In Love With my...UNCE!?!

Stupid Fucking layover

I thought to myself as I paced the 14th terminal, of the Charles de Gaulle Airport, great I’ll be stuck in Paris tonight. OK so normally I’d be jumping up & down with joy, I mean its PARIS, FRANCE who wouldn’t be, right? But after being in Germany for three months you kinda start to miss your family & friends plus, I now have to find a hotel, some place to eat, and a way to get to them both. UGH!! It's next to impossible for a seventeen year old to reserve a hotel.

“What in hell does a hurricane in Florida have to do with my flight to Minnesota?” I mumbled angrily to myself. “This is ridiculous” well I guess I have to call the moms and tell her the wonderful news, please note sarcasm

“Hello, you’ve reached the…ugh… may I ask whose calling?” said Davon, I recognized the confused voice of my little brother instantly.

“ Hey, Von von! It’s Nat, oh and when I answer I just skip the first part, way to many last names to remember.” I laughed.

most of everyone in our household has different last names, after all mom has been married three times. Brinna the oldest was from her first vict-uh husband she's a Larking. my older sister & I were the Bradley, second loser she married, my mother was a Davis, Her boyfriend -emphasis on the boy at only 24- a Dumbass oops I meant Dunnaz & the newest entry a Normand.

“Uh thanks, could you not tell your mom that I messed up? This was only the second time I actually answered the phone.” he sounded like we'd get rid of him for not answering the phone correctly. We only just adopted six months ago.

“Moms not gonna beat you or anything like that, but sure I won’t tell”

“Oh, I know it’s nothing like that, it’s just I don’t want another ‘phone etiquette lesson’ he said laughing lightly at my assumption. “When will you get back home, I thought you were coming today?” he asked bringing up the subject I was calling about.

“That’s why I called, can you put mom on?”

“Sure, please hold” she must be in ear shot.

“Hello Audrey, I know you know it’s rude to keep us waiting, at an airport no less.” she said in a somewhat disconnected ' I'm not really paying attention to you' voice that she knew pissed me off, I’m sure.

“Why, hello mother, it’s nice to hear from you too.” I mumbled

“If your going to be late the least you could do is call.” she grouched ignoring what I’d just said.

“Mom I’m not late yet, and I am calling you now to say that I’m gonna be late,” I rolled my eye's and sighed. I know she's not waiting at the airport because I called the house line. “There’s been a flight delay so I’ll be stuck in Paris for the evening.”

“What did you do now” she said, goodness I know that I’m clumsy but I have no control of the weather.

“Nothing mom, this happened to me, not because of me.” How she always finds a way to blame me I'll never know. “It’s because of a hurricane in Florida.”

“What the hell does a hurricane in Florida have to do with your flight to Minnesota?” she asked, to which I burst out into a laughing fit

“What’s so funny?” her annoyance was clear.

“Nothing, it’s just that’s exactly what I said.”

“Well you’ll need a hotel, and a place to dine. I guess I’ll wire you some money. Don’t need to buy a new ticket, do you?” she sounded kinda. . . . happy?

“Thanks & No, they upgraded everyone’s flight free for the inconvenience”

“I’ll book your stay & ride from here on the internet, but theirs something I wasn’t you to pick up for me wile your there” it wasn’t a question, or an option.

“I want a pair of those really cute black peep toe pumps with the bow on them, you know the Jimmy Choos” that wasn’t a question either

“Oh, and wile your out, see if you can find that lovely long-sleeved black sequined, v-necked one by Christian Dior”

“ok I guess, but if I remember correctly that’s like a $1200 purchase?” she had to be losing her mind, ok I know we shop a lot, but I could get soo many things with 1200 dollars.

“How do you figure?” OMG how does this woman does it? I mean she’s a surgeon, a neurologist/ brain surgeon
“I added the $800 something dress, plus the almost 400 dollar shoes” I drifted off as I realized she wouldn’t care, or that she stopped paying attention

“Ok you’re booked at the Holiday Inn near the airport; your ride should be there in 10, you can pick up the cash for your shopping” she said that ‘your shopping’ like I was going on my own free will & for myself.

“Ok I guess I’ll talk to you later, I’ll miss grandma’s take-off, won’t I?” I asked. Could she hear the malice in my voice? I know I could. “I do you know what she was gonna tell me? She said it was important.”

If she took off then no one would be able to reach her for the duration of her flight, hum that’s like 15 hours, her plains taking off around 3:00 pm, mine at 12:00, Nigeria is 6 hours ahead of MN, but only 1 hour behind Paris, so she should arrive around 1am Nigeria time, but 2 in Paris, but by then I’ll be home so . . .5am MN, but I’ll get there around 11 – Paris time, but 4pm in MN,- so if a train leaves from Boston. . .wow good thing I’ve been studying for the SAT’s. Mom’s voice stopped my internal babble.


