LYD
folder
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
942
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
942
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Love You Daddy
LYD
Coalescing, like glass in liquid form it pulls together, falls apart. Moving in a graceful ark across my mind I see strands of pink and gold. Like raindrop snow it falls on parched tongue and I wait for moment to end. Hoping, hoping, it won’t ever end.
Moment of stillness. Moment of requisition. It pulls us in deeper, like a sob held to closely to the chest. And pain, pain is seeping form each pore. Pain like water through punctured holes in plastic bags that spins, floating down river of blood.
Hand in hand. Head in hand, in hand. Only two for one mind. Are ten fingers, ten spindly digits enough to hold the soup called brain? One two three, upwards we count till time turn to ticking and the count repeats. One two three, till sixty and one again.
Feel the breath escape past lips bloody and dry. Dried blood on parched red lips. Caked on like week old frosting. Lick it off, sweet and tangy. My new licorice, lips of flesh, nibble them down like candy sticks.
Tap, tap, tap the fingers against a skull. Sounds hollow in my head, in my head, the sound is inside not out. Tap, tap, tap the finger against the skull, one two three. Upwards we count, keep time. Keep the time moving like a ticking and remember, must remember to start all over again.
Beginning, it’s beginning to speed up. Tap, tap, tap. Three jumps to six before I can think. Rock to bring it all back. Rocking back and forwards to keep the time steady lest we go to fast and people can’t get all their important things done. Can’t let time go to fast. Not enough hours in a day, have to keep them steady till the tasks are complete.
Tick, tick, tick, tap, tap, and tap, rocking, and rocking, and back, and forward…fifty eight…and…fifty nine…and…sixty…and…sixty one…
Time stopped. I say oops. I say shit…I curse and spit. Stand on unsteady legs and scream because I failed. Failed the design of time. It’s going to fast. Spun out of my hands like the soup in my mind. Hands are at my sides, oops, and oops again. Lost track, lost hold. Falling back against the wall. Hit the head but doesn’t matter anymore. Brains on the floor. Let go and brains on the floor now.
Like gray soup, little worms reach out; make their home in my mind. Like gray soup it was spilled across white tiled floor. Wondering, wondering. I’m wondering on the floor. Brains on the ground, minds on the ground, must be thinking on the ground. What use is a body if the mind is on the ground?
Forgetting, minds dissipating, evaporating. Like water in hot sun. Disintegrating across tiled floors. Goodbye little worms.
“Lora?”
Can’t respond, brains gone, on the floor, off the floor. Gone as dust in breeze and passing fancy. Can’t respond, body’s numb. Icy in warm sunlight. Frozen and baking all at once, keep forgetting I’m dead now.
“Have you taken your pills yet?”
Tap, tap, tap. When did time start again?
“How did you get on the floor love? You need to stay in bed until you take your pills, you know that.”
Tick, tick, tick. Wonder if this is hell…I forget what I’ve forgotten. What was hell meant to be? Icy skin and pudding worms. Tiled floors and wandering toes, yes, that must be it.
“Come on, open you’re mouth for me, that’s right. Now swallow. Good girl.”
Good girl, good, girl. Memory I’d have to have forgotten to have remembered. Wasn’t supposed to forget I suppose. Wasn’t supposed…I fell down. Fell over and down feel up at me.
“Honey, open your eyes.”
Eyes, eyes, lost the eyes with the skin. Fell down with the ground. Fell off like golden leaves. Prying. Prying. Inches deep, skin deep. Like beauty and skin mixed and matched. Prying, fingers, little twigs. On my skin, touching caressing. Pointing, pulling. Open, open, command and cajole. Opened now, must still have eyes. He must still have eyes, I can see them. Their pretty green, sea green he told me once…once…a memory I must have forgotten.
“There we go, isn’t that better?”
Swiveling, turning, spinning. Seeing more of the skin attached to sea green eyes. Skin, and bone beneath skin and face and chest, touching me with twiggy fingers and smiling lips. On my cheek, like a poison seeping in. Numb and boiled all at once. Memory of past must have been forgotten. Not meant to be forgot, not meant to be remembered, what’s left?
“Are you going to speak for me now?”
