladder down to the ground, pausing at the feel of the bare wood...under my bare feet. I was still naked.

Just as I looked around for a horse blanket or something, there was a thud. The whole building shook. A loud groan echoed through the space.

I stepped to the railing and looked down. Jasper was on the floor of the barn, holding his forehead and wincing. Just over his head was a battered beam.

"Oh, Melody, where are we?" he moaned.

"What are you doing here?!" I shouted.

"You brought me!" He sat up carefully, dodging the wood.

"I can do that?"

"You're not supposed to," he said. He reached out a hand and pushed it through the rail. Wood splintered and flew, then giant fingers wrapped around me.

"Let's go home," he said, and snapped his fingers. I kicked and struggled in his grip, then suddenly noticed that we were back in Jasper's place.

"NO!" I screamed, "Take me back!" and slapped at his wrist. The world went dark.

Jasper bounced his forehead on the barn ceiling and cried out, "Song of the Maker!"

His hand let me go. I bounced across his lap, taking care to stab one foot down on his balls, then ran for the door. I got about ten feet out into the courtyard.

Then there was a shout behind me. I was on a stone floor running by lantern light as a huge shadow rose before me. I jumped up and landed with both feet. Jasper rattled the roof shingles as I skidded across the porch.

Well, we kept at this for about an hour. Finally I got so exhausted he was able to grab me and neutralize my part of the game. My hands were pinned to my waist by his grip, my feet wiggling helplessly in the air.

He took us out of the work room. There was a sunny kitchen. The table and counters were covered with dust. Jasper waved and the dust swirled away in little tornadoes.

"Cool effect," I said. Or sneered. I was a little sarcastic.

"Magic," he replied. He grabbed a rusted kettle out of a cold fireplace and poured hot tea into a cup. Then he took me and his drink to the table and sat down. He sipped at the drink and stared at me.

"If I put you down," he finally asked, "can we just talk?"

"No promises," I said. He glared for a second, then suddenly smiled. I was gently placed on the table. He even produced a cup of tea that was my sized.

I loathe tea, but I accepted his peace offering. I'd rather he came up with some clothes, but maybe that had to wait.

"Okay," I asked. "What is going on? Why can I move both of us to Earth, while you bring us... Where are we, anyway, Jasper?" Again, that use of his name brought me a little thrill.

"My home. At the top of the beanstalk."

"Beanstalk? As... in... Jack? And the beanstalk?"

--------

It was true. The nursery tale. Jasper wasn't the giant from the story, but he did know a guy with a singing gold harp.

He'd climbed down a beanstalk to collect some spell components, gotten into a fight with a shaman and been stuck in the cliff.

My dying body released enough of my spirit for him to use it to heal himself. And he used the stamina of his huge form to weld me back together.

"And I messed up," he admitted. "I made you my familiar, but I seem to have made myself into your familiar."

"Huh. Is that a problem?"

"Only if we want it to me," he said. He prodded at his badly-bruised forehead.

"Sorry," I said, surprised to realize I meant it. I didn't want Jasper hurt. What? The? Fuck? Sympathy for my enslaver?

"I'll live," he said. He tapped his fingers on the table.

"Sssst-t-t-top thhhh-at-at-at," I stuttered.

"Sorry!" he said. "Let's try something. Why don't you try to go home again?"

"You sure?" I asked, waving at my brow.

"Try it without being mad at me or scared of me," he suggested. "Just...stomp your foot like it was in time to music."

"Okay," I said. I stood, smiled at his rough mug and brought my heel down. At the last second, I thought that I'd rather be where my clothes were than the abandoned farm.

And there I was. The hotel room I'd been staying in while we prepared for the job. I grabbed at my suitcase and got dressed. Or started to. I had panties on and had snatched up a bra. I thought to look out the window, to see if Jasper had come with me. I half expected to see the big bruiser out there in the alley. I sighed with relief to see a group of kitchen staff guys smoking behind the Italian place across the way.

They clearly hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary.

But then I heard Jasper's voice. "Come back," he ordered. And suddenly I was there, on the kitchen table.

"What the hell?" I asked.

