Clueless

Well, I'd just like to state that this is the first time I've tried to write a sex scene, and that I wrote this over a year ago. ^^;; Also, this is a bit of an extra to a story a friend and I are working on. But I'd really like feedback on how to improve my writing so that I can do better on my works in the future.


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Zeraku stared at Cainen who was stalking towards him. As he tried to scoot himself away to the other side of the bed, Cainen grabbed his shirt front and pulled him into a not so gently kiss. Zeraku stared wide-eyed unable to comprehend what was happening. ‘W-what? He…he’s kissing me? Cainen is…kissing me…oh, he’s kissing me’ thought Zaraku. Closing his eyes, he kissed back. It started timidly at first but started to become more heated. After mapping out each others mouths a few times, their tongues began a battle of their own. During their battle for dominance, Zeraku ended up on his back with Cainen hovering above him. Their lungs soon reminded them that they needed to breath and reluctantly broke apart. Zeraku stared up at Cainen through lust fill, half lidded eyes. “Why?” he asked meekly after gaining enough senses to speak. Cainen just rolled his eyes before saying, “Just shut up and kiss me.” Swooping down, he roughly captured the others lips with his own. He soon started to trail kisses along the brunette’s jaw stopping only to nibble at the ear. He then made his way down his soon to be lover’s neck, licking and biting, drawing all sorts of delicious sounds from him. While attacking the neck, his hand found its way up Zeraku’s shirt, the muscles quivering under his touch. Slowly his hand made its way to a nipple and rolled it between his fingers till it was nothing but a hard nub. It soon made way to the twin and gave it the same treatment. All the while, Cainen was leaving a nice mark, a mark that said he was taken. He relished all the gasps, pants, moans, mewls, and any other sinful sounds that passed Zeraku’s lips. Deciding that there was too much fabric in the way, Cainen removed their shirts before going for another heated kiss.

Zeraku was lost in the frenzy of sensations that were over taking him. No thoughts were able to form as much as he tried. He was lost, lost in Cainen’s touches, his caresses, his kiss. His head was swimming in the pleasure.

Once satisfied with his mark, Cainen continued his journey south with a trail of feather light kisses, a nip here, a lick there. Taking an already hard nub between his teeth, he nibbles before pulling slightly drawing a gasp from the squirming man below him. He then licks it in apology before moving to the other and showing it the same courtesy. Once done, he continued his path until he found the navel in which he licked a trail around before in causing shivers to rack through Zeraku’s body. With a mischievous smile, he makes his way up for a breath stealing kiss. During the kiss, a hand finds its way inside the other’s pants. Upon finding its prize, it gives a firm stroke causing Zeraku to buck up into the awaiting hand. He continues to give it long, slow stroke, swallowing all the sounds that Zeraku made.

Deciding that there was too much fabric between them, he quickly frees them both from the offending material and settled himself in the others now spread legs. Sitting back on his heels, Cainen admires the other’s sweat slickened body. He then goes up and steals another kiss before beginning his journey south only stopping for a nibble now and then.

It seemed like the teasing would go on forever as Cainen continued to slowly make his way down his body. The light chaste kisses everywhere, the sudden little spurts of pain, it was driving his insane. After a few minutes which seemed like hours, a warm appendage swiped across his slit, causing him to yell, but only to be muffled be Cainen’s hand. Again and again his length was assaulted, and still the hand remained in place. ‘Oh gods….this…this is…ahh…I-I remember…quiet. Have to stay…quiet.’ He continued to bath Zeraku’s cock with his tongue, grinning when he noticed that the other finally got the hint. ‘He got it faster than I thought he would. Guess I should give him a reward.’ Looking up for a moment, he sees that the brunette’s eyes are shut, and his chest is raising and falling rapidly. Grinning wider, Cainen gets ready to give him his reward.

Lying there with his eyes closed tightly, he focuses on keeping as quiet as possible yet finding it exceptionally hard. Suddenly a wet heat engulfed his shaft causing his resolve to slightly break. Upon instinct, he bucked up but was denied by a hand holding his hips down. Slowly the heat left but returned a moment later. Over and over this repeated with an occasional swipe at his slit.

Using one hand to hold Zeraku’s hips down and the other to help keep him silent, Cainen continued to bob his head up and down Zeraku’s length. He then stopped to suck on the head when a hand threaded itself in his hair. He sucked hard which caused it to clench tightly enough that it was bound to pull some hair out. Smirking he did it again and was rewarded with the same reaction. He then deep throated Zeraku feeling the hand loosen to only tighten again.