He asked, asked for words. Call upon that evaporated mind for words. Must meet the demand, the command. Must make it all okay in the light, till darkness calls us still again and pain boils up from parts broken.
“…love you…” whispered through cracked, frosting, candy lips. Whispered and heard and smiling down at me. Means the pain will lesson this time. Means the skin will not chafe so bad this time. Means the smile won’t be so cruel this time.
He touches my neck, touches my skin. Fingers pulling down my shirt. Touch me there, that place of scarred remnants that once held the heart mama spoke of. No heart now. Broke and bled out my mouth, like candy sticks I can taste it now.
“Say it again.”
Voice husky with that meaning of wanting. Pain to come. Pain in the skin, beneath the skin. Pain in the tummy. Oh I remember now. The mind left for the time that was lost. Good things, good things before the bad. Just have to whisper these last words before I go back to bed, before skin gets pinched and chest is pushed down, weight to push me down so I won’t feel. Make my body go numb so you can do anything now. Pull me push me. It makes you moan.
“Say it again.”
Hiccup, like the tick of a clock I hiccup, feel the last pieces of the heart blood pull up to my lips. Hiccup, such a nice word.
“…love you…”
Smile, smile down on me, and smile up at me. Smiling means it won’t be so bad, smiling means it won’t hurt like last time. Pull me down to drop me up. Up and down, down and up. On the bed, up and down, down and up. In and out, out and in. pushing pulling back and forth.
I can see the little worms, crawling back to me. Like rain in clouds of evaporated milk. Evaporated gray soup. In and out, out and in. grunting in my ears. I watch the little worms pull closer. Rain in my eyes. Mind in my eyes. In my head, out of my head. On the ceiling, in my skin. Crawling creeping, squirming. Puling in, out and in. Little worms, little squishy worms.
“Say it…say it!”
Hello little worms, welcome back little worms. Butterfly and beetles, in my head and on my skin. My bugs to keep the mind a company at the tea party.
“Say it!”
Raise the hand that let the brain slip out. Looks so innocent, so innocent…tiny and small, tiny and miniscule.
“…love you daddy…”
_______________________
A/N: please review...
Coalescing, like glass in liquid form it pulls together, falls apart. Moving in a graceful ark across my mind I see strands of pink and gold. Like raindrop snow it falls on parched tongue and I wait for moment to end. Hoping, hoping, it won’t ever end.
Moment of stillness. Moment of requisition. It pulls us in deeper, like a sob held to closely to the chest. And pain, pain is seeping form each pore. Pain like water through punctured holes in plastic bags that spins, floating down river of blood.
Hand in hand. Head in hand, in hand. Only two for one mind. Are ten fingers, ten spindly digits enough to hold the soup called brain? One two three, upwards we count till time turn to ticking and the count repeats. One two three, till sixty and one again.
Feel the breath escape past lips bloody and dry. Dried blood on parched red lips. Caked on like week old frosting. Lick it off, sweet and tangy. My new licorice, lips of flesh, nibble them down like candy sticks.
Tap, tap, tap the fingers against a skull. Sounds hollow in my head, in my head, the sound is inside not out. Tap, tap, tap the finger against the skull, one two three. Upwards we count, keep time. Keep the time moving like a ticking and remember, must remember to start all over again.
Beginning, it’s beginning to speed up. Tap, tap, tap. Three jumps to six before I can think. Rock to bring it all back. Rocking back and forwards to keep the time steady lest we go to fast and people can’t get all their important things done. Can’t let time go to fast. Not enough hours in a day, have to keep them steady till the tasks are complete.
Tick, tick, tick, tap, tap, and tap, rocking, and rocking, and back, and forward…fifty eight…and…fifty nine…and…sixty…and…sixty one…
Time stopped. I say oops. I say shit…I curse and spit. Stand on unsteady legs and scream because I failed. Failed the design of time. It’s going to fast. Spun out of my hands like the soup in my mind. Hands are at my sides, oops, and oops again. Lost track, lost hold. Falling back against the wall. Hit the head but doesn’t matter anymore. Brains on the floor. Let go and brains on the floor now.
