My Father's Kobun

I have realized, after the incident that happened last night, that I have not been honest with myself. In my heart I buried certain facts that should have seemed obvious to me. It took a violent rape for me to understand my life. I could almost thank Tamashiro for that. In any case I'm not angry at him since I share so much guilt.
The first thing I realized is that I'm what they call a homosexual. I only have a theoretical appreciation of the female body, but I lust after men. It's amazing that even after all the men I've fucked and sucked with glorious abandon that I still considered myself straight just because I've had a few lukewarm relations with girls. Just shows how much a person can deny reality.
My first sexual thoughts came to me at the age of eleven. I always enjoyed the circle jerks with my friend. Sure, we did pass around stolen images of naked ladies but the main interest for me was seeing the other boys' penises. Unfortunately by age thirteen most of my friends were bored with this and focused their sexual energies on girls. I turned my attention to other girls. Since I was popular, I didn't have to try hard to get a girlfriend. I liked having a pretty girlfriend, but I felt nothing when I kissed a girl. I assumed that I might feel different when I grew up, as if they hand out desire when you turn eighteen.
Desire found me when I was fourteen and it came in the form of Takahashi Reizo. Ahh, Takahashi. Such a common surname for such an uncommon man. It pains my heart to think of him. He was one of those people who makes everything seem brighter, more interesting when they're in the room. He had idol looks and plenty of charm, but under the surface he was not only cruel but very foolish. He worked for my father, Fukashigi Ryuu, the yakuza oyabun.
Yes, my father is yakuza oyabun and very successful at that. He grew up poor but has made up for it by tenfold. He always tells him me how lucky I am whenever he buys something for me, which is often. Actually, he usually sends me a letter saying how lucky I am and isn't there in person. As for my mother, she past away when I was two years old. I don't remember her at all, but from the pictures I've seen she looks like a very pretty women. People have suggested to my father that he remarry, but as far as I know he hasn't even looked at another woman since she died. I can understand how he feels now.
Anyway, Takahashi worked for my father. I probably saw him before elsewhere, but my first memory of him was at my father's Christmas party over at our house. My father was showing me off in front everybody, bragging about what a good student I was and how good I was at tennis and how popular I was with all the girls, when I caught the eye of Takahashi. He looked at me with beautiful cat-like eyes, tousling his red highlighted hair. He wore a dark red suit, the color of you see when you close your eyes, and an emerald green silk shirt, partially unbuttoned. When he smiled at me, I felt a heat I had never felt before. After my father had finished his speech, I went to talk to him.
"Hello," I said nervously, "Let me introduce myself, my name, but you already know, could you give me your name?"
He laughed, "You don't have to be so formal. My name is Takahashi Reizo. I hear your popular with the ladies?"
"Yes, my father did say that," I answered, embarrassed by my father's speech.
"You certainly are very handsome, but you are so nervous. Ladies like confidence."
"I'm only nervous with you, sir," I said and immediately regretted it.
"Interesting. What made your confidence disappear?" he said.
He knew how much I wanted him, even though I wasn't sure what I wanted from him. I was easy to seduce. He gave me some of his sake. It tasted horrible and burned in my throat, but I drank it up like an adult. I felt relaxed, if a bit light-headed. Takahashi said my blush made me look so cute, which only made my blush grow. After some small strangely heated small talk he led me off into the master bedroom (my father's room) where we could be alone. He then kissed me, my first kiss with a man and my first kiss with a tongue. His breath tasted like sake but I didn't care. It felt so good.
"Do you want to see my body?" he whispered into my ear. I nodded my head.
He got undressed, showing me his lithe body, his back covered in tattoos. I loved his tattoos. Because of him I have a fetish for tattoos and from that a fetish for yakuza men. Though he looked skinny in his suits he actually had a good set of muscles. He had a wonderful swimmers body with little hair. Between his legs he had a cock a little over average but big enough for me. I immediately grabbed it to play with.
"Go slow, slow," he moaned, "take off your clothes."
I felt nervous taking off my clothes in front of such a beautiful man. I wasn't as fit and my penis was smaller than his. He helped take off my clothes and gently kissed my body. I was so excited my dick shot up, painfully erect. I tried to hide it, but Takahashi just laughed at me.
