Vampire, Human and KFC
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
852
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
852
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 1: First Encounter
Written by: Zelix, male, 21 years old from Finland.
A/N: Alright, this is something that just hit me one day, and i just had to write this. This story is mostly just talking with very little details described, there are some details now and then, but this is mostly just talking. I've heard and read so many vampire stories, and greatly inspired by the comic book series 'Preacher', i decided to write this. Hope you get laughs out of it!
"Talking"
'Thinking'
= Narrator talking =
Title: Vampire, Human and KFC
Chapter 1: First Encouner
= Good evening, my name is Edward, i'm around 25 years old and currently a college student. I won't bore you with meaningless details about myself, so i'll just cut the chase about what happened: *Clears throat* Semester had just ended, so me and my friends went to do some partying until the sun went down. It was a lot of fun, but then i made a mistake... a stupid one and i still sometimes think why in the name of hell i did it, oh well. =
= The mistake i made, was to walk home to save the bussfare, big mistake. To put it shortly: I nearly got mugged, by a guy who was probably high on something, seeing the way he had been talking and acting. I was sure i was going to be hurt or killed, considering he had a gun and he was shaking like like a... well, like a junkie. Before he had the chance to do anything drastic though, i was saved by another weirdo. =
= This weirdo, was something that should be described as in-human, not only because he beat the junkie so badly he is probably still out cold in that same spot, but also because he had... fangs and eyes that were, suffice to say, so scary i nearly pissed in my pants. I guess calling him a weirdo is a bit too much, but that is the only way i can describe him, a really weird SOB. =
= After he had saved me, he introduced himself: Terry. He didn't say his last name, just that 'during this era' his name was Terry. I thought for a second it was weird, until he told me that he was also a vampire... which would connect the logic parts about his introduction. =
= I was still shocked and not really coherrent about what had just happened, so when he said he was a vampire and invited me with him to eat at a nearby KFC (Kentucky's Fried Chicken), i didn't think, i just followed him. It wasn't until about an hour later, when i finally realised what the hell i was doing, that i asked him if he was serious about what he was, he just replied with a 'Yup'. It took me another hour before it finally began to sink in that he was the real deal... I mean, vampires are supposed to be these gothic, creatures of pure evil and darkness, with mystifying powers and all that shit... yet here there was one, sitting next to me, eating KFC, loving it, talking with a british accent and talking like a... well, like a everyday wanker. =
= The absurdity of the whole situation was immense, but... i didn't care, i just went along with it, we started to talk about things: Football, girls, clubs, school, etc. like nothing was out of the ordinary. Then, when we began to talk about vampires themselves, that's when it got interesting. So now, i will start to give you exactly what we talked about, starting at the point where it got interesting. =
Edward: "... So, what you are telling me is that about 90% of all information humans have about vampires, is nothing short of horse shit?"
Terry, while eating KFC: "Yup, we still get a good laugh whenever we begin to list them."
Edward just keeps staring at Terry, trying to desperately wrap his head around all this, failing miserably at it by the way. 'This... is fucking ridiculous, this is a vampire, A VAMPIRE! And yet, he is just, well... eating KFC and looks like any other wanker out there. This is just too messed up.' He keeps staring at Terry, until he looks back and asks, a little annoyed.
Terry, annoyed: "What? Never seen a bloke eat KFC or something, chap?"
Edward, a little hesitant: "... Well, i'm still just trying to come into terms with all this. I mean, here i am, sitting in a KFC with a vampire who has just told me that everything i ever knew about the world is horse shit and the said vampire, a supposed creature of pure evil and darkness, is dressed like a everyday wanker, talks like one with a british accent... and is eating KFC. So yeah, i have seen blokes eat KFC before, but you aren't exactly a bloke-"
Terry, cutting him off: "Now that's just racism, mate."
Edward, ignoring him: "-and instead of drinking blood or eating... whatever it is that vampires eat besides blood, chooses fattening, greasy fast-food instead, and to top it off likes it like some kid loves candy. This is rather de-mystifying to the whole image i've always had, you know? Kinda turns everything upside down, harshly."
Terry, grinning and with sarcasm: "Life's a cunt, ain't it mate?"
Edward, sighing: "Yes, it is... a total cunt."
End of chapter 1.
Next chapter: Fact and Fiction.
Short, i know, but hopefully you people got some laughs, no matter how small they may be. If you like this, let me know and i'll see if i can pop up some more 'truths' about vampires. Be gentle :)
- Zelix, see ya next time!
