Christmas Woes

Christmas Woes
Chapter One: A Party To Remember

‘This is pathetic,’ she thought, letting her head fall into her hands. The soft tunes of music flowed over her, making goosebumps rise on her skin. ‘How pathetic is this? Sitting in my room three days before Christmas all by myself, listening to the *NSYNC Christmas CD?’

Sitting up suddenly, she groaned and pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes, willing the tears not to spill. She sighed, her breath shaking noticeably, and shook her head.

“This is ridiculous,” she said softly, slumping back down in her chair. Slowly, her hand crept forward and turned up the music, letting the soft tunes of the music soothe her troubled soul. For too many years had she sat by herself, mocked by everyone and anyone, feeling isolated and alone. This year it was doubly worse as her beloved grandfather had passed away earlier in the year. This would be her first Christmas without him. How was she supposed to deal with this overflow of emotion, especially when she couldn’t even make sense of it all?

“Hey brat, turn down your fuckin’ music, we’re trying to decorate the tree and we can’t hear each other talking!” a voice yelled from down the hall. She sighed again, the quiver even more noticeable as she reached forward and turned the music off. Instead of sitting up, she let her head fall on her arms and finally succumbed to the tears, letting them slip quietly down her cheeks.

Christmas had always been a rough time for Leigh. Any time of the year, really, was a rough time for the girl. All her life, she had been subjected to teasing and extreme disappointment and dejection, or rejection. Either way you looked at it, Leigh always had problems. Her friends never seemed to stick around for long, and guys hung around even less. Her only solace came from her cat, a seventeen year old cross of some kind that was closing in on the last years of her life. Leigh dreaded the day that Maxie would be taken from her. She was all she had.

The past couple of years had been especially rough on her, what with the move to college. It seemed college was full of even bigger selfish idiots than high school. And again, Leigh could never seem to find her niche, a group of friends, of anything. Every time she thought she found a place where she fit in, she’d immediately be an outcast, thrown out, used and abused. And her self-esteem, or lack thereof, did not help the matters at all. She constantly told herself that she was ridiculous about the way she felt about herself, and yet, she could not find it within herself to change. All Leigh looked forward to was the day she’d be able to make it on her own and never have to deal with other people. But the question was…would she make it to that day?

Looking at the scars on her left arm always brought such a feeling of utter despair and desolation that Leigh avoided it at all costs. At a point in your life when you feel this low, however, reliving all your lives worst mistakes almost seems a given. With a heavy sigh, Leigh closed her eyes and let the horrible memories wash over her, making the season that much worse.

Four months ago
He yelled at me. I can’t believe that. And he grabbed me. My father hasn’t hurt me in almost ten years.

I stood at his office door, staring blankly at the harsh wood, not feeling the tears slide down my face. I had gone into the office to get something and when I opened the door, my dad was standing right there. The odd strangled yell he made only emphasized his drunkenness. My stomach muscles tightened, I hated him like this, but I needed an envelope for my application to mail off tomorrow.

“What are you doing?” he snarled, his eyes narrowing behind his thick lenses. I could almost smell the gin rolling off him in waves.

“Nothing,” I replied calmly, hoping he’d just move out of the way and not do anything to hurt my feelings, which was not likely. When he didn’t say anything, I made to walk around him and in a flash, he grabbed my left arm and twisted it behind my back, yanking me back towards the door. He then let go and pushed me through the doorway.

“Get out of my life!” he screamed at me just before slamming the door in my face.

I could only stand there. The soft mewing of my cat caught my attention after a moment, and in a daze, I leaned down and picked her up carefully, then turned around and headed down the hall to my room. Once inside, I closed it softly and locked it, then sank down to the ground.

Not that there’s any good time for your parents to intentionally hurt you, but this is just wonderful, I thought, my lip curling in a sardonic grin. I just had a fight with my best guy friend in the entire world because he had led me on, in more than one sense, for almost a year. And now this. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to do next.

The thought had never before crossed my mind, but suddenly, I was recalling stories that I had read in the numerous magazines my older sister had subscriptions to about cutters. They did it, so they said, because it helped them forget about all the other pain. I didn’t have a knife, but I had something that I thought would do just as well.

With a shuddering gasp, I crawled forward to my desk where my laptop was softly playing music. I opened the side drawer and slowly reached in, pulling out the shiny fabric scissors I had stolen from downstairs to cut paper for my scrapbook. Sitting back on my feet, I just stared at the scissors for a moment, not even shocked at what I was considering. It felt as though my entire life had been leading up to this moment.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the scissors and slowly, softly, dragged the blade over my left arm. It felt…right. Closing my eyes, I applied more pressure and dug the tip in my skin, gasping as the pain shot through me as I slowly drew the top across my arm. The blood rose to the surface in small drops, and as the scissor blade was nowhere near as sharp as a knife, it took several attempts to get a good blood flow. When I had taken near to a dozen takes at my arm, something snapped in me. I threw the scissors across the room and, cradling my bleeding arm, I cried myself to sleep.


Leigh shook her head. ‘That was one of my worst moments,’ she thought. ‘And not my last either.’

