Get over it

Illustrations for the story:
http://zardra.deviantart.com/art/E-q-u-a-l-i-t-y-143683443
http://zardra.deviantart.com/art/OC-First-time-meme-Gabriel-142366792
http://zardra.deviantart.com/art/Tribute-to-Tom-of-Finland-124675223

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GET OVER IT

Chapter 1.
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Jesse was leaning to the bar counter, drinking his beer from a brown glass bottle. His girlfriend was dancing on the dance floor with a tall guy with dark hair. Jesse glared at the pair of them for a moment longer, then turned around and stared at the panelled wall behind the bar, taking another sip of his beer.

It was a usual weekend night out. They often went to a bar because she liked to dance and he became bored if they stayed in. Not that he wouldn’t have been bored now, but it was easier to conceal it here with so many people around.

He drifted into a haze of thumbing, booming music and safe thoughts, to the taste of beer and the faint smell of smoke and sweat. This was a good night, he could drink and forget everything, he didn’t have to think about stuff. This was the way he wanted to spend his free time.

Suddenly he felt a big hand land on his shoulder and was forced to return to the real world. He turned enough to glance back, trying to look as bored as he could, it usually drove away the people bothering him. But he had to admit he was a little surprised when he found the person behind him; the same guy who had been dancing with Sarah, grinning down at him. That didn’t happen often, that someone looked down at him. Jesse was after all almost two meters tall. But this guy was even taller. Jesse lifted a questioning eyebrow as the guy leaned closer and kept grinning like a fool. Boy the guy was cute!

And just when that thought escaped his mind, he cursed inwardly. And then he was so pissed off at himself that he missed what ever the guy was asking him about. He turned to face him again and almost bumped his nose with the guys lips. He stared up at the deep green eyes and gulped. Damn the guy was gorgeous!!

Another cursing session that this time took less time, as he needed to concentrate on the guys words.
“Why aren’t you dancing with your girlfriend?” the guy repeated his question for the third time. In English. Jesse kept staring at him. Why was he talking English? Or was he just so drunk he thought the guy was talking English? That couldn’t be, this was only his third beer.

And so he decided to stop drinking for the night, because this wouldn’t be the first time he would end up into a place he didn’t know, into a bed he didn’t know, with someone he didn’t know. Not that it didn’t always feel great, but afterwards… not so much.
He opened his mouth.
“What?”

The guy chuckled and repeated the question again, his green eyes sparkling with mirth. It made Jesse feel like he was being made fun of.
“Why aren’t you dancing with your girlfriend?”
“Not in the mood.” he shrugged and turned to take a sip of his beer before he remembered he had just decided he wouldn’t drink anymore. Anyways; it would look weird if he stopped in the middle of the bottle. He stared at the bottle and took another sip.
The guy leaned his arm against his and Jesse wanted to purr. He stepped away and stared at the guy. He was grinning again.

“You don’t remember me, do you?”
Jesse lifted an eyebrow. And shook his head. He had no idea who this guy was. He hoped he wasn’t one of his one night stands. But then again, he couldn’t be, he would remember him if he was. The guy smirked again. Jesse frowned.
“Why are you talking English?”
“You prefer Swedish then?” the guy asked and Jesse snorted, taking another sip of his beer. Then the guy turned, said something to the bartender and took the cider he offered, giving him 6 euros.

And then he was facing Jesse again. Jesse tried to look cool and stared lazily across the dance floor at his girlfriend who was still dancing with her friends. She waved at him and Jesse nodded his head as a reply and flicked his long, wavy blond hair back. Then the English talking guys face was really close to his again.
“You know, she would prefer dancing with you.”
Jesse rolled his eyes and let out an impatient grunt. His beer bottle was empty. He leaned to the counter and the guy stepped in front of him.
“Wanna go outside?”
Jesse stared back. Outside? This could get nasty. He would so go. Damnit. He nodded and followed the guy out.