"Don't worry, it's normal to get a hard-on when you play with someone beautiful," he said, as he demonstrated by masturbating.
I watched him gain a good erection. His slow, easy pace as he massaged his cock and balls just made me so horny. I felt an urge to kiss it, put it in my mouth, and I did. The skin felt like velvet on my tongue and I could taste the warmth. He touched my head, but did not shove, a blessing. He just moaned about what a great cocksucker I was, always a dubious compliment. In any case it felt so soothing to suck on his cock. I even forgot my own throbbing erection.
Takahashi didn't let me suck him to orgasm, as he had different ideas. He went to his pants (on the floor) and took out a small tube of lubricant. I was totally baffled at what he was going to do with it. He told me to lay down and he started lubricating my virgin rosebud. The lube felt cold but his finger was nice and warm. I had never played with my ass before he introduced me. The sensation was strange but enjoyable. After my rosebud was throughly wet, he postioned his cock at my ass.
"What are you going to do?" I asked in great alarm.
"Put my big cock in your ass and fuck you," he replied nonchalantly.
"But, you can't put things in there..." I said, confused and horny.
"Don't worry, it feels good," he said, kissing me as he slowly slid himself in.
The kiss distracted me from the pain of the initial insertion. Soon I felt a new, strange pleasure. Why hadn't anyone told me about this pleasure? It was diffuse yet intense feeling that kept building up in me. Along with the feeling down there my cock was being rubbed against Takahashi's flat belly. It was a very warm, intense position. I wanted to scream but I feared someone would hear. Takahashi covered my mouth with kisses to prevent this.
Sex with your father in the next room, in your father's room even, is very dangerous. I think it made the sex even greater knowing that. I don't know how we got away with it, since he should have been able to smell the love-making of his sheets. Perhaps Takahashi did something with the comforter. Afterward, as we got dressed, he gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him in the morning. I pocketed the number and snuck out of the room.
Later, in the early morning, I woke up and called him. Despite the early hour, he came over and picked me up. We had sex in his apartment all day, resting every once in a while. It was the beginning of our sad short affair. I went to his apartment everyday. We never did anything together but fuck, but for some reason I thought of him as my boyfriend. All I could think about was him. I even thought about marrying him. I thought we would be together forever. We lasted 51 days.
It was Valentine's Day. I had some chocolates for Takahashi. I went from school straight to his apartment. I gave him the chocolates. He looked at me as if I was an idiot.
"What's this shit?" he asked.
"Chocolates. For Valentine's Day?" I replied.
He shoved them back at me.
"I hate this shit," he said with disgust.
"But I thought you liked chocolate..." I said, pushing it back to him.
Takahashi grabbed the box and threw it against the wall.
"Stop being such a girl!" he yelled, "I don=t want your stupid candy, I just want to fuck you."
I vacantly cried out, "I love you..."
Takahashi interrupted, "This isn't anything romantic, kid. I was just horny and you were there humping my leg. You were just good enough to fuck again. I like women, it's just that horny boys like you are easier to fuck and look like chicks. Don't be a whiny bitch about it."
"You don't love me?"
"No, and I'm getting pretty tired of you. Let's just go our separate ways and forget about this, understand?"
My heart broke. "I understand," I said in a cold voice.
I walked out his apartment like a zombie. My heart died at that moment and it is still dead. Like my father, I will have only one love in my life. Like my father, I have lost that love. All that was left was a cold, calculated rage. So I told my father that Takahashi raped me. My father was so angry I was afraid he would destroy the world. I'm surprised he didn't kill Takahashi. Afterwards he told me not to tell anyone. I don't know exactly what he did to my former lover, but I did meet him later. He couldn't see me, but I could see him. My father had beaten his face up so much it was almost unrecognizable, yet somehow I could tell it was him. He was out of shape and his clothes were cheap and ill-fitting. He was begging on the street, and looked like he needed the money for drugs. At this site I did not feel either pity or triumph. I felt hollow inside. He had already died for me, there was no use morning that his ashes were cold and ugly. I walked away without talking to him.
