If loving isn't living

Antilya looked up at the man in front of her on the roof, from her position on the floor. “I won’t let you hurt him.” She had wounds on her body, and blood was leaking from the corner of her mouth, which she wiped off onto the sleeve of her uniform, and stood up. Her uniform was, of course, the male uniform so that she could have more room to move and fight. She had dark, almost black, red hair and dark brown eyes that looked almost black. Her skin was pale, and almost flawless. She was well proportioned and lithe from her years of training. She wore little in the line of make-up, usually some black eyeliner and turquoise eye shadow and a little clear lip-gloss.

A slightly panting boy stood behind her, also wearing a school uniform, but of course the male version. Which was also based off the Japanese school uniforms, it was black and trimmed in blood red with a tiny version of the school crest on the collar. He had blonde hair that looked more like it was white that stretched almost to his waist, and was almost always kept in a braid. His eyes were a beautiful violet, and his skin was pale, but not as pale as Antilya’s, his body wasn’t scrawny but he also wasn’t buff either, he had muscle definition from martial arts training, but he still looked small and frail. As much of the blood on her uniform was his too, she was fighting for her, and his, life against a man neither of them had met, but knew about.

“Just hand him over, we both know just how powerful he is.” The man smiled a sadistic smile. “If you help me kill him, I’ll give you some of his power.” If this had been any other situation Antilya would have considered this man attractive but not now. Now the beauty of this man was twisted and ugly to her. He was wearing a beautiful black pinstripe suit with a white shirt and a pink tie. His black hair was long and slicked back, his eyes, a deep blue. His suit had looked pristine before Antilya had put several holes in it, as well as slashes. Now it was covered in blood, but not as much as herself and the man behind her had.

“You’re not getting him.” Was her only reply. She knew that Yuujel was an almost power source for any magic user, if he fell into the wrong hands then the world was lost. She didn’t know why she was protecting him, after all she hated him. She couldn’t remember why she hated him, she just did. But she did know that it hadn’t always been that way. They had been childhood friends but ever since their first year of junior high she just began to hate him more and more. He was always so meek and took everything, he never stood up for himself, and he just took it smiling, which that alone aggravated her to no end.

“Now you see, that won’t do.” The man threw another spell at her; in turn she made the motion for a shield but his magic ripped right through it and into her skin. She fell back, her clothes almost in tatters, blood seeping from her body. She grimaced slightly as Yuujel helped her up into a standing position. Then flinched away from him as though he had a horrible disease, to which his eyes looked sad, and very hurt. She shook the image fro her mind and turned back to the man they were fighting.

“Tyl, let me help, I know magic.” Yuujel pleaded with her, but she just shook her head, he knew nothing that could help her, it was all piddley spells that children learn in tier first year, after all he couldn’t learn anything of use because they couldn’t let the chance that it may blow up in his face. After all, years ago, she had learned strong defensive and offensive magic, just for this day, just to protect Yuujel. The thought of him needing protecting, and least of all her doing the protecting, made her want to throw up, and she knew that he knew this very much.

“You know nothing helpful.” She blew him off and made the motion for her sword, which ripped out of her own body, the wound healing instantly. “Just stay behind me and try not to get in my way.” With sword in hand she began to fight against the man, who had a sword of his own, and was excellent at using it. Antilya however wasn’t at the level she should be for fighting someone so skilled.

Yuujel watched anxiously as the two exchanged blows. Antilya wasn’t ready for this; she just wasn’t ready at all. Her training hadn’t finished and she didn’t know half the spells that she should, a sudden thought came to him. If she manages to defeat this one enemy, then she would be forced into more training so she would be ready, and he knew just how much she hated it, after all, it was the sole reason she hated him. And this time they would probably take her out of school and away from her friends so that she can train almost 24/7 so that she could be ready sooner. A sudden thought, more dangerous then the first came to him, He knew how to stop this. He knew how to give her a normal life, and that’s all he wanted for her. Antilya fell back to the ground and wiped blood from her mouth again.

“Stubborn bastard isn’t he?” Antilya grinned up at Yuujel. “But that’s how I like ‘em.” She stood shakily and Yuujel stared at her. When had she become, this, this monster? Obsessed with fighting and killing, She had never been like this before the training. When they were little she loved wearing long elegant dresses and picking flowers, or climbing in trees with him, she had been so innocent and now... This made his mind up, he put his hand on her shoulder and she turned around. “What?” Yuujel smiled at her, one that she didn’t like at all.

