Contemplation Of Life

[i]"Childish laughter taunting me,
beating me,
tearing my soul from me. . .
"C'mon retard,
get up!"
children laughed,
brutalizing my soul over and over again.

"STOP!"

the childish voice of myself turned his face up to say.
The sunlight stole his vision,
the blinding white light
sending him down with his face back in the dirt of the schoolyard.
They laughed,
taunted,
beat him
as he cried,
his tears throwing
him into a darkened rage. . .
His hands grew crimson drawn,
the ground colored in a burgundy mixture of dirt and blood,
the sun burned in his eyes as tears raged their way through the ducts of his eyes.
In his rage he searched for the demise of his new found strength;
Emotionless eyes haunting me as
the breathless mouth hung open as if to say stop,
or let go,
a face filled with a
fading fear.
I'd done it!
I made him go away,
I hated him,
he deserved it!
Sirens,
endless sirens filled his ears.
He couldn't move as he sat waiting,
waiting for his punishment.
The Police swarmed the area, yet none came for him.

"He's only about ten."

one officer announced when
a female detective asked about his dealing with the crime.
The officer gave him credit,
for his age was only eight.
His crying became laughter,
as the tears flown from his eyes burning red with hatred and horror.
His laughter exceeded him,
as he tossed his head back and laughed hysterically.
Falling over backwards,
it was as if a wild dog had run straight through him.
It was a feeling that he would come to know very well
. . ."[/i]

A shimmering kiss upon my face
bringing me from the nightly memory,

"WHAT?!"

my eyes snapped open,
I was crouched down on the bed
my knife's blade up against my arm
as I held the hilt down in my tightly wound grip of my fist.
I looked around,
there was no one there.
I relaxed and sat down,
the sheets were wet.
It wasn't apparent whether or not it was from the dream
or the girl last night,
there was a knock on the bedroom door.
A beautiful blond walked in,
wearing almost nothing,
and sat down on the bed next to me.
Picking up the sheets I looked at her,

"Oh yeah,
definitely her."

I thought as she leaned in for a kiss and
the tip of my knife's blade met her lower lip,

"Mhhmmm,
and you are doing what exactly?"

I asked her smiling.
She looked afraid,
I liked it,
the look on her face slightly exciting me.
I dragged my knife down lower to her neck
pressing slightly merely to test her.
Surprisingly she tilted her head away from me
holding bacck her hair exposing
the soft naked skin of her neck to me.
I didn't like that,
I stuck the knife deep into the side of her neck,
a gasp fled her esophagus.
I smiled
as I snatched the blade from her neck,
and watched her bleed to death
as she frantically covered the wound with her hands
and her breaths shortened
and she began to slowly wheeze.
I closed my eyes listening to the rooms shattered silence.
Rivers of crimson coursed sounding as
a flowing waterfall as her split jugular sprayed blood
among all tchat resided in the room.
Her attempting screams faded slowly to silence
as her body grew heavy
and she fell onto the bed into a deep contorted sleep,
her frantic cfight for
air and life
slowly came to an end.
I opened my eyes again,
blood coursed not only over
myself and her soul-less body
but among the bed,
floor and the wall behind us
yet the expression on her face
still didn't satisfy me.
She looked like a child that didn't know how to swim
that was thrown in the water,
gasping for aicr,
drowning,
and no one there to save her.
I chuckled,
cleaning my knife off with the blanket.
I pushed a button on the wall next to the bed over the nightstand
and a maid came in dressed in black.

"Yes sir?"

she asked,
cocking an eyebrow,
I could tell she was looking at more than just my face
considering I was in my boxers,

"I see you had fun,
when do I get to come in here?
I wanna see you kill me."

she said.
I laughed at her,

"It would be too easy,
you're so young and fragile.
I don't know
if I'd be able to bring myself to do it."

I smiled at myself,
running my hand through my precious long black hair,
I needed to shave.
I stood up,

"Clean up this mess,
and maybe I'll let you in here tonight."

I said as I watched her eyes follow my boxers.

"Good,
because I'll be needing that snake of yours."

she said walking by and flicking it.
It was the most excruciating pain of my life,
I felt like I was dying but I showed her no fear nor pain,
I turned around and placed the blade of my knife on the back of her neck.
She didn't move,
I slid it across her neck cutting off the ends
of her beautiful red hair hair and leaving a single faint trail of blood.
She violently dropped to the heavily carpeted floor,
stabbed me in my right foot with a straight edge dagger,
and slowly stood back up,

"Stay there."

she blew a kiss.
I didn't move,
yet I didn't show her the unbearable pain I was in either,
I tried moving my foot to loosen the knife
but she'd stuck it in pretty deep.
She'd heard me wiggling
and turned around and stepped up to me,
looked me up and down,
and went back down to my feet.
She reached onto the ankle of her other boot pulling up her other knife,
slamming it into my left foot,

"I said don't move."

she said snatching my knife from my hand,
I closed my eyes as the pain caused me to fall backwards onto the floor.
Memories faded back to me.

[i]"Remember,
the best thing is forgetting.
Forget everything around you.
Nothing can break your focus.
Now close your eyes."

He said,
the old man was my mentor.
My father wanted me to fight so he enrolled me in some sort of karate school.
I stood alone eyes closed,
trying to be still but I was afraid.
He swung at me and hit me in the chest I fell back wards and blacked out."[/i]

I opened my eyes again and everything seemed to vanish,
well except for the nice ass of the beautiful woman affront me.
I pulled up myself up and off of my left foot I took a step toward her as
the blade cut further back into me,

"Fine you can have me now."

I said slapping her ass,
she snatched up in surprise and turned around.
Her hands on the edge of the frame of the bed that was now to her back.
She was smiling,
as she rubbed her hands down me stopping at my penis,
she grabbed it and stroked it all the way down.
I stopped her hands and bent down,
I snatched the knives from my feet
and threw them into the high ceiling above us.
I looked back down at her picking her up
as I frantically kissed away at her.
Starting at her lips leading to her neck,
I moved her onto a dresser in the corner,
I sat her atop it as I began taking off her black shirt,
I snatched off her bra as I stopped kissing her
and I just looked at her beautiful breasts,

"How the hell did you hide

them?"

I asked,
she wrapped her hand around my dick again,
my eyes faded closed then opened slowly as she stroked it up and and down.
I kissed away at her as she gave me a hand job,

"Pretty big."

she whispered pulling in closer to my left ear.

"Thanks,
I get that alot."

I said to her between kisses,
I felt a sudden rush of pleasure surge through my body
like electricity.
I kicked the dresser,
it broke as she fell,
yet I caught her half way through her fall.
I laid her on the floor,
she reached up for my head for a kiss,
I rubbed the insides of her thighs,
after pulling her tight leather pants off.
She had no underwear,

"Easy goes it?"

I asked smiling before going down between her legs eating away at her
as she moaned.
Her moans got broader
as her hands placed themselves on my head,
my tongue flickering
in and out of her,
her fluids seeping among the floor and my face.
I pulled my face up smiling at her,
she pulled my boxers down with her feet,
I snatched them off the rest of the way.
Her elbows were on the floor with her fists clenched as her red hair fell over her beautiful face,
her green eyes taunting me as her smile yearned for me.
I was on me knees between her legs as I inched up toward her face,
placing my hands on the floor next to her elbows,

"How do you want it?"

I asked her whispering lustfully into her ear.

"Nice and hard,
make it hurt."

she said smiling putting one hand on my chest,
running it down as I lay into her.
Her eyes widened and then softened again,
she lightly moaned as I thrust in and out of her as hard as I possibly could.
She was a virgin,
never expected that,
she was saving herself for me.
I could feel her thoughts,
she was in pain but she loved every moment of it.
Her moans became cries of pain,
tears clouded her eyes as she put one hand over her crotch
my penis putting space between her left middle and ring fingers.
She screamed,

"St--"

she couldn't finish the word,
I knew she was going to say stop as she began leaking all over the floor and me.


"NO!"

I said as I felt the sweat pour over me like a waterfall,
I drilled into her harder and faster.
I gripped her left breast,
fondling it,
then I slowed down
and began sucking her big pink nipples.
They looked bigger without her shirt on,
she removed her hand from her crotch and placed them both high above her head.
She breathed faster and deeper,
a smile faded across her face.
With her eyes closed she leaned back onto the floor bringing her hands back down.
I took my hand from her breast and grabbed her wrists holding them above her head on the floor,
I once again drilled into her.
Hard and fast,
she screamed each time I dug into her,
each stroke was more and more invigorating.
She let out a loud scream that seemed to shake the house as she lurched up,
and slowly she laid back down on the floor.
I pulled myself from her and she shuddered,
a drowsiness fell over her and she drifted off into a deep sleep.
I don't know why but I felt compelled to watch her sleep,
she was so beautiful.
It was like my soul was reaching out to grab her,
but my hands nor heart listened.

"Damien. . .
mmm"

she murmured in her sleep.

