Every New Beginning

*********
window broke, torn up screens

The young boy sat at the edge of the dock swinging his legs back and forth, his toes barely touching the calm lake water.

"Andrew! Get in here!" Drew stood up and walked along the worn dirt path through the small apple grove. When he reached the end, he looked up to see his house and his father, standing impatiently in the doorway. He ran the rest of the way through the yard of grass. "Come on. Get inside." His father put his hand on Drew's back and gently urged him inside. "Your mama and I are going out tonight. Cara's coming over to baby-sit."

"Okay."

"Now go tell your mom I want her to hurry up." The five-year-old ran upstairs to his mother's bedroom and stopped in the doorway. His mother was sitting at her vanity putting on make up, brushing on blush. He liked watching her put on makeup. There was just something about seeing someone being transformed right before his eyes that he found completely remarkable.

"Andrew Michael Gray, what are you doing hovering in the doorway like that?"

"I was just watchin', mom." Drew walked into the bedroom and pulled himself up to sit on the bench next to his mother.

"Watching, Andrew. You were watching, not watchin'. I've told you before that you're too old to speak in that manner. And it's rude to stare. You know better than that."

"I'm sorry, Mother. Father told me to tell you that he's ready to leave."

"Thank you for the message, dear. You can run along now."

*********
tell me all the things you can

Drew sat in the large, open parlor across from his grandmother while they had their weekly afternoon tea session.

"Has your mother ever told you about her Uncle Johnny, Andrew?"

"No, Grandma."

"I didn't think so." The elderly woman shook her head with a small frown on her face. "I don't know where I went wrong with that one." She took a sip of tea and looked over her cup at Drew, her frown turning into a smile of fondness. "You're such a lovely boy, Andrew. You father has done well." Drew already knew he was her favorite grandchild. The nine-year-old smiled and thanked her.

"Thanks, Grandma." The woman sat back in her chair, making herself comfortable.

"I'm getting old Andrew, so old. There's so much to tell you. Would you like to hear about your great uncle Johnny?" His grandmother always told he best stories. She was always telling a story.

"Yes, please."

"Johnny was my older brother by a few years. I loved him more than anything. I always looked up to him, wanted to be like him. Kind of how your sister Caroline looks up to you. It's your responsibility to set a good example, Andrew. Johnny always set a good example. He was the nicest boy. He had such a big heart. Cared for every living creature, from the children that bullied him down to the pests and rodents that would eat the plants he worked on for months to grow. Everyday those boys at school would pick on him, but he never raised his voice or said an unkind word to them. It used to make me so angry. I wanted him to fight back. He was a big guy, he could have. One time I asked him why he wouldn't. He told me," his grandmother laughed softly at the memory, "he didn't want to hurt them. Just because they hurt him wasn't a reason to hurt them. He told me that God taught all of us that we should care about every living creature. He couldn't intentionally hurt someone. He said every one of God's creatures deserved to be happy.

"He was the sweetest boy, Andrew. And my parents just couldn't accept him, couldn't love him. Johnny was the easiest person to love." His grandmother's voice had taken on a tremulous tone, and Drew watched as her soft brown eyes filled with unshed tears. "He had overestimated their love. He told them how he felt. Johnny thought they would understand. But they condemned him. They condemned him because he wanted to be happy, because of who he was.

"I came home from school the next day. I was the first one to find him." Drew watched as tears fell down his grandmother's age-weathered face.

"I was inconsolable for weeks. It was undoubtedly the worst time of my life. My parents handled it all very matter-of-factly. They didn't have a service. He didn't get one of those beautiful caskets like the one my grandmother had been buried in months before. The only reason he was given a headstone was because it was required. It read 'Jonathon.' His last name wasn't even listed. He wasn't a part of our family anymore. I never forgave my parents for that." His grandmother took a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes and face and tried to send a smile Drew's way.

"You remind me a lot of Johnny, Andrew. You're a beautiful, bright little boy with a big heart. And I will always care about you, want you to be happy, love you. I need you to remember something, Andrew. No matter what you do, no matter who you become, while I'm here and long after I'm gone, I will always love you. Do you promise you'll remember that, Andrew?"

"I promise, Grandma."

At the time Drew didn't understand the whole Uncle Johnny story and his grandmother's insistence on him remembering that he's loved. But years later, when he came out to his parents and the world seemed like it was ending, he remembered that conversation. And he was grateful that she took the time to have it with him before she passed away a few months later.

*********
fess it up

Drew stood in front of his grandmother's grave with his fourteen-year-old sister.

"She really loved us, you know. I mean, really loved us." Drew threw his arm around his sister, pulling her to his side.

"I know that, Andy."

"Well, I guess I'm just making sure. She told me this story once...well she just wanted to make sure that we knew that she wanted us to be happy. And she said that no matter what she would always love us."

"I wish our parents had learned a thing or two from her."

