While Defending River City

Metahuman activity has spiked in the last two months. Seems more and more criminals are spontaneously sprouting super strength and laser vision right before they run to the nearest bank to make a name for themselves. Even some of the local thugs I’ve dealt with before seem to be suddenly jumping on the super power bandwagon. It doesn’t take a detective to know these powers aren’t manifesting naturally or by some freak radioactive bite mark in the middle of a cosmic storm. Someone’s synthesized powers and they’re probably selling it for a good price, good enough for any loser to get their hands on it anyway. The worst part is that they could be using these powers for a greater good but instead they’d rather commit crimes. I guess I’ll just have to work harder until they get the message that even with powers, I won’t let them destroy this city.

I can see the smoke before my helmet relays the all points bulletin off the police scanner. Looks like a few more meta-heads popped their cork and instead of knocking over a bank, they just went straight for a free-for-all right in the middle of downtown. I’m currently working with police investigators to find the source of all this but all we know so far is that most of these meta-heads come out with amped up aggression like the monkeys I’m about to spank right now. Telekinetic flight, not the fastest mode of superhuman transportation but it suits a one-city hero like me.

When I get to the scene, I could care less about the three gorillas going ape at the intersection; I’m looking for injured and endangered. Looks like the cops were able to get most of the civilians out of their crushed and toppled cars, that’s good. They’re banged up but they’ll be taken care of. Two cars in the middle of the intersection, bent and twisted like used soda cans. Driver’s dead in one, so’s the trio in the other. Four deaths so far, could their fate have been any different if I had gotten here faster? One last car, upside-down. People are still moving around in their and one of those thugs start making his way for them, vicious toothy grin on his mutated face. I put up a bubble around those poor folks that goon can’t pop. He looks up at me and all he wants to do is rip my spine out through my ass. “I’d ask but I’m guessing ‘surrender’ has too many syllables for you to rack your neanderthal brain around.”

He jumps at me with a primal roar and his fists reared back behind his head. Massive muscle strength in those legs give him a wicked vertical leap, too bad he’ll never break the glass ceiling of villainy. And by glass ceiling, I mean a 5x3 sheet of telekinetic force that doesn’t even budge once his head cracks against it like a falling coconut. He drops hard back to earth, causes a shockwave that makes the nearby wreckage bounce nearly an inch toward the heavens. Well, that’s a start at least. I push the bubble safely out of the combat zone and make a hole big enough for the EMTs to get them out.

Two left and they look pissed, my friend the jumping bean is out but not for too long. I wait to see which of these meat heads will make the first move but someone else wasn’t as patient as I was. I didn’t even see her until she leapt right up behind one of them and gave a hard kick to the back of that tree trunk of a leg he has, literally sending it flying right out from under him. Before his friend noticed what was going on, she’s already shifted her footing and chopped the falling bastard right in the neck. Brutal hit, he coughs up blood even before he hit the ground. A little violent for my taste but that’s just Scarlet Quinn’s style, I suppose. Better end this fast, there’s been enough property damage as it is and this last guy could rabbit into the crowd and take a hostage. Before the last guy can make a move, I put in on a tight leash, literally, with an air tight dome around his head. He starts thrashing around but I keep him under enough control that his tantrum can’t do any damage but damn if his struggling is starting to put a strain on my concentration. Quinn drives her fist right into his breadbasket, that puts him down fast. Now it’s all up to the police.

I finally plant my feet on solid ground and the first thing Quin does is mentally size me up. Don’t know why though, we work in roughly the same area, we’ve been running interference on these new meta-heads together for weeks and I’m pretty sure I haven’t used a trick today I haven’t used since our first team up. Times like these I wish I was telepathic as well. “So where do you go after beating the bad guys? Anime convention? I bet you’re a hit with the Gatchaman crowd in that getup.”