"What's she dreamin' 'bout,
that she's callin' out to me for?"

I thought as I could do nothing
but watch her as she tossed and turned in her sleep
and continuously repeated my name for reasons unknown.
Eventually I retired from watching her
and mustered the strength to venture off and take a shower.
I stood under the hot water,
with my left hand on the wall
and my head down letting the hot water rummage my hair
as it cleaned out the still bleeding slashes of my feet.
My eyes were closed,
no need to open them for there was nothing to see.
An image of Mary,
the maid,
faded into my mind.
She was sleeping mumbling my name.
There was a knock on the bathroom door,
it was too hard for a woman and too rude for a mature man.
It was probably Art,
I have no idea what Art's problem is but he follows me everywhere.

"Go away Art,
I'm in the shower."

I yelled,
my eyes slowly opening.

"It's me."

came Mary's voice.
I was surprised.

"Come in."

I offered,
and of course she came in.
I could hear her sliding off her clothes that she'd probably put back on.
She drew back the shower curtain
and stepped in pressing herself up against me as I slowly turned around,
the pressure on my feet causing red rapids speeding towards the drain.
She raised my head,
smiling at me,

"Are you gonna kill me now?"

she asked her smile fading,
she was more interested in my answer than taking the shower with me.

"Should I?"

I asked lowering my head again and closing my eyes,
turning away from her.
My back began to burn from the water.

"Well you kill all the other ones you fuck,"

she mummbled.
I could tell she'd lowered her head and was beginning to cry,

"So am I any different?"

I reached outside the curtain with my right hand without moving my head grabbing the knife from the cabinet next to the shower.
I pointed it at her and I could feel both the water hit the blade and her sudden sense of insecurity.
I placed the tip of the blade on her nose,

"No,
I'm not going to kill you."

I answered softly,
I couldn't believe I was saying that.
She was silent for a moment,
she kissed the back of my head and whispered three words. . .

"I love you."

I dropped the knife,
and was unable to move to bend down and pick it up.
I was frozen, in shock by those little words. . .
I looked up at her in anger,
lust,
rage,
feeling like a caged dog but at the same time a sudden relief clouded my body.
I didn't know exactly what it was that I felt,

"What did you just say?"

I asked her again slowly turning and raising my head to her.
Suddenly years of pain had come back from just those words she'd spoken.
My feet killed,
I looked down at the cuts along my feet
they went all the way through and were bleeding like Niagara Falls.

"I said I love you."

she repeated exiting the shower.
I quickly snatched up the knife and swung at her with it.
I missed,
cutting open the curtain,
the look on her face vivid with horror and confusion.

"You don't love me,
do you?"

she asked suddenly her mood dropping again,
as mine only worsened.

"What exactly is this feeling you call

love?"

I yelled at her,
only continuing to make it worse,
tears began streaming down her face like river rapids.


"I HATE YOU!
YOU COULD'VE JUST PRETENDED!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
I FUCKIN' HATE YOU,
BASTARD!"

she yelled as she snatched my shirt off the sink and ran,
you could hear her sobbing through the house
as she ran through the quiet mansion.


Why does this hurt?
Why does it seem like I'm committing suicide?
Is this what it feels like, this. . . this. . . love?
Am I killing her without a touch?
It seems more like I've hurt myself,
but I don't understand why I feel like this.

I thought as I stood in the bathroom doorway
watching her run down the hall crying
as she tried to place on my shirt.
I figured I would give her some time to calm down
while I poured a few bottles of iodine on my feet
and tightly wrapped them,
then I snatched my boxers off the back of the toilet
and threw them on and went running after her.
I found her in the courtyard sitting under a tree singing and crying,

"You know don't you?"

I asked her,
but she didn't answer.

"Answer me dammit!"

I exclaimed.

"Know what?"

she asked as her melody paused
yet her tears refused to cease

"You,
you know the way I felt when you said that,
you know it all,
ever since you got here all you've been doin' is watching me.
You watch and follow me
yet you don't leave the slightest sign that you were--"

as I talked I wandered around the tree
but she'd grasped my leg as if hugging it when I passed her.

"I watch you because I wanted you so bad,
and it's ok if that's not how you feel about me,
but I will remain as strong and as agile as I am so do not think you have broken me!"

she said biting me in my leg.


"AHH!
WHAT THE HELL?"

I screamed as she let go I raised a hand to back hand her.

"You wont."

she said smiling,
as blood dripped from her lower lip.
My hand lowered as did my eyes among her body,
I couldn't help it she was wanting and my soul told me I needed to take her.

"See,
told you you wont hit me.
That is the feeling of love,
My Angel."

I sat down next to her without a word
just looking at the other trees in the courtyard,
thinking of why I felt like this toward her and why it coincided with rage.
It felt like the rage was going to burst
from within my soul but at the same moment
I felt a feeling of warmth every time I thought about it.
I couldn't focus on anything without a picture of her entering my mind for some strange reason.
My head became an ailment to me suddenly,
as if something was trying to present itself from the past. . .
Memories,
repressed memories.
I knew the feelings I rarely got it but when the pain came I knew it.
I stood up,
I felt her eyes trail me as I did,

"Yes?"

I asked with my back to her.

"Don't you think this place is beautiful?"

she asked me,
her voice sending a smile within its vocal pattern.

"What?"

I asked her.
Suddenly feeling compelled to sit down again,
yet my head still felt as if I was banging it up against a brick wall.

"This place."

she answered grasping my hand,
I turned around to look at her.
The look in her eyes,

NO!

Stay don't leave me.

But I couldn't understand why she wanted me to stay in the courtyard with her.
I mean it was only a bunch of tree's,
why was she so attracted to them now or was she always like this?

"I-- no,
I'm leaving."

I said to her,
suddenly her gaze fell to the ground and then back up at me,

Maybe I'll come with you?

Was the new look in her eyes.
She reminded me of a dog except with more of a bite than the annoying barking.
I turned away from her,

"Then leave already."

she said as I began to step away from her,
after she'd dropped my hand.
I walked out of the courtyard
her haunting stare following my every move
as I held my head high
and wandered around the mansion
venturing for one of the many rooms so I could lie down. . .

[i]"Hush little baby don't say a word,
Mamma's gonna buy you a mocking bird
And if that mocking---"

the song suddenly stopped falling from the woman's mouth
as she rocked back and forth
crying holding a young child.
The child was covered in blood
as was the front of her shirt
yet she continued to rock back and forth.
Was she my mother?
What was she doing?
Is she dying?

"MOTHER!"

I could hear myself cry out only for a void answer.
It was a dream,
or was it a memory?
What's the difference?

"I love you. . ."

she whispered,
the words struck me once again
as the blood seemed to grow more and more
over the boy and the woman.

It was a dream,
I was hurting someone who held onto me for life,
I was killing her.
A cold sweat swamped everything
as my eyes snapped open,
I couldn't grasp a breath of air
I felt as if I was suffocating.
I couldn't handle it.
I felt as if I was dying.
A light snapped on,

"OH GOD!
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!"

she screamed,
it was Mary,
she was wearing nothing but a black bra and thong.
She seemed frozen in her tracks
she couldn't move nor speak,
she just stare as if I was too disgusting to touch or go near.

"WHAT,
WHAT IS IT!"

I yelled at her but she didn't seem to her me.
Suddenly she exploded into a pool of blood.[/i]

"MARY!"


I exclaimed as I snatched up.
Swamped in a cold sweat still in my boxers.
She was next to me fast asleep,
the moonlight was drowning the bed.
It was a full beautiful seemingly close moon.

"Hmmm?"

she murmured as I heard her shift along the bed.
Her touch was soothing,
as she rubbed my back.
I turned around to look at her,
she looked so beautiful in the moonlight.
All of a sudden lust caught me and I found myself between deciding whether
to pounce on her and fuck the shit out of her
or just go back to sleep but before I knew it
she was affront me and I was kissing all over her
removing her shirt.
She didn't have on a bra which just made it easier,
I don't think she had on any underwear.
I kissed away at her neck and went down to her breasts
as she was completely naked.
She put her hands down on my penis,
sighing in surprise as she stroked it up and down creating a giant erection.
I tossed her aside on the colossal bed
as I stood up and took off my boxers
she got on all fours
as I stood off the edge of the bed
and she neared me.
She approached me for one reason and one reason only,
as she confronted me she inserted my penis into her mouth,
and began sucking.
It felt good,
especially for a former virgin.

"Mmm,
Baby."

I hummed.
She repeated the words,
and continued away with me.
After awhile I felt a sudden rush through my body,
I was about to cum but she'd stopped and
lain down on the bed with her legs spread
and her knees at her breasts.
I crawled up on the bed
and dug deep into her
pushing in as far as I could go.
She winced as I did,

"Hurt?"

I asked.

"It feels better when it hurts."

she answered and
I continued digging in and out of her slowly.

