I Hate Loneliness but it Loves Me

A/N- So I haven't gotten much of a response from my story elsewhere, so I thought I'd post it here to see what you guys think. Lemme know! Oh, and I have no idea where I'm taking this story at the moment. Just writing what comes to mind. Enjoy

PS: I'm updating this A/N now because I think its important for my readers to know that at the moment, this work in progress will start cultivating into more romantic scenes pretty damn soon. So have some patience, keep reading, and don't stop just because I haven't gotten to the ultimate good parts yet!!


For as long as I’ve remembered, I’ve always hated the ‘b’ word. And no, its not bitch like you’re probably thinking.
Its boyfriend.

That’s right. I hate the word boyfriend.

And its for the simplest of reasons. A negative feeling comes from that word that others like myself have probably felt. You know, walking up to a really cute girl and flirting with her a little bit until she finally says “oh well my boyfriend…”

Yeah. I hate that word with a passion.

Now I know some of you are probably wondering why I don’t hate the word ‘husband’ or ‘fiancé’. Simple. The majority of the latter are boyfriends first (when you don’t count the “hey even though I just met you, you seem like a great person so lets get married in Vegas“ relationships).

If you haven’t figured this one out, I am a very lonely lesbian. I started thinking that maybe I just have bad luck, but I know that’s not the case…Well, maybe it is because my personality just isn’t cutting it anymore. People have such high standards now-a-days. When I say high standards it usually means “if you can’t sleep with me during the first night you’re out of here quicker than the Red Sox were when they got to the playoffs.”

I guess that’s reality for you.

So, back to me being lonely. Its not like people don’t like me. They tend to talk to me, we go out, and then its like I’ve never even existed. Go figure. It never used to be like this. It’s just, there’s a point in your life when that one person you say will never bring you down actually does bring you down. I don’t get it. How can someone make you feel like you’re on top of the world, and then two seconds later make you fall?

Simple. They’d have to be my ex-girlfriend to do that.

It’s funny, because she never was the outgoing girl around others. I curse myself for bringing her out of her shell and having her do this to me.

She turned me into a complete monster.

You think I‘m kidding? She really did. And I remember it all like it was yesterday, even though I’ve tried to bury all the memories deep down inside to prevent the pain.


It was a warm, sunny day in August. I remember it to this day because when I arrived at school I remember thinking I’d rather be burned by the sun then spend another year in this hell hole. Yeah, I was a senior; and yeah, it was my last year, but high school was never really my thing. It was about fitting in, and I didn’t fit in anywhere. You’ll probably still hear future cheerleaders to this day telling you how awesome high school was (and probably how awesome it was having sex with all those football players. This is the life, ain’t it).

The place was built like a prison, and the friends I used to have didn’t really stick around much after a year or so. One or two stayed, and other than that, I was a pure loner. It’s not like I don’t mind being by myself sometimes and escaping from the drama. But this is high school. No matter if you have 20 friends or two friends you’re still going to be talked about. That’s the beauty of it. I guess ignorance is bliss after all.

Me? I didn’t care much for the place. Some of the cheerleaders tormented me, I got along kind of well with some of the football players (some of them were my friends, don’t get any ideas), and everyone else just did their own thing.
I was trying to do my own thing…until I saw her.

It wasn’t some kind of moment where we locked eyes and I knew she was forever going to be my soul mate. I wasn’t in a grocery store for Pete’s sake. Hunched over in fear and backed up against the wall she stood as she was being picked on by some cheerleaders; seeing this, I decided to help. What can I say? I’m a good person at heart.

Hands in my pockets, I trotted over to where she stood, a “don‘t fuck with me” look on my face. “Hey, Amber, don’t you have a date with a sports player? I hear someone is looking for you to suck their dick, par usual.”

Amber was head cheerleader. She usually made fun of others, and out of all the people she could choose to hate in school, she chose me. I have no idea why. I guess my existence just bothers her. No joke, she would be extremely happy if I were to just drop dead.

Don’t think I have a hatred for all cheerleaders. I really don’t. I tend to not like those snobby, flip your hair back, and say “totally” and “like” in every other word of a sentence kind of girls.

