Feeling Nothing

I tend to write really dark things when I'm feeling upset or angry. I was feeling a little low and I ended up with this. If you don't like the idea of rape and pain then don't read it. There is no happy ending here, just to warn you.

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It was dark and she walked quickly through areas where the street lights didn’t reach. God knows why she was out walking this late at night, alone. The phone had wrung and her friend had sounded distraught so here she was, heading to the not so nice part of town at 2 in the morning. So help her if this wasn’t a true emergency she was going to strangle Elaine.

At the thought of her friend’s voice she quickened her pace and her blood almost ran cold. There were footsteps behind her. She hadn’t been aware of them before, they must have been stepping in time with her own but when she had changed the rhythm there had been an off beat sound. She didn’t want to chance looking behind her and she didn’t slow down, sure that doing so would be a mistake.

Instead she sped up even more and kept her head down just hoping, and praying, that she could make it to Elaine’s and that everything would be alright. She was coming up on a junction and even at 2am she still slowed to check for cars, too late did she realise that the footsteps behind her had sped up, too late did she realise that there were more than one set and too late did she realise that the street lights were all out. She had slowed on automatic and now as she was being dragged towards the nearest lane she cursed the green cross code for ever drilling that rule into her head.

She tried to scream but a hand was clamped over her mouth and nose, effectively cutting off her air supply. She kicked and pulled and tried to bite at the hand in front of her but as her oxygen was reduced she could feel her head getting fuzzy and her body getting heavier. She was in the part of town that was mostly factories, she could scream but nobody would hear and those that did had long ago learnt to ignore those kinds of things for fear of getting their kneecaps moved to the other side of their legs.

When they were far enough away from the road, the two men pushed her up against the wall, one at each side holding an arm in place. She felt a hand run down her stomach and travel to her inner thigh and she squirmed and kicked out to try and dislodge it. All it earned her was a backhand to the cheek which sent her head reeling. She was only just getting her oxygen back from the hand over her airway and now she was swimming in fuzziness again.

She could hear voices but everything was slurred, her eyes kept closing and opening but she saw nothing. That hand was back and it had a friend, one travelling up each thigh over the top of her jeans. She tried to protest but her voice was weak and her movements slowed. One of her hands was briefly released and she tried to claw at the person on that side, but it was quickly caught again and a conversation started between the two men.

The conversation was short and to the point and all she caught were snippets as she slowly swam back to reality. As her head cleared she bucked and began to scream throwing her two would be assailants off guard and as they let go of her to cover their ears she ran.

Unsure of where she was heading she ran blindly in the dark just hoping to get away, to find some help. The men were quick to react though and she hadn’t gotten far when one of them tackled her and she fell heavily to the ground hitting her head in the process. They turned her onto her back, one holding her arms above her head and the other sitting astride her legs. She could feel the blood trickling past her eyes but she could do nothing to stop it.

Her head swam and she gave up the fight, every movement was torture to her aching head and just trying to move brought a sharp sting from her arms as they were held rigid above her. She could feel the one on top of her reach down and undo her jeans; she could hear the zip as it slid lower. She gave a half-hearted attempt to move when he let up on the pressure on her lower half to remove the obstacle but a sharp slap to her head would stopped her as she winced in pain.

The concrete of the lane was cold on her bare lower half and she could feel the breeze running over her completely naked legs. Tears slid from her eyes as the one above her moved his hand slowly up the now exposed flesh. No longer was there a barrier to prevent him from reaching his goal. She let a sob escape as he reached his destination, his fingers playing with the brown pubic hair before roughly delving inside her most private area.

There was nothing gentle about what he was doing, his fingers moved and flexed with no thought for her comfort. To her it felt so much more than a violation, the pain that ran through her as he almost tore her wide open was nothing compared to the humiliation she was feeling. She tried to picture happy things and block out what was happening but every time he moved she was brought back to the here and now, the pain and the disgust.

She heard him speak to his friend who had opted to kneel on her hands to free his own, more than likely to allow himself to jerk off as he watched his friend defile another human being. She heard the word tight and more tears fell as she realised that that would just make it that much worse. A cry tore from her throat as he worked three of his fingers in and out repeatedly, occasionally pulling them out completely only to thrust them back in even more forcefully.

When the fingers left for more than a second she wept in gratitude that it was finally over but was soon brought back to reality when she heard his zip unfasten. She felt him move slightly and realised that this might be her only chance to escape while he was removing his jeans. They thought she was beaten, that she was already broken but they were wrong. As he moved to take away the only thing that was stopping him from completing his evil act she brought her knee up forcefully into his groin, a satisfied smile on her face when she heard him groan and double up in pain. When his friend moved to help him she pushed herself unsteadily to her feet and tried to run.

