The Charm Bracelet

The Charm Bracelet.

I woke up, body hurting, mind screaming and heart aching....still. It had been two months since she left me. Since she left me to 'grow up.' I laughed at that because well... I did not know you needed another girlfriend in order to grow up. Ha. That was utter crap... Then again she was known to need something to cling to, something that was there while I was in California getting my degree. God my heart still stutters when I think of her and that other girl together. She still tell me how we will be together, how much she need and loves me. I want to believe it, I really do. Yet she is not with me.

I roll over and pick up my cell phone that I have taken out for the both of us. That is right, I have a cell phone plan for just her and I to keep in touch. I bought it for her when she got in an accident and her mother decided to take her cellphone the month before, so she had no one to call for help. The was a safety issue for me. No new text. I sighed and closed the phone as I got out of bed. My whole body hurting as I moved through the mess of a room, picking up a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a white shirt off the floor as I did. I tugged the pants and shirt on before I grabbed my black leather jacket and boots as I walked out of the room. My first class was at 8 am and I need to catch the bus.

I walked up the stairs and grabbed my bag, a beagle and my homework before I raced out of the house. I took a large bite out of the beagle as I jerked the backpack onto my back. I walked down the hill to the bus stop. From there I went to school and existed. that's all I really did, other than hang out with friends and study, I just went to and from school. I received no text messages through the day. Same for the next three days.

I did not receive anything from her till Halloween. It arrived in a nice looking envelope. It seem pregnant with it's contents. I felt it, feeling something moved freely within the the large envelope. Her familiar handwriting adorning the front of the envelope. I walked in a daze to my room , sitting down heavily on my bed as I looked at the envelope. It was addressed to 'Alu' her nickname for me. I felt my heart clenched in pain as I argued with myself on whether or not if I should open it. I wanted to throw it away just like she did to me...but I couldn't do that. I was still in love with her, pathetically in love with her.

I slid my finger into the tiny hole created by the flap and the main body of the envelope and tore the envelope open and pulled the letter out. Following the letter out was a bright silver chain. It fell into my lap and pooled into the are formed between my two legs. I frowned and stared and the chain before I unfolded the letter and began to read.

Dear Alu,
I know I haven't talked to you since the last time we fell asleep together, but there was a reason for that. I broke up with Morgan the very next day. It was a horrible break up and everyday it was hard to go to school, but I had to prove to you and myself that I was worth being yours again. I had to fix my life. I know, you probably got this on Halloween, Hell I planned it that way. That way it has only been 4 days. I couldn't leave you for longer than that because I know how you get. I wouldn't let you get that way. I am back on track, working hard in my classes and fighting for my right to be considered human again. ^-^''
Now I suppose I should tell you about the chain. As you can see below, there is a charm taped to this letter. That chain is a bracelet that you can latch the charm onto. It's a charm bracelet! I thought it was a cute idea...but more importantly it is something that I can show you I care. I know all the expensive gift you give me mean something major, but you know I can't afford that. So, I found this charm bracelet idea and thought 'Perfect!'. Each charm I will give you will have a meaning and each will be special. The first one I got you was a butterfly, a beautiful butterfly. It's to show you I have changed and grown so much. I want you to wear this and let me be the one who fills it for you? I hope that you will call me. More than likely I have read your Blog continuously and I am probably worried sick about you.

Love Your Muse,
Mei

My hand shook as I read that letter over and over again before I looked down at the charm. It was a silver butterfly with beautiful spiral looking wings. It was strong but delicate looking. I pick up the bracelet and hooked the charm onto the first link near the clasp. I stared at the bracelet before I put it onto my left wrist. It felt cool and perfect. I touched my cheeks, feeling it to be wet with tears. I picked up my cellphone and called that all too familiar number.

"Hello?" I shiver when I heard her voice echo over the speaker of the phone.

"H-Hey" damnit, I forgot to hide the fact I was crying.

"Hey" Her voice got softer. "Did you get my letter? Do you like the bracelet?" I could hear the anxiety in her voice, as if wanting praise. I laughed softly

"Yeah.. It's perfect... I am wearing it now... I love it Mei... I really do. Thank you..."

"I already planned which ones to get you too... I love you and everything is going to be ok...just know that ok?"

I couldn't help but pause, having heard this before. I wish I could say I accepted things as they were and that they will always be that, but I did not want to. It was too much of a problem.

"Ok...Guess this means you will be leaving me again. Right?"

"No, I am here to stay now. I just want to take everything one step at a time. One obsticale at a time. Please know that I mean to date you again, just give me a week to figure the rest of this shit out and get my life back in order. Then you are I can date again ok? Just let me work for you again."

I did not know what to say or even how to express what I trully wanted. Yes, I wanted her to work for me back, because I was not simply going to fall back into her lap and make it so easy for her to get what she wants but I also want her to be mine if only to prevent her from leaving again. However, I needed to set down ground rules, things that needed to happen and be agreed upon before we could ever date again. Our first relationship went south I think because we did not clarify what we wanted and how we were going to do things.

"Ok... But I want us to text again. Not constantly but with some semi-balance of what we used to." I said softly, noting that I could hear her playing her guitar over the phone.

"Sure babe, anything for you."

"Look. I appreciate the gift, really I do. Right now I kind of have something I got to do. Can we talk later?"

"Sure lover. Love you. Bye" I could hear the disappointment in her voice but I knew she would be able to get over it. I have an exam to study for and I also have some thought I have to go over.

"I love you too. Bye." I hung up quickly and dropped my phone to the floor and stared the charm bracelet on my wrist. I stared at it and wondered if I was ready to give her another chance, a true chance. I touched the butterfly and knew that it was now my chance to set my heart free and spread my wings. I guess I knew my answer. I picked up my pencil and began to write down all the equations I would need for my exam tomorrow. I hummed a soft tune, my decision taking the heavy weight off my shoulders. Tomorrow was a new day and I would be a new person.

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