“Go away freak. You might kiss us and infect us with your disease,” she sneered.

“After where your mouth has been? I wouldn’t even want to kiss you. Get lost.”

She gave me an evil look before walking off in anger, her cronies following right behind her. Always made me wonder why those who pick on others usually came with two people stuck to their hip ready to defend them no matter what. I guess they can never pick on someone when they’re alone.

Kneeling down next to the girl, I saw her crying slightly, and lifted her chin up slightly with my finger.

“Hey, listen, no need to cry anymore. They’re gone,” I tried my hardest to console this girl. I’m a softie, I know.

She lifted her head up to meet my eyes with her own, and I swear I almost fell back and hit my head on the concrete.

She had these light blue eyes that accented her blonde hair with a thin shaped face and soft lips that were pressed together in frustration. In short, she was beautiful.

“T…Thank you,” she said with a soft, shy voice. There was a British accent behind her words, like she had lived here for a while but still retained her voice from her homeland. “I…I’m not really used to people sticking up for me. I transferred schools here, and…And I didn’t expect them to pick on me…And…” She started crying again, making me start to become angrier at Amber by the second.

“Those girls pick on everyone. Its nothing you did, and there is nothing wrong with you. And if they try to hurt you again, then I’ll give them what’s coming to them.” Sure. Nice, Ms. Macho. Going to protect this girl you don’t even know. That was an extremely smart move. Wow I was really stupid for even suggesting something like that.

“No, no that’s quite all right. I don’t want you getting hurt. And besides, I have my tough boy…”

Great. Just great. Here it comes. I save a girl with no intention what-so-ever of hitting on her, and she has a boyfriend. Yep. Just my luck.

“…boyfriends to teach me how to protect myself.”

Wait a minute. Did she just say boyfriends? As in…not one, but many different boyfriends? Wow, my luck must really be horrible.

“Well, now that I know you’ll have no problem protecting yourself, I should get going.”

“Hang on a second…What’s with that look?” She asked, and I bit my lip.

“Well, It’s just…No one but Amber has been known to have boyfriends. As in, more than one boyfriend. And if they do, they keep it to themselves, really.”

“Well don’t you have boyfriends?” The question slightly shocked me, and I chuckled.

“Actually, I play a different side of the field, in case you didn‘t know by Amber‘s comment before,” and after a moment her eyes seemed to widen at that, and I could see a smile forming on her face.

“No! No, silly, not boyfriends as in dating multiple people. Boyfriends as in…Boys who are good friends of mine. They’re like brothers to me, and would teach me how to protect myself. I mean, they all ready have, but I’m not one to really stick up to other people, or even speak to them for that matter. You’re the only person I’ve freely talked to in a very long time.”

I saw her pause for a moment, and her face come closer to mine. Her voice suddenly became lower as she whispered,

“…Besides. You’re one of them, aren’t you?”

I became thoroughly confused at this. I was one of what?

“Why do you look like you have no idea what I’m talking about?” She reached out and put her hand on my chest. At that moment, it felt as if my heart had just instantly stopped, and when it revived, there was a huge jolt in my chest.

What the hell was going on?

“Huh. So you don’t know after all do you? Listen, go into the park later on tonight and I’ll meet you there.”

“Why do you want me to--.” I managed to stammer out. She didn’t care what I had to say. Her index finger was pressed against my lips, telling me to stay quiet.

“Just do as I ask.”

“Wait…”

“Please, no more questions--”

Now it was my turn to interrupt her.

“Tell me your name.”

Giving me a nod, she spoke a bit softly, as if she didn‘t want me to hear her name.

“Avery. Yours?”

I think her face changed to relief when she saw the confused look I gave her. I didn’t know who this girl was, and if I
had met her before, I didn’t seem to remember her.

“Kat.”

After I said my name, she gave me a soft smile and turned away, starting to walk off to class.

To think at that moment I was scared shitless. I didn’t know what was going to happen later on at the park. I didn’t even think something like that was safe. She probably wanted to rob me for my money. Not like I had any or anything. Just…It all seemed too suspicious.