Waiting

Cassie and Kevin, are you average American couple. After a few years of dating they decide that they want to get married, but a few things get in their way; like the military. Kevin enlisted for the reserves when they began going out, but never heard much from them until a few years later when he was ready to settle down with Cassie. Kevin goes on duty overseas shortly after proposing to Cassie. Cassie attempts to keep her life as normal as she can with Kevin being with her, but discovers that things are going to be as far from normal as imaginable.

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this might not make too much sense because it is literally from the middle of the story, but i was just looking for some feedback.

I made my way through the narrow hallway that led to the doctor’s office. I tried to focus on other things than where I was going and why I was going there. I thought about work. Or more technically, my lack of work. My main model was Kevin, and I didn’t know what to do without him here. I missed him more than I was willing to admit sometimes, and now even my work was being affected by his leaving. It felt wrong to paint another person; like some sort of injustice towards Kevin. Was that weird? I must be losing my mind, I thought to myself. I reached the door and reluctantly pulled it open to face my life which seemed to move around me, instead of with me.

The waiting room that I was now sitting in buzzed with life. Mothers-to-be sat with Fathers-to-be holding hands and whispering excitedly about what was going to happen when their bundle of joy joined their life. Other patients who were here simply for their yearly appointment sat flicking through old, tattered magazines. One new patient, to my left, sat tapping her fingers on the clipboard she was handed from the receptionist, who looked simply thrilled to be there.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was going about this all wrong. I thought about telling someone, I really did, I just needed to prove it to myself first. And even when I did confirm it, who was I going to tell? Kevin, no I couldn’t do that, he would be so thrilled at the idea of being a father, but I couldn’t do that to him. He would be so thrilled he would forget that he was in a war zone, and he would end up dead. No, the way I saw it, it would be safer if he didn’t know, at least for now.

I sat waiting. The longer I sat the more relief flowed through my body. Maybe the doctor simply wouldn’t come. Maybe my suspicions wouldn’t be confirmed, maybe I had nothing to worry about after all. No, that wasn’t true, couldn’t be true. I knew what was going to happen, I knew what the doctor was going to tell me. I was pregnant, and I knew it. What were the odds that seven home tests were wrong? I was willing to bet that they weren’t in my favor.

Ten minutes passed, and then twenty. I would never get out of here. This was my purgatory, or more appropriately titled, my personal hell.

As I sat, I pondered the possibility that waiting rooms were designed to drive a person insane. My nerves were already shot, and I couldn’t take sitting here anymore. I tried to control my thoughts as I felt myself growing anxious. With my thoughts threatening to overwhelm me; I focused on what was going on around me. I listened to the hushed voices, the gentle tapping of fingers, pages flipping, and the scratching of a pen on paper. I let the noises soothe me as I thought, not about the coming months, but of what was happening right now.

I thought about Kevin, I thought about myself, and I thought about our last time together; our first time together. What were the odds that one of the first times I had sex would end up with me sitting in an OB-GYN’s office waiting to find out the results of a pregnancy test? What did I do to anger the gods? I had always been a nice person to the people around me, well mannered to strangers on the street. What did I do to deserve the punishment of an unexpected pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong. I love kids, and I was sure that I would love my own, but was a ready to do this by myself? A wave of nausea hit me as another thought floated through my head. It was pretty much definite that Kevin wasn’t going to be here for the pregnancy, but what about after? What if he never came home?

I raced, as quickly as I could through the waiting room to the bathroom. I barely made it as I heaved into the toilet. I dry heaved a few more times before I felt it was safe to stand. I was glad my nerves stopped me from eating a large breakfast this morning. I sat back down on the floor of the over sanitized bathroom, waiting, hoping for the nausea to pass.

It didn’t pass quickly enough when I heard a light tapping, “Miss Meagon, it’s time for your appointment, how are you feeling?”

“Just give me a sec. I’ll be right out.” I let my head fall back against the wall and let out a sigh. “Damn it Kevin, how could you leave me like this.” I stood, angry, I was mad at Kevin, and more than that I was mad at myself for being mad at him. It wasn’t like he had a choice. I rinsed my mouth in the sink, raised my head, and stared at my reflection. I thought pregnancy made women happy. Where was my happiness? Not to sound like day-time soap opera with my feeble problems, but what was I going to do?

“Whatever,” I muttered under my breath. I yanked the door open with a little more force than what was necessary. The nurse in front of me jumped when the door slammed into the wall. I felt the warmth creep into my cheeks, as I looked down at my feet. I looked up again at the nurse in front of me when she smiled and turned to walk down a hallway. I followed after her reluctantly. I knew that in her hands were the results of the blood work. I thought about knocking her down and taking the clipboard. No, that wouldn’t work. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, and then I would have to find another doctor, because I’m sure they wouldn’t let me back in if I attacked a nurse. I laughed to myself at my own insanity.