The pain was excruciating, she could feel the blood running down her legs from where he had torn her but still she ran. Pain and humiliation forcing her onwards, towards safety, towards…

The darkness had come as something of a shock; she hadn’t been expecting it so soon. There was a new pain in her head, this time from the back where one of them must have hit her. She tried to move but found that she couldn’t, panicking she carefully moved her head from side to side, wincing at the pain that shot through her and into the back of her eyes. She was somewhere new, there was no longer a moonlit sky above her, instead it was a grey ceiling, she was no longer on an uncomfortable concrete floor, now it was only a slightly less uncomfortable mattress.

She realised quickly that her hands and feet were tied and she was spread out on the bed, that was when she truly lost all hope because now there really was no escape, now she really was in trouble.

The tears started falling freely from her eyes and down the side of her face to wet her hair. Sobs wracked her body as she gave in to the despair that was flooding her system. Would she be missed? Would Elaine just think she had decided not to go and comfort her and instead stay at home until morning? Would she ever get out of here? So many questions were eating at her and each one brought her closer to complete mental breakdown.

When she heard the door open she tried to stop her sobbing, she didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they had broken her. She heard the footsteps but looked away, turning her head in the opposite direction as far as she could. She didn’t want to see his face, didn’t want to know what he looked like, didn’t want that image forever burnt into her mind.

He stopped at the side of the bed and spoke to her; he told her how beautiful she looked in the moonlight with nothing but a t-shirt on. He told her how naughty she had been to hurt him and now she would be punished for it. She felt the bile rise in her throat but fought to keep it down. She would not show weakness, she would be strong and she would get through this.

All thoughts of heroism fled her mind however when she felt him sit next to her on the bed. He placed his hand on her breast and squeezed forcefully, making her gasp in pain. When he straddled her and she could feel his erection she had to fight not to scream. The fact that he was getting off on causing another person harm disgusted her more than what was about to happen.

She tried to block out all thought and almost succeeded until she felt his hand move towards her entrance again and all the memories of the lane came flooding back causing her to cry out and buck and writhe causing herself more harm as the ropes holding her in place dug into the flesh of her ankles and wrists.

She screamed and he laughed. She heard him tell her that it was useless, that nobody would hear her but she screamed anyway. She screamed until he leant forward and whispered in her ear, telling her about all the punishment she would receive if she continued to scream. Her mouth slammed shut and then he was praising her on having good common sense. She wanted to claw his eyes out and make him eat them.

His hand went back to her entrance and immediately he pushed inside, not even bothering to start slowly. She bucked at the sudden intrusion and gasped at the pain it caused. He didn’t stay long, just long enough to check that she was still wide enough to accommodate him, not that he really cared one way or the other, it was just another way to cause pain.

He spoke to her again, pretending to be soothing, telling her that she really would enjoy this if she just let herself go. She spat in his face and then recoiled at the slap he sent her way. With no warning he was there, pushing himself all the way in in one thrust. The force caused her to ride up the bed a little, again pulling the ropes tighter around her ankles. There was no pause to allow adjustments, there was no soothing, just the pain of him moving and ripping her even wider as he fucked her fast and hard.

She could hear him panting as he slid in and out and she had to fight even harder to hold down the vomit that wanted to escape. His hands kept moving over her body, trying to find the perfect place to rest so he could get deeper with every thrust. Finally they stopped on her hips and he pushed and pulled with the tides of his movements. As he neared his climax he moved faster and she could feel the blood he was drawing from her act as a lubricant to help his movements.

She felt him stiffen and then felt the substance she had been dreading enter her, fast and warm. He collapsed on top of her and she felt like suffocating him. Slowly he pulled out and moved away from her to stand by the side of the bed. He patted her hair and told her how good she’d been and that he’d be back later for some more. She wanted to stab him. Instead as he left the room she began to cry, praying that God would just let her die now.

She had no concept of the passage of time, to her it was all Hell anyway but when the door opened and the footsteps returned she froze. He wasn’t alone; there was someone else with him. He spoke to her again; he told her that his friend was so impressed with how good she had been that he had wanted proof. So his friend was going to take a ride. She wanted to burn them both, she wanted to cut off their dicks and feed them to sheep, she wanted to make them suffer.

Instead, she broke. Hope was gone and she was no longer as she had once been. She was defiled and dirty, nobody would want her now. She gave in to the despair and tuned out as she was fucked repeatedly, no longer feeling the pain, no longer feeling anything.