Ennui

Seth stared out over the city from the roof of his apartment building. He had watched the sun set, the moon rise and set again, and the eastern sky was edging slightly toward dawn. He would head in soon, need forcing him from the lightening sky.

Desire no longer played a part in his life. All he knew anymore was need. The need to eat, the need to sleep, the need to be awake. Nothing more, nothing that gave him purpose

This, as the current saying goes, wasn’t what he signed up for.

As the sky began to edge toward pinks, he turned, leaving the roof by way of the stairs. Down four flights to the floor he lived on. Ironic, living on the twelfth floor of a building that boasted large windows, all things considered. He enjoyed that touch every time he walked down his hallway.

There was something different this morning, though. A new neighbor was using the cool of the night to move in across the hall from him. Seth paused, taking in the sight of boxes and furniture being moved in under the supervision of a man who whispered direction.

With a shake of his head, Seth continued on to his door, across from the hushed activity.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

Seth frowned at the door, not turning around. “I am arriving home just now. You did not wake me, a fact which should be readily obvious by the direction I am facing and the fact that I am unlocking the door.”

A laugh, soft and rolling. “You’re right. We’ll be finished here soon. It gets scorching out there as soon as the sun rises so I want to be finished by then.”

“Very well,” Seth replied, clearly indicating he didn’t care. He opened his door and was mostly in when another verbal outburst from his new neighbor stopped him.

“If you’d like, we can get drinks sometime? I’m Li Matthews, by the way. Li like Jet Li.”

“Perhaps. Seth Marcum.” He began to close the door.

“Like the Egyptian god of destruction?” Li asked.

Seth turned to look over his shoulder. Not many knew that anymore. “Yes.”

Li smiled. His eyes were deep brown in a tanned face framed with black hair that absorbed the light around it. His coloring was Asian, but his features were Western. Seth bowed slightly. “Good day.”

Li returned the bow. “Good day. I look forward to getting to know you, Seth.”

Seth closed the door, ending the longest conversation he’d had with anyone in more than two years. He spared a glance to the large windows covered with shutters. The temptation to throw them open, to greet the dawn was strong. He hesitated, hovering on the edge of decision.

The need for rest, though, was stronger. His feet carried him to his room; his hands closed the door behind him. His body required no thought or volition from him to act. Long ingrained habits carried him through his undressing and clambering into the bed against the far wall. He didn’t bother with the lights. He didn’t need them to illuminate the path he’d taken over and over again, every morning for the past five years.

When did it start? Or, more accurately, when did it end, his desire to actually live and not just be? He stared at the ceiling above him, lost in the utter darkness. When was the last time he cared about anything at all? Why had he stopped?

He knew the answers to those questions, though he’d rather avoid admitting them to himself.

Five years ago, he’d moved in at the request of a lover, a lover who later left him for someone who didn’t need shutters and dark, someone who could stand the scorching of the sun.

Li had said the sun was scorching, he recalled suddenly as his memories tangled with themselves. What had he meant by that?

Two years ago, to the day, his lover had left, leaving him the condo with its shuttered windows and rooftop view. Two years ago, he’d had his last conversation with anyone.

More irony in his life that tonight, of all nights, he meet someone new? Or fate, if he believed in such nonsense. How long would he be held prisoner of that deceptive wench? Whether he meant his former lover or fate, he wasn’t sure.

He cast the thought from him as he settled into the deep sleep that claimed him as the sun climbed over the horizon.

Twilight found him back up on the roof. He would need to find a proper source of food soon. His body would drive him to it if he didn’t take care of the need before it became desperate. For now, he could ignore it a bit longer. Tomorrow, he would take the necessary steps to ensure his continued survival, even if he could not identify a reason to bother.

He watched the sky purple over the city, watched the lights come on to chase away the darkness. That part hadn’t changed. People feared the dark, feared what their eyes could not understand.

On the roof, he was high enough to escape the worst of the light and noise pollution. He could hear the stillness of the night, see the stars above him. As night progressed, he could sometimes see the Milky Way stretched across the sky.

“Nice view,” came the voice of his new neighbor.