The nurse led me into a room and asked me to sit down. She told me the doctor would be in shortly. She quickly turned and left the room. I guess she didn’t want to deal with me being sick again. I looked around, and saw a trashcan. Whenever I went into a room I immediately searched for exits, now I was searching for places to throw-up. I let out a sigh as I jumped off the examining table. I walked over to the rack of magazines on the wall, magazines about being a good wife, a good mother, a good home designer. Where was the one that told you what to do when you were newly engaged, pregnant, and the father is over-seas fighting someone else’s war? I guess that situation didn’t happen that often. I turned to walk back to the table when I heard the door opening. I looked up to see the doctor walking in.

Dr. Martin was average in most ways. He wore the standard suit pants with a blue and white striped button down shirt. He wore the typical white doctors jacket over his clothes, but his face set him apart. He walked in with a smile on his face and looked at me. He looked a little shocked at the expression on my face, but he quickly recovered and his smile never faltered. Usually I would find this annoying, but for some reason I found it reassuring.

“So, first let me extend my warm wishes and say congratulations.” He hesitated, “but, I can tell from the look on your face that that’s not what you want to hear. I’m guessing this pregnancy wasn’t planned.”

“That would be the easiest way to put it,” I muttered, “The father, my fiancé, is overseas right now actually, and he doesn’t know anything about this yet.”

The doctor sat in his chair, “business?” he asked, absent mindedly as he flipped through a few pages on the clipboard that the nurse was holding earlier.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that. He is in the army. 12 months at the most is what they are saying, but I will be lucky to see him in two years. You know?”

“Yes I can understand. So, lets focus on what is happening here. According to the test results you are roughly seven weeks pregnant. What gave you the idea that you were pregnant, any symptoms, or just a hunch?”

“Umm, well I missed my period, that’s never happened. I have been tired lately too, even if I don’t so much during the day… and my breasts have been kind of sore.” I thought for a moment, and then remembered being in the waiting room, “Oh, and the morning sickness, that started a few days ago.”

“Okay, well those are all good things,” he said with a laugh, “well maybe not enjoyable, but they are all signs of a healthy pregnancy. First things first, I want to do an ultrasound, just to see what we can find. There isn’t much we can do besides that right now, but I would like to see you back in three weeks. I want whatever kind of medical history you can get me on the father. I can get yours from your physician, but I need you to get me what you can. In the time being, I want you to take a prenatal vitamin. And watch what you eat. Don’t starve yourself, but nothing to spicy. If you stick to food that are a little more mild the morning sickness should lighten up a bit. Small meals to, nothing to hearty, not until the morning sickness passes.”

Dr. Martin stood, and walked to the other side of the room. He opened a cabinet and pulled out a small piece of equipment, and a tube of gel. He motioned for me to lay back on the examination table. I did as he said and he pushed my shirt up to uncover my stomach. He squeezed out some of the gel, and I flinched as the cold liquid touched my skin. I laid with my eyes closed as he moved the equipment around in circles looking for something.

“There it is,” the doctor said after a minute, “Not much yet, but for 7 weeks the development looks good. Would you like to take a look?” He asked as he turned the screen so that I would be able to see from where I was laying. Then I saw it, my baby, the size of a grain of rice. I felt heat burn my face as I realized that there were tears in my eyes. I wasn’t sad, I was thrilled, I was in love, that quickly I knew that this is what I wanted. To be the mother of Kevin’s children, to be the mother of this child.

I looked at the doctor and smiled. He smiled back and wiped the gel off of my stomach. I sat up and pulled my shirt back down. The doctor rinsed of the tip of the equipment as he spoke to me again.

“I’m going to send the nurse in so she can take your weight, blood pressure, and everything else to make sure everything is okay. I will see you in three weeks.”

The doctor stood to leave and I whispered a small thanks. I can’t really explain why, but I felt grateful about the doctor’s outlook. I was glad that he wasn’t as scared as I was. I knew that he had no reason to be scared like me, but he was so positive about this, but I was still grateful.

He put his hand in between the two of us for a handshake, “It’s my job, and my pleasure.”

The doctor walked out and less than a minute later, the same nurse who brought me into this room was back. She smiled at me, and told me what she was going to do. Nothing difficult. I was in a haze thinking about what I was going to do in the coming months as she checked my lungs with the stethoscope. I wondered if I was ready for this, financially I was set, physically I was in good shape, but emotionally I wasn’t so sure. The nurse checked my blood pressure, and told me that everything looked good. I hopped down from the table again and followed her down the same hallway, and towards the receptionists table.