So wrapped up in her memories was she that she didn’t hear her phone ringing until it stopped, then started ringing again. She blinked and looked over, then flipped it open.

“Hello?” she said, trying to keep the quiver out of her voice.

“Hey bitch, what are you doing?” her best friends voice bubbled through the phone. Despite her funk, Leigh couldn’t help but smile.

“Nothing much Marie, how about you?” Leigh said, sitting up and wiping her eyes.

“About to go hang out with some friends. Wanna come?” Marie asked, laughter in her voice. Leigh bit her lip. She heard Marie giggle, then whisper something, presumably to her husband. “Hello? And you can’t say no, I won’t take no for an answer. I know how you get around this time of the year. COME ON!”

Leigh giggled. Sometimes Marie was so damn persuasive it didn’t seem fair. And Leigh knew how Marie got. She would get in her car, drive over and drag her out of the house, naked if need be. “Ok Marie,” Leigh said, “I’ll go, provided your husband doesn’t make those nasty banana strawberry daiquiris he made last year.”

Marie laughed. “Deal,” she said. “We’ll be there in about twenty minutes. And dress semi-sexy, ok?” Before Leigh could even think of any sort of answer, her friend had hung up.

To her extreme displeasure, Marie had decided to drag her to a Christmas party at a co-worker’s house. ‘The one thing I need,’ Leigh thought wryly. ‘People I don’t know to make me feel even more uncomfortable.’

And uncomfortable she was. Never comfortable with her weight, she kept tugging at the tighter than usual shirt Marie had forced on her. The pink went well with her dark brown hair, highlighting her velvety brown eyes, but in her eyes, it did not flatter her over-endowed curves at all! It was an uneven hem, one edge falling past her waist, the other stopping just at the edge of her dark brown corduroys. Leigh kept tugging at the neckline, convinced that it wasn’t covering her lacy white bra at all. The only part of her outfit she liked was the brown flats she had found at Wal-mart for five dollars. They completed the outfit, even if Leigh was incredibly distraught.

Marie kept dragging her from one group to another, introducing her as her best and closest friend in the world. Her husband Tom had disappeared, presumably to the bar. He planned on getting wasted and having his wife drive him home so they could engage in pre-holiday parties of their own.

After five groups, Leigh had had enough and pulled Marie to the side. “Look Marie,” she whispered urgently. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but what I would really like is to sit by myself. Is that ok with you?”

“Mm-hmm,” Marie answered distractedly, her eyes roving over the milling people in the dim living room. “Aha!” she whispered under her breath. She reached forward and grabbed Leigh’s arm, then began hauling her across the room, making a direct beeline towards a man standing near the patio door, silently watching the snow come down. Leigh’s eyes opened wide in horror and she struggled to get out of Marie’s death grip, but to no avail.

“Brandon!” Marie said happily, touching the young man on his shoulder. He turned around and Leigh was aware only of the intense look in his eyes before she yanked her hand out of Marie’s. She began backing away and as Marie was too busy talking to this new guy, she didn’t even notice when Leigh turned around and ran into the room where her coat had been tossed. Taking a moment to dig through the numerous coats, she extracted her brown faux fur lined jacket, grabbed her purse and headed for the front door. Just before she reached her destination, however, a hand shot out and gently grabbed her elbow, turning her around sharply.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” a soft voice asked. Leigh turned and looked at the swaying man who had grabbed her. He leered at her, his glasses slipping down his nose and sweat glistening on his brow. “You look like fun; what’s your name?” He leaned down and in what seemed an accidental motion let his other hand slip across the front of her shirt, clearly in an attempt to touch her breasts. Leigh tried to jerk her arm away from him, but he had a tight grip, and it only tightened. “Oh come on baby,” he whispered, licking his lips in what he thought was a sexy move. “You know you want it or you wouldn’t have come tonight. Let me get some,” he said hotly, stepping forward and leaning closer, his mouth opening in a clear attempt to kiss her.

Leigh tried to step back, but the man had backed her against the wall in the front hallway. She turned her head at the last moment and the man’s tongue glided wetly across her cheek and down to her chin. He put his face near her ear and, sticking his tongue crudely in her ear, said, “I want to fuck you bitch. You make me so horny with your—.” Before he could finish, he was yanked back and slammed against the other side of the hallway. Leigh stood there for a moment as the man slid down the wall, his glasses now hanging off only one ear. She barely registered the man Marie had been talking to by the patio door standing by the drunken guy before she darted out the front door.

“Wait!” the guy yelled. He cursed under his breath, running into the coat room to grab his leather jacket before running after the girl.

Leigh ran to the end of the block, tears flowing freely down her face. How could Marie bring her to such a horrible place? As if she didn’t already feel bad enough, now some drunk bastard managed to make her feel even more uncomfortable in her own skin. And now she felt dirty, like a slut. Her vision being blurred, she didn’t see the tree root until she tripped over it, then fell face first into a huge mound of snow. Not even checking to make sure she was all working, Leigh curled up into a ball. Nothing could stop the sobs now, and they were threatening to tear her apart. It was those kind of tears where you spent moments scrambling for breath because it would not come to you, where you are hiccupping and your whole body shakes. Leigh welcomed it, embraced the tears with everything she had. For almost ten minutes, she lay in the snow bank, tasting the salt of her tears, and the water from the snowflakes on her face.