Zeraku was in utopia. The sensations flooding his senses were starting to overwhelm him. Unable to hold off anymore, he started off the deep end that led to his release only to be stopped when Cainen gripped firmly at the base of his cock. With the hand no longer covering his mouth, he went to protest yet was cut off with a kiss. “Not yet. I still have more planned.” Taking a few deep breathes, he willed his release back. Soon the grip was gone and there was a shift in the bed before shifting back. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking straight into Cainen’s. He was so mesmerized; he barely heard the pop of a lid opening. With his thoughts still scrambled, he couldn’t comprehend what was happening until he felt a well lubed digit start to circle his entrance. With a shutter of anticipation, he continued to stare into the depths above him. He felt the digit enter and winced slightly. It exited only to enter again. When he finally thought he was used to it, he felt another join it. Following the same movements, they continued to pump into him, scissoring now and then. After a few moments, there were three continuously pumping in and out, curling every so often.

He continues his growlingly slow pace all the while staring down at the form lying below him. He continued to stretch Zeraku while still trying to find that certain spot that would drive him insane. Curling his fingers again, he watched as the others eyes shut tightly with his head thrown back with a silent scream. ‘Found it.’ Thought Cainen. Repeating the motion got the same reaction as well as Zeraku pushing back onto his fingers. Finally deciding he was ready, he removed his fingers earning a small whimper of dissatisfaction and began to lube his own weeping length.

Zeraku was still seeing stars. He felt empty after Cainen’s digits were removed but knew it wouldn’t last. Sure enough, he felt Cainen’s cock align with his hole. Opening his eyes to look at the other, he gives a small nod signaling he was ready. With that, Cainen began entering.

Looking down, he saw his lovers face contorted with pain. Stopping briefly, he allowed him to adjust some before continuing. Once he was seated, he paused again. Cainen listened to Zeraku’s ragged breathing a few seconds before beginning to pull out then pushing back in. Starting off at slow pace he began to pick up speed. Soon he was slamming in and out of the other when he found that spot. Zeraku’s back arched up, and he bit his lip to keep from screaming out. Over and over again his prostate was hit head on. Soon he found himself pushing back against Cainen’s thrusts while gripping the bedding so hard his knuckles turned white.

Cainen continued to pound into the tight heat. He loved how his lover squirmed and thrust back onto his own cock. Opening his eyes he didn’t know he closed, he looked down again. He took in the site like desert sand does water, and what a site it was. Withering, shaking with need, lust, trying not to lose restraint, what a site indeed. Swooping down, he captured his lips in a deep, passionate kiss. He savored the tastes that were Zeraku.

Said person merely kissed back as if his life depended on it. He couldn’t get enough of Cainen. He had to have more of him. He gripped Cainen’s shoulders tightly, pulling him as close as possible while still being driven into. He no longer cared if he could taste blood from his split lip anymore, it only increased the excitement. With his senses being overwhelmed, he couldn’t hold back all of the moans, but the other’s mouth made quick with them. After what seemed like hours, they broke apart for much needed air.

Descending once again; he began to ravish Zeraku once more. This kiss was filled with want, need. Soon, Cainen reached between them and began to stroke Zeraku’s weeping member in time with his thrusts. Feeling his release getting close, he quickened his pace hoping to bring them both over the edge.

With the pace quickened, indescribable pleasure being given in various forms all at once, Zeraku was rapidly approaching his release. His mind was reeling trying to comprehend what sensations went with what. The pace sped up even more, and he couldn’t hold off any longer. Bright flashes invaded his vision as he tumbled into utopia.

Feeling the muscles clenching tightly around his shaft, Cainen came as well. After riding out his climax, he collapsed tiredly onto Zeraku, and they shared a slow, deep, and passionate kiss. Once he summoned up enough energy, he pulled out with an audible pop before lying next to his lover. “You kept fairly quiet. Didn’t think you’d catch on at all, none the less that fast.” He whispered.

“Yeah, well it seems to me that you always liked it quiet unless you felt like being sadistic, then it had to raise the roof.” Zeraku replied.

Sighing, Cainen just shook his head lightly before stating flatly, “You didn’t get why I wanted you quiet, did you?” He was answered with a small no. Looking at him incredulously a few moments, he got up and started walking towards the door.

“Eh? What’s wrong?” asked Zeraku before he noticed what Cainen went to do. By the time Cainen was back into his spot, the weaker demon was a nice shade of red. “You mean…?”

“Yep. You forgot to close the door when you came in. Next time, try not to forget. Now go to sleep, it’s time to rest.” Cainen stated. Before long sleep graced them with a visit.

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Well, how was it? Should i be burned for such crappyness or is there hope that I can be saved? >_<; Any advice is loved and greatly appreciated.