It was chilly. They stood outside and Jesse was freezing. And so not getting any. The guy was smoking a cigarette. Could he really be reading the signs so wrong? Then again, he had no gaydar because he was not gay. Definitely not gay. Totally and completely straight. Always had been, always would be. There had been some mistakes in his past but those didn’t matter. It had been just sex. And that could happen to anyone.

He stroked his hair back from his eyes and listened to the guy babble about the prices of the bars in the city. “It’s a lot cheaper to spend the night out at my town.” the guy nodded to himself and Jesse nodded back just to show he was paying attention. Not.

Finally the guy stumped his cigarette and moved towards the door. And then stopped, offering his hand. “I’m Gabe, by the way.”
“That’s a strange name” Jesse answered, staring at the hand, finally shaking it. It was warm. How could it be warm, it was freezing outside!
“Short for Gabriel.” The guy… Gabe said, grinning again. “You know, you’re kind of rude.”

Jesse snorted and flicked his hair back. So what?
“So what.”
The guy laughed. His laugh changed his face, softening his features and Jesse’s heart thrummed in his chest. He wanted to run inside, screaming. But the guy was still holding his hand.
“You could tell me your name too.” he pointed out.
“Oh.” Jesse replied and then, after a long pause “Jesse”, with a much softer voice.
Damn this guy was breaking his shell.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So he never asked the guy where they had met before. And so it seemed that it didn't really matter, because just a month later they met again.

During that time he had never forgotten Gabriel. Actually the guy was practically all he could think about. And Sarah was getting really annoyed because he never “paid attention” and never “listened”. He refused to admit to himself that he wanted to see Gabriel again, longed for him. And it was easy to think that he would never meet him, so it was safe to daydream. Because daydreams were okay, as long as they stayed out of his real life.
Real life, where his real girlfriend was. And all his straight friends. And his perfect straight life, where he was the perfect boyfriend of his perfect girlfriend. And they were so happy.
Yeah right.

But it was a carefully built façade. So perfect that even Sarah thought it was real. As long as Jesse could act his role, everything would be perfect. And he had had a lot of practise and was now determined to keep the show going on, no matter what, this was his life and he was content with it. Or so he tried to make himself believe.

But then Gabriel did come back.

It had been a long practise at the local indoor ice-skating rink. Jesse was sweaty and tired and ready to change and shower and go home. The coach was yelling something, but he didn’t care to listen anymore, the practise was finally over.

And then he saw Gabriel across the ice. He was standing there, casually leaning to the edge of the seats of the spectator stand, smirking at Jesse like he had smirked when they met the last time. Jesse’s heart skipped a few beats and he knew he was blushing and was very glad that he was already red and sweaty so it wouldn’t show. He lowered his gaze and finally heard what the coach was yelling.
“-He’s from Sweden so he doesn’t speak Finnish. If you can’t speak Swedish, speak English, everyone knows English these days, right?”

Jesse was gliding along the ice slowly with his skates, cursing that he hadn’t listened better, he could have learned why Gabe was actually there! He wanted to put his helmet back on and just march past the guy as fast as he could, but Gabriel was grinning straight into his direction. He nodded back, sweat trickling into his eyes. He had to take off his clove to wipe his face. The coach continued.
“He’ll be staying here all summer, as the co-coach for the juniors. So make him feel at home.”

Oh crap.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And as much as he tried to avoid Gabe, somehow they always ended up in the same place. A week after their meeting again Gabriel asked Jesse for his number so he could reach him if he needed a ride to the ice stadium. He didn’t have a car, or a driver’s license, and the stadium was far from the central where he was living during the summer. So they met at least three times a week, until they started going to lunch before the training, and then sometimes to the bars afterwards. Soon they were meeting almost daily and Jesse just kept thinking that he had gone insane and had to stop this. Soon, before something horrible would happen. Because Gabriel had an effect on him that he couldn’t quite… push aside, like everything before this.

To Jesse’s luck there was almost always someone with them so they didn’t actually talk much and Jesse still got to ogle at Gabriel. And so he did, silently.