Takahashi killed my heart but gave birth to my lust. Sometime later I discovered the world of anonymous sex in Shinjuku. I would go to strange haunts where they didn't care that I was underage since I was so cute. I had sex with strangers, dangerous sex, stupid pointless sex. One time I even meet and had sex with my teacher in a club. He told me not to tell anyone, but I wouldn't have done that anyway. Afterwards I felt awkward around him at school. Luckily I didn't attend class with him.
Also, I lost my other virginity with a girl. We had a quick tryst in her room. We had to hurry because her mother and older sister were due back soon, so I didn't even get to finish. It was exciting due to the danger of being caught, but the girl didn't turn me on at all. I actually found her rather annoying, and her bedroom was sickly pink. During sex she just looked uncomfortable. I probably was a terrible lover. She dumped me the next day.
All in all, I grew tired of this running around after almost a year. I felt angry and horny all the time and I didn't know why. I wanted challenge, I want danger, I wanted to hurt someone the way I had been hurt. My grades slipped, but my dad still bought me video games and cool clothes. I wanted to drop out but I knew my father and grandmother would be against it. While my father hadn't gone to high school, my mother had graduated from Tokyo University with honors. I knew I would go to college, even if my father had to blackmail everyone on the school board to get them to admit me. After college I would get married, have children, and join the yakuza. I didn't want to do anything but I didn't want to die. I just went on.
So I decided I would seduce Tamashiro. I don't know when and why I chose him. He certainly was nothing like Takahashi. He was conservative and slow where as Takahashi was flashy and clever. He was bulky, not lithe, and a bit ugly too though he had a nice body. He came from the south, from Ginowan, while Takahashi was a native Tokyo boy. The only thing it seemed they had in common was that they both were yakuza and both worked for my father. Perhaps that=s why I chose him.
I certainly was attracted by rumors of his endowment. He was such a big man, so why shouldn't he have a big cock? I had heard that he always covered himself in the public bath. He probably thought this would dispel attention, but he was woefully wrong. Everyone wondered what was under the towel. I even overheard my father musing about Tamashiro's secret. I had also heard rumors about Americans, and I knew that he was an American. I did want to find out.
When I turned fifteen, my father started to let me on to his business. It was probably a dumb thing to do, but he trusted me. His information helped me get an insight of my prey. I found out that Tamashiro was very loyal, but he had been slipping lately. None of his mistakes were bad enough to cause alarm, but he certainly wasn’t as careful as he used to be. Tamashiro was heavily stressed but never went out to bars to relax. The only woman in his life is his dear mother to whom he sends most of his money. He talks about finding a woman to marry, but is terrified of them. He was filled and ready to pour out into my hands.
My opportunity came when my father went on a week-long trip. I asked him if Tamashiro could babysit me during the trip. My father was surprised, since we didn’t seem to get along. Tamashiro doesn’t like children, and certain didn’t like me. He was polite enough with me due to my father, but there was no love lost between us. Frankly, Tamashiro is a dull man but I wanted to fuck him and fuck him hard.
On a rainy Sunday Tamashiro came over. I knew I would have to wait, at least wait until the housekeeper left. Luckily, she left early to visit her sister. For dinner Tamashiro and I had take-out. We didn’t talk much. It took me til around nine to gather up the courage to seduce him.
I , the spoiled teenager, complained to be bored. I asked him about his dick. I remember the look on his face when I asked him about it. Then I commanded that he show it to me. He tried doing the whole parent thing. So I brought up Takahashi. It hurt to talk about him but it was a persuasive argument. While none of my father’s men knew what Takahashi did, they knew what happened to him. Tamashiro did not want that to happen to me. So he unzipped his pants.
His cock was large even flaccid, with a perfect smooth foreskin. It was so beautiful to me. I’m sure I gasped when I saw it. Yet just seeing it like this was not enough. I wanted to see it hard. I wanted to see him naked. I wanted to take him. I asked him to masturbated, but then I got a better idea. Why waste this opportunity? Why not touch it, feel it, make it hard, and make him moan? So I did. Just a small touch made him jump. He was so horny from his unwitting celibacy. I imagine that women are afraid of his thick, long penis. I was afraid too, but I didn’t think I’d have to take it in me. I was wrong.
