behind this smile

I give a grin
to those beside me
I make them laugh
I make them smile
I show no sadness
amids the yelling
I cry no tears
for those who have passed
I am not real
I tell myself
I use such phrases
I've heard before
but in my heart
I feel like screaming
no one know this of course
I understand
I must be happy
or pretend to be
but who am I fooling
maybe I only want
to fool myself
I never told a soul
Of why I run
To escape him???
No
I don't think thats it anymore
I might blame myself
But I hate myself
and I hit the pavement
two feet
dust flies
Leaving and hurting
everyone I love behind
A nightmare I can't awake
This doom weighs down my body
Nothing is right
nothing fits
why can't I settle
like I have become a wild horse
My mind races against time
pulsing...
I feel my heart racing too
I am scared to live
yet I don't fear death
but I don't speak of such things
it's impolite
I am quiet
quite reserved
the things I feel
I keep to myself
guessing most people do
I see anger
I see hatred
and I see sorrow
but nobody sees me.....
not really.....
Because only I can tell you....
what's behind this smile......