Vanish

It disgusts me to discover I've become the people I hate. Or perhaps, I hated them because they were what I hated in myself. Either or, I used to choke back gags when I watched washed out crack-heads and low-level teenagers dig for half smokes in the seven-eleven ashtrays.
I used to watch them put that cigerette to their lips, spark the tip, and take a long drag. I used to imagine that with their first drag, millions of herpes clung to the smoke. When they caught me looking, I never glanced down.
I never said anything rude to these people and I rarely bothered to do something nice like give them a smoke - even if I had a fresh pack. I figured it was their demise if they wanted filthy half-butt smokes from communal ashtrays. These people were my punching bag for venting my disgust.
Three years later, I walked by a seven-eleven ashtray and I took a cigerette. I imagined the herpes that clung to the smoke as I drew it deep into my lungs.
Tells you something about me, doesn't it? That I tend to be agressive on things I'm bound to do and I'm bound to do a lot of things. I'm a natural-born fuck up.

My first sexual experience was in a rusted out garage on the corner of an intersection in the city. The guy was four years my senior and reaked of an over abundence of hormones. He took me into his lap in his garage with a blanket covered over top of us and he took his fingers to me. I don't remember cumming. I don't think I felt anything more than embarrassed and unsure.
If I admitted it to myself, I'd say, "Darcy Snow, you never liked this guy. You just were to embarrassed to say no."
And that would be the truth, right there. Nine times out of ten I've had sexual encounters because the males intimidated me and I felt it was expected of me. How gross is that?

"Darcy," I heard Jake whisper in my ear, "Are you awake?"
I moaned, "No. I'm sleeping."
I heard Jake chuckle, "Wake up, hun."
I flipped over into my pillow, but Jake had other ideas. He flipped me back and traced his finger from my naked nipple to the top of my exposed pubic hair. I shuddered in responce.
I could feel more than see Jake smiling. Jake may not have the nicest face, but he had an incredible body and his body moving in mine was garunteed to cause a vast orgasm.
Jake reached his hands to the underside of my arms and trailed his hands up as he kissed my neck and shoulders. His hands followed through till they held securely at my wrists.
I tested the pressure and was satisfied to know that I was held tight. If not for Jake, I never would have discovered my love to be dominated. I never would have blushed as he told me how much I loved to be submissive. I couldn't explain to this day what was so appealing about having someone demand certian sexual favours from me.
I felt the leather around my wrists before I noticed what was happened. Jake had attached tie-downs a while back and he loved watching me squirm in them. He smiled slightly taunting as he checked that I was unable to move my arms.
I moaned half in fear and half in excitement and Jake's member raised to my voice. His tounge washed its way down my body. He followed the curve of my side, the dip in my hip, the slight curve of my ass, and around the thigh until he hovered above my clit. He flicked his tongue down and I just about came undone.
Jake sucked suddenly and pulled my clit into his mouth like a vacuum. Quickly, with the tip of his tongue, he flicked across my clit back and forth.
I was two seconds away from shattering underneath him, when he stopped.
I looked up at him pissed off, "What the hell?"
"It's okay," he chuckled, "I'll be back. Just giving you a head start."
I groaned.
"Do me a favour babe," he asked, "Can you play with yourself while I take a shower?"
I agreed half-heartedly and waited until he left the room before I fell back asleep.
Jake looked seriously pissed when he returned from his shower, hair dripping, towel wrapped around his hard muscles, "Darcy, I told you to masterbate. Just for that, I'm not fucking you tonight. But you can sit there and play with yourself until I'm ready for bed."
I don't know why I listened to him when he talked like this. If he ever talked like this outside of the bedroom I'd crack his lip open. Yet, in the bedroom, it made me instantly wet. His smile told me he knew it too.
I played with myself for three long hours before he curled up beside me and wrapped me in his arms. I had only cum twice in those three hours and I had a throbbing pussy because of it.
I fell asleep thinking about the differences between what I expected in life, and what I got.