Seth didn’t like having his personal space, the entirety of the roof, invaded by this stranger, but he could hardly tell him to leave. “I suppose, if you like that kind of thing.” Perhaps coldness would make him leave.

Li walked around until he could sit on the edge of the wall surrounding the roof. He leaned back slightly, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. “I do,” he replied, his eyes looking at Seth even though is face was toward the sky.

Seth glared at Li even as he studied him. Dressed in a black tank top, it was easy to see that Li cared for his body. His arms were nicely muscled, not over done, but well defined. His chest and stomach muscles made their marks in the fabric that hugged them. The black denim wasn’t overly tight, but showed off toned legs.

Seth’s eyes were drawn to Li’s neck, to the clear lines on either side of his windpipe. Maybe he had pushed it too long. He fancied he could see them pulsing, calling to him. He forced his eyes away, looking back at the sky. “Well, then,” he huffed, unable to continue.

“I like you,” Li suddenly proclaimed.

Seth looked back at Li. “Why?” he demanded.

Li shrugged, making Seth more aware of those pulsing veins and arteries in his neck. “Just get that feeling, that I like you. Nothing specific, just do.” He stood up, stretching his arms over his head. “So, drink?” he asked, tipping his head to the side.

Seth’s body reacted before he could even begin to think. His arms were around Li’s waist, his mouth on the exposed neck, his teeth piercing the skin covering the flowing warmth before his mind had a chance to notice anything. By the time his mind caught up with his body, Li’s arms were around his waist, holding him tightly.

He drank enough to slake the hunger rising in him but not enough to fulfill it. He pulled back, licking the tiny wounds he’d made. This close, it was impossible not to notice the state of Li’s body. He was aroused, breathing fast, clinging to Seth as if he’d fall without the support.

“Why?” Seth asked when he could make himself speak.

“It feels good,” Li sighed. “Feels so good.” He let his head rest on Seth’s shoulder though Seth was shorter than him by a good four inches. “So good,” he murmured again, sounding as if he were on the edge of falling asleep.

Seth sighed and looked back up at the stars. He couldn’t push Li away. He’d fed from him. That created the obligation to at least see that he recovered enough to get home. It hardly mattered to him that Li ‘liked’ him. What did ‘like’ or ‘love’ matter in the long run? And for him, everything was the long run.

He was startled out of his thoughts when Li began kissing his neck. Light brushes of soft lips against skin so unaccustomed to any touch made him shiver. “What are you doing?” he demanded, wishing his voice were stronger.

“Thanking you,” Li replied, his lips still against Seth’s neck.

“You are insane, you realize that, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Li murmured, his lips caressing up Seth’s neck until they found his jaw. “But, I’m happy there.” His lips found Seth’s then and further conversation was postponed as he explored.

Seth didn’t care either way. If Li wanted sex, he’d give him sex. Li had given him blood, after all. He didn’t see the point of the foreplay. But, then, some people didn’t like asking directly for what they wanted. Whatever. It’s not like he cared one way or the other. Li had saved him the expense of calling an escort service for a meal. He could pay with sex.

Li pulled back after a long lingering kiss. He smiled down at Seth. “Let me know when you need to drink again,” he whispered, caressing Seth’s cheek. He then turned and went into the building.

Seth stared at the door a long time before turning back to the city. What met his eyes wasn’t the same lackluster collection of lights. Something had changed.

It was a couple of hours before dawn when he decided to leave the roof. He stood in the hallway, staring at Li’s door. The ennui that had held him in its grips tried to rise again, to make him turn into his apartment and lock the door, go to bed early. But, the spell had been broken once. After a hesitation, he crossed to the door across from his and knocked on it.

The door opened after a moment to reveal his neighbor, sweat drenched and flush. Before he thought, he asked, “What are you doing?”

“I just moved in. There’s furniture to arrange.”

“You shouldn’t…” Seth looked up and down the hall. “After that, you shouldn’t.”

Li stepped back, pulling the door with him. “If you’d like,” he said as he bowed with a sweeping gesture to invite Seth in.

Unsettled, Seth crossed into the apartment so like his own and so very different. Furniture was scattered around the room, even a bed frame, in the main living area. Again, Seth spoke before he thought. “Let me help you.” Though questions filled his mind, he couldn’t make his mouth ask them.