A/N: Alright, this is something that just hit me one day, and i just had to write this. This story is mostly just talking with very little details described, there are some details now and then, but this is mostly just talking. I've heard and read so many vampire stories, and greatly inspired by the comic book series 'Preacher', i decided to write this. Hope you get laughs out of it!
"Talking"
'Thinking'
= Narrator talking =
Title: Vampire, Human and KFC
Chapter 1: First Encouner
= Good evening, my name is Edward, i'm around 25 years old and currently a college student. I won't bore you with meaningless details about myself, so i'll just cut the chase about what happened: *Clears throat* Semester had just ended, so me and my friends went to do some partying until the sun went down. It was a lot of fun, but then i made a mistake... a stupid one and i still sometimes think why in the name of hell i did it, oh well. =
= The mistake i made, was to walk home to save the bussfare, big mistake. To put it shortly: I nearly got mugged, by a guy who was probably high on something, seeing the way he had been talking and acting. I was sure i was going to be hurt or killed, considering he had a gun and he was shaking like like a... well, like a junkie. Before he had the chance to do anything drastic though, i was saved by another weirdo. =
= This weirdo, was something that should be described as in-human, not only because he beat the junkie so badly he is probably still out cold in that same spot, but also because he had... fangs and eyes that were, suffice to say, so scary i nearly pissed in my pants. I guess calling him a weirdo is a bit too much, but that is the only way i can describe him, a really weird SOB. =
= After he had saved me, he introduced himself: Terry. He didn't say his last name, just that 'during this era' his name was Terry. I thought for a second it was weird, until he told me that he was also a vampire... which would connect the logic parts about his introduction. =
= I was still shocked and not really coherrent about what had just happened, so when he said he was a vampire and invited me with him to eat at a nearby KFC (Kentucky's Fried Chicken), i didn't think, i just followed him. It wasn't until about an hour later, when i finally realised what the hell i was doing, that i asked him if he was serious about what he was, he just replied with a 'Yup'. It took me another hour before it finally began to sink in that he was the real deal... I mean, vampires are supposed to be these gothic, creatures of pure evil and darkness, with mystifying powers and all that shit... yet here there was one, sitting next to me, eating KFC, loving it, talking with a british accent and talking like a... well, like a everyday wanker. =
= The absurdity of the whole situation was immense, but... i didn't care, i just went along with it, we started to talk about things: Football, girls, clubs, school, etc. like nothing was out of the ordinary. Then, when we began to talk about vampires themselves, that's when it got interesting. So now, i will start to give you exactly what we talked about, starting at the point where it got interesting. =
Edward: "... So, what you are telling me is that about 90% of all information humans have about vampires, is nothing short of horse shit?"
Terry, while eating KFC: "Yup, we still get a good laugh whenever we begin to list them."
Edward just keeps staring at Terry, trying to desperately wrap his head around all this, failing miserably at it by the way. 'This... is fucking ridiculous, this is a vampire, A VAMPIRE! And yet, he is just, well... eating KFC and looks like any other wanker out there. This is just too messed up.' He keeps staring at Terry, until he looks back and asks, a little annoyed.
Terry, annoyed: "What? Never seen a bloke eat KFC or something, chap?"
Edward, a little hesitant: "... Well, i'm still just trying to come into terms with all this. I mean, here i am, sitting in a KFC with a vampire who has just told me that everything i ever knew about the world is horse shit and the said vampire, a supposed creature of pure evil and darkness, is dressed like a everyday wanker, talks like one with a british accent... and is eating KFC. So yeah, i have seen blokes eat KFC before, but you aren't exactly a bloke-"
Terry, cutting him off: "Now that's just racism, mate."
Edward, ignoring him: "-and instead of drinking blood or eating... whatever it is that vampires eat besides blood, chooses fattening, greasy fast-food instead, and to top it off likes it like some kid loves candy. This is rather de-mystifying to the whole image i've always had, you know? Kinda turns everything upside down, harshly."
Terry, grinning and with sarcasm: "Life's a cunt, ain't it mate?"
Edward, sighing: "Yes, it is... a total cunt."
End of chapter 1.
Next chapter: Fact and Fiction.
Short, i know, but hopefully you people got some laughs, no matter how small they may be. If you like this, let me know and i'll see if i can pop up some more 'truths' about vampires. Be gentle :)
- Zelix, see ya next time!