"As I thought," he mused. I turned my back to finish putting the bra on. "I think that I can bring one or both of us to this world. You can bring one or both of us to your world."

He clapped his hands in satisfaction. The smack sounded like a gunshot. I spun and dove for cover, tipping his mug over and rolling through the tea.

"Oh, harmony!" he cried, reaching out to pick me up. I lay sputtering on his palm as he dapped a handkerchief at me. "Are you alright, Amber?"

"Fine," I said. "At least it cooled before I..." I stared up at my familiar's staring face. He held up the cloth. Steam rose from the wet stain.

"Drinks in my cups never cool," he said.

"I see..." I lied.

--------

Turns out that there are benefits to having a spiritual link to a giant. I'm still a slightly above average sized package of human womanhood, but I shrug off heat and cold like I weighed 80 tons.

We wondered what else we might have exchanged. He thought his hearing might have gotten more sensitive, but he was much more interested in seeing my benefits.

"Maybe you're fireproof!" he said. He waved and the fireplace burst into a cozy little three-alarm fire. "Step into my hand."

"Burn in HELL!" I replied, yanking away from him. "What if I'm not?!?!"

"Oh. Well, that would be important to know, right?"

"When I need to go through fire, maybe. Funny, I've made it all these years without having to do that!" He relented and sat back down. He looked a little put out by my refusal.

"Oh!" I said. "I know what'll cheer you up!"

"What?" he asked, eyes lighting up. I held up a finger for 'wait one,' and stamped my foot.

This time I got pants and a shirt on. I went back to the window. "Come here," I ordered. Nothing. The dishwashers or whatever still smoked and joked.

Then I heard metal creaking overhead. The fire escape outside my window started to twist. The smokers looked up.

"Oh, CHORUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!" Jasper swore. The guys in the alley fled. My familiar crashed to the ground, ripping the stairs off the wall as he fell. I watched, horrified, as he tried to untwist the metal from his fingers.

Then he looked exasperated, glared once at my window, and stomped his foot. The scrap metal fell through the empty space to clatter on the ground.

I backed away and put on some running shoes. Then I sat on the edge of my bed and waited.

A few minutes later, I heard Jasper's voice. "Amber? A word?" I swallowed and waited to be called up to the clouds.

--------

We have it worked out, now. On Earth, I'm in charge. Above the Beanstalk, he is. We ask before we summon the other, in case he's casting a spell or I'm disabling an alarm.

I have a new place to stay. I got a repossessed warehouse near the airport. If I need to bring him down for any reason, there's a private space to do it in.

There's a motor home, only one owner (who probably still wonders where it is), parked in the corner as my apartment. And a projector with a white-washed wall to let Jasper watch TV from time to time. If he's been a good Master.

He's a little addicted to House, Spongebob and Dora the Explorer. I don't ask, because he's perfectly willing to spend an hour explaining why.

We've found that I can't carry much weight up the beanstalk, but anything that fits in Jasper's pocket goes with him.

So if I need to, say, hide a stolen sculpture where no one, and I mean NO one in law enforcement can find it, I just have to get it as far as the warehouse.

All in all, it worked out pretty well, that crash. Jasper got a partner for his magic, I got a partner in crime, one no one ever sees.

Or, well, almost no one.

--------

The week after the car crash, I was like a kid with a new toy. Both of us were. First in the barn, then the warehouse, popping back and forth, seeing what could be moved, how much warning we had, how much control we had.

And there was the day spent seeing of Jasper could crack a safe more easily than I could. He can, but it's like opening peanuts with vice grips. Better not be anything fragile inside.

There was also the matter of gold. A single coin in Jasper's pocket could buy me quite a few toys. But non-living things from his world faded after a few hours in mine. Damn it.

Our stuff lasted up there, though. Something about the energy levels between the fae lands of the clouds and the mortal lands of Earth. It was the first time Jasper broke out a chalkboard, trying to explain it to me. I nodded for a while, then stomped my foot.

Finally, he spent some time showing me around his keep. Bedroom, kitchen, workroom, storeroom, storeroom, storeroom, storeroom... I spent as much time in Jasper's grip as I did walking. Maybe more.