"Mmmmm. . .
mmmmmm. . .
haaaa-haaaa. . .
mmmm. . .

DA-DA-DAM-DAMIEN!
MMMMM. . ."

she moaned louder and
louder until only loud shrill screams were heard.
With every scream I sped up,
going deeper and harder.
I pounded in and out of her
as her breasts jiggled
and my body was telling me it was time to explode.
I was ready to pull it out
and bust on her but
as I tried to snatch it out
she closed her legs around me
and I continued.


"HARDER. . .
HARDER. . .
OHHH YEAH!
PLEASE
FUCK ME HARDER!"

she screamed,
and I did exactly what she wanted me to do,
I fucked her harder.
The entire bed was shaking as I sped up.
It was time,
her toes curled as did mine
and my eyes flickered to the back of my head
and the first burst came from me and then another.
I didn't slow down,
I just continued going as she continued screaming and moaning.

"Hmmmm. . .
hmmmm. . .

BA-BABY. . .
I, I. . .

stop."

she said softly as I began to slow down
as the sweat from both of our bodies fell among the bed sheets.
I pulled myself from her and laid on the bed next to her.

"No,
you have to clean up."

she said between breaths,
I wasn't planning on cleaning anything up.
But I did anyways because she asked me to,
I was too tired though.
I got up and rolled her over as I took the sheets and blankets off the bed,
and threw them on the floor and I picked up my shirt,
which she had,
had on.
Re-clothed her and myself,
and reclaimed my place in the bed next to her.
As I climbed in with her she grabbed hold of me tightly,

"I love you."

she whispered placing her head on my chest.

"I love you too."

I answered back to her without even thinking about it.

[i]"Listen ya little shit
just run away leave us alone no one wants you here,
right Lynn?"
the burly man asked my mother.
I saw myself crying as I looked up at the scary man
wondering how he could be my father,
and then it happened again
. . .
Everything went dark,
except for flashes of the man's face
. . .
It was the last time he ever yelled at me,
he never even saw the knife in my hand behind my back
until it was deep enough in his throat
and so covered with blood and meat you could no longer see it.
I looked down at what happened and
then at my hands.
They were covered in blood,
I was no longer crying.
My mother looked at me shocked at what I'd done
and when I stepped toward her she instantly ran
to the phone calling the police.


"YES,
MY SON JUST KILLED HIS FATHER!!
THERE'S A KNIFE IN HIS THROAT
AND HE'S BLEEDING ALL OVER THE FLOOR!"

she yelled into the phone,
I could hear her in the other room
I still stood there looking at my 9 year old hands
and thinking about what happened,
now that it was over I could remember it clearly.
Mother didn't agree with him she said she loved me
and he hit her,
and my mind suddenly snapped
and I'd cut him on the back of his legs
and as he fell I stabbed him in the throat
and then I dug it in
trying to shove it down his throat from the outside-in.
The police busted in the house,
it scared me but I didn't flinch,
instead I began laughing.
They were actually coming to get me,
this time it was my fault
and they could tell.
Then there was the same officer as before.
"Ma'am, are you sure it was this child?"
he asked Mother.

"YES
TAKE THE DEMON AWAY FROM THIS HOUSE!
TAKE HIM OUT BACK AND SHOOT HIM!"

she screamed, it made me laugh.

"I'll kill you too."

I looked up smiling and pointing at her.

"Come on son you don't mean that. . .
Do you?"
he looked confused.

"I TOLD YOU,
HE'S A DEMON BOY!!"

she yelled again,
and I took two steps toward her
and she ran into the kitchen.
The officers all drew there guns,
I smiled again and went over to my fathers corpse
and sat down next to his head.

"How you feelin'?"

I asked him not waiting for a response,

"Mommy says share but I want my toys back now."

I said digging my hand back into his neck
pulling the knife from him.
It felt like a bee stinging me in the back.
I fell over fowards. . .[/i]

I stood in the shower my head hung,
left hand on the wall the water scorching my back and neck.

"Damien,
I think we should go out tonight."

I could hear Mary say from the opposite side of the door.
I honestly didn't like going out into society
at least not around here,
everyone knew what I had done
and didn't like me coming around
but I guess had been couped up here for a long time,

"Alright."

I said turning off the shower with my right hand.
I still stood there awhile. . .

[i]"He's mentally imbalanced
and always will be,
he needs to seclude himself so letting him out into society isn't---"

"Yea,
right Doc."[/i]

I said to myself as I got out of the shower
and wiped the fog from the mirror thinking about what I saw in the mirror,
I heard the door peer open from behind me.

"Nothing in here for you Art."

I said and the door quickly shut.

"Damn kids these days."

I said to myself
and retrieved my knife from the cabinet above the toilet next to the shower.
I sprayed on some shaving cream
and hacked away at the hair on my face
without breaking the focus on my eyes.
They seemed to hold all kinds of secrets
but none of which were necessarily that important to me.
She blasted the door open,

"Ready for round three?"

I asked her catching her off guard.
She laughed a little,

"No that's later,
but I don't know what you'd usua--"

"Yes you do,
the only thing you do is watch me."

I interrupted her.

"Ok,
I've never seen you go shopping."

"Because I don't"

"Then how do you go get food?"

"Send Art to the store."

In the distance

"Yes sir"

"Ok,
a little strange but it gets things done."

"Of course,
now I'm naked so can you close the door."

"I wanna see you naked."

"Every time you do,
you get horny and wet so
why would I do that right now?"

"Because you love me and you know it."

I quickly turned around
and snatched her up close to me,
placing the knife over her neck.
She didn't even flinch.

"Normally I'd kill you
but I can't,
because I love you."

I said kissing her neck
and releasing her so I could finish shaving.

"I'm not gonna leave just be cause you said I'm gonna get horny,
I know you're gonna take something off."

She said.

"You're right,
I was gonna take off your shirt."

I said relieving her from the shirt she'd taken from me
the previous day and continuing shaving again
as she venutred further into the bathroom.
Awhile passed
and I finished shaving
but I still remained in the bathroom
knowing she was staring at me as she sat on edge of the bathtub.

"What?"

I asked.

"Nothing,
you know I love you right?"

"Yeah,
more than you let me know
but at the same time I know
because you're too much like a book to me."

"So you sit there and read me?"

"Yeah."

"So what am I thinking?"

"You wanna know why
and how I got all those girls."

"Yeah,
but I'm not gonna ask."

"Well I get them
from Mr. Errand Boy."

"Art brings you women."

"Only when I ask."

"Why didn't--"

"Because then
I'd have no use for you."

"What are you talking about
you don't even know what I was gonna say."

I stepped toward her, she put her hands on my abs.

"Two--
four--
six--
eight."

"You like?"

"Of course."

"I wasn't talking about them I was talkin about--"

I interrupted her placing my right foot upon the edge of the bathtub next to her
and pulled my knife from the belt on my ankle
cutting off her bra with ease.
Her breasts seemed to jump out at me
as she leaned back along the tub.
She put her hands together above her head.
I looked at her for a minuet,
she reminded me of someone I'd known when I was younger.
I disregarded it
and flipped my knife around,
the blade toward me sliding the dull side among her body
starting between her breasts and down to the top of her vagina very slowly.
She smiled as her eyes were closed
and her body jumped forward toward me.
I dropped the knife on her
as Art burst through the bathroom door,

"Yes?"

I asked.

"ummm. . .
never mind."

Art said leaving the bathroom.
I stood up
and left the bathroom leaving her topless
as I wandered into the kitchen where there was
a familiar yet shady old man sitting at my kitchen table.

"Who the fuck are you
and what the fuck do you want?"

I asked stunned that another man was in my house.

"No,
hello?"

the man said.

"No,
you can get a goodbye though."


"DADDY!"

Mary burst into the kitchen.

"Why are you here?"

she asked after giving him a hug
I didn't like his presence so I left the kitchen.
I went back to the courtyard,
after getting my knife from the bathroom,
wondering why her father didn't say anything about
her not being dressed for the occasion.
I still wanted to know why I couldn't sleep
and why she was my every thought
and why she reminded me of someone from my childhood.

Why was there this gigantic piece missing from my memory?
Why was there a piece that only seemed to come back when Mary was around?

I thought to myself,

What the hell does she have to do with me?
Why should she have to be in my head so often?

I laid my head against a tree as I sat there contemplating,
digging my knife into the ground with a great thrust.
I looked up into the sky until I drifted off into a great slumber. . .

[i]. . .
Dark. . .
Hellish hot,
crimson strewn walls. . .
Mary?. . .
Dead?. . .
Who killed her?. . .
There was a man standing over her body,
was it me?
I couldn't see anything. . .
It went black. . .
What was going on?[/i]

A sudden presence wakened me,
I snatched my knife out of the ground
and was ready to fight who ever it was.

"See Daddy,
this is my boyfriend!"

Mary said smiling.
I relaxed once I realized it was them,
with the exception of her father.

"Boy friend?"

her father
and I questioned at the same time.