“No, nope, no idea sorry, she’ll have to tell you when she gets off her flight.” wow, when she said that I could practically see her fidgeting & looking around. I could tell she was lying.

“Mom, she won’t be there until 5am Monday, I won’t be able to talk to her then she’ll be too tiered to walk let alone talk to me. “So if you know what she’s gonna say, just spare us the drama and tell me”

“Well I don’t know what she could possibly want to tell you, I’m so sorry to complicate your life” Ugh, one word: BITCH

****

It took me about 20 seconds to fully realize that she just hung up on me, and upon this realization I became thoroughly pissed, so I did what any pissed off American teen would do: take all my frustration out on the poor defenseless payphone.

“That dumme Kuh! Sonofa mother biscuit eating bulldog!!” I screamed, continuously beating the receiver on the wall. I could have kept this up all night, & would have too… if I didn’t hear some passengers – also stranded I presumed- talk about me like I was the main attraction of a circus.

“C’est pour cela que vous ne pouvez pas aller en Amérique” my German’s way better then my French but what she said I understood like English. It is for that you cannot go in America. For a brief instant I imagined replacing her head the receiver, I slowly turned to face her when…


“Audrey Bradley?” asked the deep baritone of man’s voice, a bit shaky but thick with a French accent. Who in hell could that be?

I whorled around to face the culprit, wondering why this man would know my full name, my REAL name. In a black suit stood a tall man that must have been only a few years older than me, he was tall, dark, and hansom. I was certain I’ve never seen him before.

“Vous connais-je?” I asked, tentively still confused about who he was, & why he was so tense.

“No n, je Suis Fèlix, votre chauffeur.” as he said this he looked immediately looked more comfortable my driver, Hun, no wonder he’s wearing that stupid hat.

“Vous parlez le français bien, votre accent est parfait.”

“le merci, so Fèlix, how did you know I was who your looking for?” I inquired

He smiled “Votre mère vient de dire la recherche magnifique, extrêmement pissed la fille américaine, en criant des choses sans sens.” I should have known she pull some extremely embarrassing crap like that. She’s a completely manipulative.

“WHAT! Tch welches Weibchen.” I used the German what, for some reason my English fails my when I’m pissed now.

“ Um… your mother, she told me to. . . look for a gorgeous, pissed American…shouting things that… made no sense” Great! He thinks I’m a crazed American –not that there’s anything wrong with being American, but really! The woman knows hanging up on me pisses me off to no end! She knew how I’d react, Hell she told the damn driver!

“Warum sie wurde, sagen Sie das?“ malice clear in my voice.
“’m sorry…I don’t understand what you mean ma dame.” his voice was shaky again, his hands trembling. Wow is he scared of me? I’ll have to convince him I’m not a complete lunatic, after all he is going to be driving me everywhere, maybe I should flirt a little? tip big?

Looking to the floor I flashed a shy smile, then looked at him from under my eye lashes and mumbled “sorry, I don’t normally act like that, all Americans aren’t crazy you know.”

“we all have are days, Miss. Americans just have more than others.” he said as he reached for the four deep purple Prada suitcases, taking two in each slightly trembling hands “are you ready?”

“yeah” & with that we walked off, towards the main exits. Looking for a way to explain my behavior I announced “I just got back from Germany, I said ‘why would she say that’ my mother can be a little …frustrating… at times. That’s who upset me earlier.”

I struggled to find a word that wouldn’t seem so ignorant or offensive, because what I meant by ‘frustrating’ was ‘bitch’ & when I said ‘at times’ I meant ‘always’.

“It is all right, you needn’t explain. I understand your frustration.” his voice was strong now smooth like leather, a smile on his face as we reached the pretty black BMW. “On the bright side, she did say you were rather attractive.”

“Yes, she did” then I realized something as he loaded the trunk & smiled with him now “and so did you “

“Hun? I did? When? I do not recall.” he stammered, he shut the trunk and quickly held the door to the back seat of his black M5 & motioned for me to get in.

“You said you were looking for a gorgeous American that was pissed,” I stated in an indifferent tone as I shrugged my shoulders & climbed in the front instead. “and you came to me.”

“I guess I did” He lightly jogged to the driver side, and climbed in with the faint reminisce of blush across his natural tanned face and said “Your supposed to ride in the back” but this didn’t sound indignant, just a stating a fact.

“I prefer the front,” I stared into his eyes & with a smirk added “la vue est beaucoup meilleure”

He looked at me from my head to my toes –sizing me up no doubt- and gave me a little smirk of his own asked “So, Dinner?” his low intimate voice, gave hints to the double meaning in his question.