Then... Well, it didn't quite get old, but Jasper wanted to reconnect to his skybuddies and cloud customers.

I had business of my own so I left him alone.

The crew had dispersed the day the bank collapsed. They'd taken the tools they wanted and gone their ways. I found the truck that was supposed to be our getaway vehicle and drove it back to the garage I'd gotten it from.

Chibby loaned vehicles to people like me as an investment. We could use his place after hours for customizing, too.

This was one of the first times I'd brought one back, though. No crime committed no reason to dump the thing. He shrugged and took the keys.

"Nice to see you again, Chibby," I said to his retreating back.

I turned and headed for the subway. A half block along, I got the feeling I was being followed. I tried to get a bead on whoever it was but they were too good.

No cops that I knew were that good. But I didn't think any of the real professionals would be after me. Not for anything I knew about, anyway. I got worried.

The street was too crowded to bring Jasper down. He was adamant about not being among the humans during daylight.

But if he couldn’t come down here.... "Jasper,"I said, concentrating on his face. "Take me up there."

"Amber? Now is not the best time..."

"Jasper! It's an emergency. Someone's chasing me." I started walking faster. In trying to convey the urgency to my familiar, I had started to scare myself.

"But right now I'm with-"

"I won't bother your customer!" I sent. I heard footsteps running behind me. "Jasper! NOW!"

And there I was. Kneeling on Jasper's chest. His wide, hairy...bare chest. He was gasping.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"EEEEK!" Someone screeched over my head. It sounded like an old air-raid siren. I looked up.

Two enormous breasts bounced around over my head. The chest under me started to rock as the woman straddling Jasper twisted around.

One of those orbs swung down towards me. I threw myself towards his collarbone as it went by. He covered me with a hand and tried to settle his...buddy...with the other.

"Opal! Calm down for Choir's Sake!"

"What is it?" she squealed. She finally got clear and the body I lay against settled down. He picked me up and cupped his hands under me.

"Oy gevalt..." Jasper muttered. "Look, Opal, it's just my human familiar. She's harmless." I tried to look harmless as I faced the giant woman. She wasn't a classic beauty, but she still wasn't the ogress the story books tend to make giants out to be.

I'd probably say she was sturdy. Not fat, she clearly had a job that built up muscles. Like whale wrestling or maybe weeding hills out of mountain ranges.

"What's she doing here!? Now!? While we were..." She gestured towards the bed rather than name the act. But at least I was 'she' rather than 'it.'

Well, a little respect was to be appreciated. I tried to remember my weekend at a Ren Faire. Speak the lingo and you've got their moneybag before they notice.

"Um, I'm terribly sorry, milady," I said, bowing my head. "It was a horrible tragedy that awaited me where I was. Else I'd have never interrupted your, uh, I'd have never interrupted save for the dire emergency.

"Milady?" she repeated. "Well, isn't that respectful?" Jasper offered her the blanket. She wrapped it around herself, still staring at me. "Oh, doesn't she have an unusual coloring?"

She held me while Jasper wrapped a sheet around his nakedness. I kept my eyes up towards the ceiling the entire time.

Sure, he'd seen me naked. But I was not sure I wanted to see a giant's dong. If I didn't like the way it looked, I figured I'd have a hard time forgetting it.

Anyway, we all had tea. Bleh. And I got introduced. Opal cooked for the giant noble that held the lands Jasper lived in. He worked spells or alchemy for the lord as part of his rent.

And he had a bit of a thing with Opal. As near as I could tell, the centuries trapped in the rocks hadn't really strained the relationship either. Maybe she thought he'd been playing hard to get?

For all the noise and drama of our introduction, we settled down nicely. I treated Opal like a Duchess, she treated me like an honored guest.

After everyone was comfortable with each other again, I thanked Opal for the tea, Jasper for the rescue. Then I stamped myself back to my apartment.

At that time, I had the warehouse but hadn't moved in. I appeared in my hotel bedroom. To find one of my regular investors going through my suitcases.

"Flint?" I asked. "What are you doing here?"

He spun around violently. "Amber! Didn't here you come in?"