Gabriel had to be straight, Jesse soon admitted. He seemed to be closer with Jesse than the other guys in the team, but he never got too close. There was definitely some strong tension between them but at the same time it seemed like Gabriel was completely unaffected by it. He never really flirted with Jesse and… it was driving Jesse crazy. He felt like he was digging his own grave.

After five weeks they were meeting daily. Gabriel was often waiting for Jesse outside his workplace and together they drove somewhere to grab a bite to eat and then watched a movie at Gabriel’s place, if there were no training sessions during the night.
Sarah was at first very happy Jesse had such a good friend. Gabriel rarely ever drank, even during bar nights. And he was always the perfect gentleman when she was in their company. But soon she started to complain to Jesse when he chose to go with Gabriel when she wanted to do something with him or them. He was starting to see Saraha less and less.

Though Jesse had noticed that Gabriel had started to act a bit strange; two months after the day they met, Jesse caught Gabriel staring at him during training. He just sat at the chairs and stared at him all trough their exercise games. And he didn’t want to come to Sarah’s place that often anymore. They hung out a lot, him and Jesse, usually going to Gabriel’s place but Sarah was dropped out of the company more often than not. Not because Gabriel would have asked for it, but because Jesse felt like she was disturbing them. The thought frightened him but he couldn’t change the way he was thinking, he didn’t know how to, not anymore. Something was happening and it was making him feel a stab of horror in the pit of his stomach. And still he did nothing to stop the way things were going.

Jesse lived at the central too, only a few blocks away from Gabriel’s place, but he never let anyone into his place, it was his rule. Even Sarah had only been there twice and never all night. But then Gabriel started to ask if they could go to his place for a change and when Jesse tried to decline, he had no real reason to do so without seeming like an asshole and so he was forced to let Gabriel into his lonesome kingdom. He was the first man to ever enter Jesse’s apartment, and it made Jesse feel incredible threatened.

After that he refused to see Gabriel for a week. He didn’t even attend hockey training. And then he got extremely distressed when Gabriel didn’t call after him. Not once. So he had to go and see him. He knew he was getting hooked on something lethal but even then he couldn’t turn away. He knew it would kill him when the day would come when Gabriel would leave and… then what? Could he really return to his life before? Nothing more had actually happened between them than being good friends, but somehow Jesse felt like Gabriel was already a bigger part of his life than any of the people he had ever dated.

After the short break from seeing Gabriel, Jesse didn’t feel any better, or his thoughts any clearer. If anything, he felt worse and more confused. And it didn’t help anything that when they did meet again, Gabriel acted like nothing had happened.

Though Jesse noticed there was a certain tightness in his smile. Jesse chose to ignore it, he had always been good at ignoring things. And it was easier that way than to confront him about it. He didn’t like talking and tried to avoid it as long as he could.

He could no longer deny Gabriel from visiting his place, so they soon took a habit of renting a movie and cooking and staying in all night. Jesse didn’t especially like cooking but it was a good way to spend time and he did have to eat daily, so it took care of that problem too. It would have been too expensive to eat out every day. He was loosing a lot of weight, though he refused to think of the reason why it was happening.

Gabriel was always talking so much that Jesse didn’t have to say much. And he enjoyed listening to Gabriel’s funny accent. Once he asked if the tall man was going to learn Finnish and Gabriel asked him if he was going to learn Swedish. They jested about it every once in a while but neither of them was really excited to learn more than the few words they already knew.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was time for the big summer trip. The whole hockey team, seniors and juniors alike travelled to a camp in the middle of nothing. There was a huge sauna and several small granariers where the boys slept. And there was a clear, warm lake and a sauna right next to it.

They left in the morning and the bus was immediately filled with excited babble and laughter. Jesse sat in his seat silently, staring out of the window. As soon as he had gotten into the bus, Gabe had rooted himself next to him and there he had been sitting from then on, though he thoroughly ignored Jesse, talking loudly to the other guys around them. Most of them were already a little tipsy from beer. Even a few underage were drinking, Gabe seemed to be blind at the moment, wanting everyone to enjoy the trip, after all the younger boys were already over fifteen.