Well, that was rude. Especially from someone with obviously dyed hair and sliced up one-piece bathing suit. “Now if you’re not going to play nice, I’ll just take my ball and go home.” Not the best come back but Defender isn’t known for his wit, he’s known for being the kind of hero that takes the high ground. Still, that’s probably a crutch I use for my lack of wit. Though, while I was flying across town to change out of my uniform, I wonder... Quinn doesn’t strike me as a big anime fan but she obviously recognized my design was heavily influenced from Ken Washio, the team leader of Gatchaman. I guess I shouldn’t judge to quickly, I know next to nothing about her except her whole thing is having five times the strength, speed and endurance of the average human. Quin... a play on the numeric prefix of quint, meaning five. The power to be five times any normal person. Scarlet Quin, suffering from 5 PMSs at once. Cute comeback, too bad I didn’t think of using that earlier. Man, I really suck at witty banter.

I hit the roof of my apartment building and change at the top of the stairway. No one ever uses this thing but I always change inside a soundproof bubble just to be safe. Well, I’m in my civilians clothes now, Defender work is all behind me... unless something serious comes up. I get back to my room and once again, despite coming out of the stairs on the 7th floor while there’s a perfectly functional elevator doesn’t make anyone in the hall suspicious. I guess a guy like me doesn’t really scream shady; I’m pretty scrawny for a hero, I do a lot of volunteer work. Face it Gary, you’re a class A nice guy, boring just exudes from you and everyone in a 2 mile radius can sense it. Oh well, if I wanted fame and attention, I wouldn’t wear the helmet.

My body just starts to ache a little once I step inside, the last meta-head must have yanked on my mind-leash a little harder than I thought. Ah well, I’ve come home with worse and at least all I’ve had to deal with this last two months are these McVillians, no big name baddies in sight anywhere. Great... now I’m going to stay up all night trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing... it never ends. I drop myself on the couch and turn on the news. Story about today’s fight, they don’t say anything I don’t already know except the names of those 4 who died before I got there. Shit... I’m glad the others were reported in good condition with only minor injuries but I still feel like those deaths are on my head. Guilt must be one of my superpowers.

Only other thing worth anything on the news was some new developments in a rash of bizarre murders. Last week, a middle-management suit from out of town was found dead in his hotel room with no leads and they’ve yet to report a cause of death but they’re linking it to two other deaths that occurred in the last two months. The only new development in the case though is that it seems they may be close to discovering what’s causing these deaths and that the police hired a special consultant for the case; Sam King, the Teenage Holmes. Not much of a development if you ask me, the crook is obviously a meta, not the butler.

I must be more exhausted then I thought because after about an hour, I start to drift off, that’s when my door slams open. All I can see is someone wearing a mask. “Yer a dead man, Defender!” No! Was I found out? My body snaps back to life, hoping I’m not too loopy to defend myself before I finally realize that I’ve seen that mask before. I let out a groan and she finds it hysterical. “Oh man, I got you! I got you so good!”

“God damn it Linda! Don’t do that!” She keeps laughing while she yanks the mask off her face. Linda Goldman, my girlfriend; my unlikely girlfriend. Seriously, everyone who knows me... or should I say, who knows Gary, can’t seem to wrap their head around why me and Linda are as serious as we are. While I’m goody-goody who sometimes double as a doormat for anyone I know for more than two minutes, Linda is... not. She’s a little crass, sure, very loud and unapologetic in the way she lives her life but it does go well with her career choice. Linda does some construction part time but she mostly devotes her time to a local amateur wrestling outfit. And when I say amateur, I mean the kind of show that can only afford to set up in local gyms after closing hours and even then they have to mop up the floor just to hop to break even. It’s grimy, it’s filled with lowlifes and degenerates but Linda loves it for some reason.

Oh, and did I mention she knows I’m Defender? So far it’s worked out alright but it’s little stunts like these that make me nervous. But not Linda, she doesn’t care as long as she gets to have her fun. Damn that attitude can get infectious, even I’m starting to crack a smirk. “Well, well, Defender. Another successful day of saving innocents and stopping chaos in your very striking, very gay uniform?”

Again, I’m not one for wit but I do like coming up with a few retorts to tease her. “Well, you don’t smell like flat beer and stale bodily fluids so I know you didn’t go to work today.” It’s not much but since I’m usually not the type to go on the offensive, it does get her a bit flustered. “Ah, I’m just playing around. You know I memorize your wrestling schedule. Why are you carrying that mask around anyway?”