"Good," I said. "Thieves should be stealthy. What are you doing in my hotel room?"

"Stealthy's good," he said, glancing towards the door. "How'd you get past Rocky?"

"I told him I was the maid. What are you doing in my hotel room?" I moved to stand by the wall. Flint was a go-between. Guys with unreported income used him to find ways to invest that money.

I went to him to find funding for a job. He loaned me other people's money, took a cut of the loot and paid back the doctors or gamblers or whoever had given him money in the first place.

Thing was, Flint hadn't done any direct crimes in a while. Aiding and abetting, sure, not reporting known criminal activity. But he never got his hands dirty. And I always sought HIM out.

But here he was, rifling through my things. Something was up.

He waved at my suitcases. "You haven't unpacked? Or are you packed to leave?"

"I just moved here," I said. "The old place was shut down. Concerns about the structural integrity of the building." No to mention giant fingerprints in the roof and tales of monsters flying through the alley.

"I see, I see," he muttered.

"Flint, what do you want?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I could use about a hundred grand." I stared. "See, most people I work with, it's a risk to loan them money.. All kinds of things could go wrong. You? You're very careful. No shootouts, no cops, not even crooked ones... You've come back with the profit every time you've planned up a crime."

"Flint, the bank collapsed," I protested.

"I know, I know. Not your fault." He said it, but clearly something was my fault. "Thing is, you're such a good risk, I kinda promised some money to someone."

"You shouldn't have done that," I said. "Things can always go wrong."

"I see that. But I guess I got spoiled by your work. I sold the chicks before the eggs were snatched." He laughed at his little witticism. I laughed, too. It was easier than calling him 'milady.'

"Anyway," he went on. "I need you to reimburse me for the outlay."

"You're shitting me?" I asked. "You got-" Don't say stupid, don't say stupid, don't say stupid. "Ahead of yourself, and it's my fault."

"Pretty much," he said. He turned towards the door. "You have until Friday."

"FLINT! I can't plan and recruit and prepare in that kind of time! The reason I'm always successful is-"

"Well, spread your wings and see what you're capable of," he said with a wicked smile. "Hell, you managed to disappear into thin air when Rocky found you this afternoon. Figure a way to do that for profit! Lots of profit."

He opened the door and nodded at me. "See you. Friday." There was the sound of a slap as he shut the door.

"What?" Rocky protested.

"The maid?" Flint snarled. And they were gone. Crap.

-------

I tried to contact my just-released crew. But they were all out of town. And there's no real way to say, 'I have no masterminded crime, do you know a quick way to pick up a hundred grand at short notice you want to share?' Not over the phone, anyway, no in my circle.

I thought about borrowing a coin or ring or gem from Jasper. But whoever was pressuring Flint would get pretty pissed if the thing melted away. It might buy me time, but it might end up worse for everyone in the long run.

There's no entry for 'big bags of cash' in the phone book, but I flipped through it anyway. Looking for ideas. Or miracles. There was nothing.

I flipped through the spectrum of channels a few times. Leverage looked interesting for a second, but they were giving money back. Not what I needed.

Oh, what else? I stared at the walls, stared out the window and played half a game of solitaire. Then I just stared.

"Amber?" I flinched at the 'sound' of Jasper's voice.

"WHAT?" I screeched. Okay, not quite a 'flinch.'

"Um... I was just making dinner and wondered if you'd eaten."

"No. No, I..." I could use someone to talk to. And as my familiar, he had to listen. "I'd like dinner, Jasper. What are-" In a blink I was on the dining table. There was something...dead as a centerpiece.

Looked like a cross between a dragon and a lobster. Steam rose from the fanged jaws as Jasper placed a bowl of corn beside it. "We eating?"

"Creeper," he said. "Opal taught me how to prepare it." He cracked off a claw and put it on a tiny plate to set before me.

It was the size of a rodeo bull. With great care, he placed a single kernel of corn on the plate beside it, then found my folding chair. A sack on the arm rest held my knife and fork. I started hacking out some creeper.

There was a subtle mix of flavors. Sometimes it seemed like fish, sometimes it reminded me of incense. Oh, and there was a sauce that tasted like a coconut and onion borsht.