“Don’t worry, I know exactly what I need to do, to give you a normal life. You’ll never need to protect me again.” He stood and she watched in slow motion as he walked toward the edge and stepped up onto the ledge of the building, facing her. She knew exactly what he was going to do, and wanted to cry out and tell him to stop, tell him not to do it, she loved him and didn’t mind protecting him like she did. She took a few steps forward and faltered slightly unsure of what she could do to stop him.

“Yuujel?” She whispered and looked at him, it was all that she could get out, that little squeak. Her eyes went wide with fear, but all he did was smile silently and kindly, that smile that had made her once angry now calmed her. She watched in silent horror as he closed his eyes and leaned backwards, falling in slow motion to her horrified eyes, off the side of the building. “Yuujel?” She whispered softly and ran to the edge, ignoring the stranger that had just been trying to kill her beloved friend. Even though she would have never told him. She waited for a few moments, to hear the Fly spell that she had taught him years ago, but she didn’t hear it. “Yuujel!” She screamed it as loud as she could, but never really heard it. She also didn’t realize that she had ran to the edge to look for him. She did hear the man curse behind her and cast a teleport spell, obviously since his ‘prize’ wasn’t there then he didn’t need to be. Her body felt numb as someone pulled her back from the edge, She didn’t know who it was, but she didn’t care. She just clung to them and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore. But what was more scary was that she knew exactly what she had intended to do, even though she would never admit it, she wanted to be with Yuujel more then anything. She didn’t want to live in a world without him.

She woke in the nurse’s office and shot straight up in bed, tears on her face. The covers were wrinkled and wrapped around her body, which was drenched in sweat. The same dream, the same one that had plagued her for nearly a month since Yuujel had died. The Nurse was standing at the bedside, looking anxiously at her.

“Are you ok Miss?” The nurses smile was kind and gently, like Yuujel’s had been when he had jumped from the building. Instantly she hated that nurse and wanted out of there as soon as possible. She disentangled herself from the blankets and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

“I’m fine, I’m going home.” She stood and put her shoes on, then shrugged her long black coat on. She was almost surprised that the uniform didn’t have blood on it. But of course that one was at home, neatly folded and put away. After all his blood on the uniform was the only thing she had left of him, and since he hated her, as much as she had, she knew that was the only thing she would ever have of him.

Well, maybe hate was a little too strong, in reality she had loved him, more then anything in the world. She just resented that she had to do long hours of training just to protect someone who should be able to protect himself. She looked around to see where she was, knowing that she had gotten lost in thought. She looked up at the tree Yuujel and her had once played under as kids. She smiled as she caressed a spot on the tree where her and Yuujel had carved their initials into the bark. She sighed softly and leaned against it, almost feeling the warmth of his hand on her shoulder.

Everything had changed since his death. There were no longer long sessions of training, and she even had changed into a female uniform at school, which was styled much like the Japanese Style of uniform. The main part was white with a black collar and 3 blood red stripes; the cuff on the sleeves matched the collar. Her skirt was a deep black and had three red stripes around the bottom, and was also pleated. Yuujel had always said that he wanted her to wear one, but she never did. She was kind of sad that he wasn’t here to see her in one now. After all she thought that she looked ridiculous, but now she had no reason to be wearing pants. After all it was all over. And she doubted that she could do half of what she was able to before, and it was only a mere month ago.

“So, turned soft have we?” Antilya froze at the sound of the voice. It was him, the man who had killed Yuujel. She slowly turned and looked into his eyes. He still looked the same, as though time had frozen for him, he was even wearing the same damn suit. But she had no answer for him, because it was in fact true. But she just couldn’t deal with this right now; she wanted to get away from him.

“Please, leave me alone.” She whispered softly, almost unheard, looking almost like a lost little girl. But she was tired, tired of fighting and tired of crying. She just wanted Yuujel back. He let out a sadistic laugh, his cold eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

“Please leave me alone? You really have gone soft.” He threw a lightning bolt at her with a quick motion, almost unseen to her. She stood for a spilt second in shock then a spell sprang to her mind.

“Fly!” She made the hand movements, albeit a little clumsily, but it still worked and cast the spell, not quite knowing where she was going, but she did know that it would take her away from her adversary, and surprisingly, he didn’t follow her. In fact he looked like he had just saw a ghost and left her alone.