"Well,
aren't you?"

she asked,
her mood once again dropping.

"I don't know."

I answered my eyes never leaving her father
as I placed my knife back into the sheath on my belt.

"What do you mean,
you don't know?"

Her and her father both said sounding surprised,

"But. . .
you love me too don't you?"

she asked me I knew this time
she expected an answer.

"You're always in my head,
and I in my dreams.
I don't think I can go without thinking about you,
you're always there."

I said to her,
not breaking focus from her father.

"Young man I'd appreciate it if you stopped
staring at me like you're going to kill me.
I don't trust that little knife of yours."

her father said.

"Why?"

I asked him.

"Because if you're going to be with my daughter
don't you need to make a good impression on me?"

he answered smiling,
and stroking his chin.

"Depends on the impression you want from me."

I said smiling
and pulling my knife back out of the ground,
the smile on her father's face dropping down
as low as her mood.

"Mary,
this is indespicable you cannot be with this man."

"But Daddy why can't I be with him,
he makes me happy.
He treats me right,
and is really good with his. . .
Well never mind you get the point."

she argued,
her fathers face turned beat red with that remark
and he seemed disgusted as he walked away shaking his head
mumbling over and over again,

". . . What have I done wrong. . ."

She waited for her father to completly leave us alone,
and she jumped on me,

"Baby,
baby,
I think we should get married!"


"WHY?

Your father hates me!"

"Kill him."

she smiled,
my eyes widened
and I met her with a deathly satisfaction.

"I love you,"

the words seemed to slip out,

"I mean. . .
Well,
whatever."

I said kissing her neck over and over,

"I'm glad you decided to put on a shirt
but now it's just harder to get into it."

"Well you're not getting in it anyways."

she said pushing away from me with a smile.

"And why is that?"

I asked,
cocking an eyebrow
and putting my knife in the back pocket of my pants,
I could feel it cutting into my pants.
I stared at her for a second as she didn't answer me
I could see that she was second guessing herself
as she thought about what she was going to say.

"Never--"

"Don't second guess yourself,
if there's something that you have to say then say it."

I said cutting her off.

"Well,
I figured we'd go out tonight.
I mean it's kinda strange how you have four cars that have never been used
and you live in the most exciting part of the city
and have never gone out to see anything."

". . ."

After awhile she answered my silence,

"Well,
unless you don't want to."

"Well I feel obligated to do what you want to do,
but at the sametime I know that if you were anyone else that I'd probably say to hell with it
and just kill you,
but I. . .
Well I just can't do that to you."

I turned around,
and began to walk away.
She joined me a few moments later.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why can't you just kill me and let everything go like you do with every other girl you sleep with?"

"Becuase there are certain things that I'd miss."

"Like what?"

"Like. . .
your eyes
or the look you get when I ignore you
or get mad at you
or when your scared
but most of all I'd miss the sheer beauty of a real woman
and the smile that crosses your face that just seems to calm the vengeful beast inside of me."

I didn't even look at her just kept walking through the arch way
and through the halls of the great house.

"Do I really mean that much to you?"

"Hmmm."

I had forgotten that I had said that aloud.

"I really mean that much?"

"Why else would I have kept you around?
I mean come one you've been here for about three months
and for the past three days you've been mine
but it seems like you've been there for a whole life time."

"There?"

"Yeah,
even when you weren't mine you still stood in the shadows
and watched and waited.
Just because I ignored you doesn't mean
I didn't know you were there."

"So you deliberatly casted me away?"

she stopped walking but I didn't.

"No,
I just never took the time to look at you
until you forced me to stand there and watch you."


"DAMIEN!"

I stopped but didn't turn around,
just retrieved the knife from my pocket.

"How could you?
Couldn't you tell how many tears were shed for you?
I've always loved you,
and now all of a sudden you--."

she stopped as I turned around to face her.
The look on her face wasn't fear but sympathy,
an emotion I'd forgotten about.

"What is this?"


I asked.

"What is what?"

she asked as the waterfalls of pain streamed down her face.

"This feeling--"

she interuppted me
and for once I wasn't angry yet I didn't know what the hell the problem was.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything
I knew it was wrong to play with her emotions
but at the sametime I knew I didn't care.

"You should feel stupid and guilty!"

She screamed at the top of her lungs
as she ran passed me pushing me away as I reached out to her.
I Stood there a moment watching her run down the hall,
it was like I could do nothing. . .
For the first time I actually felt. . .

human.

I stood in the shower,
head hung,
leaning on the wall.
Thinking about the previous day,

She just left me there and ran away. . .
She looked so hurt
and sad like I had just crushed her entire world.
What exactly had I done?

I thought as I watched the water circle around the drain
and the steam rise from the growing hotter water.
I could hear the door knob being messed with,
then came a knock.
I could tell that it wasn't Art,
which meant it could only be one other person,

"Hold on."

I said,
sounding not like my violent rugged self.
I turned off the shower
and grabbed a towel from the white metal rack that was on the back of the door,
wrapping myself in it.
I nlocked the door and cracked it open
yet I didn't look her in the face I looked down at the floor
feeling like I was unworthy of looking upon her.

"Do you really love me?"

she asked me as straight forward as possible.
I didn't know how to answer the question
so I just looked at her as she stared back awaiting her answer,
yet none came.

"If you don't love me tell me now
because then I wont waist my time on trying to stay here with you."

her attitude getting worse with my silence.
She turned to walk away
and I swung the door open grabbing her hand.
I didn't turn her around,
but held her firmly yet soft enough not to hurt her.

"I. . .
can't define this feeling,
I don't know what it is but I've never felt it before
and you are the only person besides I think my mother
to ever make me feel like this."

I said with my head hung I felt her turn around
as I let her go.
I stood up straight as my eyes felt strange
as if something was overwhelming them.
She came to me
and lifted my head up by my chin,
making me feel like a little child.

"I'll love you with all my heart until the end of time."

she said and I felt a reminding feeling,
of a tear falling down my cheek.

"I love you too."

I repeated without thinking,
but remembering my mother.
I couldn't help it but I grabbed her waist
and pulled her to me,
then to the floor
as I joined her and began
making love to her.

I felt her trying to gather herself
as she laid her head on my chest,
her arm across me.
She drifted off to sleep
as her breath slowed from
deep and elongated to calm and subtle.
I laid there with my arm around her looking up at the high ceiling.
I couldn't put a finger on anything,
it was like everything had changed.
Honestly I didn't like it,
I wanted everything to go back to how it was
but at the same time I didn't want to lose her.

Shit,
why can't everything just be normal,
fuckin' normalcy!

I thought. . .

. . .A crash came from the other end of the hall,
down by the kitchen.
I listened,
waiting for someone to come down the hall,
there was only footsteps.
Then I saw him,
I quickly stood up dropping Mary.
She woke up
and I stood her up pulling her
and our clothes into the bathroom.
I stood her in the shower.

"What's going on?"

Mary asked holding the side of her face that hit the floor.
I didn't answer her the only thing I could do was look at her.
For the first time in a long time I was

AFRAID. . .

I pulled my gaze from her
as I could hear the ring of footsteps outside the closed
and locked bathroom door.
I snatched a knife from the medicine cabinet
and pressed my ear against the door.
I could hear them mumbling outside the door.
I dropped to the floor
and peeked under neath the door only to see
numerous pairs of feet all with black boots.
Suddenly there was a bang at the door,
my fear was exchanged with Mary's confidence
as she held on to me
and squeeze her naked body against mine
as if asking me to protect her.
I stood affront her firmly standing ground
waiting for them to burst through the door,
I felt a rush of anger that was fueled by adrenaline
and everything was normal again.
I pushed her off of me as they blasted through the door
pointing their guns.
I swung away with my knife like a crazed fighter.
It was within minuets that I'd killed nearly all of them.
Moments later,
after shooting me in the left thigh twice,
the right thigh,
my left shin,
both feet,
my right shoulder twice
and my hands,
they threw there guns down
and tackled me to the floor.
Four of them,
they sat,
laid
and stood upon me.
One straggler among them came in with out his helmet,
his face seemed familiar especially that scar on the side of his face.
I struggled to get up
but as I watched him take Mary
all the pain shot back at me,
yet I still tried to get up.
I clenched my hand around the hilt of the knife
as one of them stood on my hand.
I pulled it to me cutting my chest.
I closed my eyes remembering
something my father once told me
that angered me enough to want to kill him,
my eyes snapped open
and I shot up from beneath all the men
and lashed out at the man that had Mary. . .

Everything went hazy,
yet I continued to fight. . .

I opened my eyes to the beautiful kiss of sunlight,
the beautiful view of the beach
and highway out of the window across from me,

where was I?

Moments later a women in blue and white made her way in,
her tag read

'LAURA'.

She sat on the bed and
looked at me for a moment.

"You have the most beautiful grey eyes."

She said.

"Where am I?"