Jasper smiled indulgently as I oohed and aahed my way through the meal. It was physically daunting to collect pieces of creeper from the shell and the tendons and the 'black bits.' He wouldn't tell me what they were, just not to eat them.

So, while I stood on the plate, elbow deep in the claw to dig dinner out, I told him about my day.

There was a lot of backfill as Jasper came to understand my professional relationship and Flint's threats. Finally, he wiped his face and placed his napkin on his plate.

I looked up at him from where I lay, sprawled next to the claw. I'd eaten my fill and then some. "What?"

"Well. We'll just have to steal you a lot of money. Where do they keep it?"

-----

I watched the armored car get closer and closer. I thought I was going to barf, but managed to keep everything down. When it was between intersections, I put on the hood and gloves, then hit the gas and pulled out of the alley.

I wasn't much of a wheelman, but this didn't take all that much skill. The car swerved to avoid me, but I was going too fast. I hit it head-on, just like Tommy had on that fatal day.

It wasn't that bad. The armored car came up on its front tires, my car shattered like glass, bits flew everywhere...and I walked away. I managed to stand up and brush the wreckage off. My skin had shrugged off everything as if it was as thick as Jasper's.

In their heavier truck, the security guys hadn't even had it as rough as I had. They shook off the collision and readied their weapons. "Come here," I said softly. A big, big shadow instantly blocked the sun.

Just as they aimed at me, the whole thing rose up into the air. Jasper shook it just the teeniest bit. When he lowered it to the street they looked like they'd been through a war.

Fearful eyes met mine. "Imagine an old guy in a robe was standing here, saying, These are not the droids you're seeking."

The guy I could see just stared. I heard a whimper from the driver. "Not fans? Okay, try this one." I waved my hand. "They do not pay you enough for this."

"They do not pay me enough for this," he repeated in a monotone. Then he grabbed his partner's shoulder. With a lot more emotion he said, "They don't pay us enough for this!"

The other guy moaned but agreed. They stumbled out, without weapons, leaning on the hood. I pointed down the block. "Get the guy from the back, leave your weapons, you're free to go."

"And don't try any funny stuff," Jasper thundered. They did a classic double take. The driver took off running. Or stumbling at high speed, anyway.

The other guy banged on the back door. The third guard came out and they helped each other down the road. There were a few backwards glances but they never slowed.

I smiled and waved. Jasper disappeared with the truck, then called me up to the keep. I was wondering how to get my hands on the police report for this robbery. It should be a doozy.

-------

I found an old garage down on State street and broke in about midnight. There was enough room in the high bay for Jasper as long as he crouched (and didn't sit up suddenly).

He unloaded the money from his pockets and stacked it by the lift. "This is so deliciously conspiratorial," he said. At least I'd gotten him to stop referring to it as a 'caper.'

I opened the door for Flint when he arrived. He smiled at the piles of pills and set his men to taking it to their van. Rocky and Nickels nodded and set to work.

"I got your hundred grand and then some, Flint," I told him. "Should make you and your investor's happy." I turned to leave.

"Whoa, Amber, where are you going?"

"Home," I said without turning.

"We have to talk about the next job!" he protested. I stopped with my hand on the doorknob.

"I'm in a weird place right now," I told him. "I'm not really sure I can do a job right now."

"But..." he protested, pointing at the loot.

"One time, because it was an emergency, as a favor for you," I said. I shook my head. "I got real lucky and got away with it. Not the way I want to do business. I'll call you when I want back in the game."

Again, I turned to leave. I heard a gun's hammer get pulled back. "But it's the way..._I_... want to do business, Amber." I turned around slowly. "Look how well you did. Alone. Within a week! What could you do if I gave you two weeks? And Rocky, here?"

All the money was gone. Nickels drove off in their van, Rocky waited at the far door.

"Don't get greedy, Flint. I'm not in the mood."

"Don't care," he shrugged. He put the gun away but I didn't feel a whole lot better. "I think you should try at least one more job. Just to see if it is luck. Or, as I suspect, your wonderful talents rising to a challenge. Take Rocky here... To help you."