The trip to the camp was short and soon they were piling out of the hot, stuffy busses. Everyone ran to their little granaries to set their stuff there and get their swimsuits on. In a short moment almost everyone was laying around on the grass, playing football and preparing the bonfire for the night. A few boys went to heat the sauna. Jesse had dropped his few belongings to his bed and was soon lounging on a bench, a little further away from the crowd. Gabe was running around, throwing a Frisbee for the younger boys and laughing with a few of Jesse’s team mates.

It wasn’t long until the sauna was warm and the guys started to undress and head for the heat and the water’s edge. It was a sunny day, everyone seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves and Jesse felt like an outsider. He didn’t know how to take part, he had always been afraid to get too close to his team mates, though he had known most of them more than five years. He glared at his friends and sat there in the shadow, drinking his beer silently.

Suddenly Gabe was there by his side, grinning down at him. He had a towel over his shoulder and he pointed his thumb towards the sauna.
“Come on. It’s heated.”
Jesse shook his head. No way he would go to the sauna with Gabriel, no way! The angry look on his face made Gabe’s grin drop and the man looked at him almost sadly. Jesse felt a strange twinge in his stomach. Then Gabe was grinning again, though his smile somehow looked false, fake.

“You could use a little cleaning.” he teased but Jesse just snorted, turning his face away. He couldn’t believe how much he wanted to follow Gabe. The thought scared him. It wasn’t possible. Naked Gabe… he felt faint.

“Nah, I’m just gonna chill and take a swim later. It’s too warm for a sauna.”
“It’s never too warm for a sauna, come on man, and you call yourself a Finn?” Gabe laughed at him and swatted him with his towel. Jesse grabbed the towel and yanked. Gabe lost his balance and fell on him. Jesse had to catch him so the tall man wouldn’t hit himself on the way to the ground. Gabe just laughed but Jesse couldn’t reply. His heart was hammering in his chest and he felt Gabe’s arms around him as the man balanced himself again and sat next to him, so close that their thighs were touching.
“You are such a bore, you know.” Gabe joked again and winked at Jesse, stealing his beer and taking a sip from it. Then he suddenly stood up, offered the beer back and walked away, leaving Jesse to stare after him with confusion.

The big yard was getting louder as the men got drunker. Most of them were now wearing only their swimwear or towels as they sat in various places and ate, joked around and played various sports. Jesse followed all this until his eyes found a figure sprinting out of the sauna, steam following behind him. The tall man ran butt naked across the green lawn to the water and jumped high, letting out a great whoop.

Soon Gabe resurfaced, all laughs, swinging his head back to get his black hair out of his eyes. Jesse blinked and realized he was staring with his mouth open and with shaking hands lifted his beer bottle to take a drink and hide his face.

Under his brows he proceeded to stare as Gabe swam up and down the shore and slowly the other guys from the sauna followed him into the water. After a few minutes Gabe grabbed the dock’s edge and lifted himself easily from the water. he flipped around and sat to the edge, dripping wet and gorgeous. Jesse felt faint and breathed hard until he dropped his face into his hands with a moan.

He wanted to go home, right now, this was too much.

But he still couldn’t look away when Gabe stood up and walked back to the sauna. He watched from behind his hands, peeking between his fingers. And to his horror Gabe looked right back and smiled a wicked grin, waving his hand at Jesse. And Jesse was drooling. He had had no idea Gabe was this gorgeous naked. His back and buttocks were absolutely perfect, his leg muscles hard and lean and his shoulders wide and muscular. His stomach was hard with muscles but not too tight backed, just perfect. And his cock, Jesse couldn’t take his eyes away from it. He had refused to ever admit to himself that he liked to look at other men naked but now he could not refuse that he had never seen anything as perfect as Gabe was. He knew he would dream of that body.

He had once in his life really admired another male body, his ex- what ever, Joni. But the boy had still been boyish, thin and tall and almost feminine. He had been the completely opposite of the very very masculine Gabe.