I asked,
disregarding her comment.

"Hospital,
why?"

"How'd I get here?"

"You were found bleeding to death in the Lobby Room floor."

she said looking down at a clip board.

"Well can I leave?"

I asked sitting up,
there was a pain in both hands,
and my left thigh.
I got out of the bed.
I had on only pants,
they had dried blood on them.
I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there or what happened.

"So what happened?
And why'd you have all those bullet wounds?"

she asked as I turned looking back at her,

"Are you the one who killed all those people in that manor?"

then I remembered,

I killed 75 people trying to get Mary from him.

I looked at the nurse in anger
and stormed out of the room running down the hall way
and out of the hospital.
I ran, running towrds. . .
Well I really don't know where I was running to
but I know I had to get there for Mary's sake.
Something was going on
and it was her fathers fault,
I should've seen it coming but she'd clouded my mind.

Why is this happening?

I screamed aloud to myself as I ran.
People looked at me as if I had three eyes,
then again I hadn't been outside of my dwellings in damn near ten years.
Someone had called out to me,
I fell over a garbage can as I looked back to see who had called me.
I rolled over onto my hands,

I could feel it begin to bleeed from beneath the bandages,

and knees and looked up at the sky,
my mind racing with thoughts of what was happening to Mary.
Someone called out to me again.
I wanted to be with her,

where the fuck was she?
Who took her?

The man with the familiar face,
he took her and tried to kill me.
Someone call out again,
I popped up on to my feet the way I was taught
a long long time ago when I was young in Tai-Chi class.
I looked around,
knowing that none of these people who stared at me were familiar.

"Who called me?"

I asked my voice echoing in the frantic sounds of silence,
there was no one who answered.
After a moment I turned and began to walk away,
there was a tug on my pants.

"Damien?"

he asked looking up at me.
I didn't recognize him but something in my chest told me that I knew him.

"Who are you?"

I asked stepping back from him.

"Remember me?"

he said tilting his head to the side.

“Ummm. . .
No?
Why?”

I asked trying hard to remember
who this little boy was.
His bright blue eyes reminded me of the ocean
I’d seen through the hospital window,
deep and mysteriously beautiful.
I knew I knew this kid from somewhere
but I couldn’t remember who he was.

“Come on Brother,
you gotta know who I am.”

He said his blue seas beginning to
fog up and swell over.

“B, brother?”

I asked shocked.
The thought of family forced itself into my head,
it hurt.
I remembered my father that I killed
and my mother but I couldn’t
remember this little boy.

“You don’t remember do you?”

He asked,
I didn’t have to answer because I could
tell he knew the answer to his own question.

“I have to go Boy,
I need to find someone.”

I said remembering
that I had to go save her.
The little boy grabbed onto my leg
and looked up at me,
his eyes like pools of disappointment.

“Please,
don’t leave.”

he whispered through tears.
I felt that feeling in my
chest again,
a sudden warmth.
I stared at the boy deep into his eyes,
I felt the boys pain
but at the same time something wasn’t right.
The more I stared into
this boys eyes the more I seemed to get lost.
Lost in fear,
lost in pain,
lost in my own mind.
I began to realize that everything had stopped,
everything even the sounds of the street.
I couldn’t even hear myself think.
Then it hit me,
this kid was part of those men that took Mary.
I grabbed him by the throat and
suddenly everything came back.
As I picked the boy up off his feet I felt the
wind of a car rush past me.

“Who the hell are you?”

I shook him from side to side by his throat,
he wouldn’t
answer me and I could tell he wasn’t going to.
I stopped shaking him and put him
in the metal trash can on the side of the street.

“Let me go!”

the boy screamed as I flipped the trash can over and sat on it.
A lady from the other side of the street gasped as she watched me.

“Tell me who you are,
and I’ll let you go.”

I answered,
there was no answer from him.

“So you’d rather die than tell me who you are?”

I asked the boy,
I could hear him whimpering
as a bus drove by.
In the distance there was the sounds of sirens.

“I am. . .
I’m experimental subjugate number 511B,
sent in for the capture of
Damien Loki and Mary Enlenson
by any means necessary.”

the boy said from inside
the trash can.

“Experiment?”

“. . .”

“Answer me dammit!”

I screamed as the sirens neared.

“The government of. . .”

There was a sudden silence.
I couldn’t hear him breathing, only the sirens.
I got off the can.

“You can leave.”

I said,
tapping the can lightly.
Nothing moved,
no sound,
no nothing.
Five police cars
and a SWAT truck pulled up around me.
They all came out in full uniforms
guns blazing,
they all cocked their weapons simultaneously.

“DAMIEN LOKI PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND COME QUIETLY!”

a cop announced over the megaphone.
I couldn’t bring myself to give up so quickly,
they had shot me down before without hesistation
but I’d gladly give my soul to hell if it meant I could save Mary.
I put my foot atop the still turned over trash can.

“WE WILL NOT REFRAIN FROM USING DEADLY FORCE!”

the cop screamed over the megaphone,
yet I stood still like a tiger awaiting the moment to pounce.
I could feel all of their hate as I knew they felt mine.
I closed my eyes focusing on
the rage and hatred that I felt for them,
as I opened my eyes it felt as if everything was in slow motion.
The cop with the megaphone said something
but it was too long and drawn out for me to catch.
The commotion of bullets whizzed passed my head.
They all seemed to miss,
then they cocked their guns again
this time I didn’t hesitate to move.
I kicked up the trash can,
and punched it towards the megaphone.
The pain from my hand masked by adrenaline.
The boy was no where to be seen,
I stopped for a moment lost in my thoughts trying to
figure out where he could of gone.
There was a single shot that brought me back to reality.
There he was again,
walking towards me wearing the same get up
as he had before.
The man with the scar on his face.
He stopped affront of me
close enough for me to smell his perspiration,
that’s when it hit me. There was
only one man that I’d attacked and not killed,
and the little boy reminded me of
him because that’s the last I’d seen of him.

“Brother.”

I whispered standing tall.
There was a moment of silence,
his M-16 held low,

“Don’t be stupid,
D.”

he said with a small flicker of an orange firey light bouncing
in the corner of his mouth.
I said nothing just smiled at him,
my older brother.
I had almost completely forgotten about him
and now here he was looking deep into the face of the man he'd tried to kill twice before,
ready to pull the trigger and put me down like a bad dog.

“Maybe you should go pay respects to your father,
and tell him that his life was
as worthless as any other old drunk.”

I said smiling at him as a deep rage filled my entire person,
a feeling that I'd become more than just acquianted with escpecially towards those assumed to be my

family.

He raised the gun to my chest as he stepped closer to me,
spiting
his cigarette towards me in anger.

“Only such a beast as you would even think of an honorable man in that indecent
manner.
I failed to put you down twice before but I guarantee that one of us
will not be leaving today.”

he said with a smile.
I heard the officers drop
their weapons,
as did he.

“But first tell me where Mary is.”

I asked,
there was no answer.

“Michael,
where’s Mary?”

I asked again.

“I’ll tell you,
if you live.”

he laughed.
I shook my pant legs,
they were too–
Shit,
I was still wearing the pants from the hospital.
Sighing and shrugging my shoulders I turned my mind
and rage back towards this man that used to hold place as my brother.

“What?
No knives this time?”

He asked swinging at me.
He missed,
I crouched down and punched him in the chin.
He stumbled back rubbing his jaw,
my smiling seemed to fuel his rage but it's always bad to fight from anger.

It clouds your mind.

He dashed at me again,
I stood there awaiting him.
He tried to catch me off guard by
spining around trying to knock me down with his elbow,
I blocked it with my forearm and spun him back around to face me.
I punched him in his scarred nose twice,
each blow held everything I had to give.
He dropped,
fast.
I licked the blood from my hand and smiled at him
as he lay on the ground.

“See,
this is what all you cops have amounted to these days,
none of you can
ever catch me and if you do catch me you wont kill me.”

Mocking
Michael,
the so-said

SWAT Commander.

“See Damien that’s what you don’t get,
you can’t run forever especially with a reputation like yours.
You’re a monster
and we’ve finally come up with a method of catching you.”

he said as he struggled to stand up and of course only managed to tumble over once again.

“And what exactly is this so called method,
because it doesn’t seem like
anything is working for you now.”

The shimmer of
his knife’s hilt caught the corner of my eye.

“Remember that little kid?
He was an experiment,
do you think he was the
only one?"

he said his voice growing raspy,
I watched him in confusion.
It was almost as if a sudden burst of adrenaline took him over,
he’d launched
himself up at me his fist joing a private party including itself and my abdomen.
It was as if he was trying to put his fist through me.
My head hit the concrete,
there was no pain yet I could feel the blood trickling down the side of my face.
He
rushed at me with amazing speed,
I couldn’t even see him attack as I tried to stand he kicked me down as id I were a mere unwanted dog.

“Ok,
you got me,
but do you have the balls to kill me?”