I gave Tamashiro my best hand job. I wanted to suck it down, but then I couldn’t watch it grow hard. So I made it wet with saliva and slowly rubbed it up and down. I loved watching the skin move up and down, and the red, shiny head come out. He certainly moaned very loudly. His legs shivered and his arms fought off the urge to touch my hair, touch elsewhere. I wondered if he even masturbated. He certainly kept his dick clean, which was a good thing.
I had to stop before it went to far and he came. If he was going to come, if he came at all, he would come when I was fucking him. In any case I was so horny I needed some sort of relief. When I stopped, he practically had to keep himself from begging me to finish. He has so much pride. I just stared at his crotch and rubbed my own as it strained against the fabric. I was in a daze of horniness and felt as lightheaded as I felt the night I lost my virginity. I ordered him to strip, and he did it surprisingly quick, though he was reluctant about his shades. While he looked fat with clothes on, underneath he had the muscles I knew he had. He had some minor scars, but his skin was strangely smooth for a fighter like him. Along his back and shoulders were beautiful tattoos, clearly created by a great artist. They looked almost new, but I’m sure he had had them for years. The tigers and dragons on his back moved as he flexed his muscles in tension. My eyes trailed down his back until they reached his round, inviting buttocks. I cautiously went to touch his virgin rosebud, but he freaked out.
“Don’t go there,” he growled.
“I want to fuck your ass,” I replied.
I felt so brave. I was so foolish and weak, but very, very horny. He protested more.
I said to him, “Come into my father’s bedroom and let me take you, or else beat me up and my father and twenty guys will take you.”
One rape for a gang rape. Tamashiro followed me to the master bedroom. I took out a bottle of lube I had stored in preparation. I order the older, stronger man to go on his hands and knees like a dog. I took off my shirt and unzipped my pants. My cock was so hard even though I had barely touched it. This was my first time as a seme and it felt so strange. I got up behind Tamashiro. His rosebud was thankfully clean and inviting. I didn’t put use enough lube. Takahashi, for all his faults, always used plenty of lubrication. I only used enough to make it easier for me. I quickly pushed in. He was so tight around dick and kept clenching harder. I rammed away at him joyfully. I felt like my heart would burst. It was so wonderful. It was like my first time with Takahashi. Oh, Takahashi. Being in this room, having sex, reminded me of him and I couldn’t help moaning his name. I wanted to fuck him, take him, keep him forever, locked the way he was on that Christmas night when he was so gentle and loving with me. I didn’t care that he was a jerk, I just wanted him so bad. I was still in love with him. I almost cried.
While I was in this daze, Tamashiro flipped me over and pinned me. He looked at me with such anger. His cock was poised over my stomach like a club. No threats would stop him now. He jerked my pants down to farther and turned my world into pain. I was ripped apart, actually bleeding. His entire weight pushed my body down into the bed. For what seemed like forever there was pain, just pain. Then it stopped, and his weight left. He must have left after that, but didn’t notice. I just laid there, looking at the ceiling, sobbing from time to time. My body was too sore to even move an inch. My ass was filled with his cum mixed with blood in a disgusting mess. I didn’t sleep that night.
The housekeeper found me the next morning. She cleaned me up and called my father, who canceled his trip and came home. I refuse to tell who raped me, but it didn’t take a great detective to figure out it was Tamashiro. He disappeared before anyone could find him. I don’t care for revenge anyway.
So now I realize I am still in love with Takahashi Reizo. I don’t know why, but I feel it like it’s in my DNA. I will never be able to love anyone else. At least my father’s only love was a wonderful person. My love does have some good points beside his good looks and charm. He took joy in life, took risk. When he desired me he did not hesitate but went and took it. He had passion but could be so gentle I mistook it for love. He was truly alive and I killed him. I kill everything, I killed my mother. If she hadn’t had me she would still be alive and my father would be happy. I wanted to destroy Tamashiro too. I deserve what I got.
The final thing I have realized is that I am weak. I have depended on my father to save me for too long. I am weak in body and was beaten up. I need to exercise, learn martial arts, and learn to fight. I am also weak in spirit. I wasted to much time trying to be satisfied when I know I never will be. Instead I will try to be strong. I will become a great leader of men, perhaps a world leader. I will not be weak again.