She shrugs it off. “Never know when I’ll find a golden opportunity to mess with ya or when I’ll find myself in a life and death struggle against a hell demon of lucha.” Sometimes it feels like I’m dating my best friend’s little brother. I peel myself off the couch, figuring a quick shower and good night sleep should get me ready for yet another day of wrangling up more doped up super thugs. But I really should’ve known better by now, the second I turn my back on her, Linda jumps me from behind and twists my arm around my back. “Well, well, look at this. Once again, the city’s mighty Defender is helpless in the inescapable grasp of the infamous Glacier; local wrestling sensation and queen of all crime!” I take it back, sometimes it feels like I’m dating my best friend’s older, immature brother.

It is a little discouraging that this city needs me to push back the meta-threat from overrunning the police and everyone else in their way while a hundred and thirty pound thrill seeker can basically twist me around anyway she wants when given the opportunity. Her horsing around just piles on my soreness from earlier so I start wincing in pain even before she gets serious, making her think I’m just playing around. “My, my. It seems the queen of crime has our intrepid hero begging for mercy. Will he submit to her wicked demands or will she forcefully get what she wants from the sterling symbol of justice?” Alright, she’s making that corny announcer shtik way sexier than it has any right to be.

“Linda, seriously, now is not a good time for this. I’m sore from earlier and I just want some sleep.”

She still thinks I’m just playing around so she guides me into the bedroom and slams me face down on the bed. “What’s this? Is the champion of righteousness presenting to his depraved and wicked arch foe? Is River City truly fucked as Defender prepares to take the cock of evil royally up the ass?” She actually stops to laugh at her own corny antics and now I really get scared. “You know, that actually sounds kinda fun. Maybe I can start with my fingers and if you’re up to it....”

I usually have a little more patience with this kind of playful abuse but this is seriously starting to hurt. A form a circular plane in between us and extend it into a column just to push her away. “Damn it Linda! I said not now!” I try to stand up but my back suddenly knots up on me and I hit the floor hard with one knee. I think it starts to dawn on her that I’m really in pain. She helps me onto bed and now all I can do is feel bad about snapping at her just now and using my power to get her off of me. “Linda... about just now...”

“Oh shut up, you finally have the balls to put me in my place and now you’re acting like you just ran over my cat. It’s fine.” She lays me down on my stomach and starts pulling off my clothes. This has happen before and this is one of the times I’m glad she knows my secret. Being as atheletic as she’s been her whole life, she picked up a few tricks when it comes to muscle pains. First she rubs a salve that makes my skin feel like it’s just been fried in the sun for a few hours before she begins massaging the knot away. “Hey, if you do all this with your mind, how come your body’s always shit after a hard day?”

Fair question, even I’m not 100% sure on that little piece of superhuman anatomy but I have my guesses. “I think either my telekinesis drains my brain’s concentration from doing the little automatic things my body needs to function or maybe my brain eats up extra calories in my body, leaving my muscles a little lacking, wearing them out faster. I’m pretty sure it’s something along those lines, probably has something to do with why there’s not a whole lot of people who can do it.” The massage turned out to be a lot more relaxing then I thought it would; not only was my knot not bothering me any more but my whole body started to mellow out. I actually drifted off to sleep right then and there while she was still working on me. It’s feels nice, hope Linda doesn’t get too upset.


******


What the fuck? Gary feel asleep? “You asshole! I was really in the mood for a quickie!” I hit him on his shoulder but, as always, once Gary’s out, he’s like a damn log. I really hate this... mostly because now I look like the asshole for being mad he’s hurting and he’d rather take it easy than fool around. Man, dating a superhero shouldn’t be this normal. Oh well, I drop the blanket over him, tussle his blonde locks and go into the living room.

