You

It was months ago, but I remember that night like it was yesterday. I hadn't seen you in three weeks-I don't know if you keep up with this kind of thing, but that's the longest we've been apart. I made the drive back home in an hour and fifteen minutes less than it should have taken me, all because of you. Sure, the fact that my mom was making spaghetti and I was going to get to see the friends I hadn't seen in forever helped speed me along, but the main reason for my 90 mile an hour adventure on the interstate was you. It was all you. Everything is you.

You came over after we finished eating dinner, and I gave you a letter. I'd been writing my thoughts about you on little slips of paper, and there they were, all in front of you. At that point in time, it was the most intimate thing I could have given you.

That night we came closer to losing our virginity than we had ever been before. It scared me a little, to be completely honest with you. But we talked about it, and we both decided that if the time came when we both felt it was right, it would happen. Even if we weren't married. It was a decision that I wouldn't have made with any other person, but you...you're different.

The next day, the only thing I could think about was the decision we had made together. Somehow, during the middle of the day, I knew that that night would be it. It would be the night that I gave you the most of me that I could. Even though I was a little more experienced than you were, I knew that that night I would give you the one thing that I could never give anybody else. I was nervous, apprehensive, and a little scared, but I knew.

The night came, and we soon found ourselves in the same position as the night before. I remember thinking that I didn't even have on the right underwear-the lacy red ones that I had bought especially for that weekend had already been worn and were in the washing machine already. I had on a pair you'd already seen, but to this day you seem to like them a little more than any of the others.

God, I still remember what it felt like that night. You were there, on top of me, skin against skin. It was delicious but oh so sinful...but oh so right at the same time. You asked me, over and over again, if this is what I really wanted. If I didn't, it was okay, the decision was completely up to me. I tried to pull my usual tricks and say that no, it was up to you, but you were forceful. You made me ask you to make love to me. It was hard for me to muster up the courage to say the words, but I did, and you obliged.

In the middle you stopped and looked at me hard. I'd never seen that look in your eyes before...I didn't know what it meant. You told me that if there was any chance of this ruining our relationship, we had to stop. You couldn't lose me. You couldn't deal with knowing that I wasn't in your life. This wasn't worth us messing up what we had, you said. I've never felt so loved in my entire life.

I knew that it wouldn't mess us up, though. I reassured you that no matter what, this was a decision that I was never going to regret. It doesn't matter if we break up and find someone else. I wanted to share that part of me with you, and I will never wish that I could take that back. The way that I felt that night, with your body pushing against mine and your hands all over my skin...I will never want to take that moment back.

There were so many things that I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words. I wanted to tell you how much I need you, how you make me feel so appreciated and loved and cared for, how I know that no matter what I do, you will still love me. I wanted to tell you that were perfect, and still are. I wanted to comment on how well we fit together, but you beat me too it. I can still hear you saying it-"It feels like w're made for each other." Somehow I managed to reply that it's because we were made for each other. This made you smile, made me smile, made you kiss me, made me kiss you back.

I remember that you repeated the same words over and over again, like a mantra. "You're so beautiful, you're so perfect, I love you so much. You're beautiful, you're so perfect, I love you more than you know." Sometimes at night, especially when we're away from each other, I hear those words again and know that even if we have to spend three years away, those words will always be true. Even if we find someone else, those words will still be true-they'll remain in that moment, with our 19-year old bodies and the love that people don't think that someone as young as us can share.

But we know that we can. I'd known it all along, and I know it today. No matter how many petty arguments we get into, no matter how many times I get exasperated with you and no matter how many times you get annoyed at me for nagging you, I know that our love cannot be broken. Not by anything.

I know this is true because you show me every day. You showed me tonight when you drove me home, I felt it in your hug, I heard it in your voice. And even though we don't get to see each other as much as I would want, we've got forever. We have forever, which is an extraordinary amount of time.

This is for you. I don't know if I'll ever muster up the courage to let you see it, but this is for you. Thank you. I love you more than you could ever know.