Gabe, who was now walking straight to Jesse, still wearing absolutely nothing on him. Some of the guys who he walked past, laughed and joked about his nakedness and he posed for them, lifting his arms and stretching his muscles, laughing back. One of them finally threw him a towel that he caught and wrapped around himself. Jesse sighed with relief and disappointment.

Gabe sat next to him and leaned his back against the wooden wall of the small cabin. He smiled and raked his hand through his tangled hair. “Regretting not coming to the water? You look very… thirsty.” Gabe said with a hint of tease in his voice. Jesse almost choked on his beer and coughed loudly, then shaking his head. “No, I rather just sit here and-“
“Watch?” Gabe interrupted him. Jesse snorted, but as Gabe started to chuckle, he had to smile back sheepishly. Damn he couldn’t even get mad at Gabe anymore.

Jesse was unable to look at Gabe, not completely sure he could hide the awe and admiration from his eyes. And soon Gabe seemed to grow bored of Jesse’s gloomy behaviour and stood up, walking back to the sauna.
“I’ll be back soon. I bet you’re hungry. I got some sausage for you.” he said and then turned away. Jesse was sure Gabe knew the double meaning he had just thrown at Jesse but he couldn’t reply because right now, he couldn’t think of anything else he wanted than just the thing Gabe offered him.

Soon almost all the men were sitting around a big fire, under the darkening blue summer sky. Most of them were drunk and all of them were happy. Even Jesse was smiling, sitting next to Gabriel, who was turning around and around at his seat to talk to several of Jesse’s teammates and his juniors. With a mix of English, Swedish and Finnish they threw dirty jokes to each other and laughter erupted around the fire over and over again.

Jesse felt truly happy; a little puzzy after the six back of beer and smelling the quickly warming sausages on the fire. And especially because Gabe was sitting next to him so naturally, there was no strange tension between them here. Jesse wished the night would last forever and laughed faintly as Gabe roared with laughter next to him as a reply to a joke one of his juniors had told.

Someone started dealing the sausages around. Jesse was hungry but not yet starving. Gabe on the other hand yelled loudly, pleading for a sausage and soon he was offered one. The ketchup and mustard soon followed and Gabe started to gulp his sausage down. Halfway eaten he glanced at Jesse and saw him stare at the sausage hungrily. A grin rose to his lips.
“Want a bite of my sausage?” he whispered into Jesse’s ear with an unbelievable sultry voice. Jesse felt his face turn red and could say nothing back. Was he reading Gabe’s sings right? He could have sworn the Swede had been flirting with him all day and that…

He was afraid that if Gabe continued this way, he wouldn’t be able to turn him down much longer, the pull of the man was incredible.

Then Gabe returned to wolfing down the sausage and it was gone in a matter of seconds. He sighed sadly and pouted his full lips. “I’m still hungry.” he said to the general and several of his seniors laughed. “There’s more coming soon boys!” their coach yelled from the sausage frying spot and waved another package in the air before slicing it open and setting the sausages to the grill.

The night went so fast that it was soon almost completely dark around them and the fire was burning out. Almost all the juniors had gone to sleep and some of Jesse’s teammates had either fallen asleep or passed out. Either way, there very only a few people left sitting outside, and their voices had slowly hushed into whispers, afraid they would wake up the sleeping ones. it was so warm they could all sleep outside if not for the mosquitoes that kept harassing them.

Soon the awake ones started to shake the sleeping ones and gathering them up to get them indoors where they wouldn’t be bitten to death. There were angry and tired growls but slowly the yard emptied. Almost everyone was now either inside of moving themselves to the sauna, where the ones who refused to sleep could continue their night without waking up the others. Tomorrow would be a rough day at the bus, returning to the city.

