What to do?

This is all true and for right now it will be R, might change if things progress in my life.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a long, hard day of work for me in Taco Bell. Everyone who WAS fun to work with was either off or they had worked earlier in the day. I was the first one out and it made me glad. I went home, showered and just laid on my bed half dressed. I had nothing to do on that Friday night and then my cell rang. It was my best gay friend Julian*. He wanted me to go out to the local bar with him and Stacey*. I'd never bene otu to that bar yet and i did have some cash, so I said sure. I had the car so, I would go an pick them up in an hour. I was happy and giggly until I looked at the clothes in my closet and found out, I had nothing to wear. Typical female problem, right?

Well, I was on a time limit, so biting my lip, I pulled random stuff out, ending up in a pair of pinstripe capris, low-heeled sandals and a cream colored lace top. It looked decent. So, I applied the gold make-up and fuschia lip gloss, then stood back and smiled. Yeah, I felt good dressed up.

Glancing at my cell, I gasped and grabbed my ID, cash and keys, pocketing them in turn. Then I raced out to my car and drove off. First to pick up was Julian. His house was only down the road from mine, so it was easy.

He was waiting outside smoking a cig, because he knew I didn't allow smoking in my vehicle. Once I pulled up and went to show him my outfit, he just kinda stared. That caused me to tilt my head and ask what was wrong. He just smiled and nodded saying I looked beautiful. Now, it may be hard to believe, but no one of the opposite sex outside of members of my family have called me beautiful and even though I know he's gay it kinda made my heartbeat speed up. I just stuck my tongue out at him and got into mycar, he followed after taking the last drag form his cig.

We drove to Stacey's house and had to wait almost another hour to get her ready to go. She's got problems with her hair for some reason. But, once she was done, we were on our way. To be truthful it was sort of an unofficial celbration for my birthday and his since they were only a few days apart. But we only agreed that later.

Once we got to the bar, it was still early. The band was setting up and we just sat there, listening to the DJ. Stacey said something about work and we were laughing before more people filed in and the live music started up. I shuddered once the twangs of country filled the air. Julian just smiled and gave my a one-armed hug. He's the oldest out of us, so he ordered the booze. Me and Stace are underaged, we're 19. But he took into consideration how much I hate beer and got me two Smirnoff.

Once we got the bucket, we let it sit there for awhile until it was getting crowded and I was able to wash the x's off my hands. Stace was WAY ahead of me and was drinking already. But I finished my two she was still only halfway on her first Budweiser. We ordered another bucket and while Julian and Stace danced, I just sat there and thought about my life.

I know, it sounds sad and pathetic, but I couldn't help it. Story of my life.

Anyways, Stacy's family came to the table and started ordering like crazy, Julian bought me a shot of some kind and then we went to go play pool. First off, I LOVE the game but I suck at it. Then I learned something baout my Julian that I didn't know. He could PLAY pool. Not like, goof off and sink a ball occasionally. He was damn good. I'd fuck up the other team's shots and he fix everything up. We won of course. It made me happy and I finished my fourth Smirnoff after that.

By then I had a good buzz going. He pulled me onto the dance floor and we danced. The man can move...Stace was busy trying to get some man to take her home while flirting with this ex-girlfriend of her's. The girl is crazy. She ended up burying her face into the other girl's tits and then Julian copied her and did the same to me. I was shocked and laughing. But, part of me wanted him to do more than that. I'm glad it was dark, because I know I was blushing furiously.

A couple of hours and dances later, it was closing time and Stace had found her sex toy for the night. I had to get Julian home. So we parted ways and left.

Once we made it to his house, he was asking me to come in. I knew I had to go home so then he yanked me to the trampoline in his backyard. He was fucking plastered and I was still buzzing, so jumping was a BAD idea. He told me just to lay there and I did. He kinda bounced a bit before settling down and we were just talking about life.

Our lives.

Then I noticed he was playing with my hair. It's short so you can't do much with it, but he ran his fingers through it and I just leaned against him. Closing my eyes I sighed and pulled off my sandals, throwing them over the side and onto the wet grass. Then I felt hsi lips against the side of my neck. All sorts of warning bells went off in my head and I rolled away.

Hell, he had a BOYFRIEND!

On my stomach I kept my head on my arms and hummed to myself, then his arm slid under me and he groped my breasts. I sat up instantly and stared at him, he was smiling. Somewhere in his mind he KNEW what he was doing. My eyes narrowed and I told him not to do that, he kinda tilted his head and said "Do what?"

Then we got onto the subjects of our love lives. He said he had threatened his boyfriend if he didn't give him sex, he'd get it from me. and I slapped him across the face. He turned and looked me straight in the eye, still smiling. He said that Andrew*, his boyfriend was getting mad until Julian told him I had rules. And I do. I wouldn't let anyone get sex from me until I got married. It's a promise I made to myself. Then he talked about how he had a girlfriend once, but I didn't have the balls to ask what happened to that relationship.

By the end of that discussion I was laying down again and he moved close to me, nuzzling into my neck. I just closed my eyes and let him. Next thing I was aware of, he was on top of me, kissing my neck and sliding his hands along my sides.

I whimpered!

I didn't know I could make that kind of a sound, honestly. He sucked on my earlobe and positioned himself between my legs. I closed my eyes and moved my fingers through is hair and moaned. His hand wandered into my capris and he tugged at them, then they trailed along my inner thigh and I heard my phone ringing. He sort of stopped and then I whined and his hands gripped my ass and he pulled me up on his legs, unbuttoning my capris.

Then the phone rang again and I pulled away.

It was my mom and the sun was starting to rise. She was PISSED.I told him I had to go and he just pouted and helped me to my car, picking up my stuff as we went. Then on his dec I gave him a hug and said goodnight. Without warning he kissed me. Full on the LIPS. I'd never been kissed like that before and his hands were on my hips as his tongue worked inside of my mouth. I kissed him back hesitantly and his hands move to cup my breasts and I pulled away, shivering. He whined and asked me why I stopped. I said I didn't know and went to my car. I drove home with one hand on the wheel, the other touching my lips. I was on the verge of tears. How could he kiss me like that?

My mom was sititn gon my bed, lecturing me ad I just gave her all the answers she wanted to hear before stripping to climb into bed. Then, glancing at my reflection in the mirror, I noced something just below my hairline, on the back of my neck.

He fuckign gave me a HICKEY! What the hell?

I just shook my head and crawled into bed, hugging my stuffed bear and crying, because I knew he was drunk and even though I had a buzz, I had started to get that familiar swelling in my heart, the feeling of hope and I knew it would be squashed.

The next day I was at work with Stacey and I asked her if he had done anything like that with her, since they partied all the time. She said no and that it was shocking for her. Then of course, she was all LOUD about it and everyone in work knew.

Someone told him and he came to me the next time we worked together. He was crying. I was shocked. I asked him what was wrong and he asked me if I WANTED to break him and Andrew up. I told him no, but then he started talking about how many people knew about it and how it would be devastating if Andrew knew, they'd been together for three months. He asked me if I KNEW he was Gay. I was like, DUH! Then he kinda laughed and gave me a hug and in that instant I knew my heart was stupid, foolish and pointless.

Months later, another year began...