I asked him wiping
the blood from the corner of my mouth.

“You have the audacity to ask me that after you killed my father and drove my
mother to the very brink of insanity,
to kill herself?”

he said reaching for
his side-arm.
It was like the wrold was in slow motion,
I snatched the knife from his belt and
one from his ankle.
One in each hand,
blades at his throat as he cocked the M-16 at my
stomach.

“So,
where’s Mary?”

I asked,
as the two knives crossed his throat slowly
stopping at his jugular.
“What?
Do you really think you’ve won?”

he said pushing the barrel of the gun
into my gut.

“Where’s Mary?”

“Idiot,
what do you need that stupid tramp for anyway?”
he asked smiling,
my head felt as if someone were trying to claw their way out from behind my face.
My vision faded
form the everyday colors of the street to deep crimson that reminded me of everything and everyone I'd killed.

“Where the fuck is she,
you worthless piece of government shit?"

“Oh a soft spot.”

“Consider Julia just another dead whore.”

His smile faded and he pushed the
barrel harder.

“Keep her name out of your filthy mouth,
flea ridden dog.”

“Tell them both I said hello.”

I said kneeing the rifle up towards the sky yet away from me,
slitting his throat his body fell to the ground firing off a full magazine into the abyss of sky.
I blacked out
as I watched my brother drop his empty gun and reach for his throat.
When I stumbled back to reality,
there was no one.
I stood,
knives in hands as the empty vehicles and lifeless bodies covered in blood gave away their secrets.
I went through the cop cars and SWAT trucks to find
anything with keys in it,
eventually I found one.
The big black SWAT truck that
transported the units with body shields,
I was sure those shields hadn’t helped
them when I came at them.
I was proud of myself as I drove the noisy truck back
to the mansion every so often wipping blood from my shoulder.
Art met me in the drive way,

“Sir,
the police went through everything earlier.”

“Okay,
open the gates so I can park this bitch and take a fuckin shower.”

“Umm,
ok,
anything else?”

“Yea,
go get some pizza and see if you can find anything out about where they
took Mary.”

I said looking into his blue eyes.
He didn’t seem too afraid even
though I was covered in blood,
he just walked over to the gigantic gate affront
the truck and pushed it open enough for me to procede in.
I walked through the house,
not looking for much except the phone and some
clothes,
it wasn’t surprising that they were both located on my bed in the
master bedroom.
I just shook my head as I mumbled the boys name,

“Art.”

I gathered the phone and the clothes from the edge of the bed.
On my way out of the room I looked down at the sheets
remembering her soft touch and her worried gaze that always seemed to fall upon
me.
I tore myself away from the site of my own bed,
it seemed too naked without
her upon it.
I looked at the door,
thinking about how far away from me it was
right now.
It wasn’t that far away but it felt like I was alone,
it seemed like it was a life time before I'd gotten to the bathroom even though it was only a few feet.
I left the bathroom door open,
wishfully thinking that Mary would spring
in any moment wanting to let me take her once more as I stood there under the scorching hot water.
It burned but the
fact that Mary was gone seemed to hurt a hell of a lot more as it burdened my soul.
I tried to take my
mind from her but she kept creeping back.
I focused on how much the scratches,
bruises,
and cuts on my body hurt.
I looked down at the scars on my feet,
remembering how
they’d gotten there.

It must have taken her so long to muster up the courage
and strength to actually get what it was that she wanted,
but then all of a sudden I found myself falling for the pansy?

The pain no longer lashed from the crevaces of skin blood and scar tissue,
as if there was nothing.
I was
strong, too strong and empty.
I felt nothing and then they took away the only
person that opened me up to everything.
I tried to pierce the wall affront me with my gaze yet my hands flew out
striking it several times each pound letting out a fragment of my anger until both my fists were covered in blood and the wall with a shatter of its mere innocence.

“Well,
they said that she was taken to prison,
and then these other guys said
that she was taken to be experimented on like practically everyone else in the town and one lady said it was your fault.”

Art said coming into the bathroom,
then disappearing to where ever it was he dissappated to.
I turned off the water,
stepped out of the shower the cold air
causing my muscles to contract with a great force,
sometimes it was hard picturing myself with muscle when all I looed like was skin an bone.
I quickly dried myself off and replacing my naked-ness with black boxers,
black and grey camouflage
pants and a white t-shirt.
I went into my room again and buckled the various
different knife belts onto my body,
one hung down from across my shoulders as a cop would have his guns beneath his work coat.
My favored knife went into the only place she seemd right to be, by my side.
I loved my knives,
there were many of them differing in size shape
color and style of use.
Venturing back to the bathroom,
remembering I’d left the
phone there,
I dialed the number of an old friend as I made my way to the kitchen.
I sat affront a large box of pepperoni and
sausage pizza,
the aroma hitting my stomach like a brick.
The phone rang twice,

“Hello?”

the voice of an old lady cursed through the
receiver of the phone.

“Old Lady,
its me.”

I answered after a moment.

“Damien?”

“I need your help.”

“What were you doing today Damien?
I know you saw me in the square today when
you attacked those cops.”

she sounded worried.
“They stole something from me.”

“Yes,
I know.
Who is this Mary woman anyway?”

“Well,
that’s what I was wondering you could tell me.”

the nervousness in her voice gave me no assurance.

“The only thing I know is that I’ve seen her and Art outside of Krystall Blu’s.”

I didn’t understand what she was saying though,
I knew that they never stayed here at night but I never thought they ventured out together.

Why were Art and Mary outside of a bar? Together?

“Frequently.”

“Yea,
up until the last couple weeks.”

I laughed to myself.

“What’s funny?”

she asked.

“That’s when all this started,
a couple weeks ago.”

“Well ask Art about her.”

she rushed,
hanging up before I could further my interrogation,
I hated talking to that
old lady she acted more like a mother.
I tossed the phone across the table,
and stared at the pizza.
I wasn’t even
hungry at the moment.
I pushed the pizza towards the end of the table with the
phone slamming it onto the table and calling for Art.
Surprisingly he came in the kitchen in nothing but his boxers,
with lipstick all
over his face,
neck,
and chest.

“Well. . .
not to interrupt you but what all do you know about her?”

I asked and his
face immediately dropped like I was punishing him.

“Ummm,
well you said to go get pizza and she was behind the counter.
I asked
her if she saw anything she liked because she wouldn't stop staring at me with that sexy little devious smile of hers and she said yea and was asking me all these questions so I told her that to find out anymore she'd have to come with me.
I figured I’d bring her here because I don’t have
anywhere else to take her and,
oh yeah,
her name is Sabrina.
She’s twenty-three
and her boy friend left her for her sister but couldn’t settle with her sister
and now she doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Ummm,
she does this tongue thing,
it
feels weird but it’s a good weird.
And she said she wished she’d met me before
because I’m so easy to talk to.”

he said looking at me confused. I put my face
in my palm and shook my head.

“What do you know about Mary,
Art?”

I said laughing a little.

Stupid Kid.

“Oh,
sorry bout that,”

he blushed,

“Well she went to Harvard and then
transferred to Princeton.
Her mother lived out near where you grew up and she
was on a visit one day before her mother died.
We were friends in highschool
before she left,
well she was graduating and I was just getting there,
and I’d
seen her out in the store.
You wanted a food and sex run,
and you said you
were looking for a red head.
I had already found you a red-head and so I figured
you might want two that night and so I brought her back.
When she saw you she
remembered you and she quit everything except visiting her mom. . .
And we used to
go out to Crystall Blu’s.”

“ARTHUR COME BACK,
I NEED YOU TO HELP ME WITH SOMETHING
I CAN'T DO IT BY MYSELF ANYMORE!”

A soft voice
yell from down the hall.

“Well duty calls,
sir.”

he said and disappeared down the hall,
all you heard was
the slam of a door.
I just sat there wondering where she’d seen me when I was
younger because the only places I went was that school and karate and when I got
dragged out of my house to go to that psychiatric prison.
I couldn’t place her
in my memory anywhere,
and I didn’t want to disturb Art again.
I wanted to just go out and kill my way to the answers,
but where would that get
me?
It pissed me off the more I thought about it,

why was I growing so soft?

I sat there crawling back inside myself for a moment remembering everything I’d
been put through.

[i]“Do you think he’ll survive it?
Shock therapy at such a young age can be fatal.”

The Doc ranted over the phone,
I didn’t know what they were talking about but I
knew had to do with me.
The Doc never took his eyes off me as he grew furious,
I
wanted so bad to hear what was going on,
on the other end of the phone.

“Are you gonna kill me,
Mister?”

I asked cocking my head to the side.

“He’s just a child,
you cannot expect the same outcomes as the adults,”

there was
a pause,

“What do you mean you just want his mind,
what on earth could you
possibly want with that?”

The Doc’s face went pale,
he couldn’t look me in the eyes.

“Alright,
the shock therapy will take place momentarily.”