Jesse walked to the quiet dock and stared to the lake, listening to the night birds singing. Soon he heard steps behind and Gabe stopped next to him. The man was radiating warmth. They stood there, side by side until someone jogged to them and nudged them both, offering them beers. Gabe shrugged his head and refused but Jesse took the offered beer. The man who had come to greet them waved to the sauna. “Let’s go, the party’s just starting.” he was grinning drunkenly. Gabe chuckled and walked past him. “No thanks man, I’m tired enough.”
The man turned to face Jesse with a pleading look. Jesse shook his head and followed Gabe silently. “Not you too!” the man moaned and slumped down, left alone to the dock. Jesse and Gabe both knew the party would go on without them quite well.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jesse walked behind Gabe across the big dark yard to the little cabins. He waited for the man to turn another way any second but was surprised when Gabe walked straight to his cabin, opened the door and kneeled to step in from the small doorway.
“Are we sharing?” Jesse asked, suddenly quite horrified.

The cabins were the perfect size for two people, with nothing in them but a wooden floor. They had sleeping bags and had earlier in the day built small bunks from hay. But when he had made his he had his cabin all to himself, Gabe sharing with a few of his juniors. Now the Swede turned to face him, sitting on the floor on his readymade bunk. “Yeah, the guys kicked me out, they wanted to have their own underage party.” he chuckled tiredly, but his eyes were sharp as he looked up Jesse.

Jesse realized that he didn’t have other choice than to bear with this. He couldn’t kick Gabe out now and it would look weird if he did. He just had to act naturally.

Like that was possible.

As he said nothing and sat down next to Gabe, the man shrugged and started to undress. He tossed away his shirt and opened his sleeping bag, setting it on his bunk and climbing in it, rolling onto his back.

“Wow, this was a great day.” Gabe said conversationally as Jesse started to slowly strip off his t-shirt and jeans. Wearing just his underwear in front of Gabe felt incredibly vulnerable. He sat on his sleeping bag and glanced at Gabe finally. He almost turned his eyes away again when he saw the man admiring his body so openly. The look on Gabe’s face made his body react and he had to pull the sleeping bag to cover his lower parts hurriedly.

Gabe glanced down but said nothing about Jesse’s strange move. Then he smiled softly. “You’re quieter than normally.”
Jesse shrugged. He didn’t know what to say back. He lowered himself to his back and stared at the wooden ceiling, trying to think of everything except for Gabe lying next to him, almost naked. Then the dark man was looming over him, so close that he could smell the minty scent of his shampoo.

Gabe frowned down at him, his warm arm pressing against Jesse’s side. “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding worried. Jesse’s heart was hammering in his chest. He was so confused. Situations like these had always been so easy for him to avoid. He never let things get like this, not when the person in question was really this important to him. Actually, he didn’t remember anyone really being this important to him. He realized he was still silent and Gabe was still staring at him with his bright green eyes with concern. He nodded once, quickly, still unable to say anything. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the fact that he had soon been up for 24 hours, maybe it was just Gabriel, but he couldn’t just shove him away.

He wanted to stare back at Gabriel but that would be too strange so he turned his face away. Then Gabriel was suddenly gone, sitting on his own bunk and staring to the opposite wall.
“We should get some sleep.” he whispered and Jesse stared at his wide, tanned back and slowly sat up, without even realizing he was moving. He held out his hand and touched Gabriel’s shoulder, squeezing it, first softly and then harder. Gabriel flinched and seemed to be breathing faster, but didn’t turn. Jesse had no idea what look the other man had on his face and this disturbed him, but he wasn’t ready to turn him around, or he wasn’t ready for the consequences.

“What are you-“ Gabe whispered, his voice slowly fading away. Jesse’s fingers clenched.
“I- wanted to- you…” Jesse mumbled back and then sighed with frustration, pulling his hand back.

And then Gabriel turned. His eyes scared Jesse. He looked so extremely sad.
“I what?”
Jesse was rendered speechless. He would have to take a big risk, a giant leap to get something out of his mouth. And it could change everything. He couldn’t think even one normal thing to say. What he really wanted to say, was that Gabe’s eyes made his heart beat so fast that he couldn’t speak. That the heat of the other man’s body made his body heat rise too, without even a touch. That it was an unimaginable thing to even think about sleeping in the same small cabin where Gabe was because every nerve of Jesse’s body yarned to be closer to him. That Gabe had the most beautiful, honest and pure smile Jesse had ever seen. That nobody’s eyes smiled like that.