Like gray soup, little worms reach out; make their home in my mind. Like gray soup it was spilled across white tiled floor. Wondering, wondering. I’m wondering on the floor. Brains on the ground, minds on the ground, must be thinking on the ground. What use is a body if the mind is on the ground?
Forgetting, minds dissipating, evaporating. Like water in hot sun. Disintegrating across tiled floors. Goodbye little worms.
“Lora?”
Can’t respond, brains gone, on the floor, off the floor. Gone as dust in breeze and passing fancy. Can’t respond, body’s numb. Icy in warm sunlight. Frozen and baking all at once, keep forgetting I’m dead now.
“Have you taken your pills yet?”
Tap, tap, tap. When did time start again?
“How did you get on the floor love? You need to stay in bed until you take your pills, you know that.”
Tick, tick, tick. Wonder if this is hell…I forget what I’ve forgotten. What was hell meant to be? Icy skin and pudding worms. Tiled floors and wandering toes, yes, that must be it.
“Come on, open you’re mouth for me, that’s right. Now swallow. Good girl.”
Good girl, good, girl. Memory I’d have to have forgotten to have remembered. Wasn’t supposed to forget I suppose. Wasn’t supposed…I fell down. Fell over and down feel up at me.
“Honey, open your eyes.”
Eyes, eyes, lost the eyes with the skin. Fell down with the ground. Fell off like golden leaves. Prying. Prying. Inches deep, skin deep. Like beauty and skin mixed and matched. Prying, fingers, little twigs. On my skin, touching caressing. Pointing, pulling. Open, open, command and cajole. Opened now, must still have eyes. He must still have eyes, I can see them. Their pretty green, sea green he told me once…once…a memory I must have forgotten.
“There we go, isn’t that better?”
Swiveling, turning, spinning. Seeing more of the skin attached to sea green eyes. Skin, and bone beneath skin and face and chest, touching me with twiggy fingers and smiling lips. On my cheek, like a poison seeping in. Numb and boiled all at once. Memory of past must have been forgotten. Not meant to be forgot, not meant to be remembered, what’s left?
“Are you going to speak for me now?”
He asked, asked for words. Call upon that evaporated mind for words. Must meet the demand, the command. Must make it all okay in the light, till darkness calls us still again and pain boils up from parts broken.
“…love you…” whispered through cracked, frosting, candy lips. Whispered and heard and smiling down at me. Means the pain will lesson this time. Means the skin will not chafe so bad this time. Means the smile won’t be so cruel this time.
He touches my neck, touches my skin. Fingers pulling down my shirt. Touch me there, that place of scarred remnants that once held the heart mama spoke of. No heart now. Broke and bled out my mouth, like candy sticks I can taste it now.
“Say it again.”
Voice husky with that meaning of wanting. Pain to come. Pain in the skin, beneath the skin. Pain in the tummy. Oh I remember now. The mind left for the time that was lost. Good things, good things before the bad. Just have to whisper these last words before I go back to bed, before skin gets pinched and chest is pushed down, weight to push me down so I won’t feel. Make my body go numb so you can do anything now. Pull me push me. It makes you moan.
“Say it again.”
Hiccup, like the tick of a clock I hiccup, feel the last pieces of the heart blood pull up to my lips. Hiccup, such a nice word.
“…love you…”
Smile, smile down on me, and smile up at me. Smiling means it won’t be so bad, smiling means it won’t hurt like last time. Pull me down to drop me up. Up and down, down and up. On the bed, up and down, down and up. In and out, out and in. pushing pulling back and forth.
I can see the little worms, crawling back to me. Like rain in clouds of evaporated milk. Evaporated gray soup. In and out, out and in. grunting in my ears. I watch the little worms pull closer. Rain in my eyes. Mind in my eyes. In my head, out of my head. On the ceiling, in my skin. Crawling creeping, squirming. Puling in, out and in. Little worms, little squishy worms.
“Say it…say it!”
Hello little worms, welcome back little worms. Butterfly and beetles, in my head and on my skin. My bugs to keep the mind a company at the tea party.
“Say it!”
Raise the hand that let the brain slip out. Looks so innocent, so innocent…tiny and small, tiny and miniscule.
“…love you daddy…”
_______________________
A/N: please review...