The Doc said calmly his face regainig its natural color
aa he hung up the phone. . .

“Stop,
Stop,
I Wont hurt anyone else!
I promise!”

I screamed as my body
twitched, it was everywhere.
It felt like something was jumping around inside of
me making me twist and shake,
the rods of lightening were pushed onto my skin
over and over again.
I laid there twitching as the rods didn’t even hurt
anymore,
then came the burning smell.
I cried silently,
they
eventually stopped and I thought I was going to die,
they just let me lay
there.
It suddenly got cold as they left me alone on the floor,
I could feel my
heart racing as I listened to my heartbeat and faded in and out of consciuosness.
I
closed my tear filled eyes and rolled over onto my back and let go,
hoping to
die. . .

“I told you it wouldn’t work!”

I heard the Doc scream from outside my door.
I
knew he was talking about those rods with the lightening in them,
I think I was
supposed to die and one of Doc’s friends was mad because I didn’t.

“Well. . .
try it again,
it will eventually calm the boy down,
and stop getting so god damned
attached.
He is the boy that didn't hesistate to shove a knife down a grown mans throat and claim to only be playing!”

another man screamed back.

“No,
no more of your so called shock therapy!”

Doc screamed and I could hear
him walk away.
I could tell Doc was serious about not having that shock therapy
anymore,
but something told me that it wasn’t over. . .
They walked me into a room full of those rods and tried to start sticking me
with them again,
I didn’t let them I refused to get it again.
The first man came
at me and I kicked him in the nuts and stole the rod,
the others tried to
restrain me but ended up getting shock therapy on their precious little jewels.
I fought past
all of them in anger and fear,
that was the last time they ever tried it on me
again.[/i]

I rubbed my back and my sides as I remembered how that felt to have my skin
burning off my body.
I thought I could smell the burning flesh again as I
shivered,
the only fear I had was the electricity on my skin.
I could feel them
pushing those rods onto me,
I hated them all.
I stood up and pounded the table,
it fell to the front as if kneeling to me.
My knuckles started to bleed again,
I went back into the bathroom and taped them down to my wrists.
The sun was beginning to go down,
finally this day was ending. . .
I guess I’d fallen asleep laying in the bed we’d been sharing for the past few
weeks,
staring up at the ceiling wondering how I’d get her back.
I knew I’d have
to figure out some way to get close to some sort of government facility,
but for now I’d watch the news to see how much of a mess I caused yesterday
afternoon.
I grabbed the small thin grey remote from the bed side table and pressed a
square red button,
the wall across from the bed opened up and a thin big screen
plasma television protruded from it.

“Today’s top story,
Mad Man Damien Loki killed 37 officers seemingly with a
knife.
Seems a brotherly feud as one of the attacked SWAT members was in fact
Michael Loki,
but the question still remains as to what was the motive of Mad
Man Loki’s attack.
In other news. . .”

the reporter let out.

Mad Man Loki,
as if it weren’t a pun on words.

I said to myself as I got out
of the bed and went down into the garage,
I couldn’t quite make up my mind as to
what car to take out.
So I just hopped into the closest car to me, the grey
Saleen S5 with a complete black interior.
I backed out and sped away from the
mansion.
I drove around for awhile trying to decipher where to go,
and what exactly I was
looking to find.
Eventually I came to the abandoned part of the city,
pulled up
next to the fence surrounding an old run down warehouse.
I stood against the car
looking at the old run down building,
wondering if Mary was okay and if they fed
her.
I cursed myself as I began to grow soft for her again.
I went to get back in the car when a black truck drove by,
and the face of my
brother flashed into my head.
I watched the unusual truck speed down the road,
I
looked around for any other vehicles but there were none.
I slid across the hood
of the car,
jumped in and sped off after the truck.
It wasn’t long before I caught up to them and they pulled over.
I pulled up
behind them,
I didn’t get out of the car,
just waited for them to approach the
car.
There were three of them two coming towards the drivers side and one coming
to the passengers side of the car.
They were all dressed in the same get up as
Michael was before he died.
I turned off the car and patted the knife on my
side,
I rolled down the window to see what they wanted.

“How can I help you gentlemen?”

I asked with a slight smile.

“I thought you were convinced not to come after us anymore.”

one of the men on
the left said,
the other two laughed.

“Yea,
you’re supposed to be dead.”

the other guy said,
the man on the right side
of the car tapped on the glass and pointed at the truck,
the other two guys open
my door for me.
I stepped out and walked over to the truck.

“Anything else?”

I asked,
wanting to know what the hell was going but of course
I didn’t ask.

“Yea,
get in since you wanna be so close to her we’ll take right where you need
to go.”

they all laughed in unison,
it was kinda scary.
I opened up the back of the truck,
it was filled with children,
and just at that
I knew exactly what was going on.
They were kidnaping poor children and
experimenting on them,
but what did that have to do with Mary?
As they closed
the back of the truck it smelled like piss and alcohol,
I felt trapped in a pile
of dog shit as the truck started and we took off going to where ever.
I pulled
out my cell phone and called the only person I knew would be faithful enough to
follow me.

“. . .ring
. . .ring
. . . Hello?”

Art answered,
I could hear Sabrina in the
background.

“Hey,
how’s it going with Sabrina?
You kids getting along fine?”

I asked not
really caring but I figured I could be nice to the kid since he’s been there for
me for awhile now.

“Well,
she wants it to be an actual relationship and doesn’t want me to skip out
on her just because we had sex.
Actually we both came to that conclusion.”

he
answered,
as she giggled.

“Get your hand outta there while you’re on the phone.”

I said angrily,
I didn’t
want to hear that shit.

“How’d you--”

“Don’t worry about it,
anyways,
how old are you?”

“Ummm 22 sir why?”

“Because you seem like you’re only 17,
but anyways thanks for all your help and
you can stay rent free ‘til the day you die but right now I need you to go get
the Saleen and take it back to the house,
okay?”

“Okay,
when?”

“When ever,
it’s in the abandoned part of the city.”

I said as the truck began to
slow down a little.

“Oh,
you’re going after them?”

he said his tone becoming more serious,

“I’ll get
some of the boys to come down and help you out just give me another call in a
few hours or when ever you need anything,
don’t worry we know what we’re doing
sir.”

“Art,
what are you talking about?
What boys?”

“Marines,
sir.”

and that was all he said before the line went dead.
I just hung
up and waited for the truck to stop.
It seemed like we drove around for hours,
they probably just wanted to confuse me so I wouldn’t track the route.
Hours
later my phone started to vibrate,
it said it was Art but I had no idea why he’d
be calling me.

“Hello?”

I answered in confusion.

“We’re ready,
sir.”

Art’s voice rang followed by a click.
I looked at the phone
and shook my head,
that kid would be the death of me one day.
I sat there my
eyes closed trying to relax as the stench seemed to grow worse I was surprised
that no one said anything to me considering the fact that I was probably hated
by them all,
then again they were only little kids they probably didn’t hate me
as much as their adult counterparts.
Finally the truck stopped and the back opened up,
we were greeted by guns.

“Boys,
boys put the guns down.”

I said putting my hands up,
being the first one out of that disgusting prison on wheels.
I was wondering what was so important that they needed all this man power.
I stopped after a few steps towards the large labrynth,
I looked up at the sky.
We had to have been driving around all damn day,
I stared at the few stars that grimmaced aropund the full moon,
dancing ever so brightly.
I pictured Mary's face and began to cry,
it was silent but releaving.
I looked back down as a barrel was forced up against my back forcing me forward towards the labrynth.
I eyed the great door as we walked up,
it was as if I had been to this place before
but there was something that just threw me completely off. . .
my memory.
The inside was musty as the creaking doors slowly turned open and we were waved in.
I paid very close attention to each of the gaurds poistions,
I knew this was a long night.
The factory around us clicked and clanged as an assembly line went through out the maze mechanically applying different chemicals onto things that seemed like bodies.
It smelled of fire and the air tasted metallic,
I scrunched my face up as my mouth grew dry.
It was too clean here.
We were forced into a room away from the clanging and manufacturing,
into a room that resmbled a doctors office.
There were two gaurds and a female drssed in white,
she held what seemed like a gi-normous needle.
I wondered what was going on,
until we rounded the corner and there was a line of people walking towards her. . .

"What the fuck?"

I whispered.
It was as if they were farming peoples blood,
there were seperate containers being brought back and forth as she dug that gigantic needle into weach persons arm and drew out massive amounts of blood.
I stood there awaiting my turn,
I moved slowly down the line it seemed like forever.

[i]"Come here Damien, it wont hurt.
You need this if you're gonna get better,
so just sit still and take the shot."

The lady in white said as she walked round and round the table that separated us.
Tears streamed down my face as I ran for my life.
My father stood there his criticizing eyes calling me weak and afraid,
I stopped running but never brought my gaze from him.
I stuck out my left arm,
it seemed like she had to bend down so far as she bent down to one knew and stuck the needle into my arm after applying an alcohol swab.
I winched,
and a tear rolled down my face.