But he didn’t have the courage to say any of that aloud. So, in his panic he mumbled a short “Nothing” and turned away, burying himself to his sleeping bag, already feeling too heated to sleep in it, but unable to reveal himself to Gabriel again. He heard Gabriel sighing and turning away. It was silent and dark and Jesse could no longer even hear Gabriel’s breathing next to him from his own thrumming, painful heartbeat.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning he woke up to find Gabriel sleeping next to him, his face peaceful and a small smile dancing on his face. Oh how he wanted to lean down and kiss those lips, but instead he forced himself out to the chilly morning and walked the short distance to the shore to dip his head into the water. He had had good dreams. It was a rarity and he felt refreshed and wide awake, but also even more anxious he had been last night.

What was he going to do? It was clear that he had almost let loose something from inside himself that he had thought he had locked inside and destroyed years ago. He crouched on the peer and buried his face in his hands, cursing inwardly. The sun warmed his bare back and made the whole situation seem very unreal. He raised his face to gaze at the deeply blue, shining lake and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. It was going to be a beautiful day.

What if the world didn’t end if he…

What if the sun kept shining? And he wouldn’t die? He hadn’t found happiness in his life the way he was living now. What would it really cost to try a different way? What did he really have to loose? Because if he did nothing, in the end he would loose everything anyways. When Gabriel would go away, the emptiness in his life would return and no sun could warm him then.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Almost all the other boys had slept so late that when they finally did wake up, they was a huge hassle and hurry to get everything packed, everybody fed and into the busses.

The trip back to the city was a sweaty and unhappy event. Nobody wanted to go back and the warm, beautiful weather just made things worse. The older guys were almost all suffering from a hangover and told the younger boys to shut up when they tried to cheer themselves up with songs. Finally they arrived to the town and Gabriel drifted away with a few other guys who went to the same direction. He threw Jesse a questing glance but Jesse just shook his head, turned away and walked off.

The next time they saw, was two days later in the locker room after the junior’s training and before the seniors. Jesse had just arrived and was getting rid of his shirt when Gabriel walked from the showers, wearing nothing but a towel on his waist. One of the guys behind him suddenly grabbed the towel and swiftly pulled it off Gabriel. The tall man swirled around and grabbed the towel back, laughing. Jesse couldn’t stop staring at his tanned back and firm buttocks. He did his best not to loose control and drool openly.

The guy next to him approached Gabriel and slapped him on his bare ass and Gabriel turned back. Unfortunately he was already folding the towel back around his waist. He laughed loudly and winked at the friend who had just slapped him. “Sorry Aku, but you’re not my type.”
Aku wiggled at his eyebrows and laughed back “Oh I know, we know your type.”
For a very brief moment Jesse was sure some of his team mates turned to glance at him, but he was so occupied at staring at Gabriel’s muscular chest and listening to his friends banter that he couldn’t be sure. Maybe he was just paranoid, it wouldn’t be the first time his phobia would make him see things that weren’t really there.

Then Gabriel looked him straight into eyes and smiled. His twinkling eyes softened.
“Hi Jesse.” he said as he walked next to Jesse and leaned into his locked to grab his clothes. Jesse mumbled something as a reply and turned around to dive into his own locked. The babble in the room drifted into other topics and Jesse could soon sneak out of the room and in to the toilet where he stared at his reflection with anxiety.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was two weeks later when Jesse finally realized that Gabriel was leaving soon. They hadn’t talked about it, but the guys in their team were starting to plan his going-away-party and soon it was the only subject in the locker rooms. The Swedish junior-coach had become a very good friend for everyone.

And it finally hit Jesse. He was never going to see Gabriel again. He was horrified.