“So, Dr. Martin would like to see you in three weeks, that puts us at the twelfth of June. Do you want the same time or something earlier?” she asked politely.

“Same time works for me,” I answered, still not one hundred percent aware of what was going on around me.

The nurse typed my name into the time slot on the computer’s calendar. She scribbled the date and time of my next appointment on a card, and handed it to me.

She smiled, “Have a good day.”

“Yeah. You too,” I answered as I took the card from her and turned to leave the office. I made my way out of the building and walked to my car. I climbed in and I sat in the driver’s seat of the car. I waited for my body to respond to anything that was going on around me. I knew that I needed to tell someone, but I couldn’t think of who to tell or how to get my body to make a phone call.

I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and flipped it open. I scrolled through the contact list a few times, a few names caught my eye, but I wasn’t sure who to tell. I didn’t want the whole world to know so I crossed off a few of my loud-mouth friends. I thought about telling my mother, but I wasn’t sure how she would react to the entire child-born-out-of-wedlock scenario. My mother never wanted any of her children to marry before they were at least twenty-three, I already made that mistake, she would say. No, I would tell her later. I thought about telling my best friend, but she had a lot on her plate already so I crossed her off.

I was about to give up when it hit me, tell Andrew. Kevin’s brother, Andrew, was his best friend, and I knew that if anybody would help me when I was pregnant with Kevin’s child it would be him. I listed the positives and the negatives of telling him first, and the only negative I could come up with was him telling their mother, but I was sure that if I asked him to keep quiet until I was ready he would. The positives definitely outweighed the negatives; he was Kevin’s best friend and brother, he would be able to tell me any medical history that was necessary, and he would be so excited about being an uncle that he would offer to help me with anything he could.

With my mind set, I went through my contact list and found his name. I decided I couldn’t tell him something like this on the phone, so I would ask him out to lunch. I pressed the send button, and put the phone to my ear and waited.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

“Hey Cassie, what’s up?” Andrew asked, politely, he knew it was hard for me without Kevin being around.

“Hey,” I answered and paused before my next thought, “I was wondering if you were
free to go out to lunch today?”

“Umm, sure,” he answered quickly, but I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“Okay awesome,” I tried to sound earnest about my excitement. “Do you want to meet me at Trattoria's in an hour?”

“Sure that sounds good.”

I was silent.

“Hey Cassie,” he asked after a minute.

“Yeah?” I asked, as I was pulled out of my daze.

“Is everything okay?” I heard the confusion in his voice, but more than that I
could hear curiosity and concern.

“I’m not quite sure yet, Andrew. I’ll see you in an hour,” I said and quickly hung up the phone before he could ask what I had meant, and before he heard the cries that quietly made their way out of my body. I quickly calmed myself down so that I could drive home.

Normally I would not care what I looked like out in public. I wasn’t trying to impress anybody, but today I felt like I had to keep appearances up, and I really wanted to brush my teeth. I hurried into the house that me and Kevin shared and made my way upstairs. I changed out of the sweats that I had worn to the doctors appointment, and put on a pair of jeans that I thought were beginning to tighten up around my belly. Maybe I was imagining it. I made my way into the bathroom and brushed my teeth twice before I made my way back out to the car.

I headed towards the restaurant that I had asked Andrew to meet me at, and I arrived with fifteen minutes to spare, even after I had stopped at home to change. I looked around the parking lot, but could not find Andrew’s car. I sighed in relief as I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to do. Ask him to hide this from everyone, his mother, his father, and most importantly from Kevin. I felt like I had to keep this from Kevin. I was worried about him doing something stupid, and I figured if he didn’t know he would be able to focus on what was happening on that side of the world, and not how I was doing, how his own flesh and blood was doing.

I looked at the clock and realized that the fifteen minutes had passed already, and it was time for me to go in. I passed Andrew’s car as I made my way across the parking lot and into the restaurant. I saw him standing in the reception area bouncing impatiently on the heels of his feet. I had a feeling that he wanted to know what I meant.

I opened the door, and the little bell above the doorway jingled. The noise caught Andrew’s attention, and he looked over at the entrance, at me, and I saw fear and concern in his eyes. But after a second or two of his staring, I saw relief flood his eyes. I must have given him the wrong idea about why I was upset.

I made my way towards him as he studied my facial expressions. I blushed and looked away; I felt like he would discover my secret before I wanted him to. I smiled at him as he turned to walk with me to the hostess’ podium. We rang the bell and waited for our server. The young hostess walked out from behind the bar where she sat chatting with the bartender.