After heaving a deep breath, she sat up and wiped her face. She sighed and wrapped her arms around her legs. “Great,” she muttered. “Now I’m not only disgusted, I’m disgusting.”

“I don’t think you are,” a voice said softly. Leigh jumped and slowly turned to her right. The guy from the party was sitting a few feet away from her wearing a battered black leather jacket and looking as though he were having the time of his life watching her blow snot all over the place.

“Uh-” Leigh stuttered. “How long have you been sitting there?”

The man laughed. “Oh, almost as long as you have. Sometimes, you just have to let it out.” He grinned and Leigh was suddenly struck by how handsome the guy was. He had brown hair that fell over his forehead and into his eyes, thick brown eyebrows and the clearest, brightest green eyes she had ever seen. His straight nose led to his long thin lips and his lightly tanned skin was flushed with the cold. She noted with interest that he had a hoop earring in his right ear, and his right eyebrow was also pierced. From what she could tell, he looked as though he were about six feet, maybe a little over, and very well-built. ‘Not like me,’ she thought. ‘Not at all.’ He harrumphed, and she looked back up at him, into those incredible eyes.

“Yes?” Leigh asked softly, looking away. She felt as though she were drowning in his eyes, like they could read everything in her soul and more.

“Sorry, I was just noticing how your hair seems to glow in the moonlight. It’s quite nice, actually,” he said. Leigh turned and looked sharply at him, and he merely gazed back. Leigh swallowed. Something was going on here. And it was weird. His voice cut into her thoughts again. “I’m sorry, my name is Brandon,” he said, holding out his hand. “And you are?”

Smiling a little, Leigh leaned forward and grasped his hand. “I’m Leigh, the grateful girl. Thank you for rescuing me,” she said softly. Brandon smiled, noticing the way her cheeks flushed even more when her hand came into contact with his. He held her hand a moment longer than necessary, the flush creeping all the way up to her ears. ‘Cute,’ he thought. ‘Real cute.’’

“It was my pleasure,” Brandon grinned, finally releasing her hand. He watched her, the way she let her shoulders slump, the way her hair covered her face, how she didn’t meet his eyes for long. “Are you here with Marie?” he asked.

Leigh nodded. “She dragged me out of my house tonight to come to this, and look what happened.” She laughed, a short sharp sound before turning back around.

Brandon sighed. He had come into contact with girls like this before, but it seemed like there was a little bit more going on than what Marie had told him. When he and Marie met at work a little over three months ago, they had immediately become confidants and Marie had told him all about her friend, expressing her concern. After a while, Marie had asked Brandon if he would mind meeting Leigh, and Brandon agreed. From what he had heard from Marie, Leigh sounded like a marvelous person. And he truly wanted to get to know her. Yet, he had never before met such a negative person, especially around the holidays.

Leigh sighed and threw herself back on the snow, letting the snow drift down softly. Aside from the faint sounds of the party down the street, the world was silent. She closed her eyes but opened them quickly when she felt a presence next to her. Looking to her right, she saw Brandon lying down next to her, placing his hands over his stomach and looking up at the sky.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked softly, blinking every time the snow got in his eyes. Leigh grunted. “What?” Brandon asked.

“Yea sure, it’s beautiful,” she said, not looking at him. Brandon propped himself up on his elbow, twisting his body so he could look down at her. She had closed her eyes and he couldn’t help but notice the way the snowflakes were getting caught in her long curved lashes. Her cheeks were flushed and her pink lips were parted slightly. There were snowflakes glistening in her dark brown hair and for a moment he fancied he caught a whiff of vanilla, but it disappeared too quickly to be certain.

“Hmm. Very. Very beautiful,” he whispered, looking down at her. Just as he hoped, she opened her eyes and looked right into his. What he didn’t count on was her yelp of surprise and the push that knocked him over flat on his back. Grunting, he hauled himself back on his feet, only to be stared at by a pair of flashing brown eyes.

Leigh stood with her hands on her hips, anger evident in her eyes. ‘I swear, one more guy and I’m going to kill someone,’ she thought murderously. “What the hell are you playing at mister?” she snapped. Brandon threw his hands up, a look of surprise on his face. Leigh resisted the urge to poke his shoulder and just glared at him. “You think just because some drunk guy got fresh with me you can do the same?”

Brandon could only gape at her. This is not how he would have imagined their first meeting proceeding. And yet, he was finding it ever more difficult to throw his arms around her and hold her tight. Instead, he watched as she turned on her heel and stomped down the street, towards where Marie and Tom were waiting next to a silver car to take her home, and away from him.


A/N: This is just something I wrote up. I'm not entirely sure that I have a direction with this, but if there is enough interest, I will continue writing. I thank you for taking your time to read my story, and please, take a moment to leave your thoughts on this.