Li closed the door and wrapped his arms around Seth from behind. “You don’t need to. You’ve done more than enough for me.”

Seth froze at the touch, unused to physical contact that he didn’t initiate. “You fed me,” he protested weakly.

Li continued to hold Seth, kissing his hair, his temple, his hands caressing the shorter man’s chest. “It’s what I’ve wanted, needed even, for as long as I can remember.”

Now the questions came. “How did you…find me? Know?”

Li guided Seth to the awkwardly placed sofa and sat down with the shorter man in his lap.

Still not far enough escaped from the apathy that had consumed him, Seth didn’t fight, didn’t move off Li’s lap.

“I’ve heard of your kind. Who hasn’t?” Li began. “Myths and legends abound.”

“I know that,” Seth replied testily. He didn’t try to move, though.

“So, I did some research, a lot of it, actually. Found you really do exist, though not like the legends. You have an organization that manages money for you and you can make your own investments. That’s how you can afford to live here and not have to work.”

“I have worked since I’ve been here.” Seth’s pride stung inexplicably at the insinuation that he could not survive financially without the organization.

Li’s voice was soothing as his hands wandered Seth’s back. “As a writer, I know.”

This caused Seth to move to the other end of the couch. “Who are you?” he demanded, glaring at Li. His writing was never published under his own name, but rather under the name of another, well-known author. The only person who was supposed to know of the arrangement was their editor.

“As I told you, Li Matthews. I suppose you could call me a hunter, then. A tracker of myths and legends.” Li shrugged. “I met another of your kind before I started my quest about five years ago.”

Seth frowned. “And, then what? You obviously fed her—“

“Him,” Li corrected.

“Whatever,” Seth replied irritably. “You fed him and then you left, looking for someone else?”

“No, he left me. He told me he was moving and to not bother finding him. So, I didn’t. There wasn’t anything spectacular between us, anyways. It was a relationship of convenience.” He shrugged again before continuing. “I searched for others. I am an investigator by trade, so I did a background check on him.”

“Couldn’t have been easy.” Even though he had connections, he had trouble finding others like himself.

Li laughed. “No, it did take some work to get it done. But, when I did, I had the name of an organization. When I found that organization tied to a rather well known author through her editor, I did a little more digging and found you.”

Seth’s frown deepened. “So, I’m just a substitute.” That much figured. It wasn’t as if he himself were ever wanted.

“No. You’re not the first I found. You’re the one that interested me the most. When I found out which stories you’d written, I wanted to meet you more.” Li leaned toward Seth as he spoke, reaching out to him.

Seth stood. “I’m leaving.”

“I want to feed you, Seth. I want—“

“You don’t even know me,” Seth bit out, moving toward the door.

“I know a lot more than you think I do, Petru.”

Seth froze. No one had called him by the name he was born with in ages. He forced himself to move, but the damage had been done.

“Or, shall I call you Samuel, or Tyler, or Jonathan?” Li pressed.

His hand on the door knob, Seth growled, “My name is Seth.”

Li’s arms were around his waist. “Then that is what I shall call you. I want to get to know you better.”

“Do you even know what kind of game you’re playing?” Seth demanded. He couldn’t make himself pull away, though.

“I do. Do you know how serious I am?” Li countered.

Seth turned. “How do you know what game you're playing?” Warmth flowed through him, almost unfamiliar now, but after a moment, he knew it to be anger. “What makes you think that you can just show up here and invade my life?”

“You're alone here, aren't you?” Li asked, completely avoiding the questions Seth asked.

Seth turned again, pulling open the door. He half expected to be stopped as he stormed out and across the hall. He slammed Li's door behind him as well as his own after passing through it.

The next two hours, he paced his apartment, cleaning it as he did. Over two years of dust and debris met their end during Seth's fit of ire.

By the time the sun was peeking over the horizon, Seth was calmed. The calm was nothing like the prior listlessness that had consumed him before. Anger still coursed under the surface, ready to burst forth at almost any moment. He still wanted to know, wanted to understand, but it ceased to enrage him.

Puzzled slightly, he moved into his room and settled down for the day.