I turn on the T.V. but damn it, wrestling around with him got me too worked up. Especially that last part... mmm, I wonder if he’d ever do it. Oh shit, my two dudes, one me fantasy is just making me no sex problem worse. It might not be a hot threesome but I guess I can just rub one out and see if that get’s me to calm down. I start to undo my pants when I notice his bag on the floor. I would say this is pretty careless of him but the guy is so anal retentive, he probably only left it there because I jumped him and put him to sleep with my massage. I’ve seen the suit plenty of times before but this would be my first time to screw around with it while he’s not around to stop me. How can I possibly pass up an opportunity like that?

I unzip the bag and there it is; white jumpsuit, white cape, and, hello! If there’s one thing I actually dig about this costume, it’s the funky helmet with the yellow visor. I slide it on and even though it’s a little loose for my head, it fits well enough to stay in place. Wonder how much the glare-resistant visor cost him? Okay, now that I have the helmet, now what do I do? I guess I can slap the clam around while I’m rockin the head gear but there should be something more. I need something to make this fun and profoundly fucked up and that’s when I thanked God for having a boyfriend with a health conscious. I reach over to the kitchen counter and now the stage is set for a memorable masturbation session. “And now, the gripping climax of Defender versus the Banana Violator!”

Alright, I admit, I am having way too much fun with this but as long as it IS fun, I’ll just ignore how stupid and immature I’m being right now. Worked for me so far. I strip down until all I have left on is the helmet and now it’s showtime. I get comfy on the couch and hope I’ll only need one hand to roleplay an evil banana penis. “Damn you Banana Violator! You might have me powerless and naked in your cold dark dungeon but justice and truth will always win out over rape and evil!”

“Oh no, Defender. I think today is the day evil will cornhole truth once and for all! Mwahahaha!” Okay, maybe voicing out two different voices aloud is a bit much but fuck it, d bust a gut laughing if I wasn’t so damn horny. “Now, either accept my evil cock of villainy or the puppy orphanage explodes!”

I start getting rough with me-Defender by slapping him around with the Banana cock. He would probably kill me for getting so turned on by the image of a big dick making him a submissive man bitch but, again, fuck it, my fantasy. “You fiend! You muscular, well hung fiend...” I pretend to reluctantly kiss and lick the cool skin of the banana while the mental image makes my other hand work overtime down there.

“Mmmm, you know your place. Now feel the full force of evil penetrating your fortress of solitude!” I almost get ahead of myself and cram the sucker in but this IS still a banana, not a super powered cock of evil. I get one of Gary’s condoms from the bathroom and wrap the sucker up nice and neat before sliding it in. Sure, sliding a banana into your snatch isn’t the best substitute but I’m really ridding this more on the mental picture anyway. Oh, Gray would be so perfect for a night of bottom gay sex, he’s just so pretty and innocent for that kind of thing. Just imagining him all shy in front of that bigger, buffer, longer man. Being face down and so scared of that huge cock but you know he wants it. Oh fuck, those little noises he’d make, watching his tight body jerk and shake with each thrust. Oooohhhh shit! That made me cum faster than I thought. But before I take out the banana cock, I already know something’s wrong.

Once again, my body instinctively clamps down when I climax and now my supervillain is pudding in a sock. I throw away the bagged lunch and spend the next 10 minutes making sure I don’t have any potassium evil sloshing around inside me. “Well... at least I got that out of my system.” Now I can go back to be-opps, almost forgot the helmet. I shove it back into the bag, zip it up, and tip-toe back to bed. Still asleep, that’s good. A little kiss on the forehead and I slide in right next to him.

I don’t know why Julia hates this guy, he’s so sweet and nice and defiantly way too good for me. Ah well, we always have been two very different people for being as close as we are so of course if I like a guy, she’s going to hate him. I just wished my man and my personal life could mesh a little better. Man... that would be so... perfect. Oh well, not much I can do about that... or... is there. I inch a little closer and whisper in his ear. “You’re bi-curious, you’re bi-curious, you’re bi-curious.” I keep it up until he stirs a little and then I quickly bolt to my side of the bed and pretend I’m deep asleep. Well, my life might not be in perfect balance... but it’s nice to know I can do my small part to make it better.