"Wanna lollipop?"

she asked me smiling.
I took it and just looked at my father,
his eyes held disapproval and growing hatred as he coldly stared deep into my own eyes of returning hate.
I gave the lollipop back and ran out of the hospital,
crying."[/i]

"Sir,
extend out your arm."

I heard as the clicking of guns brought me back to reality,
the look on the woman's face resembled the so called anger that was in Mary's eyes sometimes.
I just smirked and her expression changed to a more shocked look.
One of the guards took upon himself to try to electrocute me with the taser stick in his hand.
I looked at him and smiled as he forced it onto my skin.

"Aint gonna work pal."

I said and he slowly brought the stick down,
in fear.
I stuck out my arm,
and rolled up my sleeve.
She swabbed it up real nice and dug the needle into my arm and drew what seemed like gallons of blood.
I felt light headed as I stepped away from her.
I stumbled,
a guard tried to help me up but I just snapped at him.
I felt like an animal trying to be caged,
my vision blurred in and out I couldn't tell what was what and then I hit the floor and was comfortable.
I waited a little while and stood once more.

"Sorry about that."

I said and continued on down the corridor,
back into the factory.
There was another gun at my back,
and I looked up to see something that couldn't have been there.
I just shook my head and continued walking.
The entire group was lead down a corridor that seemed to get hotter,
and then abruptly there was a halt and my cell phone vibrated in my pocket.
I was pulled out of the line by a soldier that wore a different color leather,
it was a deep red rather than the boring black.
He towered over me,
I could smell the blood on him and I smiled.
I stepped up.

"Are you Damien Loki?"

the man said from behind a shielded helmet.

"Depends on whose asking."

I answered with a smile.

"General would like to see you."

he answered as if he wasn't offended at the smart ass remark.

"Then let's go limp dick."

I said brushing past him,
as my shoulder hit him it was as if there was nothing to him but it sent a sharp pain through my body.

"Forward."

he let out pushing his gun into my back,
I could feel it dig into my skin.
I enjoyed it a little bit,
the more he pushed the more I resisted until I could feel the gun on my spine.

"Damien,
you're too much of a fighter.
You'd be great in an arena of warriors,
but these just aren't those same times.
This is a world of self-defense and peace,
and unfortunately you can not be tolerated."

the old Doc said,
I hated him.
He told me things I already knew,
as if I were going to change.
I killed both of my parents and for a good reason,
I'd kill again if need be.

I walked forward pulling myself off of the gun.
It was as if the hot air sprung a nerve,
my spin tightened and I fell immediately to my knees.
I felt a sudden rush like I always had,
it was something they did to me.
I could feel everything,
every hit,
every gun shot,
every cut,
everything that every angered me came rushing back and I could feel skin muscle and bone repairing itself.
My eyes rolled back into my head,
some one kicked me and I felt their leg snap as it impacted my ribs.
Moments later I stood.

"Well,
lets get one with the show."
I walked forward,
not knowing where I was going.
I was lead into a dark corridor.
I put my hands up on the back of my head as I seldom did when I wandered aimlessly through darkened corridors.
I caught a glimpse of something gold from the corner of my right eye.
I stopped moving causing three men behind me to walk into not only me but into each other.

"Keep it moving,
Tough Guy,"

one of the Guards affront me said noticing the gap between us and him,

"There aint nothing to see here."

he snatched my arm and tried pulling me forward.
I felt a rush of adrenaline,
and everything seemed to slow down.
There was a faint ticking as I snatched my arm away from him,
stealing his gun and lodging the barrel into his throat.
I smiled as my eyes began to feel as if they were on fire,
I turned and smiled at the two behind me as I heard the two other guards run off affront me.
I could see my crazed look on the man visor shield as I placed my hands on the sides of his helmet and pulled his head forward,
pulling his neck from his spinal column without killing him instantly.
The third guard

. . .BIG MISTAKE. . .

Pulled a knife on me,
it brought me to tears I was laughing so hard.
It was like even my kidneys wanted to jump out and laugh in his face.

"You gotta be shittin' me,
Guy."

I laughed,
before I forced him to hand over the knife and dug it into his throat.
I kicked him as I stepped over his gargling body,
suddenly the smell of death and fear crept up my nose

. . .I RAN . . .

I ran,
ran down the hallway the darkening corridor bring me back memories of fear and exile.
I couldn't handle it,
it was like I was drowning or suffocating and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
I wanted to reach her but it was as if something was telling me to stop,
I didn't want to.
I need her,
I needed to press forward.
It began to hurt,
not my lungs surprisingly my heart.
I stopped and put my hand against one of the many pipes by my side.
I was hunched over, breathing heavily.
I began to cry,
it was soundless just tears fell from my eyes,
I could feel them flowing from my eyes it was a burning sensation yet relieving.
It was as if my soul was crying out for help.
I needed to hurry I was falling apart.
I wiped my eyes and stood fully,
I could hear the sounds of boots chasing down the hallway after me. . .
There were many of them. . .
Once again,
like a dog I was running!
Running,
on pure instinct,
I needed to find her as soon as. . .

THERE!

I came to a swift sliding stop as I looked up to see her standing before a glass window looking back down at me.
It looked as if she were crying,
as she stood there with her hands over her mouth shaking her head.
I smiled at first,
but when a man appeared behind her I couldn't help but become infuriated.
It was like a volcano exploded in my chest as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her off out of my line of sight with her.
I stood there still watching,
watching nothing yet reviewing every scenario in my mind.
What was she doing?
As I brought my gaze down I felt cold once more,
as if I were the only person in the world as if all life had been drawn out of me.
An alarm went off as I fell to my knees,
it was over. . .
I heard their footsteps as the room suddenly became over crowded and I just sat there with no will to fight.
I sat there motionless,
staring at the ground as if we were engaged in some sort of philosophic conversation. I wanted to get up and just kill them all,
but at the same time I wondered why they didn't just come forward and blow my brains to dust.
There was the sound of slow footsteps followed by the sound of high heels clanking the floor I didn't bring my gaze form the floor.

"Damien,
Damien,
Damien,
you know you've killed quite a few of my men here today and you haven't even been here for 24 hours yet."

an old man's voice crept through my ears,

"And now I have a prize for you.
I know you came for her,
so here take here and leave the facility."

I looked up at the man to see him standing in front of her as if shielding her from me.
Her eyes immediately met mine as if she had yearned for me.
There was something there,
unrecognizably different about her.
It wasn't the same Mary,
what happened.

"So,
Damien what do you say?
Take her and leave?"

the man said as I began to stand.
I brought my stare back to him.
I slowly turned my head both left and right to crack my neck,
and brought my eyes back to him.

"You sure she wants to leave?"

I asked trying to keep it civilized,
it was like trying to cage an elephant in a frail wooden box.
I looked her up and down she was more beautiful than ever in that red dress and black high heels,
her breasts looked more purky,
and full.
Yet there was something about her that didn't quite fit,
I couldn't put my finger on it.
I could feel everything begin to slip away as if I was holding onto a thread from thousands of feet above and it began to slowly snap.
It was her smile,
that gave her away.
She looked deep into my eyes but never had she smiled while doing so,
unless she wanted something.
I couldn't quite grasp what was going on though.

"That itch in the back of your throat,
yea thats death creeping up to take yet another life into the depths of Hell across the river Styx."

the man said,
I knew the voice yet I couldn't pull my injured gaze from Mary. . .
Or who ever the woman was before me.
I could feel it,
as if something were scraping out the inside of my throat.
I grabbed at my throat with a great anger,
my eyes fell from the woman and upon. . .

my brother?

"I told your little punk ass that you can't kill me and that a doig like you can always be caught."

his smirk pissed me off but something prevented me from reaching out to him.
I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on,
it was as if I was the only one that was going through it.

What's happening?
Why's she with them?
I loved her. . .

"BITCH!"

Was the only word I could murmur before I sliped away. . .

It was that stupid smirk on his face,
burrowing deep into my mind yet relieveing itself as the dissipation of water in a drought.
Nothing came to mind when I thought about it. . .
Nothing at all.
Why was it as this?
Could nothing be done?

"A beast of a man." . . .

That's what the doc's used to call me, . . .
So how can one such as I
be nothing more than
a pitiful morsal on the mere fabrication of reality?
Or was this merely a dream?

LIFE. . .

DEATH. . .

What was this?
My soul?
Escaping as breath from the wrung neck,
air from the tattered balloon.

Lost love. . .
Abyss of merely nothing?

Faint voice of time slowly ticking itself back to me. . .

Father Time?

Mother Nature of death,
slowly caressing my
mind body and soul. . .

Hello says breath,
yet Good-bye says life. . .

Stolen form those too blind and frail to take upon the gift given!

Darkness even in her face. . .

Love, life or death?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

parts of this story are italisized which would explain why it is formatted the way
it is