“To the hotel. I’d like to freshen up, before dinner” Well that caught me off guard, never expected him to flirt back. Fèlix pulled out of our space & drove towards the hotel. After half a minute of silence I started humming Paramore’s Decoy.

Man too bad my mp3 died “here we are”

“You’re kidding” we’ve only been in the car for 3 minutes!

“Do you know what time you’ll be ready for me?” he questioned I’m ready for you now Hun.

on second thought “No, but I’ll call you when I find out” I haven’t exercised all day and I could use a flush of endorphins “actually I think I’ll stay in tonight, I need to run or something.”

“oh, all right” he really looked crest fallen, no more than that, he looked forlorn. He looks as if I just kick, and ran over his puppy. I thought as a pang of guilt fluttered through me. “I will help you with your things”

“Thanks…” I just want to hug him. I quickly stifled the thought & gave a small smile forging innocence.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, unless you wanna workout with me? But I have to be fair & warn you, its hardcore & ich könnte einen lochenden Beutel benutzen.” I spoke in German knowing that he wouldn’t be so eager it he understood that I was gonna hand his a** to him. I was never the type to let a guy win to kep their ego intact, if I’m gonna work out I’m doing it right.

“je ne vous ai pas dit que je ne peux pas comprendre l'allemand ?” he said this like a question, but he already knew the answer, and smiled flirtatiously
Yes, that was the point.

“You look fit, how are you at boxing?” He looked so astounded that I asked what I thought to be a simple yes or no question.

“You box?” yes, girls can box “I have never.” and he looked a little worried.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to join me” he’ll back out, I know it; no guy likes to get their buts kicked by a girl. Last time, I broke my partner’s nose, through his head gear.

“I’m sorry, but I have to do some paper work tonight.” He lied smoothly; I would have believed him, if he wasn’t so willing to join me a few seconds ago.

“Oh I understand, it’s for the best, I work better alone.” by the time this little convo ended I had checked in, we were now standing in my larger than expected suite. decorated with a emerald green, & a rich cream that made one feel as if you were floating in warm vanilla, then I smelled it too, only it was accompanied with something so familiar & the combined smells took me to the safety of the evergreen pines of the small patch of woods that surrounds Grandma Maka’s house.

I was in complete aw; I had all but forgotten Fèlix until he cleared his throat that was also when I realized l had my eyes closed and a grin on my face.

“I take it you like the room” he said with a befuddled look.

I blushed –a rather unusual site, considering my toffee skin tone- then gushed “it reminds me of my Oma –grandmother-, I miss her a great deal.”

I’ve known I missed her for a wile now but saying it out loud almost brought me to tears.

“I like the bed.” I looked at the bed which was visibly separate room of its own it was king sized. When I looked back to him his eyebrows we’re raised suggestively. I knew exactly what he meant, the pervert.

“Oh, forgive me, you must be tired, I’ve kept you to long

“No you haven’t, it’s no problem.” he gave me a reassuring smile, then a smirk “I can stay longer.” .” I was barely able to keep my jaw form the smashing into the floor. Does he honestly expect me to just hop in bed with him? The only thing I know about him is that he doesn’t box, I don’t even know his last name. tch I’m a flirt not a sleaze.

“Yes I have, & no you can’t” ok that came out a little more acidic than planed, so I calmed myself and asked “What of your paper work? have you decided to join me in the fitness center? I’ll warn you that I will not go easy on you and I’ll expect the same.”

Looking around nervously ha said “oh yeah, I should get going”
Now I smiled & my own brilliance I shoved my hand in my Dooney & Bourke medium sized leather giraffe Chiara Bag & handed him 70 €, a pretty big tip if say so myself.

“Oh no, I can’t take this.” he said as he shoves the hand full of money back to me as I started digging into my luggage for some workout clothes.

“Yes, you can. You’ve helped me, beyond your duties call, now run along so I can get ready” if I can’t exercise soon, my heads going to explode.

“Merci, mon amour” he purred once again using that oh so sexy voice.

“je vous en prie!” I called over my shoulder as I headed into the bedroom closing the door behind me to change.

***

The rest of my tiny misadventure went pretty quick.
That night I ended up swimming 42 laps in the pool, after giving up on my 6 mile run –I only ran 2 miles, & slept like the dead. The next morning I called for Fèlix to drive me into Paris city, in which I did my mothers shopping –it be suicide not to- & hit some tourist spots near the hotel & airport such as Chantilly& Le Bourget the Aviation Museum.

We departed at in the airport the same place we met - the phones- & from there I boarded the plain, to the first class seats –thanks to the free upgrade- it seems as soon as I sat down I felt droopy and fell into a deep
Sleep.