"They're not that bad, Caroline. They love us too. They just have their own way of showing it."

"Yeah. Mom completely ignores us and Dad tells us exactly how he wants us to be, exactly how we're supposed to live and what we're supposed to do."

"Well, Mom...she's just like that. It ain't her fault. And Dad's just looking out for us, he wants what's best." Caroline pulled away from Drew.

"How can you not be angry, Andy? I heard him last week. He basically told you all your dreams are a waste of time. And what about all those girls he's always tryin' to fix you up with? You're not even interested in any of them!"

"They ain't that bad, 'line."

"But you don't like girls!" There was a moment of silence before she continued more calmly. "Do you, Andy? 'Cause I don't think you do. I mean, you haven't told me or anything, but I just kinda figured. And if you don't like girls, I don't care or anything. Like Grandma said, I just want you to be happy. I don't care who you like. I'll always love you." She stepped closer to him.

"I love you too 'line. And, yeah, I'm gay."

*********
who'd have thought that you'd dream

"You have a lot of potential, Andrew."

"Lot of good it'll do me." Drew muttered more to himself than Ms. Donnelly.

"I asked you to come here for a reason, you know." Ms. Donnelly had been vague yesterday when she told him to meet her at an address a few miles out of town. The place turned out to be a local gallery.

"Why did you want me to come here?" Drew looked around. There was a mix of art hanging on the walls and statues placed around the small gallery.

"I know you haven't been to a gallery before. There are none in our town, which is just a shame if you ask me. An old friend of mine owns this place. This place doesn't bring in a whole lot of money, but it's enough. In addition to selling his own work, he's able to live comfortably. I guess I just wanted to show you that it is possible to make a living doing what you love. You don't have to do the whole starving artist thing."

"I know that."

"I don't understand then. You got accepted to one of the best art schools in the nation. How could you turn down an opportunity like that?"

"I know. It's just my dad..."

"Your dad doesn't want you to go?"

"I don't want to disappoint him. He wants me to stay down here. And study business or law or something like that."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to go to art school."

"I'm not going to tell you to ignore your father's wishes, Andrew, but living your life to make other people happy rarely works in the long run."

"Yeah."

*********
you don't know the greatness you are

Drew stood in front of his ex-boyfriend's door with red-rimmed eyes. He took a calming breath before knocking. He listened carefully and could hear someone shuffling toward the door. In a few seconds it was opened and Drew faced the handsome brunet he had been dating for the past six months and all of the hurt of earlier that day was brought to the surface.

Drew had gone to a lecture earlier in the afternoon and that had put him in the same area as Steve's dorm. He had decided to stop by to see if Steve wanted to grab some lunch. He had knocked on the door and when there wasn't an answer, he walked in.

And saw his boyfriend fucking some guy on the living room sofa--

"What are you doing here? Didn't you declare us 'over' a few hours ago?" Steve's voice brought him back to the present.

"Yeah I did. And it is over. I just had to know why. Why would you do that? I thought--"

"Hey, I never meant for you to think we were exclusive, babe."

"We've been together for six months, Steve! What the fuck was I supposed to think? You never mentioned--"

"You must have heard something."

"What?"

"You must have heard people talk. But you didn't want to believe them, right? You must have had doubts, but you ignored them. Yeah, Drew. We went on a few dates. And I've fucked you more times than I can count, but any relationship you may have thought existed was built purely in your head."

"Fuck you." Drew walked away. But for the next week he couldn't get Steve's words out of his mind. There was no way he could have been so wrong. He thought Steve cared about him. They had been together for half a year. And while Drew wouldn't call it love, he thought they had something special.

But Steve had played him.

For half a year.

What a fool. He had been blinded by pretty words and ingenious actions. Never again.

*********
so sublime, when the stars are aligned

For some reason, he had taken extra care in getting ready that evening. He stood in front of his mirror, adding eyeliner, putting on lip gloss, watching his own transformation. Almost twenty years later and he still fond the whole process completely remarkable. He slipped into jeans and a shirt, did his hair and left his apartment, fully expecting a typical night out.

His friend, Charlie, had called him the night before, begging him to check out this new club called Luna. Charlie had just gotten a bartender job there and he wanted some kind of company for part of the night. It was an okay place. The drinks were good. The music, sub par. The crowd was kind of thin, but that was to be expected of a new place. Drew was setting down his empty glass, cosmopolitan, of course, when he heard him.

"Hey, Blondie!" Romantic first words, huh? Drew's eyes followed the voice to the end of the bar. And he found himself staring at the most attractive man he'd laid eyes on, longish dark hair, deep brown eyes, lean and trim with just the right amount of muscle, and a crooked smile framed by what he knew would be deceptively soft lips. He couldn't help but return the smile and walk over.

Some would say it was love at first sight. Drew would say it was love at first sight.

But really, it was just a beginning.