As she rose to another branch on the tree she looked up and saw a very familiar face and tears almost sprang to her eyes. He was wearing something she had never seen him wear before, but it was still him all together. He was wearing beautiful white robes edged in thick gold embroidery, the belt was also a wide strip of gold cloth that had green fabric hanging down from it, also heavily embroidered, and there was a large green jewel on the end of the fabric. On his forehead, tangled elegantly through his hair was a small gold chain with another green gem. He was sitting on a branch, looking as though he was in mid-air.

“Yuujel!!” The name came out of her in a tone of disbelief she had, seen him fall from the building a mere month ago, this couldn’t be him. It was her who identified the body after all. She had spoken at his funeral, saw him buried even. But he still smiled that kind smile at her and opened his arms to her; she was in them almost instantly.

“But how, Why??”

“I don’t have much time, but I needed to tell you something that I couldn’t when I was alive.” Tears streamed down her face, so it was an illusion after all. “I know what your thinking, and it’s far from an illusion, I came back just for a short time.” He kissed her forehead gently. “I needed to tell you that I love you.” She looked at him with wide eyes, and then smiled at him.

“I love you too Yuujel.” He smiled and kissed her gently then looked down at the ground and back up to the sky, as though someone was telling him something.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” He looked back at her, kissed her gently and released her from his embrace. He then smiled a roguish smile. “And you look awfully cute in that school uniform. I always knew that you would.

“But I don’t want you to go Yuujel! Please stay!” Tears were falling from her eyes and she sniffled slightly as she said the words. He couldn’t come back to her like this, only to be ripped away from her.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going away, not completely, I’ll always be here to watch over you.” He smiled that gentle smile again, that once made her angry, but now broke her heart. “And someday you can come there with me.” As he rose to the sky she burst out in fresh tears.

“Yuujel! Please! I don’t want you to go, stay with me!!” Her words fell on deaf ears and he didn’t reply. “Yuujel! Please, at least leave me something to remember you by!! I love you!” Once again nothing, She floated back to the ground and collapsed into a sobbing heap under the tree. She couldn’t even find the strength to move and start home.

He shouldn’t have come back! If he was going to do this to me, he just shouldn’t have come back; I’m supposed to be strong! Now look at me I’m a mess. She cried for a while longer, only thinking of Yuujel, and their time together, slowly her tears dried and she wiped them from her face. She then stood a little shakily and slowly walked home, when she opened the door her grandmother greeted her, and told her that she had found a package on the doorstep addressed to her.

She nodded and went downstairs to her room. There was indeed a package next to her bed. She opened it slowly unsure of what it could be. When she had fully unpacked, there, neatly packed was what Yuujel considered his only possessions. His school uniform jacket, a few books that she could never get him to stop talking about, his spell book and components, even if they were only piddley spells children learn, and a few other things, but what made her burst into fresh tears was a faded brown teddy bear. The fur was a little ragged, and one eye was missing, but she recognized it as the bear she had given him once for his birthday, when they were six, and which he had claimed he had thrown out years before. She smiled at the last thing in the box, a picture of them as children. They had decided to get ‘married’ so she had dressed up in her prettiest dress and he had gotten his best pants and shirt on and had the wedding. Of course it had been fake, but his mother had thought it was so adorable, and had taken pictures. Yuujel had even gotten small plastic rings out of the 25-cent machine for them to wear. She smiled at the memory and hung the picture next to the one of them under the tree that had been taken the day before he had died.

“You were my sons girlfriend were you not?” she looked up and nodded at the woman in the doorway, who she instantly recognized as Yuujel’s mother. “He never really said that you two were, but he was always talking about you.” She smiled kindly at her and Antilya shook her head sadly.

“No, we weren’t. But I think we both wished that we were.” She gave a slight shrug and the mother put a hand on the school uniform, still sitting folded on the bed, with a sad soft smile.

“Yuujel left a note, he knew this was going to happen sooner or later and he wanted you to have all this.” She smiled at her, and fished an envelope out of her pocket and gave it to her smiling. “Here there was one for you too.” She nodded then looked over at the woman before her.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but, what happened to the rings, from when we were children?” She asked the mother who smiled sadly. “He wanted to be buried with them, so he could always have a piece of you with him. He wore them all the time; I don’t remember when he didn’t. I always thought that you two would one day get married. Then, When you found out that it was Yuujel that had the power stored inside him and you had to protect him. You decided that you had to dislike him.” As the mother began to sniffle Antilya put her arm around her, and leaned her head gently against the other woman’s. “You always thought that it should be the man who had to protect the woman, not the other way around.”

“I know, but through all that, I loved him, very much.” She looked sadly at the stuffed teddy, and didn’t bother to read the note because all that she wanted to know, Yuujel had already told her.