“Hello, how are you today? Just two?” She greeted us enthusiastically.

“Good, thanks. Just two,” I confirmed.

“Okay, and will that be smoking or non-smoking?” She asked politely.

“Non-smoking,” I replied quickly, but at the same time Andrew had requested a table in the smoking section. He smiled at me and the hostess, “Non-smoking,” he confirmed.

“Okay then, follow me,” the hostess smiled back.

The three of us made our way to the back of the restaurant. As we walked Andrew kept stealing sideways glances at me. I felt the heat in my cheeks again as I watched him out of the corner of my eyes. We reached the table and the hostess placed our menus down and told us that our waiter would be with us shortly.

After we settled into our seats and the waiter brought us our drinks we sat and browsed the menu, when Andrew finally broke the silence.

“So…” he hesitated, “that phone call had me a little worried.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know that now. So, why did you call? You seemed upset about something.”

Just when I was about to begin speaking the waiter came back and took our
orders. I looked at him from across the table, and decided that I should just put it out there and let the chips fall where they may. I told him everything. I told him about Kevin and I spending our last night together before he left. I told him how I had begged him to take my virginity, for a reason that I still do not fully understand. I told him about all of the symptoms, and finally I told him about my appointment this morning. I waited for his reaction, surprise, humor, confusion. I got nothing.

Andrew stared at me, his eyes searching for some kind of crack in my story.

He finally spoke, “so… you were a virgin the whole time you were dating?”

I rolled my eyes at him, of course that was all he would hear.

“You are missing the point Andrew. I’m pregnant. You know, bun in the oven, Preggo, the whole nine months.” I sighed exasperated by his casual demeanor.

“So what are you going to do?” he asked still seeming bored about what was going on around him.

“What do you mean?” I asked not sure where he was going with this conversation.

“I mean, that Kevin isn’t here. Do you think you will be able to do this by yourself? What are you going to tell your family? My family?”

“Well, I am keeping the baby. There is no doubt about that. I think I will be able to do this, and that is why I called you. We are friends, and I know you would do anything to help Kevin. As for our families, I haven’t thought about what I am going to tell them. I don’t plan on saying anything until it is necessary, and I hope that you can understand that.”

Andrew looked at me for a moment when he realized that I wasn’t joking.

“And Kevin?” He asked. “that are you going to do about him?”

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m not telling him until I know he is
coming home. I,” he cut me off.

“You must be out of your mind!” he almost shouted, “I think if there is one person who deserves to know about this child it would be Kevin.”

“I do to,” I explained, “but that does not change the fact that he is on the other side of the world right now. Telling him wont accomplish anything. He needs to focus on what he is doing, I can’t have him distracted when there are guns going off all around him.”

“What you can’t have,” he whispered fiercely, ”is this kid by yourself. You need him.”

“It doesn’t matter that I need him. Needing him will not bring him home, damn it. I need to give him the best chance that I can.” I whispered my last sentence as tears began to fill my eyes. I hated myself for being weak, for crying.

“Look Cassie, I am sorry, really. I bet this can’t be the easiest thing to deal with. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said as he reached his hand across to wipe a tear from my face.

“I will help you in any way I can,” he offered.

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After we finished eating, the two of us walked next door to the local drug store. I needed a prenatal vitamin, and I had asked him to accompany me.

The two of us walked through the store and picked up your basic vitamin. I didn’t know what I was looking for so I just picked the one that had the most benefits attached to it. We walked back up to the front of the store without saying much. I wasn’t thinking much about what was going on around me when I heard someone call my name.

“Cassie Meagon.”

I whipped around. I recognized that voice, but why would I hear it here. Maggie, my best friend of ten years was supposed to be in California, studying writing. It was her though. I dropped the vitamins and ran across the ten feet that was between us, and threw my arms around her. I hadn’t seen Maggie in almost three years.

“When did you get in?” I squealed in delight.

“Literally, two hours ago. What has been going on? I am guessing by tall, dark, and handsome that things with Kevin didn’t work out.”

I pulled back from the hug and smiled, “actually,” that is Kevin’s brother. Kevin and I are engaged.” I held out my left hand.

“Holy engagement ring, batman!” she giggled, “so where is he?” She looked over my shoulder to see Andrew coming towards us, but no Kevin.

Andrew handed me the bottle and put his hand out towards Maggie.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry. Maggie this is Andrew. Andrew this is Maggie.”

Andrew spoke first, “nice to meet you.”

“It is nice to meet you too,” she smiled.

Maggie looked at the bottle in my hand, and her head popped back up.

“Your pregnant!?” Her eyes met mine, and I smiled.

“Yep, I just had it confirmed today actually.”