"I work-" I couldn't say I work alone, he knew better. And it wouldn't be politic to say I worked with people I trusted. He knew better about that, too. But... "I work with people I choose, Flint. No offense, Rocky."

"None taken," he said with an evil smile.

"Then choose Rocky," Flint said. He shrugged and walked out. A sedan pulled up and took him away. Rocky and I stood there, staring at each other.

"Go home, Rocky."

"Can't do that, Miss Amber. We've both got our marching orders. I'm gonna stick with you until you get twice what you handed over tonight." His eyes dropped to look my over from tits to toe. "And I'm gonna stick real close."

"Fuck off," I said. I turned to go. Rocky ran to catch up. I was about to call Jasper for a lift when something struck me in the back of my head.

I went down to my knees in the parking lot. My head hurt and the world spun. I couldn't form the words to call Jasper to take me away.

A hand grabbed my collar and Rocky lifted me to my feet. "You're not as tough as you think, Bitch," he growled at me. "And you got two choices. Cooperate..." He waved a knife in front of my face. Shiny in the streetlight, it was really effective since I saw three of them.


I don't think he was supposed to kill me. Flint hates wasting assets. It's really likely he had a list of choices. To scare me, to cut me and only as a last resort, scar me. But even short of dying, those seemed like poor choices.

I wanted Jasper to scare him off. I wanted Jasper to take me away. And I wanted Jasper to stomp on him. I wanted Jasper.

That seemed to be beyond me, though. I picked one of the faces swimming before me and spat at it. It... seemed like a good idea at the time.

"CUNT!" Rocky shouted. He wiped his eye and in the same motion stabbed his knife up into my heart.

I screamed, but in that neighborhood it only made people turn up the TV. He let go of me and I fell, hands holding the hilt of the knife in my chest.

He stood over me as I sobbed. Cut down at my tender age, I'd never been to Paris, never stolen a famous diamond, never had a crime make the front page of the Post...

I took a deep breath and the knife clattered to the pavement. It was still shiny. Metal shiny, not blood shiny. I'd forgotten all about that giant-skin side effect.

Sure, his stab at reached deep and I felt my organs move. But they moved back.

I realize now, as an armchair diagnostic, that I was addled by a brick to the head only because I expected to be addled. Great. I am immune to everything except PLACEBO weapons.

Fucking magic.

But that's now. At the time, I had other things on my mind. "You bastard!" I shouted. "YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!"

I grabbed the knife and shot to my feet. I stabbed a very, very surprised Rocky in the heart. And the face. And the shoulder and the belly and the... I only stopped when two big fingers gently pinched my stabby hand when it was over my head and wouldn't let go.

"Jasper?" I said softly. I looked up into his sad face. Turns out I don't need to form the words to summon my familiar. The desire's enough.

I looked back down at the body. I'd never killed before. It was... I threw up.

Jasper folded me into a pocket then cleaned up the crime scene. Alchemists have some stain removers that are not to be believed. No one ever came looking for me, asking about DNA evidence or anything else connected with Rocky's disappearance.

I stayed up in the clouds for two weeks. Jasper pampered me and listened to me and held me carefully while I cried and told me I wasn't a bad person for losing my temper in a lethal manner.

Sure, technically, it wasn't self defense, since Rocky couldn't have hurt me. But my emotions evolved for a fragile being, and they take exception to offered threats without objectively evaluating the threat with respect to...

God, now I'm lecturing like Jasper. Maybe I spent too long up there?

I showed up in town as if nothing happened. Flint got a hold of me and demanded his money. I told him I'd given everything to Rocky, hadn't he reported in?

He went off to search for his missing lieutenant. I haven't heard from him since.

Right now? I'm not sure I want to. Not about a job, anyway. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. That sobbing scene in the parking lot was a wake-up call. My biggest regret wasn't kids or family or a boyfriend that lasted more than 35 days.

It was not getting enough attention for a crime I committed. Is that really how I want to measure my life?

And if it is, I'd better get cracking on that theft. I wonder if Jasper has room for Stonehenge in his garden?